Losing a grandparent (or anyone, really)

[Linda W]

Swedish bean: I am so very sorry on the loss of your beloved grandma and I know how hard it is to say goodbye.
It is heartbreaking when you lose your grandparents, they are so much a part of your lives.

She knew how much you loved her and you will remember that for the rest of your life.

My grandma died 20 years ago and I can still hear her voice and her laughter, so those memories will always stay with you.

Whenever you want her to be near you, just close your eyes, think of her and she will be there with you. That is what I did and it helped me get through. To be honest, I still do it to this day.

 

[Linda W]

Oh Ries, I am also sorry for the loss of your father. What a beautiful tribute to him, it brought tears to my eyes.

I lost my dad going on 5 years ago and Fathers Day is still very hard for me.
I am sending you a big hug sweetheart.

Love, Linda
xoxoxoxoxox

 

[ello]

Thanks Guys! Thanks for being so kind - I appreciate all your support.

Swedish bean - I''m so sorry, I did not mean to hijack your post. I guess I just wanted to reach out to you and talk about my loss in the hopes that it will help you in a small way.

I find that most people around me avoid talking about it. It''s almost like they don''t want to deal with it, don''t want to feel uncomfortable or simply don''t know what to say - and for this reason the topic of Loss and Sorrow, is completely avoided. So when I saw your post I could feel your pain and confusion - and therefore I wanted to SAY IT LIKE IT IS. Always remember that you are not alone. There are so many people online that can help you during this time, we CARE and feel your pain. We are here for you! Talk all you want...we''re listening! Even the folks that have not lost, also fear of losing so in the end we''re together.

Warm hugs!

 

[nytemist]

I''m so sorry for your loss Swedish. What you going through is normal, but I know that saying so does nothing to take the pain away. Last month was the 4th anniversary of my dad passing and at times it still feels like it jut happened becasue we were so close. I can sympathize with how your are feeling. When I had to give up the old car that my dad gave me, all I could think was ''my father is so upset with me right now- he loved this car like his son''. Even now I sit and talk out loud to him when I''m stressed. I think it''s my way of saying other things I never got to say or advice that I never got to ask him for. Always say what you feel an remember it takes a lot of time for the initial pain to go away. It''s only in the past year that I an think or talk about my dad with being on the verge of tears. Talk about how you feel here all you need, all of us understand and I''m sending you hugs.

Ries, the first Father''s Day was the hardest for me. I still keep my tradition of going to Legal Sea Foods, where I took my dad for every Father''s Day and birthday.

 

[Kelli]

I''m so sorry for your loss swedish bean. It''s going to be hard for a while. My dad passed away exactly a month ago, and it was completely unexpected. He was a VERY funny guy, and I made a scrapbook and had it out at the memorial service so that people could write down funny stories about him. Reading the stories still makes me cry, but I find peace in reading them. Also, he loved to be outside feeding squirrels, rabbits, birds, watering his plants, etc. I go to the house and sit in the chair he used to sit in and watch the animals. I feel like he can see me there and hear what I say and it can be comforting. I also know what you mean about feeling like she can see you all the time. If I even have a bad thought, I feel like he''s shaking his head at me from where ever he is. I know he loves me regardless though, because he always did. That''s what you''ll have to remember too.

I hope you can find some happiness in remembering her. It hurts so bad, but as trite as it sounds, you have to remind yourself how lucky you were to have loved and been loved by her. I keep hearing that time will heal everything. I hope it''s true.

 

[mysterylover]

I''m not sure what to say about the afterlife to an agnostic - - except that I believe it exists. It gives me great comfort, especially now, since I lost a great older friend yesterday to a brain tumor.

Bless you for loving your grandmother so much that it is hard for you to let go. That''s a wonderful relationship to have had. I believe that you will see her again, and be with her for eternity.

 

[packrat]

Date: 6/16/2009 8:45:12 PM
Author: Ellen
swedish, I''m so sorry for your loss. Grandparents (aside from parents) can be particularly hard to deal with. They really are such special people.... I''ve had several losses in my life, one in particular that I had an extremely hard time getting over/coming to terms with. My sister gave me this poem, and it really did help bring me peace. I''ve also said it to myself over the years, when I get nostalgic over someone I''ve lost. I find it very comforting, so I''m passing it on to you, in the hopes that you do too.

Ellen, I''d forgotten about that poem! I cut it out of Dear Abby and kept it for the longest time. It really is comforting, and it still makes me teary!


Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep






Do not stand at my grave and weep;



I am not there. I do not sleep.



I am a thousand winds that blow.



I am the diamond glints on snow.



I am the sunlight on ripened grain.



I am the gentle autumn rain.



When you awaken in the morning''s hush



I am the swift uplifting rush



Of quiet birds in circled flight.



I am the soft stars that shine at night.



Do not stand at my grave and cry;



I am not there. I did not die.



Mary Elizabeth Frye - 1932

 

[that_someone_special]

I just wanted to pop into this thread again and say thank you to EVERYONE who posted and/or responded. I literally could not come back to this thread until now because I am still dealing with this, and everything makes me cry.......

