Is this dude bad news?

[isaku5]

I''m late to this thread too, but just reading it made my skin crawl....I hope for her sake, that''s the last of it

.

I can''t believe her mom liked him!!???

 

[Scorpioanne]

I did not have to read you whole post to say that yes, there are red flages here for me. The fact that he wants to "mark" her by giving her a hickey shows that he is very likely a controlling and jealous type. Controlling and abusive men often want to rush women into committing to a relationship ergo the premature "I love you". I couldn't tell you how many times I have hard similar stories from my clients (I work with women who have experienced violence). She should run!

 

[LadyBlue]

I''m so happy that this is over!!! I hope your friend find someone worthy soon.

 

[3Rocks]

Date: 6/14/2009 4:41:45 AM
Author: trillionaire
Friend called me today to say that this guy ''was her man now''. She was excited, they spent the day together and got Jamaican food and he showed her videos about Jamaican culture. After he left, she agreed to meet up with a family friend and go see ''the hangover''. The new man gets upset and jealous that she went to the movies. Now, she says it''s over. I said ''he will be back.'' She said ''no thanks.'' She called it a 12 hour relationship.

Praying this is the end.

hopefully will hear the whole story tomorrow, but in the interim, at least I can sleep soundly!

Thank you for your PS prayers and break up dust! LOL

thats great, at least she did try him out and get out without a scratch. You go girl!!!

 

[trillionaire]

He''s back. FML!

 

[jewelerman]

Sounds like your friend has some growing up to do if she wants this guy back in her life.If its drama she wants in her life im sure he will provide it.If it were me I would step back and not get caught in the middle so you dont have to clean up after he''s gone with her self repect,money or credit cards!Is she that needy?

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Oh lord..yeah trill I think you are dead on on this one he sounds like a weirdo.

Ugh. She needs to break up with him and not let him back into her life this time!!

 

[DiamondFlame]

A 30 yr old guy who behaves like an adolescent who just discovered sex? There''s only one word for that: CREEP.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 6/14/2009 4:41:45 AM
Author: trillionaire
Friend called me today to say that this guy 'was her man now'. She was excited, they spent the day together and got Jamaican food and he showed her videos about Jamaican culture. After he left, she agreed to meet up with a family friend and go see 'the hangover'. The new man gets upset and jealous that she went to the movies. Now, she says it's over. I said 'he will be back.' She said 'no thanks.' She called it a 12 hour relationship.

Praying this is the end.

hopefully will hear the whole story tomorrow, but in the interim, at least I can sleep soundly!

Thank you for your PS prayers and break up dust! LOL

So the creep is back?? I hope she comes to her senses PDQ and tells it to b*gger off and MEANS it. Upset and jealous because she goes to the movies????? I really hope she wakes up SOON and has nothing more to do with him.

Revolting creep.

 

[Steel]

Date: 6/12/2009 3:09:11 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
I don''t think this question even needs to be asked. In my clear opinion, he''s bad news. He sees her as an easy (albeit modest) mark.

+1

 

[Liane]

Date: 6/14/2009 11:33:54 PM
Author: trillionaire
He''s back. FML!

Well of course he''s back. You said it yourself: your friend likes male attention, she''s got a bad track record, and she responded positively to his off-the-charts sleaze offensive (as opposed to a "charm offensive") instead of slamming the door in his face like any sane person would.

OF COURSE it''s a terrible mistake and OF COURSE you can''t talk your friend out of it. There''s no helping people who want excitement and will sacrifice sanity to get it without a second thought.

Sit back and enjoy the drama carnival, because there ain''t nothing else you can do with this one. You''re not even close enough to offer her a couch to crash on when this relationship inevitably takes a turn toward the stalkerish, if not outright abusive. So just watch the freakshow and keep a bottle of Tums handy.

 

[Liane]

(If I sound a little cranky in my response it''s no surprise. My sister is going through a very similar ride on the Bad Relationship Roller Coaster right now. Guy''s a skeevy mostly-unemployed deadbeat with no skills or good qualities whatsoever... and of course my sister is willfully blind to this reality, just as she was in her last craptastic relationship that ended with the guy stealing her money and cheating on her.

