This is very well said! I also think we make decisions or determinations about people and situations - not necessarily judgements. We can just decide that they aren''t the people or situations for us and steer clear. What those people continue doing is their own business - as long as it doesn''t directly affect me.
Symantics. decisions and determinations are judgements, veiled by another word because society has determined/judged that "judgement" is negative.
That is very true. I don''t think there is ever anything wrong with making a judgment for yourself when it comes to who to admire or who to like. That''s a personal choice that doesn''t need to be discussed with anyone. I guess the trouble comes in when you voice your opinion about that person to others. Your judgment becomes part of their assessment if that makes any sense.
But shouldn''t people be intelligent enough to recongize that it is just an opinion and form their own based on the knowledge they have? My husband has a friend I''m not fond of, but she has been a good friend to him so I tolerate her. He knows how I feel about her and is aware of her faults but it doesn''t color his view, nor should it.
That''s the key word. People shouldn''t base their opinion on what others have said to them but at least what I have found is that people usually always do this. If someone says something about another person or an experience with that person, it sticks especially if its negative. It''s unfortunate but it happens all the time.
I think there''s a big difference between pet peeves, and an inability to control them, and making educated judgements about people based on their actions/choices. My family is very live and let live, and I tend to be a bit more finicky than they are regarding people. I admire my father for being such a kind person, but there is a person in my family that, frankly shouldn''t be allowed in my parents'' home and is because my father won''t put his foot down. I think there is a place where one must draw the line.Date: 6/25/2009 9:38:45 PM
Author: VRBeauty
Being aware of people''s strengths and weaknesses is one thing. Actively seeking out weaknesses or oddnesses, judging people to be less than (me, usually), focusing on just the things I don''t like instead of seeing people as a whole, that''s a whole other thing.
I was raised around a lot of ''recreational criticism'' and tsk-tsk ing. ''Live and let live'' was kind of a foreign notion in my family. I still remember (sort of) clearly one day when I was chatting with a co-worker in the break room, commenting (disapprovingly I assume) about another some quirk another co-worker had, when my friend asked me, ''why do you care about that?'' It was like a lightbulb went off - the notion that there was no reason for me to pass judgement over things that have no impact on me was just so new to me. Personally, I''m a lot happier if I''m not constantly finding fault in others.
It''s true you know. Like on PS...sometimes I read an "introduction" post and I have a certain thought...and then as the user posts more and more, it''s funny how nearly spot on I was. It''s not an exact science, of course, and sometimes I get surprised by the person--and turns out I was wrong. But, more often than not, I''m right. Both good and bad.
Unfortunately I agree with your husband-most people are sheep IMHO. If this is judging-then so be it. I do it all the time and I''m not ashamed in the least. I do believe it''s not wrong to make judgements. Verbalizing them is another matter but I don''t hesitate to do so if I feel it''s necessary. How do I determine that? Well, via another judgement. Honestly, I don''t really care if someone else is judging me so I guess I don''t see what the fuss is about if I''m the one doing the judging. People are different, I suppose. I try my best to surround myself with quality ones (as harsh as it sounds) as I''m a loyal and faithful friend and I''m looking for the same in my friends. My judgements are correct in 99% of all cases by the way.
As I''ve gotten older, my judgements are less harsh. I realize that everything isn''t black and white or good or bad. There are alot of gray areas. I am far from perfect myself and I accept that in others as well. When I was younger, I was probably much more idealistic. I was harsher in my assessments of others. I have learned to mind my own business so to speak. I am freer now to determine who and what I associate with and if I choose not to associate with someone, I don''t sweat the details of it. It''s my choice to make.
Yay! Honesty! LOVE IT! I think people DO judge all the time - but as someone else said, they just call if by another word because nobody wants to ADMIT It. Or they''ll pretend it''s "for someone''s own good" or something.......
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