Jewelry and Memories and Divorce

[Gypsy]

So, I am not a collector but I do have hoarding tendencies I have to ruthlessly curtail.

But as we all know, I love jewelry. LOVE IT. But as a result: all of my jewelry is very personal to me. My favorite pendant was for our 10th anniversary and I designed it with BGD, and I got to know Lesley and Brian and it was such a fun project. So much fun. My favorite earrings were a Christmas gift from the Ex. and they were from Bill Pearlman and I loved that man, etc. You get the point.

SO I haven't been wearing jewelry for about 5 years now. I sold my engagement ring to a very good home (so happy it went to a PSer!). And the rest I've worn for some special occasions but not with new fiancé.

So, I am struggling with that. I know it's weird but it's all tied up in a lot of big emotions. And so... not sure what to do about that.

It is a part of my history. But most of it is bittersweet right now. Should I sell it? Keep it? Pull the diamonds and put them into new settings?

What have you guys done? What would you do? What do you think?

 

[diamondyes]

Is it possible to give the old jewelry new memories? Do a photo shoot, spruce them up, take on an adventure…

Do I understand it’s been 5 years since divorce? And it’s the jewelry from that relationship that you feel bittersweet about? Can we have pics of the jewelry you love the most?

 

[Matata]

It is a part of my history. But most of it is bittersweet right now. Should I sell it? Keep it?

If you haven't resolved the bittersweet memories about the jewelry which is symbolic of the 1st marriage, then maybe you aren't ready to make a permanent commitment in your current relationship....

You have choices: Wait longer and see if you resolve your feelings about the bling; sell it; repurpose it. Time has been my best friend when it came to my own personal relationship with bling. I gave it the time I needed to see the bling as a victory, as survival, and as growth beyond the ick of my first marriage so I was able to keep it and enjoy it.

 

[Ibrakeforpossums]

Time. If the thought of selling is painful, give it a decade or so until it's not radioactive anymore.

 

[AdaBeta27]

Only you can decide whether the jewelry stays or goes. Diamonds are millions of years old, so I don't see any sense in locking them down to one moment in time, haha. Have the stones remounted or remade into something else is what I would do if the actual pieces of jewelry had become useless, or had too many disturbing memories. I don't need a wedding band anymore, so I turned my wedding band diamonds into a lovely 1ct cocktail ring. Some people have colored gems put into the old mountings, for a new look.

I gave my e-ring diamond back to my ex, but I retained the setting that I'd had made and I put fabulous colorless Wink CZ from his FreeCZ site in it. It's a 3/4ct size stone, and easy to pass off as real. I still enjoy that ring. It's the illusion head ring on the right, with the engagement diamond in it. It has that vintage look, and doesn't have any negative vibes for me. The Wink cz is prettier than the diamond.

 

[autumngems]

I say repurpose, make a new memory

 

[dk168]

I would suggest repurpose too.

DK

 

[MissGotRocks]

I would definitely repurpose too. Not sure what you paid for the diamonds when you received them, but it would likely cost more to replace with like kind today. No sense in giving them away, or selling them if you can’t come close to receiving what was paid. If you can recoup enough money to be able to purchase other jewelry that you might want, that could be an option.

 

[Mrsz1ppy]

I put mine in the safety deposit box for about 8 years. It was like Christmas when I opened it! I gifted a lot to my daughter, and wear the rest with joy! I have repurposed some of the diamonds.

It’s just another story the jewels will never tell.

 

[dk168]

Had I kept my ER that was a 3-stone with ECs about 0.75cttw, I would have turned it into a bangle or bracelet with the stones set East-West.

I sold it as I needed the money for relocation.

The Platinum wedding bands were sold as scrap to finance the first setting my 1.19ct EC which has a bitter sweet story attached to it.

I thought they were melted down and used as part of the new setting. When I realised that did not happen, I was upset. However, it meant the new setting for the 1.19ct EC did not have any sentimental value anymore, so I had a new setting made.

DK

 

[lyra]

I'm not sentimental, and the more I like something, the more time it spends in a drawer being hoarded. I'm like a dragon hoarding the treasure but never wearing it. If I were in your shoes I would wear the jewelry because I'm not sentimental and am strictly practical. But I could definitely see resetting or changing pieces as a viable option too.

