Losing Friends?

[soulsis]

Well, the countdown has started. Only 12 days left until the big day. This weekend D and I went to visit one of his old "party friends" that he hasn''t seen for about 1 1/2 years. We got together with him and his wife out of town for the weekend. We were intitally supposed to stay at their acreage. It didn''t work out that way.

"W" and D go way back. When my man was single they used to party...like REALLY party. Start drinking on Friday and maybe show up for work on Monday. We show up on Saturday afternoon at about 3pm where "W"''s wife works. Leeann...really sweet woman. We really hit it off. We all decide to go out to this country bar (after a few rounds) for some dancing. At about midnight "W" starts being horribly mean to me. Standing about three feet away from me he starts trying to hook up D with several women...all the time explaining to them how he''s pulling a stupid and getting married to this ugly cow...and points to me. D is kind of taken aback and says something. He apologizes immediately...and then proceeds to keep the cuts/digs coming all night. "Why do you want to marry this tart/slut/skank/bimbo..." D defends me in the nicest possible way without completely making a fool out of this guy. At the end of the night I am just depressed and D wants to rent a hotel room. W is mad because he blames me for killing his party friend! D explains to him that he:

a) hasn''t been a party guy since we hooked up
b) he isn''t interested in any other wome since he met his "match" (as he calls me)

D is very affectionate towards me. You would think that we just started dating. Grabbing my ass and telling me how it should be illegal to parade around with such sexiness oozing from me. Really nice stuff. He makes me feel like a supermodel, and believe me, I have a horrible time with my self esteem.

W proceeds to get into a huff, and storm out of there, leaving his wife to look completely embarassed. We end up going to a hotel room after D explains to his drunkedness that he is just jealous because he feels I am taking away his drinking buddy.

We show up back at their house the next day for brunch and W is just hammered sitting on the front porch. He doesn''t apologize for anything. We eventually leave after D tells him that he isn''t his friend.

Just wonderful weekend. And he''s coming to our wedding. I can''t wait. Want to see a bride pop a grown drunk in the mouth? I asked D how he could be so disrespectful to myself and in front of his woman. D says that he cheats on his poor wife and she has just decided to live with it.

 

[FireGoddess]

Well I just have to

D because the man was right to tell W that he is no longer a friend. Truthfully, he should be dis-invited from the wedding. He''s probably going to get drunk and be an @ss anyway, which nobody wants.

W clearly resents you for taking away D from the single, party life which it seems that W, although married, has not let go of at all. I feel sorry for his wife. What a rude, horrible human being her husband is. And if he''s cheating on her too? Poor woman.

I am sorry to hear you had to go through that, but glad that your husband stood up for the both of you and told that jerk where to go. Seriously, I probably would un-invite him. Idiots like that have a tendency to show up anyway, even if it''s clear they''re not welcome.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 5/8/2006 11:53:50 AM
Author: FireGoddess
I am sorry to hear you had to go through that, but glad that your husband stood up for the both of you and told that jerk where to go. Seriously, I probably would un-invite him. Idiots like that have a tendency to show up anyway, even if it''s clear they''re not welcome.

Ditto. That jerk doesn''t deserve to come within 100 miles of your wedding, as you and your Fiance''s joy is obviously so irksome to him with his jealousy issues....what a pathetic specimen of humanity he is

Disinvite him for sure. Keep him well out of your lives as best you can, he''s toxic.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

"W" sounds like he''s a mean drunk, and you don''t want mean drunks at any event - especially your wedding. "W" is married yet he resents you marrying his buddy?! He''ll cause major problems and probably start fights if he comes to your wedding. I agree that he should be dis-invited.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 5/8/2006 12:34:10 PM
Author: Madam Bijoux
''W'' sounds like he''s a mean drunk, and you don''t want mean drunks at any event - especially your wedding. ''W'' is married yet he resents you marrying his buddy?! He''ll cause major problems and probably start fights if he comes to your wedding. I agree that he should be dis-invited.

I agree 100%. The last thing you need is to have this jerk at your wedding. So sorry about all of this, yikes!!

 

[appletini]

Maybe his wife will be too embarrassed and they won''t come and maybe he''ll be too drunk to drive anyway.

 

[KittenKat]

I agree with the posters above. Disinvite him. You don''t need to stress out over some drunk a$$ - on your wedding day.

I feel sorry for his wife, but if she''s aware and accepts his behavior it''s her problem.

My hubby had a friend similar to W. He was doing to me, EXACTLY what W was doing to you! He''s since been dropped. There''s no room for schmucks in any of our lives.

 

[diamondfan]

Date: 5/8/2006 11:45:34 AM
Author:soulsis
Well, the countdown has started. Only 12 days left until the big day. This weekend D and I went to visit one of his old ''party friends'' that he hasn''t seen for about 1 1/2 years. We got together with him and his wife out of town for the weekend. We were intitally supposed to stay at their acreage. It didn''t work out that way.

