IYO, any difference b/t wedding debt and E-ring debt?

[webdiva]

If you have 150 people-,30K doesnt go very far in northern nj!

Here in SoCal is about the same. I seriously just want to elope! I'm SOO not for spending $$$$ to impress guests that I really don't give a rat's behind about (extended family/ friends of family/ etc)

That's the point! Don't invite people you don't give a rat's behind about! I cut the guest list to only people I'd take out for a nice dinner and keep in touch with at least on a monthly basis. Mostly family and very close friends. Every time someone pressured me to invite anyone else or spend money on some frivolous stupid "must have wedding" bullcrap, I pulled the "we're paying for this - NO!" card. We refused money from our parents, knowing they would want more input and invite people we didn't know well. It helps that we're both old enough to not give a crap about impressing or disappointing anyone. All the people we loved most were at the wedding!

Would definitely NOT go into debt for either the ring or the wedding! Hubby and I saved up the money for 2 years before the wedding, forgoing an e-ring until we had more time to research and save up more. We made an excel sheet with our wedding budget and stuck to it. If something went up, something else had to get cut. Being on a budget just makes you more creative.

If you leave enough time and do enough research, it's easy to save money. Madelise, hit me up if you want info on throwing a swanky wedding in So Cal on a budget! We did 50 guests for about $5k - we spent a little more hosting an entire weekend of events including a taco cart bbq in a huge tent in our backyard (total $6k for the entire weekend incl wedding). Our photographer was a rockstar, but just starting out, so we got a deal.

I DIY'd most of it, incl. the flowers, centerpieces, cake, etc (look through my posts to find pics), my mom bought my beautiful dress for $300 (a sample only worn at a wedding fashion show) and we did custom champagne cocktails all night instead of a full bar. Most of the money was spent on the delicious food! Even the beautiful museum venue was a deal. We STILL talk about it and many people commented it was the most fun and beautiful wedding they've ever been to. And I'm so glad we're not still paying it off!

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

If you have 150 people-,30K doesnt go very far in northern nj!

Here in SoCal is about the same. I seriously just want to elope! I'm SOO not for spending $$$$ to impress guests that I really don't give a rat's behind about (extended family/ friends of family/ etc)

That's the point! Don't invite people you don't give a rat's behind about! I cut the guest list to only people I'd take out for a nice dinner and keep in touch with at least on a monthly basis. Mostly family and very close friends. Every time someone pressured me to invite anyone else or spend money on some frivolous stupid "must have wedding" bullcrap, I pulled the "we're paying for this - NO!" card. We refused money from our parents, knowing they would want more input and invite people we didn't know well. It helps that we're both old enough to not give a crap about impressing or disappointing anyone. All the people we loved most were at the wedding!

Would definitely NOT go into debt for either the ring or the wedding! Hubby and I saved up the money for 2 years before the wedding, forgoing an e-ring until we had more time to research and save up more. We made an excel sheet with our wedding budget and stuck to it. If something went up, something else had to get cut. Being on a budget just makes you more creative.

If you leave enough time and do enough research, it's easy to save money. Madelise, hit me up if you want info on throwing a swanky wedding in So Cal on a budget! We did 50 guests for about $5k - we spent a little more hosting an entire weekend of events including a taco cart bbq in a huge tent in our backyard (total $6k for the entire weekend incl wedding). Our photographer was a rockstar, but just starting out, so we got a deal.

I DIY'd most of it, incl. the flowers, centerpieces, cake, etc (look through my posts to find pics), my mom bought my beautiful dress for $300 (a sample only worn at a wedding fashion show) and we did custom champagne cocktails all night instead of a full bar. Most of the money was spent on the delicious food! Even the beautiful museum venue was a deal. We STILL talk about it and many people commented it was the most fun and beautiful wedding they've ever been to. And I'm so glad we're not still paying it off!

You have 23 pages of posts...can you link pics to your wedding? I want to see and get even more inspired!

 

[Amys Bling]

We are having a wedding for about 150 people in Northern NJ, and yeah, the 30K estimate is about right. You'd be amazed at how much everything costs. Mind, we are getting married off-season, negotiated everything down to rock-bottom prices, and are scrimping on things like flowers, DIYing as much as possible, and shopping around for the lowest prices on everything. We'll still come in somewhere around $26K when all is said and done. It's just expensive to have a wedding in this area. Yes, you can do lunch or brunch instead of dinner, or choose a day that is less popular (and generally less convenient for most guests). For me, it was more important to have the people I love there than to save a few dollars. I have a big family, I love them all, I want them all there. Period. So the guest list in not negotiable. Sharing this milestone with our families is much more important to me than an e-ring, to be honest. I have a lovely ring, but if I had to choose, I'd choose the wedding.

