Lover or Mother

[Erin]

In a recent conversation it came up that I''d like to be a mother someday. My guy friends (not my boyfriend) said I''m more of a lover not a mother. To paraphrase, I''m the fun, beer drinking, sports watching, golf playing, joke telling, minx in the sack kinda girl that you can still take home to Mom. But to view me as a wife and mother role, well they just saw me as the cool girl.

What?

Do you think of yourselves as more one than the other? Do guys view girls as one or the other? Do you know women that are one or the other?

I thought this such a strange thing to say about me. I am by no means ''one of the guys'' or ''the town flirt.'' I just didn''t get it and didn''t know how to defend myself...

 

[Dreamgirl]

They probably just feel like you are easy to hang out with! I wouldn''t ready too much into it. If you feel you can be a mother, then you can!

People often tell me I will be a good mother and I can''t help but think "Really......?" lol! I don''t know..

 

[princesss]

I think I''m both, lol! I''m a jokey, fun, have a beer with the guys and flirt my way into just about anything girl. However, once people see me with a kid (I worked at Build A Bear), that tends to influence them. I flirt with babies shamelessly. I''ll pick up a baby, walk with a toddler, and joke around with little kids quite happily. I''m comfortable with both roles, but I think people that see one have a hard time envisioning the other.

 

[pluck15]

I wouldn''t take it as a bad thing. I''m sure they just haven''t seen you with kids! And try to think of it this way...if you are that cool of a girl, AND you want to be a mom, you will be a super cool mom!!

 

[MsP]

This sounds kind of funny but I''ve been called a "cougar"... but trapped in a youngsters body...by multiple people and on separate occasions.

I''m not completely sure what is meant by this considering I am not promiscuous or a tease, but I guess I am one who "hunts instead of being hunted" in relationships and in life.

 

[trillionaire]

I can''t imagine MOST of my friends with kids. It''s pretty unbelievable that they have them. But they manage.

 

[Squirrly]

well i know people that really shouldn''t procreate for the good of mankind, does that count?

it just all has to do with what they see you around normally like others have said. i''m more of the opposite i suppose, i rarely dress up (as in i live in my two sizes too big hoodie) so people see me as more of the younger sister/easy to hang out with/plays with kids all the time person. that is until the couple times a year i dress up

they say i should do so more often, but why ruin the reaction

 

[thatsthegirl212]

I wouldn''t let it bother you, in fact just take it as a compliment and forget about it. I''ve been told the same thing, once even by my current bf until we took my nephews out for a day and said he could totally see me being a mom, or I think the correct term was milf, ugh. That nickname I absolutely hate!

 

[Sunshinegirl77]

I think it just means that one day you will be a "cool" mom. I was like that as well. My guy friends flipped out when i told i was pregnant. my daughter is now 13 and loves the fact that I considered amongst all her friends as the cool mom.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 7/15/2009 3:35:24 AM
Author: Sunshinegirl77
I think it just means that one day you will be a ''cool'' mom. I was like that as well. My guy friends flipped out when i told i was pregnant. my daughter is now 13 and loves the fact that I considered amongst all her friends as the cool mom.

Ditto!

 

[janinegirly]

i think it''s kind of a silly comment. Most moms were "cool girls" before they became moms. It''s the progression of life..when you are single you wiill give off a certain vibe. When married it changes, and when a mom changes even more b/c there are biological factors (instincts change priorities). So this is not an either or situation.

on the plus side, I guess they are saying they find you attractive and non-mom like (I of course think moms are pretty dang attractive though, but men will be men). Anyway, guys get fooled all the time--b/c the cool, hot chick who can be taken home to mom and cooks naked and all the things sooo desireable and important to them--eventually turns into a mom who will get older-sorry fellas

(and by the way fellas aren''t immune to this progression themselves and becoming suburban dads w/khakis and beer gut

).

 

[Miscka]

I think that is a pretty offensive way to think of things. I agree that some women tend towards one or the other, but it seems like the old Madonna/Wh*** issue.

Plus, your guy friends don''t see you that way because why should they? Much better for them if you remain the "cool" girl. And they aren''t looking to procreate with you

Ditto, Janine, as well.

 

[makemepretty]

Well, my brother ran into someone I went to high school with and told him I''m a stay at home mom with two boys. He was shocked! In high school I had super tall, brightly colored hair, wore weird clothes...you get the picture. I''ve been told that I''m the epitome of a great stay at home mom, I cook, clean, volunteer and am an awesome mom if I do say so myself You can''t judge a book by it''s cover or what the end of the story will be.

