Ladies with cats - a question?

[perry]

I am currious about a situation I seem to find myself in that relates to: Ladies with Cats.


The oldtimers here may remember that I was once a GIW (gentelman in waiting) - but eventually it became obvious that the lady in question could not commit and marriage was not likely to happen. We are still freinds and routinly talk. But, I don''t see marriage.

In the meantime I have more than dabbled with various internet dating sites. El-zippo to date. Once I got past the scam contacts - and to real people a very interesting phenomina seems to occur. It has to do with ladies and cats.

Now you need to know that I am highly allergic to cats - and can even react to cat dander on a persons clothing. Thus - my profile has always had a statement on that - and the current profile on the fishing site has at the end:

Ps. You don’t have to be perfect; I’m not.

PPs. I’m highly allergic to cats.

Now I also have to admit that in the last year or so that I have been focusing more on my heath than on dating (I''m making progress) - but I still keep my eyes open (so to say).

So why is it that almost all of the of inquiries I get from women interested in me (well over 95%) - are ladies with cats? I''ve even had gals lie to me about it - until I started reacting on our first get together.

I have only had 1 lady inquire from the region, that I recall, in about 3 years who did not have cats - and we were not anywhere near a personallity and value match.

Now I have my theories - which I won''t state at this time as I''d like to hear unbiased other opinions.

Also, plese do not suggest allergy shots.

1) They really only work for people with mild cat allergies (I''ve done my research on it
- and have been told several times that all they might do is reduce the reaction
somewhat in my case).

2) I want to keep the discussion on why ladies with cats overwhelmingly respond to a
guy who states that they are highly allergic to cats - and ladies without cats seem to
largly ignore me.


Perry

 

[Amethyste]

HAHA... They react toward you just like a cat hehe... The more you try to stay away from them, the more they want to get closer to you

 

[princesss]

I have no idea why they''d respond to you. Maybe they think you just dislike cats and are lying about your allergy, and they think that once you meet their Fluffykins you couldn''t possibly hate cats anymore?

 

[Loves Vintage]

I think either (a) they do not read the entire posting (i.e., all the way to the end where your statement is), or (b) they really like the rest of your post, and are able to discount your statement that you are allergic to cats because they find the rest of your profile so compelling. I would guess it is the lattter, more likely than not. As you may know, on-line dating can at times be frustrating. You can read through many profiles and none really jive with you. Then, when you come across a profile that you really like, if the person has 90% of what you think you are looking for, it''s easy to look past the other 10%. Maybe they think they would still like to meet you, see how things go, and then deal with the cat situation later -- maybe spend more time at your place, than hers. They probably do not know how severe your allergies are. For example, I never knew that someone with cat allergies could have a reaction to a cat owner''s clothing, so I''d assume none of these ladies knew either.

As to the woman who lied to you about not having a cat, well, I don''t know, that is quite strange. Did you ask her why she was not truthful about owning a cat?

 

[Cehrabehra]

My guess.....

A woman who is lonely wants a companion and doesn''t want to be as tied down as a dog would make them so they get a cat - but what they really want is a man and if you look like a good choice they might fantasize about being able to get rid of the cat for the man, but in reality they want both because they''re attached to the cat but... sex and someone to program the VCR? Oh yeah.

 

[radiantquest]

Well first I think that ladies like cats and single ladies tend to have cats too because they are nice to snuggle with when you are lonely.

Many men claim to have allergies to cats because they don''t like them. Women are probably assuming that although you are saying that it is severe it really is not and that you will like her so much that once you realize that she has a cat it will not bother you.

Some that really do have allergies to cats just get sniffly or somthing like that and most people think that love is worth blowing your nose a few times a day.

My personal opinion is that you should go into the cat allergy a littlle more in your profile so that women know that you are not just claiming that you have an allergy and that you really have a severe one that owning a cat is not an option.

 

[Haven]

Date: 9/23/2009 11:56:57 AM
Author: radiantquest
Well first I think that ladies like cats and single ladies tend to have cats too because they are nice to snuggle with when you are lonely.

Many men claim to have allergies to cats because they don''t like them. Women are probably assuming that although you are saying that it is severe it really is not and that you will like her so much that once you realize that she has a cat it will not bother you.

Some that really do have allergies to cats just get sniffly or somthing like that and most people think that love is worth blowing your nose a few times a day.

