Is this rude or is it just me?

[Rachel9]

I know I'm a meanie, but you know, mayyybbeee she's just to soaked up with all the baby stuff and probably lonely hence the tendency towards daydreaming? Perhaps 'Momy and Me' toddler class could help? lol

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 1/15/2010 4:06:26 PM
Author: Rachel9
I know I''m a meanie, but you know, mayyybbeee she''s just to soaked up with all the baby stuff and probably lonely hence the tendency towards daydreaming? Perhaps ''Momy and Me'' toddler class could help? lol

That sounds like a great idea, she has a 4 year old daughter as well

 

[dragonfly411]

Smurf - I''d just avoid her for a bit, or I would frankly tell her, "You know, I''m at a point right now where I really don''t want to discuss shopping, or what we''re going to buy. I feel like you spend all of your time talking about what you''re going to buy with your paycheck, and I think maybe you should think of what you should SAVE from your paycheck. I also feel like you should really take note of some of the significant things in MY life, because I have things going on too".

I had a friend who did this to me for quite some time. She wouldn''t listen to anything about me, it was always about her. I ended up ending the friendship because it really did become one sided and it stressed me out.

I do hope you guys straighten it up!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 1/15/2010 4:49:11 PM
Author: dragonfly411
Smurf - I''d just avoid her for a bit, or I would frankly tell her, ''You know, I''m at a point right now where I really don''t want to discuss shopping, or what we''re going to buy. I feel like you spend all of your time talking about what you''re going to buy with your paycheck, and I think maybe you should think of what you should SAVE from your paycheck. I also feel like you should really take note of some of the significant things in MY life, because I have things going on too''.


I had a friend who did this to me for quite some time. She wouldn''t listen to anything about me, it was always about her. I ended up ending the friendship because it really did become one sided and it stressed me out.


I do hope you guys straighten it up!

I really hope so too, I really like how you worded that and may have to insert it in a convo eventually

 

[MissMina]

For many years I worked with someone whose conversations were monologs.
Her telephone conversations too were non stop her.
Not only did she talk (about herself) constantly but when she wasn''t talking about
herself she was complaining that other people talked too much, just liked to hear
themselves talk, she couldn''t get a word in edgewise etc.
I was dying to tell her that the "con" in conversation indicated that talk was
to flow "between" the speakers. But she wouldn''t have heard me.

 

[radiantquest]

Smurf, you know I love you so don''t take this the wrong way, but if I were in a situation where I had tons of extra money I would be looking for things to spend it on too. And I would show the things that I wanted to buy to my friends. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with that. For instance, I have been looking at houses. I show my friends the houses I am looking at, I get their opinions. I don''t think that I would refrain from wanting things because my friend could not afford them. I would hope that my friends would be happy for me.

If she does not have the money to buy these things and she is just looking, than again, I do not think there is a problem there.

I do think though that the reason this is offending you is because she really isn''t a friend to you. She is not concerned about you or what is going on in your life. I have a feeling that if she were someone who did take an interest in you, you would not feel the way you do. I think that you would be happy for her.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 1/15/2010 3:02:51 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 1/15/2010 2:59:10 PM

Author: Hudson_Hawk

This is stuff she''s just fantasizing over, right? She doesn''t actually have it? If that''s the case then I''d relax and have fun with it. I understand that it''s hard to day dream when you''re really trying hard to be disciplined, but it''s just a dream. If she were throwing new baubles under your nose every day, then I''d be a little peeved about her lack of compassion. But dreaming about what ifs? Not rude at all.

+1. I don''t think she''s being rude, she''s just dreaming yanno?? Have fun with it...

That''s what I was thinking too. I don''t think your friend is trying to be rude. If these are things she''s just admiring and dreaming about, it could be fun. You could do the same thing! If she was truly just talking about HERSELF all the time, then, yes, that''s rude, but it doesn''t sound to me that this is what she''s doing.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/15/2010 3:04:43 PM
Author: Smurfyimproved
i mean if it was oh i really like this, i hope i can get it someday, then i''d be like oh that''s cool and it''d be a great conversation. but really it is more like this is what i''m going to get with my next paycheck, oh maybe i should get this and this too. when i got engaged i never showed people my ring unless they asked to see it so i guess maybe it is just a personality clash...i''ll keep my mouth shut

wellll,if she had to wait for her next paycheck then she probably couldn''t afford it.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I understand about daydreaming and wanting things, especially if you have the money, I just don''t see why she has to talk about ONLY that all the time. I mean...how is there nothing else for her to talk about? I know there has to be, look at all the topics on the board here today! She''s a lovely girl and very nice, her boyfriend even taped our wedding for us. It just almost feels like she is rubbing it in my face I guess, but that could also be my oversensitive nature as well

 

[jewelz617]

Just say "So other than shopping, what else is going on in the world?"

Someone like that would bore me to tears!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 1/15/2010 9:59:05 PM
Author: PinkAsscher678
Just say ''So other than shopping, what else is going on in the world?''


Someone like that would bore me to tears!

thanks for the advice! sometimes i just dont know the right words to say and end up with a foot in my mouth lol

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Yeah I could see how this could be annoying. Maybe next time say hey we always talk about material things..let''s talk about something else! Or something like that. I have a friend that is just way materialistic lately and braggy about all the things they are buying (on credit nonetheless). I am like please don''t brag to me about amounting debt, it''s really annoying, but alas I don''t want to be rude so I just say nice things. I am happy that they''re getting what they want, it''s just annoying specifically that a lot of the things happen to be duplicates of things I have.

At least that isn''t happening, Smurfy!

 

[Elmorton]

Just something to think about - I have a friend who seemed to always be talking about buying and spending, and in our last convo, she finally just said what I really should have known was the case, but what I was very stupidly ignoring - she said "I''ve just been so depressed, and when we finally have these things, I''ll feel better."

Big flashing sign in the sky. It made me realize that I needed to spend a lot less time listening to her wishlist and a lot more time asking about "valued" things - friendships, family, etc - and letting her know it''s okay to talk to me if she''s down, and she doesn''t need to impress me.

So while normally, this kind of thing would bug me too, I wonder if the friend thing to do is listen to the underlying issue (if there is one - people certainly can be braggy, especially among intimate friends where you don''t feel you need to have your guard up). But...I''m reading into this - new mom - at home - maybe she''s bored. Maybe she feels stuck. Maybe she''s just depressed and doesn''t know why. Change the subject. See what happens.

If she really is the most materialistic person on earth, then yeah, give her some space. But if this is a friendship you value, or at least at one point (and at that one point it didn''t have to do with hardcore consumerism), figure out what''s going on.

 

[Scorpioanne]

I am wondering if this is a friendship that has gone past its "best before date". Sometimes we just grow our of friendships and its time to let them go. You know what? That is totally ok and honestly, you don''t necessarily have to have "the talk" about the relationship if it will be a huge emotional risk and you doubt anything will change. This is tough, I have been there before and it doesn''t feel good. How I dealt with it is I just quit calling this person and eventually we just quit talking. Occasionally I run into her and it does feel awkward but I didn''t need that negativity in my life. What is interesting is that I know of at least 3 others who have had friendships with this person who have done the same thing! The is a case where it is them not me, as opposed to what George Costanza would say :0).

Relationhips take work, no doubt about it but if it takes too much work and one person is always doing the giving you might want to rethink the relationship.

 

[Cehrabehra]

is there any chance she just likes to day dream with you and maybe she formed the idea you like to day dream when you were more flush and doesn''t even realize it makes you feel bad now?