This isn''t going to be easy, but I appreciate the support in here and feel like I''m not alone in this anymore.

Again, MANY MANY MANY thanks.

 

[that_someone_special]

Date: 6/17/2009 1:10:22 PM
Author: Kelli
I''m so sorry for your loss swedish bean. It''s going to be hard for a while. My dad passed away exactly a month ago, and it was completely unexpected. He was a VERY funny guy, and I made a scrapbook and had it out at the memorial service so that people could write down funny stories about him. Reading the stories still makes me cry, but I find peace in reading them. Also, he loved to be outside feeding squirrels, rabbits, birds, watering his plants, etc. I go to the house and sit in the chair he used to sit in and watch the animals. I feel like he can see me there and hear what I say and it can be comforting. I also know what you mean about feeling like she can see you all the time. If I even have a bad thought, I feel like he''s shaking his head at me from where ever he is. I know he loves me regardless though, because he always did. That''s what you''ll have to remember too.

I hope you can find some happiness in remembering her. It hurts so bad, but as trite as it sounds, you have to remind yourself how lucky you were to have loved and been loved by her. I keep hearing that time will heal everything. I hope it''s true.

Me too.. I think I''m still in the denile phase- as I know it happened but it doesn''t feel real.. I still reach for the phone to call her

 

[KimberlyH]

Nothing will make the sadness go away but might I suggest you write a letter. If you can, include it in the casket, if not burn it, bury it, put it in a special box. Whatever feels right to you.

It helped me when my grandfather died. We included letters in my grandfather's mosoleum (sic) along with money my dad and I owed him from a standing bet. My dad wrote him a check, I put in cash, because I'm a dork, and we laugh about it to this day, it's such a nice memory to have.

 

[vip0802]

man, this thread is tearing me up! swedish bean, i echo everyone''s advice and condolences on here and i''m so truly sorry for loses. i''m also sorry that you''re having to deal with this being a tough time. as cliche as it may sound, time really does heal and i hope you know that we''re here for you if you ever need to vent...i think we''re all pretty good at listening and understanding.

*HUGS*

in 2003, i lost a dear friend of mine due to cardiac arrhythmia when he was only 26. it came as a shock since he was so young and healthy...never smoked, had the occasional alcoholic beverage, ate right and exercised. i had never lost a friend before and it hit me hard...especially since he was my BF''s (at the time) brother. he was always rooting for us and he was genuinely happy that we were dating since he said his brother "finally found a great girl". his death came a month after i found out my BF was cheating on me, and a couple of weeks after his funeral, i got laid off due to cut backs. since it was only a part time job, i didn''t get a severance so i couldn''t pay tuition for the following semester or make rent...i eventually got evicted. so within a short period of time, i lost my friend, boyfriend and job. to top it off, i was a college drop-out and was essentially homeless...basically my life was turned upside down and i was completely devasted. even to this day, i think back to it as a very dark time for me. i don''t know how i got through it, but eventually i did with the help of my family, friends, patience and time.

i also lost my grandfather back in February, and although i wasn''t as close to him as i am to my grandmother, i was overcome with sadness. even now, it still hurts to think of him but i''ve come to terms with the fact that he lived a good long life, and he''s in a better place now. my grandmother isn''t doing so well either...she''s suffering from Alzheimer''s and the first time she didn''t recognize me was just the worst. she always considered me to be her favorite since she lived with my parents and i while growing up...i guess i thought she would never forget me. even though she''s still physically here, it''s almost as if she''s already gone if that makes any sense. i visit her as much as i can and i bring an album to show her pictures of us, the family, etc... i explain every single picture, i tell her that i love her and how special she is but, she forgets it 20 seconds later. it''s torturous but it''s just the best when for those few moments, she smiles and laughs with me. like isaku5 said, you had a great relationship with your grandma so she knew long ago how you felt!

i agree that thinking of all the good times, and thinking how lucky you are to have shared those experiences with the ones you lost does help. i know right now it''s going to be difficult to be happy since probably everything and anything reminds you of them. eventually though, i hope that those things will bring you happiness. my thoughts are with you!

* i also want to add that i share my condolences with everyone else on here who has lost someone special.

 

[kcoursolle]

I''m so sorry Swedish. It is so hard to loose someone you are close to. It''s going to be hard for a while. I do believe in saying goodbye now. No matter what you believe in and whether she will receive the message, it will probably be therapeutic for you.

I''m sorry to threadjack a bit, but my grandmother passed earlier this year and we were very close. It has been incredibly hard, but the one thing is that I was blessed to know ahead of time and I was able to visit and say goodbye. It took a very long time to deal with and it was a sad time. I still get very sad thinking of it, but I''m just starting to now look fondly back at my grandmother instead of getting sad.

I wouldn''t worry too much about her looking at what you do now and whether she would approve. I would just focus on honoring her wise wisdom with the big things in life. Although I do plenty my grandmother wouldn''t approve of, my grandmother was a huge proponent of saving money and home ownership. We are going to close on our house later this month and I was talking with my dad (her son) and we thought she would be very proud and happy at the event. I might put a picture up in our new home of her and my grandfather in their home as a nice way to honor and think of her.