Home It takes a lot for me to lose my sense of humor…

[purrfectpear]

Need any help building that bridge?

This isn''t doing you any good dear one. We can''t unring the bell, but I do think you need to let it go.

The only constructive thing I can think of is to find the nearest Korean church and have a talk with the pastor there about your experience. I''m guessing that churches may suggest mortuarys to grieving congregants and the pastor should know that this guy leaves a LOT to be desired. Then I would put it behind me. This isn''t what your parents want for you.

 

[TravelingGal]

Hi, morning ladies!

Lorelei, I am sorry to hear you went through something with your father''s passing. It''s sad, but as Deco said, pettiness, greed, rudeness, etc etc go on even in the saddest of times.

My brother and I have laughed about this...I just wished we had compared notes during the funeral! I just think this guy is greedy and shonky. We had to add another police escort at the last minute (we had more people show up than we thought would come), and MM chased my brother around to make sure he would pay the extra $130. Also, MM brought his entire staff to the restaurant that they recommended to us (and knew we would be at) for our guests. They made sure to run into my brother and got all their lunches paid for by us (a Korean etiquette thing - kind of expected, so they really shouldn''t have shown up to the same restaurant they knew we''d be at after the funeral!)

It''s all kind of sick and funny at the same time.

PP, as far as what my parents would have wanted...my father would have wanted me to go and burn the place down. Fortunately, in this case, the apple fell very far from the tree.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Sorry to hear this, TGal. Sorry this man hurt you. Sorry it has stayed with you. Can''t really suggest anything that hasn''t been suggested before, all I can say is what I think I would do if it was me. I''d write a letter to let him know the hurt he caused, to tell him he behaved discourteously and inappropriately. Then I''d get it translated into Korean and sent by recorded delivery mail (Or US equivalent). I would copy the letter to prominent members of the local Korean community ''for information'' and to make sure they know about how he treats people when they are grieving.

Hugs

Jen

 

[Tacori E-ring]

TGal, I am so sorry you went through this. I have no real useful advice but hope with time the good memories of your dad will outweigh this.

 

[HollyS]

Date: 8/31/2008 12:34:04 AM
Author: TravelingGal
Kaleigh, you''re probably right...I''ll go in person and yell at him...and I only know the *good* words in Korean anyway.

Date: 8/30/2008 11:56:21 PM
Author: decodelighted
OH NO! I am FURIOUS for you. Can''t think of *what* to do. In a perverse kind of way it''s like a tap on the shoulder saying ''Life in all its extreme pettiness *does* go on & on & on & on''. Like a cosmic bad joke? Gallows humor? Like: ''We interrupt your tragedy for these commercial messages''.

BBB sounds like a good start. ''fraid a letter would fall on deaf ears of one so incredibly insensitive. But sometimes the release is just in the writing of it.

I''m so sorry for your loss. WARM HUG.

Ha...I''m all for a cosmic joke, even when pissed off. I guess that actually makes me feel better...puts things in perspective, yanno? I believe in karma, so he''ll get his, I''m sure. And even if he doesn''t...he works at a funeral home and has to deal with sad people all the time. Can''t be uplifting for the soul. For me, that would be punishment enough. I can barely bear sad PS pet stories, much less people who lose loved HUMANS. As much as I have wanted to lurk on the eldery parents thread, I have never gone to read it (even while dealing with my dad dying). I would spend my entire day crying and hurting for the people going through this. I chose to be ''shallow'' and gawk at rocks instead.

So here''s hoping for karma (would I be asking for bad karma if I wish it on others? Hmmm.) However, pestilence still has a certain draw for me...

You have to wonder, though, if he''s used to dealing with sad people all the time, where the h - e - double l is this man''s sensitivity? If he''s become so jaded that he no longer cares, he needs to be run out of business. I''m all for the BBB letter; your local BBB should have an online review area to vent about his tacky-@$$ business practices. Also, the local newspaper may accept your letter. I say ''may'' because they might have a policy about the naming of businesses in an editorial letter.

Cockroaches sound good. We grow them extra big here in the Lone Star State. We saddle ''em up when the horses are tired.

Let me know if you need some Super Roaches.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I am typing this with my mouth wide open--a result of my jaw dropping to the floor. MM showed up at the restaurant where your family was convening after the funeral? Not just whacked-out MM, but his whole staff? In an effort to get a FREE meal from a mourning family? I have never heard of anybody being so itacky, insensitive and rude, that has to cross every moral boundary that could possibly exist. Again, I am just so sorry. In some ways, I''m somewhat glad that your brother had his own frustrating experiences with this man, at least you can relate to him. I certainly think you are justified in releasing frogs, rats, roaches and possibly some termites into his place of business.

 

[HollyS]

OMG, I missed his ''begging'' for the free meals! No offense, but some of these Korean customs can be downright rude! (I live where there is a very large Korean population.) I cannot imagine anything quite so . . . I don''t know . . . I''m finding it hard to convey my utter disbelief without resorting to cussing!!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 8/31/2008 2:02:25 PM
Author: HollyS
OMG, I missed his ''begging'' for the free meals! No offense, but some of these Korean customs can be downright rude! (I live where there is a very large Korean population.) I cannot imagine anything quite so . . . I don''t know . . . I''m finding it hard to convey my utter disbelief without resorting to cussing!!

Holly, I''m Korean and it sometimes stuns me. Don''t get me wrong, I am proud of being Korean and wouldn''t want to be anything else, but I am very grateful for the Korean-AMERICAN side of me! I do think that even the most Korean of Koreans would have been upset by this guy though.