We're paying for most of the wedding ourselves (parents contributed about $5K), and we are paying mostly cash. We had not planned to incur any debt and have been saving for two years. However, my fiance recently lost his job, so we have ended up charging a few things to credit cards just to ensure we have available cash for right now, until he gets back on his feet. It wasn't our plan, but these things happen. We have no intention of changing our wedding plans now that we have already paid all our deposits and notified all of our guests. We would only do that in a dire emergency. When FI finds a new job, we'll pay off the credit cards as soon as possible. I don't like living with debt, but I don't think it's necessarily irresponsible to use credit cards as a temporary measure. As long as you have a plan to pay it off, a reasonable amount of debt is not the worst thing in the world.

Yep, we scrimped on flowers- did a lot on our own, negotiated price- its still super expensive! Where are you getting married???

 

[Beacon]

For us, we don't use debt to buy things. There are exceptions though. DH's car came with a zero APR financing offer and we took that. We could have paid cash, but at 0% we were better off to borrow.

The other thing we go into debt for is investments. This I do not recommend to most. But for us, it works. I am always borrowing money, mortgage or margin, to buy securities. I love them the way Imelda loved shoes But like I said, this is not for most.

Would not borrow for a ring or a wedding.

 

[webdiva]

Would definitely NOT go into debt for either the ring or the wedding! Hubby and I saved up the money for 2 years before the wedding, forgoing an e-ring until we had more time to research and save up more. We made an excel sheet with our wedding budget and stuck to it. If something went up, something else had to get cut. Being on a budget just makes you more creative.

If you leave enough time and do enough research, it's easy to save money. Madelise, hit me up if you want info on throwing a swanky wedding in So Cal on a budget! We did 50 guests for about $5k - we spent a little more hosting an entire weekend of events including a taco cart bbq in a huge tent in our backyard (total $6k for the entire weekend incl wedding). Our photographer was a rockstar, but just starting out, so we got a deal.

I DIY'd most of it, incl. the flowers, centerpieces, cake, etc (look through my posts to find pics), my mom bought my beautiful dress for $300 (a sample only worn at a wedding fashion show) and we did custom champagne cocktails all night instead of a full bar. Most of the money was spent on the delicious food! Even the beautiful museum venue was a deal. We STILL talk about it and many people commented it was the most fun and beautiful wedding they've ever been to. And I'm so glad we're not still paying it off!

You have 23 pages of posts...can you link pics to your wedding? I want to see and get even more inspired!

(sorry - long post, skip if you're not interested )

Halfway down the page - there's a couple of posts on that page. The pics don't show the best part, the gorgeous vintage cars in the museum next to the ballroom!
[URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/the-big-diy-thread.106303/page-5']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/the-big-diy-thread.106303/page-5[/URL]

The one thing I do regret is not steaming the linens the day before. You couldn't really tell when the wedding started, since it was dark - these pics were taken during setup.

There are a ton of DIY bride blogs and tutorials, it's so easy these days to figure out how to do stuff yourself. You can even order bulk wedding flowers online and have them delivered! The main thing is being organized and treating the wedding like a project, with an excel sheet with tasks, resources and costs. I spread out the labor on all these things over months, and it was totally do-able.

There are things I didn't love, like the basic chairs the ballroom had - but it wasn't worth going into debt to rent different chairs. Anyone that would say anything snarky about them was NOT invited. This day was about us getting married to each other in a style that reflected our personalities, and those near and dear to us sharing in our love. Anything else was gravy.

Some of the DIYS/savings :
-cake stands made with plates and candlesticks glued together - from Goodwill, spray painted white. Topped with doilies to protect the cakes.
-vases foraged from friends and thrift stores
-lower priced flowers and larger volume flowers that took up more space in the vase (hydrangeas) in limited colors to save money - all purchased at near wholesale prices and put together myself 2 days prior
-wedding "cake" made myself - red velvet cupcakes , incl. the giant topper. Other cakes were made by family.
-linens purchased on ebay for less than the rental costs - then sold to another bride on craigslist to cover my costs.
-DIY bridal bouquet made the night before - that saved about $250 right there! Added swarovski crystals and a fancy wrap, from wholesale flower market (open to the public - but all of these things are available online too)
-purchased sets of 6 small glasses at ikea instead of expensive candle holders - covered them in parchment paper to cover the "fake" tealights (which were purchased in bulk on ebay)
-bridal jewelry from Forever 21 I used pliers to put 2 separate earrings together for more bling.
-saved $1700 an hour (!!!) with customized champagne cocktails vs open bar - the cocktails were all created by us and named with the "car theme". Also I DIY'd swizzle sticks to make it cuter, some with ribbon flags, some paper flags that said "Happily Ever After" or "Eat, Drink, Be Married", some with sparkly balls

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

VERY cool! I'm so glad to hear that you did a ton of stuff yourself. We're going that route and I just LOVE how everything is turning out thus far. I need to start a thread soon.