 

[athenaworth]

I like the idea of repurposing. It'll let you get your creative juices flowing again and bring new and happy feelings to your pieces.

 

[Katherine001]

I guess what struck me the most with your post Gypsy was how much the jewelry was your thing, that you created, that you enjoyed the experience of collaborating with the jewelers to bring to life the special pieces. I looked up your necklace and the idea of pulling apart or parting with this lovely piece that looks terrific on you seemed a bit of a wrench to me. Perhaps the jewelry created is part of looking back at the good bits of your past, your aesthetic sense and appreciation of beauty and really when push comes to shove might never have had much to do with your relationship. I also don't think it's "disrepectful" in any way to wear jewelry given to you by an ex with a new partner. Just giving jewelry way too much power. More liberating to wear what you love.

I always loved your former engagement ring, the bands you used to have accompanying it. Swoon! It was your reset of that ring that gave me in an insight into how good the workmanship can be from a master in the industry. I'm glad it's gone to a good home though and I've loved seeing your new different and lovely creation coming together.

 

[Bron357]

It’s personal.
I’m a committed pre loved buyer and I actually enjoy the thought that the piece of jewelry, now mine, had a previous life unknown to me.
For anyone who has a connection to jewelry be it the previous owner(s) in inherited pieces or the reason received or your connection to the giver or the moment given it can be complex to navigate when the memories are difficult or painful.
I would never advocate selling or redistributing while memories are fresh.
If a piece of jewelry continues to create uncomfortable feelings it is understandable to move it on or use the gemstones in another format.
I was previously married, I sold the wedding ring but kept the engagement ring. The engagement ring doesn’t provoke any negative feelings, it was and still is a beautiful ring which I occasionally wear.
My advice is not to act in haste lest you repent at leisure. Give it some time.

 

[luckygreen317]

So, I am not a collector but I do have hoarding tendencies I have to ruthlessly curtail.

But as we all know, I love jewelry. LOVE IT. But as a result: all of my jewelry is very personal to me. My favorite pendant was for our 10th anniversary and I designed it with BGD, and I got to know Lesley and Brian and it was such a fun project. So much fun. My favorite earrings were a Christmas gift from the Ex. and they were from Bill Pearlman and I loved that man, etc. You get the point.

SO I haven't been wearing jewelry for about 5 years now. I sold my engagement ring to a very good home (so happy it went to a PSer!). And the rest I've worn for some special occasions but not with new fiancé.

So, I am struggling with that. I know it's weird but it's all tied up in a lot of big emotions. And so... not sure what to do about that.

It is a part of my history. But most of it is bittersweet right now. Should I sell it? Keep it? Pull the diamonds and put them into new settings?

What have you guys done? What would you do? What do you think?

You are not alone in your journey so thank you for sharing what you have gone through. I made some emotionally-charged quick decisions about jewelry that represented the marriage after going through a divorce. Looking back, I should have pressed pause. Getting rid of the jewelry didn’t erase the hurt or the sad memories. Allowing the time to deal with the emotions will lead to peace and resolve. The (affectionally named emotional baggage) jewelry pieces from that time in my life I contemplated for several years on the best practical repurpose project. While the stones may have a history, in a way they represent me in my new life if that makes sense. History is what set me on my path forward.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

So, I am not a collector but I do have hoarding tendencies I have to ruthlessly curtail.

But as we all know, I love jewelry. LOVE IT. But as a result: all of my jewelry is very personal to me. My favorite pendant was for our 10th anniversary and I designed it with BGD, and I got to know Lesley and Brian and it was such a fun project. So much fun. My favorite earrings were a Christmas gift from the Ex. and they were from Bill Pearlman and I loved that man, etc. You get the point.

SO I haven't been wearing jewelry for about 5 years now. I sold my engagement ring to a very good home (so happy it went to a PSer!). And the rest I've worn for some special occasions but not with new fiancé.

So, I am struggling with that. I know it's weird but it's all tied up in a lot of big emotions. And so... not sure what to do about that.

It is a part of my history. But most of it is bittersweet right now. Should I sell it? Keep it? Pull the diamonds and put them into new settings?