My personal opinion is that you should go into the cat allergy a littlle more in your profile so that women know that you are not just claiming that you have an allergy and that you really have a severe one that owning a cat is not an option.

Yes, this.

I do think it''s strange that they''re contacting you, though, because as a cat lover a man who can''t live with cats would be a deal breaker for me.

I agree that you should mention more about the cat allergy in your profile. Perhaps that will solve your problem.

 

[TooPatient]

I love cats (have 3) and found a great guy who loves cats as much as I do.


I don''t think most people realize how bad allergies can be. That does not justify them lying to you. If a person lies about such a "small" thing as the starting point for a relationship, it isn''t likely to be honest later either.

I have allergies to scented stuff. Perfumes especially but shampoo, hand soap, lotion, deodorant, aftershave, laundry detergent, hairspray, (you get the idea) really gets me too sometimes.
I let people know ahead of time. I''m not just going to sneeze.

People don''t listen. They just assume that they are different. Their perfume (etc.) is really mild so it won''t be a problem. It is a big room so it''ll be fine. Of course it almost always is a problem. (In your case their cat has short hair or the cat didn''t actually sit on the clothes or the cat isn''t shedding much right now....)


I don''t know the solution. People who aren''t familiar with severe allergies don''t understand how serious it is. I''m not sure any amount of explaining can get past that.

 

[HopeDream]

How are you with dogs?

Maybe because you mention cats at all, the cat people notice (and forget about the allergy thing).

Maybe if you changed "allergic to cats" to "fine with dogs", you''d get more dog ladies and less cat ladies.

Try it for a week and see...

cheers,
HD (cat lady)

 

[oneandahalfrock]

Can you search by key word on that site...?
If they''re just searching by key words in profiles, it doesn''t matter that allergy is right next to the word cat, cat is still there
So, every time a woman looking for someone who likes cats runs a search with the word ''cats'' you''re going to pop up- despite the fact they''re a deal breaker.
You should try taking that detail out and see if your messages change at all- just make sure to mention the cat allergy thing prior to the first date.
much luck

 

[AdiS]

Date: 9/23/2009 1:59:19 PM
Author: oneandahalfrock
Can you search by key word on that site...?
If they''re just searching by key words in profiles, it doesn''t matter that allergy is right next to the word cat, cat is still there
So, every time a woman looking for someone who likes cats runs a search with the word ''cats'' you''re going to pop up- despite the fact they''re a deal breaker.
You should try taking that detail out and see if your messages change at all- just make sure to mention the cat allergy thing prior to the first date.
much luck

That''s what I was thinking.

 

[perry]

Thanks for all the responses:

The site cannot be word searched.

Actually, I think several of you may have hit the head on the nail with the observation that they think it either is not bad - or a ruse.

Which does not explain why people without cats tend to not respond.

I have strengthened the statement about the allergies - and mentioned that a cat is a deal breaker; but that dogs are OK.

Finally, a comment for Amethyste:

Perhaps true; but I won''t adopt the implied stratagy that i should be advertising for a lazy, boring, etc gal in order to get an energetic, exciting, etc one.... I already meet to many that are lazy and boring....

Everyone have a great day,

Perry

 

[JulieN]

Date: 9/23/2009 11:49:04 AM
Author: Cehrabehra
My guess.....


A woman who is lonely wants a companion and doesn''t want to be as tied down as a dog would make them so they get a cat - but what they really want is a man and if you look like a good choice they might fantasize about being able to get rid of the cat for the man, but in reality they want both because they''re attached to the cat but... sex and someone to program the VCR? Oh yeah.

Oh, Cehra, you are too funny.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

I''ve noticed that men seem to complain that they never get responses on dating sites at all so congratulations on having multiple responses. You''re doing better than a lot of your peers in your situation.

I also think that such a large number of women prefer cats to dogs as pets, so that could be a major indicator as to why such a large percentage of your responders are women with cats.

Perry, I remember your story well from the old days, and I''m wondering, do you have pictures of yourself on your profile that a) are super hot

, or b) indicate that you are financially stable or better? I''m just asking because frankly, I doubt many women read much of the profile, especially to the end, if you''re really good looking, or look like you have a decent career.

Just a thought as to why this could be. Lack of reading because the pictures speak 1,000 words.