Where did you find the flower market? I think we're getting the majority (if not all) of our flowers from FI's family friend who sells flowers to farmers markets. He isn't charging us anything (yay for free!!!) and they're right down the street from where we're having the ceremony and reception (we're doing it at FI's family farm. Our largest expense thus far has been the tent and chairs.

 

[webdiva]

VERY cool! I'm so glad to hear that you did a ton of stuff yourself. We're going that route and I just LOVE how everything is turning out thus far. I need to start a thread soon.

Where did you find the flower market? I think we're getting the majority (if not all) of our flowers from FI's family friend who sells flowers to farmers markets. He isn't charging us anything (yay for free!!!) and they're right down the street from where we're having the ceremony and reception (we're doing it at FI's family farm. Our largest expense thus far has been the tent and chairs.

LA has a wholesale flower market that's open to the public after a certain time. E.g. open to wholesale 2-6 am, then open to the public 6 am to noon. If you already have a supplier, that's fantastic! Otherwise, if your city doesn't have a wholesale flower market there are numerous vendors that ship cartons of flowers - like Costco. It would require extra steps to rehydrate the flowers, though.

 

[madelise]

AHH! I need to catch up in reading this, and I'd loveeee for you to recommend me a few locations! We're thinking of having a small ceremony and reception for just family and friends on one day, then letting my grandparents and his parents "have their way" with inviting whoever the heck they want at a reception THEY will have to take care of on a 2nd day. I know it's easier to just say "screw you, I don't actually know you so you're not invited", but it seems FFIL is pretty darn excited and wants to invite the whole village.. SO had a talk with him about that, but he seemed kind of heart broken.. SO told him if he pays for it, he can do whatever the heck he likes.

My problem is, I will hate FOREVER the fact that I didn't get the wedding *I* wanted, so I think I'd want to do something MY way, pay for that ourselves, then he can sort of do a post-wedding reception of sorts. Then I can rewear my dress, do my own hair and makeup, and really just not care too much since I've already had "my way".

It'll give us a chance to partake in some of their culture's traditions without it "ruining" my wedding. (Seriously, fitting in 3 different cultures into 1 wedding seems overwhelming!!!)

One of my best friends from high school actually has a vendor pass to the flower mart, and I can use her whole sale account to get me better deals. I actually LOVE hydrangeas, but I also love peonies! I know I'll be shoving them into mason jars with burlap and twine, so that shouldn't be too expensive at all for me to do. I love the idea of buying things in bulk on eBay! Thanks for that tip! I'm giving myself this whole year to slowly start building things and hoarding things for the wedding so that it can be done DIY-style. I want to buy a Silouhette machine, too, to create Save the Dates, and invitations on.. then buy the paper in bulk somewhere. FFIL goes to China a few times a year, and I can have him bring back whatever I need to purchase from there? Do you think I should do something like that? Give him a paper sample and ask his assistant there to source something similar, and have it shipped here? I was originally even planning to have him find me a dress maker, but after suggesting that same idea to other brides, and listening to their worries about the process, I backed out.

I'm a huge lover of swarovski, and will probably stud whatever I can.. The great thing is, all this wedding related crap? I can give all my receipts over to my BFF, and she can use it to write off her own taxes, lol. And she and her cousin are GREAT at flowers. They have a little company together that only does event floristry. She's definitely going to need to help me!




So my splurges would be on:
- photography and videography. I loveeee looking at old photos.
- a little vintage car.
- the Swarovski crystals I'm buying to bling everything out, including my shoes.