 

[Linda W]

TGal,

I have read this whole thread and I am in utter disbelief at this horrid nasty man. I am so sorry you had to deal with this poor excuse of a human being.

I do agree with you, my own father would have wanted me to rip the guy to shreds.

I am sending you a big hug my friend.

Love, Linda

 

[bee*]

I''m so sorry to hear that TGal. What a horrible man. It makes me so angry to hear that he did that to you at your father''s burial.

 

[galeteia]

I am speechless.

Perhaps you should give burning the place down another thought? I don''t know what to say save for I am very, very sorry that you had to deal with that on your day of mourning, and for your loss.

 

[Selkie]

Oh my god, the restaurant story makes it even worse! What a bizarre sense of entitlement. Roaches are good. Or, I have access to large numbers of frozen fish and bird parts (biological samples). How about a strategically placed "delivery" to his basement?

 

[lili]

TGal,
Sorry that you had to deal with such a$$hole in your time of grief.
I hope he doesn''t pull something on you guys for the headstone.
I hate to admit it, but Chinese people are be just as bad.
My dad went through something similiar when he arranged for my grandmother''s funeral.
On top of that, they''ve already squeeze out whatever they could from him --
basically guilt him about being the filial son to get my dad to purchase the most expensive coffin and ritual they could get.

It''s funny how they''d actually casually run into you guys to get the free lunch.
If it is expected, why didn''t they just factor that into the cost of the funeral?

Hope you feel better after your vent.

 

[AGBF]

I am very sorry, TGal, both for the loss of your father and for this horrible incident that added insult to injury (or maybe more injury to injury since, at the time it occurred, you couldn't fight back). My heart is with you.


Deborah

 

[princesss]

Tgal, I really cannot believe the nerve of that whacked-out jack***.

I am so sorry that he was so insensitive at such a painful time.

As for plagues....frogs. Lots and lots of frogs.

 

[2Artists]

Some people

.

The whole thing leaves me kind of speechless.

I agree with the others who feel that helping prevent this from happening to other families is the best way to go.

Spreading the factual word of the inexcusable way he treated you by reviews and BBB etc would certainly help me feel a tiny tiny bit better if I were in your shoes.

I am so sorry to hear of your Father''s passing and your upsetting experience.

Mrs.2Artists

 

[iheartscience]

I''m sorry you have to deal with this on top of the loss of your father. I''m very sentimental so I completely understand that you would want to have that last moment untouched by rude mortuary men. I am actually shocked/furious that someone would act like that to a crying person by their father''s grave.

I would definitely spread the word in church, among your mom''s friends, etc. about this man. I would also write a letter to MM and the BBB detailing how unprofessional and upsetting he was. I hope you can move on but I know that it would probably take a while for me.

To try to put a tiny positive spin on the terrible situation, maybe you can focus on the last moments with your father when he was alive instead? I remember your birth story (I think) where he said he was happy to see your baby Amelia even while in the hospital...maybe try to focus on that?

Anyway, I''m sorry you had to deal with this. What comes around goes around and I''m sure MM will get his.

 

[TravelingGal]

Eek, I realized I that I hadn''t come back to this thread! Thanks for all the sympathies ladies.

I''ll get over it. I always do. But maybe I''ll write a letter to the Korean paper with an editorial on rudeness in our culture in general and that lines have to be drawn somewhere!

Too bad race talk isn''t allowed on PS because BOY oh BOY could I write a diatribe about Koreans!!! (Although we are a lovely people as well, I swear!)

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 9/2/2008 12:16:04 AM
Author: TravelingGal
Eek, I realized I that I hadn't come back to this thread! Thanks for all the sympathies ladies.

I'll get over it. I always do. But maybe I'll write a letter to the Korean paper with an editorial on rudeness in our culture in general and that lines have to be drawn somewhere!

Too bad race talk isn't allowed on PS because BOY oh BOY could I write a diatribe about Koreans!!! (Although we are a lovely people as well, I swear!)

Glad to see you have your sense of humor in tact as always!!!

But give us the 411 on all of this( not race,) but the rudeness. I know you are super busy..... But would love to know why, and why it's tolerated....

Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Your Dad is looking down on you with big smiles, I'm sure.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 9/2/2008 12:37:31 AM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 9/2/2008 12:16:04 AM
Author: TravelingGal
Eek, I realized I that I hadn''t come back to this thread! Thanks for all the sympathies ladies.

I''ll get over it. I always do. But maybe I''ll write a letter to the Korean paper with an editorial on rudeness in our culture in general and that lines have to be drawn somewhere!

Too bad race talk isn''t allowed on PS because BOY oh BOY could I write a diatribe about Koreans!!! (Although we are a lovely people as well, I swear!)

Glad to see you have your sense of humor in tact as always!!!

But give us the 411 on all of this( not race,) but the rudeness. I know you are super busy..... But would love to know why, and why it''s tolerated....

Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Your Dad is looking down on you with big smiles, I''m sure.

Honestly Kaleigh, I don''t know why it''s like that and why it''s tolerated. Perhaps a lot of people in a small geographic area makes for more rudeness. Lots of people in Seoul and you kinda have to throw an elbow here and there, you know? I haven''t been there, but I figure it''s like when I am walking down a busy Manhattan street.

In this case, I really do believe it trumps cultural brashness. I am not sure if any Korean would have been OK with it. At least I hope not! I would hate to think that we as a culture think such a thing is OK.

It''s always interesting when you have a mixing of two cultures in one generation. I''m Americanized through and through and while I understand why 1st generation Koreans act the way they do, it doesn''t mean I love it.