 

[perry]

Date: 9/24/2009 4:05:58 PM
Author: LaurenThePartier
I''ve noticed that men seem to complain that they never get responses on dating sites at all so congratulations on having multiple responses. You''re doing better than a lot of your peers in your situation.

I''m wondering, do you have pictures of yourself on your profile that a) are super hot

,or b) indicate that you are financially stable or better?

Just a thought as to why this could be. Lack of reading because the pictures speak 1,000 words.

Beauty is in the eys of the beholder; and "hot" is relative.

Perhaps.... but I''m not (currently) a hunk (and I need to loose some weight).

I do note that most people think I am younger than I am when they see me.

I suspect the profile indicates that I am financially stable.

Should I list that I have good health insurance too, and like nice gemstones (and have the connections to get really good ones)?

Perry

 

[Steel]

Take the ''no cat ladies'' precondition out of the p.s. and put it front and centre.

Then put 2 + 2 together and realise that animal lovers tend to be very nice, loving & well adjusted people. It is the cat and dog haters that you need to steer clear of! Trust me.

Cat allergy...smat allergy. Go give a cat a hug

, actually, go and give two a hug

; you will feel better.

 

[tlh]

ONE) CATS ARE EASY. You dont have to be home at a certain time to feed them, let them out to potty etc. You can vacation w/o additional expenses, as they are pretty much easy to care for. Dogs require time and commitments, unlike cats... and honestly, if your single lady is working FT, going to school, then maintaining an active social calendar... this is a PLUS for her!

TWO) MY DH is SEVERLY ALLERGIC TO CATS. HORRIBLY NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL ASTHMA ATTACKS ALLERGIC! He takes singular and advair every day and has an emergency inhaler. These things take care of his asthma/allergies... they are no longer an issue.. AT ALL.

WHY DOES HE DO THIS? (and why DID he do this before signing up on the medication route?) I AM AN AMAZING WOMAN. I''M CONFIDENT, ATTRACTIVE, WITTY FUNNY, AND I WAS WORTH IT! Yup. Totally worth it. He knew I had a cat when we met. I said, I''m not getting rid of Yolanda for you. He was like... BUT I''M ALLERGIC! and I said... "so? There are plenty of guys out there who AREN''T and since I''m so awesome, my options aren''t limited." Did I mention that I''m very CONFIDENT??? Truth is, a pet is not a disposable thing to me... where as someone I just met, isn''t worth getting rid of a loyal companion - just because THEY aren''t willing to do something to deal with it... sometimes you gotta bend...

For whatever reason, Yolanda LOVES HIM. Loves my DH more than me.. and now that his allergies/asthma are under control he loves her too. He picks her up, plays with her, snuggles with her at night... feeds her. He is her favorite. BIG TIME. I don''t know why... maybe she''s trying to slowly kill him? I don''t know... but what I do know is that some allergies can be taken care of with meds, and honestly, if he wasn''t going to bend- I wouldn''t either.

That said, if DH''s meds stopped working, and it became a problem again - well... I would still keep yolanda, as he doesn''t want to get rid of her now... he loves her. But she''d probably become an outdoor kitty - like she was when she first found herself upon my doorstep 7-8 years ago.

and if you''re super hot... you''ve got options! and may be why you''re getting flooded with responses! (TOTALLY AWESOME!) but since having a cat is a deal breaker... you might want to have that as your opener. As much as us women are readers, thinkers, manipulaters... we also get a case of the OMG sooo hot!!! wanna touch its, too... so good luck to you. I hope you find someone that doesn''t make you drug up every morning, like I do to my husband.

 

[packrat]

We have 2 cats, and one of our friends has a pretty severe allergy. His wife couldn''t have cats in the house b/c of his sneezing, his eyes would swell shut etc..he''s never had a problem here. Ever. Our house is the only place with cats he doesn''t immediately start sneezing and swell up and get itchy/watery eyes. Can''t figure it out-they lay on him and rub on his face, no reaction. They thought at one time he''d gotten over the allergy somehow, since they hadn''t had cats in so long, but he still has terrible reactions around other people''s cats.

If I was single and checking out online dating profiles, I''d probably still respond to your ad regardless of cat allergies, unless it was super duper NO CATS ALLOWED specific or something.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Date: 9/24/2009 4:34:58 PM
Author: Steel
Take the 'no cat ladies' precondition out of the p.s. and put it front and centre.