My son has my flair for colors and is rockin'' black tipped red-ish hair. He''s seen my old pics and tried recently talking me into dying my hair blue. I''m past the blue hair stage-well, maybe when I''m old it''ll be a whole different kind of blue. It''s called "growing up". You can be a great mother and a wonderful lover(just ask my hubby!!!!!) You can have a bubbly personality but still know the tricks to getting kids to eat their veggies.

Just the fact that you don''t want to be thought of as just a fun type of girl tells me you''ll be a great mom and you know what really matters in life. You''ll never lose the real you, you''ll just add to it.

 

[Erin]

Yay! You gals make me feel better!

Of course I don''t know what I''ll be like when/if I become a mother. Does anybody? I don''t wanna change that much even though it seems to be inevitable. I''m not all the sudden going to start wearing "kittens with yarn" sweatshirts and scolding them for drinking on a weekday. I think it''s really important (for me) to not lose sight of being myself and having fun and joking around - just that I might be on the couch feeding animal crackers to a toddler on my knee instead of playing poker with you.

I think Miscka is right, too. They don''t want me to change because they don''t wanna lose one of the pack. Whenever I ask them why they don''t bring their wives out they answer, oh she has to stay home with Max. Well bring him, too? Nah, she would never do that. Hmm. I would. It''s not like I''m sitting in a room full of drunk idiots puffing on cigars. It seems the women with children don''t come unless it''s a child-themed activity. Maybe I''m too naive to know what a PITA that would be to bring them.

I''d like to think I"m a cool girl. I''d also like to be a cool Mom.
What do you think makes you a cool Mom?

 

[Sunshinegirl77]

what makes me a cool mom? according to my daughter and her friends it is the fact we act and joke more like 2 sisters. I became a mother very early in life (i just turned 19 when i delivered). My mother was older when i was born and we had a horrible relationship. I loved her until the day she died and still love and miss her, but it was not easy growing up. i could never talk to her about friends or boy stuff. I never lost who i was when i became a mom. My theory in life is have kid will travel, pack a diaper bag and off we go (as she got older the diaper bag still came along with toys, books, and crayons to keep her entertained). they are portable. as long as it wasn't a bar, i would pack her up and she would come with. i recently came in contact with people from middle and high school and they couldn't believe that i am still the same person as i was all those years ago. i still shop out of hot topic and wear mini skirts. i show up at her parent teacher meeting wearing all black including lipstick looking all punked out. who you are doesn't change unless YOU want it to. I now have maturity but still can be found at the bar/nightclub on a saturday night every now and then. That is what a support system (grandparents, aunts, uncles, babysitters, and husbnds) are for.

As for the post about dying hair. I too did and still do. My hair had been black and pink until about 6 months ago. My daughter has black streaks in her hair.

If and when that time comes, let the child become an asset to who you are not a personality changer.

FYI- i am 32 and my daughter just turned 13.

 

[blueroses]

Starset, I have no DOUBT that you and I will be cool moms. The two are not mutually exclusive.

(Now, I mean cool Mom like fun, easy to talk to....not the velour juicy tracksuit taking my three-year-old for pedis.)

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 7/16/2009 9:37:24 AM
Author: Starset Princess
Yay! You gals make me feel better!

Of course I don''t know what I''ll be like when/if I become a mother. Does anybody? I don''t wanna change that much even though it seems to be inevitable. I''m not all the sudden going to start wearing ''kittens with yarn'' sweatshirts and scolding them for drinking on a weekday. I think it''s really important (for me) to not lose sight of being myself and having fun and joking around - just that I might be on the couch feeding animal crackers to a toddler on my knee instead of playing poker with you.

I think Miscka is right, too. They don''t want me to change because they don''t wanna lose one of the pack. Whenever I ask them why they don''t bring their wives out they answer, oh she has to stay home with Max. Well bring him, too? Nah, she would never do that. Hmm. I would. It''s not like I''m sitting in a room full of drunk idiots puffing on cigars. It seems the women with children don''t come unless it''s a child-themed activity. Maybe I''m too naive to know what a PITA that would be to bring them.

I''d like to think I''m a cool girl. I''d also like to be a cool Mom.
What do you think makes you a cool Mom?

I see this a lot. I love my friends who try to come to parties and bring their kid. Even if they can only stay an hour or so before she gets fussy, we all love having them there and getting to hang out (and see their adorable baby). And more often than not, they''re able to stay there for a few hours and the baby even takes a nap in the upstairs bedroom while dad walks around the party with a baby monitor clipped to his jeans. Haha

I agree with others that it''s hard to see most people as moms and dads until they actually have kids. I can''t see the majority of my friends as parents, but I''m sure most of them will be some day! In fact, my own fears of having kids are probably because I don''t see myself as a mom either, but I''m sure as I get older that feeling will come.