''W'' and D go way back. When my man was single they used to party...like REALLY party. Start drinking on Friday and maybe show up for work on Monday. We show up on Saturday afternoon at about 3pm where ''W''''s wife works. Leeann...really sweet woman. We really hit it off. We all decide to go out to this country bar (after a few rounds) for some dancing. At about midnight ''W'' starts being horribly mean to me. Standing about three feet away from me he starts trying to hook up D with several women...all the time explaining to them how he''s pulling a stupid and getting married to this ugly cow...and points to me. D is kind of taken aback and says something. He apologizes immediately...and then proceeds to keep the cuts/digs coming all night. ''Why do you want to marry this tart/slut/skank/bimbo...'' D defends me in the nicest possible way without completely making a fool out of this guy. At the end of the night I am just depressed and D wants to rent a hotel room. W is mad because he blames me for killing his party friend! D explains to him that he:

a) hasn''t been a party guy since we hooked up
b) he isn''t interested in any other wome since he met his ''match'' (as he calls me)

D is very affectionate towards me. You would think that we just started dating. Grabbing my ass and telling me how it should be illegal to parade around with such sexiness oozing from me. Really nice stuff. He makes me feel like a supermodel, and believe me, I have a horrible time with my self esteem.

W proceeds to get into a huff, and storm out of there, leaving his wife to look completely embarassed. We end up going to a hotel room after D explains to his drunkedness that he is just jealous because he feels I am taking away his drinking buddy.

We show up back at their house the next day for brunch and W is just hammered sitting on the front porch. He doesn''t apologize for anything. We eventually leave after D tells him that he isn''t his friend.

Just wonderful weekend. And he''s coming to our wedding. I can''t wait. Want to see a bride pop a grown drunk in the mouth? I asked D how he could be so disrespectful to myself and in front of his woman. D says that he cheats on his poor wife and she has just decided to live with it.

Soulsis, I am not trying to sound harsh here but that guy has such issues it is not funny. I would have walked out with my fiance and not come back. Period. As for him coming to the wedding? NO WAY. End of story. He is vile, evil and nasty. I do not care if he is jealous. There is no excuse for his actions. The way he spoke to you was beyond horrific. I would cut off ties with this guy totally, he just seems like bad news. I am rarely this blunt, but reading your post made me want to go to this guy''s house and aim a fire hose on him. He is so way out of line. I feel for the wife,in addition to being cheated on she is probably being emotionally abused by this alcoholic jerkwad. The Stockholme Syndrome or something going on...I do not think your fiance ever had much in common with him and sure does not NOW. Move on, he sounds like a comlete waste of time.

I am sorry you had to listen to that but the nice thing is you guys can cut him out of your life and you never have to be exposed to it again. They had not seen each other in more than a year so I would not think the relationship has much depth anyway. I would call it a day and not waste another second on this creep.

I hope your wedding is lovely and special and I would take not one chance that this guy would blow it for you in any way. Good luck...

 

[Mara]

omg what a horrible story!!! seriously that guy would have already been popped in the mouth by ME. how entirely unacceptable! some boys just never grow up and become real men...his poor wife.

honestly, i agree he should not be allowed anywhere near your wedding...!! i would have D call him and tell him he is no longer welcome, his lovely wife can come if she wants, but only without him. do you have security at all where you are getting married? give them his picture and have them keep him out. what an absolute ASS. he obviously has no respect for women from those comments, and i am surprised your fiance didn't punch him out after the first comment. at least you both were able to keep your cool.

 

[movie zombie]

please have your fiance call and tell his old party friend he is no longer invited. speak directly to him, not the wife. it is her choice to stay with him. perhaps if she is cut out of enough events, etc. she will get the picture she isn''t supposed to stay with this guy. the only reason they were invited was the friendship with the husband. just because you like her is no reason to keep the invite open. they were invited as a couple. and if she comes, there is no gurarantee that he wouldn''t feel free to come with her, or start in on her because i also believe anyone that displayed the behaviors he did this past weekend is abusing her as well.

this is your day and i would leave no stone unturned to keep this guy away...including making sure the invite list is at the door and his name isn''t on it. if it means having a security guard, i''d do it.

movie zombie

ps personally, i''d have left the jerk in the bar on his own with his wife.....the alternative is that i would have gone for his throat.

 

[diamondfan]

I agree with Movie Zombie...even if you thought the wife was nice, she is clearly being mistreated and if she were to come, he would likely think that he is entitled to join her. You just met her, she is not really part of your life, and since he comes along with her in a package...I would run screaming to the nearest exit...I am sad for her that she puts up for this from him, whatever the reasons are I cannot speculate, but regardless, it is not your problem...you have a wedding and the rest of your life...if you could help her, fine, but I do not think you can get in middle of this...