What have you guys done? What would you do? What do you think?

dont do anything rash just yet
you might have to work on it and change the narrative of these pieces
ragardless of who gave them to you for what they are yours and its your right to wear them and still love them

 

[kenny]

For me, a diamond is about my love for the diamond itself.
I don't imbue it with any association whatsoever with an event or person.

I don't think a delicious diamond need any side dish.
But as always, you do you.

 

[Gypsy]

I guess what struck me the most with your post Gypsy was how much the jewelry was your thing, that you created, that you enjoyed the experience of collaborating with the jewelers to bring to life the special pieces. I looked up your necklace and the idea of pulling apart or parting with this lovely piece that looks terrific on you seemed a bit of a wrench to me. Perhaps the jewelry created is part of looking back at the good bits of your past, your aesthetic sense and appreciation of beauty and really when push comes to shove might never have had much to do with your relationship. I also don't think it's "disrepectful" in any way to wear jewelry given to you by an ex with a new partner. Just giving jewelry way too much power. More liberating to wear what you love.

I always loved your former engagement ring, the bands you used to have accompanying it. Swoon! It was your reset of that ring that gave me in an insight into how good the workmanship can be from a master in the industry. I'm glad it's gone to a good home though and I've loved seeing your new different and lovely creation coming together.

Everyone's posts are so helpful and lovely. Katherine hit the nail on the head. It's the history with the vendors and creating those pieces WITH YOU GUYS that makes them so amazing. And any weird feelings I have: therapy. Actually I talked to my therapist about it yesterday and we are going to try EMDR (first time) and see if we can work through some of that. I don't think it's a sign that I am not ready to move forward but that I compartmentalized those feelings about my marriage, as related to the jewelry, to prioritize all the rest of everything since ultimately, jewelry isn't a priority and the divorce, moving, getting a new job and a new life was. But now that I've worked through that and am in a good place, I am ready to deal with the jewelry aspect of it because I am healing, and this is part of the process. My partner encourages me to wear them, and thinks that are beautiful. It's my head that needs some fine tuning.

Obviously, my grandmother's necklace I wouldn't touch. I added diamonds from my mom's wedding band to it, and then a diamond I got from a close friend, and then one I had BGD recut. So that's just a fabulous piece.

My margueritte pin/ pendant : https://www.briangavindiamonds.com/..._uGdgEfEkFUY10Rx5ZjvJ64HWdkM2pgD9sshClzvuKnb-
(mine is the one with the removable bail/pin back)

Was a 10 year anniversary gift. But... yes, it was a part of my past and as @luckygreen317 said, "History is what set me on my path forward." I will work through any weirdness with my therapist and find out what exactly this triggered feeling is.

I am going to list my wedding band (Scott Kay platinum 2mm half eternity) on pre-loved or loupe troup one of these days. I always planned to sell it, but I just didn't want to deal with it. AND it was my 10k post gift from Andrey, so there's that. I'mm specifically use those funds toward an new piece, so that my PS gift stays with me.

And my earrings from Pearlmans, again, it's the memories with Bill that are so precious to me, so hopefully therapy will resolve for both those.

Also, all those pieces are white metal. And these days I am wearing yellow metal. I thought about having my pieces plated with yellow gold but... nah. They are lovely as is, and sometimes you want white metal. I also have a "divorce ring" I bought myself with the money from the engagement ring too. That one makes me smile.

Besides this gives me an excuse to buy some yellow metal pieces. And ultimately, expanding my fine jewelry collection into both yellow and white.... kinda nice. I'd rather spend the money on new pieces than changing old ones that are perfect they way they are. Especially with the price of gold these days! I took some scrap jewelry in yesterday and sold it and I almost passed out at what they offered me. Took the money and ran.

I do have another necklace I am thinking of plating in yellow gold though. So we'll see. I have to repair it anyway, so plating it would be easy.

 

[Gypsy]

Pictures of my divorce ring (bought with proceeds of engagement ring sale) and my BRAND NEW DIAMOND FOR MY ENGAGEMENT RING (thank you again @Rockdiamond). Tomorrow it goes to David Klass for setting.