Then put 2 + 2 together and realise that animal lovers tend to be very nice, loving & well adjusted people. It is the cat and dog haters that you need to steer clear of! Trust me.

Cat allergy...smat allergy. Go give a cat a hug

, actually, go and give two a hug

; you will feel better.

I have to agree about the pet people comment.

Both my sister and I have/had horrendous cat allergies. I couldn't stay the night at friends' houses when I was younger or I would go into severe allergic reactions. My sister would have asthma attacks because of it.

Were I browsing dating sites back then, and someone mentioned they had a cat, I would steer completely clear of it. Likewise, in initial conversations with potential dates, I always asked if they had any animals.

But, I somehow ended up staying with a friend here in Dallas, before I moved to town, who had 3 cats. I was miserable for a week. I ended up moving in with her later on, and I was miserable for about the first month, but I now have 2 cats, and I am no longer allergic. Just took several weeks of misery to do it.

My sister ended up marrying my husband's best friend, who also had a cat. Obviously the first few weeks of her getting acclimated to the cats were hard on her, but I'm happy to report, no asthma attacks and both of us are now cat allergy free. I didn't think it was possible to "get over" allergies, but I honestly don't experience them anymore.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Date: 9/24/2009 4:27:39 PM
Author: perry

Date: 9/24/2009 4:05:58 PM
Author: LaurenThePartier
I''ve noticed that men seem to complain that they never get responses on dating sites at all so congratulations on having multiple responses. You''re doing better than a lot of your peers in your situation.

I''m wondering, do you have pictures of yourself on your profile that a) are super hot

,or b) indicate that you are financially stable or better?

Just a thought as to why this could be. Lack of reading because the pictures speak 1,000 words.

Beauty is in the eys of the beholder; and ''hot'' is relative.

Perhaps.... but I''m not (currently) a hunk (and I need to loose some weight).

I do note that most people think I am younger than I am when they see me.

I suspect the profile indicates that I am financially stable.

Should I list that I have good health insurance too, and like nice gemstones (and have the connections to get really good ones)?

Perry

Depends on the type of woman you want to attract.

Without seeing your profile, I can''t begin to understand what about it is attracting all of these cat ladies to you, but if a woman who has a cat thinks that an allergy is really no big deal, you probably need to make the fact that it''s a severe allergy more prominent.

 

[perry]

Date: 9/24/2009 5:26:54 PM
Author: LaurenThePartier


Without seeing your profile, I can''t begin to understand what about it is attracting all of these cat ladies to you, but if a woman who has a cat thinks that an allergy is really no big deal, you probably need to make the fact that it''s a severe allergy more prominent.

I doubt I can list the link to the profile as it contains a method of contacting me.

I don''t understand why non-cat ladies seem to pass either; but, I did decide to have some fun with the jewelry angle.

I changed the tag line to: Amazing Jewelry for the right Lady
Then added the following paragraph up front:

Do you appreciate really nice gemstones and jewelry (picking out the best gemstones and turning it into custom jewelry). I’ve developed an appreciation for fine gemstones and jewelry and have the contacts to really get it – and believe that every gal ought to have at least one custom piece of jewelry made just for them. Of course, we may have to work and save up for it depending how valuable the stones are. The only question is what stones and design matches you – if you’re the one.

-----

So lets see how interesting this gets:

I figure that after I introduce them to the gemstones from Richard Homer and the Palagems site that things should get interesting (and I''ve been through the vaults at Palagems). Of course there are other great sites as well.

Yes, I am willing to buy and have a custom piece of jewelry made from such sources - be it a few thousands - or a few tens of thousands (that will take some saving for).

Of course; they really do need to understand that all princes come from frogs with warts (not that I think my warts are that bad).

Perry

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Date: 9/24/2009 6:40:23 PM
Author: perry

Date: 9/24/2009 5:26:54 PM
Author: LaurenThePartier


Without seeing your profile, I can''t begin to understand what about it is attracting all of these cat ladies to you, but if a woman who has a cat thinks that an allergy is really no big deal, you probably need to make the fact that it''s a severe allergy more prominent.

I doubt I can list the link to the profile as it contains a method of contacting me.