So, just bar him from the wedding, by whatever means you need to...and hope he gets the hint... YUCK..

 

[fire&ice]

I'm in the minority here - but -


Disinviting him may cause more problems & drama. People see people for who they are. If he causes any hijinx at your wedding, it will be viewed as it is. He will look like the *ss he is.

Sounds like he is one of those people who never want "things to change". Things did. He still seems stuck in the same rut. He blames you for things that have changed; but, more importantly, he is validating that his rut is the way by dissing you. You remind him it's not.

 

[ladykemma]

to quote spock in star trek, "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few"

disinvite him.

 

[soulsis]

Sorry...I forgot to mention that we don''t really keep in contact with him anymore. This was kind of a "we''ll see if he''s changed thing" from DF. When we were driving away DF looked over at me and said, "I have never cherised my life and having you in it as much as I do right this second". It was so sweet.

The funny thing is this guy kept telling me that he had such a HUGE.....Apparently he is obviously:

a) thinking (or remembering) how his compares to my fiance
b) wondering how one woman could apparently satisfy this stud
c) jealous because it ain''t working like it used to...and even if it did, who''d want it?)

I should have asked to see his sore covered (probably) friend and stuck my 4 inch heel through it.

 

[movie zombie]

f&i, in many ways i agree with you....however, i wouldn''t want people to see how he really is at my wedding!

movie zombie

 

[fire&ice]

Date: 5/8/2006 7:31:27 PM
Author: movie zombie
f&i, in many ways i agree with you....however, i wouldn''t want people to see how he really is at my wedding!

movie zombie

And, I agree w/you. But, having had something "similar" and I use that word loosely - the bad would have been always on me.

Nothing that a wisper in some of my hubby''s friends that played on the football team didn''t cure.

..to keep him in check.

 

[tawn]

What an *sss! If your soon-to-be hubby told him that he wasn''t a friend anymore...maybe you''ll just get lucky and he won''t show! (I''ll cross my fingers for you!) Inform the Ushers that they might be doing double duty as security as well!

 

[diamondfan]

I do not agree you should invite him, and if he misbehaves, people will know it is him and not a reflection on you two...

I would not let him ruin MY wedding for any reason. To me, fool me ONCE, shame on you. FOOL ME TWICE, Shame on ME! You KNOW what he is like. Your wedding is likely to bring out the worst (could it GET any worse?) in him...why on earth would you chance it? The "let''s see how he is" experiment clearly failed. He is a toxic guy, and I would accept such and move on...

 

[portoar]

I am so sorry to hear that your FIs former friend spoke to you in such a demeaning and insulting manner. I think that your FI should call his former friend and lay it on the line:

"W, when we were your guests a few weeks ago, you verbally abused and insulted my fiance, and through her, me. We may have been friends once, but there is no room in my life for someone who shows utter lack of respect for the people I love. Our wedding is a day of celebration, joy, and commitment for us. Since you cannot honor my feelings towards my wife and the meaning behind our wedding vows, I feel it is better if I remove your name from the guest list and ask you not to come. We want to share our wedding day with people who rejoice in our love and marriage."

 

[diamondfan]

Portoar, normally I agree with just putting out the thoughts plain and clearly...I just think this guy is not going to hear it or care...he is such a total jacka$$. Sometimes, less said the better...just quietly go away. Of course, they need to make sure he does not attend the wedding, but I just do not see this guy as being the type who will hear that stuff with any sense of behavior. I wonder the best quick and dirty approach to getting the message across with a minimum of fuss...

 

[allycat0303]

Soulsis: I have to commend you on your restraint for NOT ripping his throat open. But I can tell you that the good thing is that you have a man that will stand for you (and beside you), and there is nothing more important then that. Take it as a sign that he sees you both as a unit, and he''s not afraid to choose you over his friends.

Hugs!

 

[portoar]

Date: 5/9/2006 1:20:30 AM
Author: diamondfan
Portoar, normally I agree with just putting out the thoughts plain and clearly...I just think this guy is not going to hear it or care...he is such a total jacka$$. Sometimes, less said the better...just quietly go away. Of course, they need to make sure he does not attend the wedding, but I just do not see this guy as being the type who will hear that stuff with any sense of behavior. I wonder the best quick and dirty approach to getting the message across with a minimum of fuss...

Well, you''re right . . . just going away works too, but just as long as it''s made clear that he''s not welcome at the wedding. I shudder to think of soulsis''s wedding to her wonderful FI being marred or perhaps completely ruined by the presence and behavior of such a person. He''s got to be told, "Don''t come. You''re no longer welcome at our wedding."