Judging people

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

I do all the time.

I try to realize when I'm doing it and correct myself if I'm making an unfair judgment. But I do judge all the time.

There is a reason I used to be a ENTJ (and now an ENFJ but that J - judging - has not changed at all!). Actually I think my highest score was towards judging.

 

[Haven]

I make judgments all the time, good and bad, fair and unfair. I don't think there is anything wrong with making judgments, and I think it's something that any person who has any beliefs about anything cannot avoid doing.

I think it can be very healthy for a person to be self-aware enough to be able to acknowledge and take inventory of the judgments she makes about other people, and this is why:

When we judge others, okay, I should say: When *I* judge others, that judgment is really a concrete manifestation of my recognition of behavior that typifies beliefs or values that are either contrary to my own beliefs or values (a negative or harsh judgment,) or concordant with my own beliefs or values (a positive judgment.) SO, it's very healthy for me to be able to recognize when I'm making a negative judgment about another person, and to then take the time to figure out what it is about that person's behavior that offends my own sensibilities.

I can learn a lot about what I value or hold to be important based on what I judge others about. And if I'm being unfair in judging people, or in other words, if I'm making judgments about them that aren't really the result of their expressing behavior that is offensive to my sensibilities because it goes against some belief I really care about and hold dear, then I can be really honest with myself and try to figure out why it is I'm being unfair. This usually results in my having to suck it up and admit some ugly thing about myself to myself, such as the fact that I'm being unreasonably jealous of a person, or I'm insecure around someone because of some insecurity they bring out in me.

Of course, it's usually much easier to just say "I think Shirley is a lazy arse and she's totally worthless because she does or doesn't do XYZ" and to tell myself that I am correct in that judgment, than it is to take a good, hard look at it and realize that Shirley's choices probably make me confront something unappealing about the choices I've made in my own life. It's uncomfortable and sometimes scary to confront the source of our judgments, because sometimes they aren't fair, and they can be so much more revealing about ourselves than we realize. But, of course, if we choose to ignore such telling things, then we'll never grow as individuals so it's totally worth the discomfort.

ETA: I'm not saying that all judgments are unfair. I think some of them are very accurate and point out that a particular person is making choices that are very contrary to our individual beliefs. We can choose to regard such behavior as a bad thing, and to call the person who is doing it an ugly name. OR, we can choose to recognize that we are just seeing something that goes against our own ideals, and that makes us uncomfortable, but it certainly shouldn't be used as an opportunity to call someone a name or gossip about them. It's just a moment of self awareness, a recognition of "Ooh, I wouldn't do that, how strange that she chose to."