I don''t understand why non-cat ladies seem to pass either; but, I did decide to have some fun with the jewelry angle.

I changed the tag line to: Amazing Jewelry for the right Lady

Then added the following paragraph up front:

Do you appreciate really nice gemstones and jewelry (picking out the best gemstones and turning it into custom jewelry). I’ve developed an appreciation for fine gemstones and jewelry and have the contacts to really get it – and believe that every gal ought to have at least one custom piece of jewelry made just for them. Of course, we may have to work and save up for it depending how valuable the stones are. The only question is what stones and design matches you – if you’re the one.

-----

So lets see how interesting this gets:

I figure that after I introduce them to the gemstones from Richard Homer and the Palagems site that things should get interesting (and I''ve been through the vaults at Palagems). Of course there are other great sites as well.

Yes, I am willing to buy and have a custom piece of jewelry made from such sources - be it a few thousands - or a few tens of thousands (that will take some saving for).

Of course; they really do need to understand that all princes come from frogs with warts (not that I think my warts are that bad).

Perry

LOL, Perry. I''m not sure you''ll have women answering your ad for the right reasons, but this could get interesting for you.

Did you add the Cat Allergy caveat to the FRONT of your ad?

 

[Little Monster]

Perry,

I laughed out loud at the title of your new ad... I wonder what sort of gold & diamond diggers you''ll attract that way

I have had 2 cats since I was first in college... I tried dating someone for a while that was very allergic to cats. It didn''t work. Period. No matter how much I cleaned, he always made me feel like it wasn''t enough (I mean who the hell vacuums every day?? I was... for a while). Eventually I realized things weren''t working out for a lot of reasons, but from that relationship I realized it REALLY doesn''t work!

So... having had that experience, I would really try NOT to date a man with allergies again.

Thankfully, my BF currently loves the kitties... so he''s a winner (obviously many other reasons for that

)

So I have NO idea why these women with cats would contact you... the only thing I can think of is that they haven''t tried to date someone who is allergic & thus don''t realize how AWFUL it is...

Best of luck on the woman front -- sorry if it''s not going as well as you''d hope

keep at it... you will find her!

 

[perry]

Date: 9/24/2009 8:04:10 PM
Author: Little Monster
Perry,

I laughed out loud at the title of your new ad... I wonder what sort of gold & diamond diggers you'll attract that way

I have had 2 cats since I was first in college... I tried dating someone for a while that was very allergic to cats. It didn't work. Period. No matter how much I cleaned, he always made me feel like it wasn't enough (I mean who the hell vacuums every day?? I was... for a while). Eventually I realized things weren't working out for a lot of reasons, but from that relationship I realized it REALLY doesn't work!

So... having had that experience, I would really try NOT to date a man with allergies again.

Thankfully, my BF currently loves the kitties... so he's a winner (obviously many other reasons for that

)

So I have NO idea why these women with cats would contact you... the only thing I can think of is that they haven't tried to date someone who is allergic & thus don't realize how AWFUL it is...

Best of luck on the woman front -- sorry if it's not going as well as you'd hope

keep at it... you will find her!

Glad you liked it & glad you understand (and vacuuming would not solve the problem - you would have to chemically treat to kill the dander).

Actually, as I stated at the start of this thread - my principal focus right now really is working on my health (I really do have to loose weight).

However - I might as well give them something to chase (which I've always been willing to do anyway) to attract their attention.


What you havn't seen is what is burried in the rest of the profile:

Someone who still dreams of doing things and having a great life... etc (so many people have given up on their dreams). And someone willing to work together to achieve our dreams. (i.e.; I'ts going to take some work).

The fact that I see my future in building my own business - and that I need someone who could support me in that. Lets face it - a lot of people want the security of a job.

So I'm looking for a gold digger who is interested in working to achieve their dreams and who can support the concept (and perhaps even help) me to build a business to replace my (and her) job. When I find one then we can get serious about the other stuff.


LaurenThePartier: No I did not put the cat thing at the front, I left it at the end (almost every gal admits they read it). But, I did significantly beef it up to say:

PPs. I’m highly allergic to cats (this is very real – and I can’t just live with it or take
more drugs); so cats are a deal breaker (really).
Dogs are OK.


For those who are curious - If you do a little digging I am sure you will find the profile. Let me know when you do.

Have a great day,

Perry