It''s really frustrating so I''ve adopted the position that this is just my own private reality show and I''m going to take it for the entertainment value and leave it at that.)

 

[dragonfly411]

not to thread jack, but lorelei did you just star out bugger?

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 6/14/2009 11:33:54 PM
Author: trillionaire
He''s back. FML!

eeeeek not good.
This will only end badly!

think they would let you get a restraining order for her w/out her knowing...

 

[decodelighted]

Trill ... don''t get sucked into the drama. People like your friend thrive on drama. They''ll do it ''til its not fun anymore & they stop getting the attention they crave. I honestly think girls like that LOVE doing what people tell them NOT to do. And manipulators like the dude play right into that "Us Vs. Them" mentality & use it to isolate their prey & heighten the "bond" between them.

Ugh.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 6/15/2009 5:35:07 PM
Author: dragonfly411
not to thread jack, but lorelei did you just star out bugger?

Yis.

 

[Treasure43]

Date: 6/12/2009 3:02:12 PM
Author:trillionaire
I have a close GF from college, and we talk almost everyday. She hasn''t had very good luck in dating... she is gorgeous (objectively, not just because I am her friend), but never had a BF until after college, then was in a debacle of a LDR that was really, really terrible. Then a series of unrequited love situations, toss in there being diagnosed with a degenerative disorder, and BAM, she''s had a rough year

She goes to a house warming party last saturday and meets a guy who is immediately taken with her. Immediately, he is wanting to kiss her, wanted to sharea drink with her so his lips could touch something that hers did, wanted to give her a hickey so that other guys would know that she was taken, etc and being very forward and aggressive. (he is not american, so I don''t know if there are cultural differences at play) Anyway, she is an attention whore, so of course she gives this guy her number. He calls her 3 times and texts her twice in the first 15 hours of having her number. She eventually calls him, and they are planning a date, but she can''t drive for health reasons, so she invites him to her house (lives with parents).

Date one was uneventful, met the parents.

Date two, at her house again, he is ALL OVER HER IN HER PARENTS LIVING ROOM! And by that I mean her was trying to talk her into sex, even though she is waiting until she is married. He says, ''it won''t matter, we''re going to be together forever anyway''.

The next day they are talking/texting, and he says he ''loves her''. She says, ''I don''t know what to think, so I think I am going to believe him.''

I''m very anti-aggressive guys, so I can''t really be objective in this situation, but someone please tell me that I am not crazy thinking this guy is up to no good! Is there anything that I can say or do, or do I just prepare for another rollercoaster ride of a relationship? She is very excited about this guy, and is already missing him and his company, etc.

Your whole post made my skin crawl but the sharing a drink to touch something her lips did is BEYOND creepy. It''s pathetic. I''m sorry to hear that he''s back. He sounds like he wants something from her (money, sex, whatever). I''ll throw some break-up dust their way but it sounds like this may be a rollercoaster relationship which puts you in a tough place as her friend.

 

[trillionaire]

Just to update:

My friend continued dating this guy. He would come over to her house (read: her parent's house) and make out with her on the couch, trying to push up on her. He would take her out to eat. and they went to the beach, all of which she loved, because her last BF was long distance, so they didn't really 'date'. After about two weeks, she suggests going to his house, so that they can have some privacy, but he makes excuses about why they can't go. Right. This annoys her, but she puts up with it. Then, he stops coming over. He says that she makes him so excited, that it makes him uncomfortable, since they can't do the deed, and he allegedly does not service himself manually... therefore, he can't see her more than once a week. She is pleased with herself for being so "HAWT".

Then he says that he can't talk to her on the phone much, because her phone voice is even sexier than her voice in person, so he has to avoid that too, or take a cold shower everytime he gets off the phone. RIGHT. So they are seeing each other less, and talking less, and she is getting frustrated, but won't break it off. They live 20 minutes apart, but hadn't seen each other for weeks.