Skimping areas:
- florals and decorations
- makeup, hair, etc.
- outfits (I am aiming to find a dress for 1k or under)
- shoes


and everything else, I sort of need to "fill in".

maybe I should start a new thread for this.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

AHH! I need to catch up in reading this, and I'd loveeee for you to recommend me a few locations! We're thinking of having a small ceremony and reception for just family and friends on one day, then letting my grandparents and his parents "have their way" with inviting whoever the heck they want at a reception THEY will have to take care of on a 2nd day. I know it's easier to just say "screw you, I don't actually know you so you're not invited", but it seems FFIL is pretty darn excited and wants to invite the whole village.. SO had a talk with him about that, but he seemed kind of heart broken.. SO told him if he pays for it, he can do whatever the heck he likes.

My problem is, I will hate FOREVER the fact that I didn't get the wedding *I* wanted, so I think I'd want to do something MY way, pay for that ourselves, then he can sort of do a post-wedding reception of sorts. Then I can rewear my dress, do my own hair and makeup, and really just not care too much since I've already had "my way".

It'll give us a chance to partake in some of their culture's traditions without it "ruining" my wedding. (Seriously, fitting in 3 different cultures into 1 wedding seems overwhelming!!!)

One of my best friends from high school actually has a vendor pass to the flower mart, and I can use her whole sale account to get me better deals. I actually LOVE hydrangeas, but I also love peonies! I know I'll be shoving them into mason jars with burlap and twine, so that shouldn't be too expensive at all for me to do. I love the idea of buying things in bulk on eBay! Thanks for that tip! I'm giving myself this whole year to slowly start building things and hoarding things for the wedding so that it can be done DIY-style. I want to buy a Silouhette machine, too, to create Save the Dates, and invitations on.. then buy the paper in bulk somewhere. FFIL goes to China a few times a year, and I can have him bring back whatever I need to purchase from there? Do you think I should do something like that? Give him a paper sample and ask his assistant there to source something similar, and have it shipped here? I was originally even planning to have him find me a dress maker, but after suggesting that same idea to other brides, and listening to their worries about the process, I backed out.

I'm a huge lover of swarovski, and will probably stud whatever I can.. The great thing is, all this wedding related crap? I can give all my receipts over to my BFF, and she can use it to write off her own taxes, lol. And she and her cousin are GREAT at flowers. They have a little company together that only does event floristry. She's definitely going to need to help me!




So my splurges would be on:
- photography and videography. I loveeee looking at old photos.
- a little vintage car.
- the Swarovski crystals I'm buying to bling everything out, including my shoes.

Skimping areas:
- florals and decorations
- makeup, hair, etc.
- outfits (I am aiming to find a dress for 1k or under)
- shoes


and everything else, I sort of need to "fill in".

maybe I should start a new thread for this.

Start a new thread in BWW...I want to comment

 

[Dreamer_D]

DH paid cash for my original engagement ring, on my orders He got what he could afford: A modest sapphire solitaire.

Our wedding cost about $24k for $120 guests and I was very economical. We went into debt about $4k to do it, the rest was paid by parents. Looking back, the wedding was worth it. The photos are so gorgeous and fun to look at -- ADVICE: Spent a tonne of the best photographer you can get, that is all you have when its over!! -- and our families really have that day as a high point in their lives as parents. It was a really special experience for our parents. I am an only child and my DH's brothers did not/will not have large weddings. So it was well worth it in the sense that it was fun and special and important.

So I guess we chose wedding debt over e-ring debt

More generally, I would have preferred no debt from the wedding, and looking back would NOT have gone into debt for it. Debt always takes so much longer to pay off that I think it will I was in graduate school and DH had changed professions. Between that and some other debts incurred prior to our wedding, it has taken us five years together as a couple to finally pay off our relatively small amount of consumer debt. We are now debt free (I do not count our mortgage or car, both of which have less than 3% interest in addition to being essential) and it feels good. But I live in extreme fear of incurring debt again, I found it so stressful when we had it. I manage our money.

This is a lesson I learned the hard way: Avoid debt at all costs!!!

NEL You raise another issue I am struggling with at present: Spending the money you DO have on luxuries when it could be spent on responsible things. Arrgh.

 

[partgypsy]

I didn't go into debt for either the ring (modest) or a wedding (eloped with informal party afterwards). However unlike most posters who say you should never go into debt, I think I understand people who go into debt, but are able to pay off the debt within a year. But not to do it if would take more than a year to pay off. To be reasonable, many people do not have parents who pay for the wedding, yet still have societal expectations of a ceremony. for example if I was responsible for one of my parent's funerals and it was expected there was some kind of funeral, I would do it even if it meant debt. That's how many feel about weddings.

but overall, entering a marriage with debt accrued from ring and/or wedding would put additional stress/burden/expectation on the relationship which does not seem helpful.