Then, this weekend, she gets a call from blocked/private number. It's his live-in girlfriend of 3 years, calling to talk to my friend about how long she has been dating the Jamaican. She says he cheats all the time, and is currently seeing at least 2 other women. He also has between 1-4 kids, and is married, though clearly not to his live-in GF. The wife allegedly wants nothing to do with him, but who knows about that, since no divorce has been filed. (it's a public record in CA)

So, she finally breaks up with him, but does say that if he gets his situations worked out, ie gts divorced and breaks up with his GF, then maybe they could talk again.

Her mom was on the same page with her about this, and is encouraging her daughter to let him fix everything, then give him a chance.

I don't get it, and clearly I never will. I predicted most of this, and she knows it, because she said she didn't want to hear any "I told you so's." I honestly could care less about being 'right', I just want my friend to be safe, happy and loved, not used and lied to.

Please pray for my friend, and her level of discernment. Also pray that she goes to counseling, so that she can learn to make better decisions for her personal life.


Thanks for listening. I fear he will be back someday, and there is nothing I can do about it.

 

[princesss]

Geez, trill, I''m so sorry. I''d be freaking out if my friend was buying those lines, and especially if she said she''d consider giving the guy the time of day after that. Hopefully as she starts seeing other (healthy, mature) men, she''ll realize how bad this guy is and her self-worth will improve. Lots of prayers and dust for your friends, as well as a very thankful prayer that she got out of this relatively unscathed.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

This is scary.

Trill, we love our friend, and we see all live up to their potential, and we want to save them from stupid mistakes, spare them pain. Sometimes we can''t. I learned this the hard way. Sometimes you have to let them learn, let them fall down and even get trampled. It sounds cold when you look at it objectively...but some people need to be experience lessons and not just "learn" them.

I remember a line from that movie He''s Just Not That Into You where they are talking about most women are the rule...not the expection. She just needs to learn that for herself.

(hugs and prayers)

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

 

[D&T]

dust your way! hope your friend gets over this guy, and someone else pops up and sweeps her off her feet that is true and honest and not deceitful

 

[treefrog]

Please pardon my language but this guy gives a##holes a bad name!!!

Not sure how I missed this thread initially. I don''t think I ventured far outside of Rocky Talky for a while. Total bad news. I was afraid that when she said he was his now, that she gave herself up to him. Doesn''t sound like that happened, thank goodneess because he would have persisted and eventually would of had his way... one way or another.

What gets me is the parents...

"So, she finally breaks up with him, but does say that if he gets his situations worked out, ie gts divorced and breaks up with his GF, then maybe they could talk again.

Her mom was on the same page with her about this, and is encouraging her daughter to let him fix everything, then give him a chance."

Ok...re-reading this, her response is mind-boggling as well. Thanks for being a good friend trillionaire and I''ll hope and pray she sees the light... or that somebody good finds her first and loves her for who she is.

Treefrog

 

[purselover]

I just don''t understand how her mother could encourage this, if I were her I would never let this guy into my house

 

[Madam Bijoux]

She needs to get herself checked for STD''S immediately if not sooner.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 8/4/2009 3:06:43 PM
Author: Madam Bijoux
She needs to get herself checked for STD''S immediately if not sooner.

I hope she does!

Thank GOD she did not have sex with him, I would have just found that unbearable!

 

[purrfectpear]

If you believe they didn''t have sex, I have a bridge in Manhattan to sell you.

 

[dragonfly411]

Date: 8/4/2009 5:50:56 PM
Author: purrfectpear
If you believe they didn''t have sex, I have a bridge in Manhattan to sell you.

Haaaa!!!!

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 8/4/2009 5:50:56 PM
Author: purrfectpear
If you believe they didn''t have sex, I have a bridge in Manhattan to sell you.

+1

also your friend needs to realize this dude is bad news.
I mean he WILL cheat on her, he WILL mistreat her, she has no reason to wait for him to resolve things she has no real time or kids with him.
I''m so frustrated for her! I hope she realizes she deserves better!

 

[joflier]

How can her mother not see the problem in all this????? Wow!