Is it rude?

[Missy]

Is it rude to ask guests coming into your home to remove their shoes if you let them know beforehand about this request?

For years I have been wanting to have everyone remove their shoes when coming to our house because of the germ and yuck factor but my dh is vehemently against doing this. He believes it is not a gracious request and people would view it unkindly. I on the other hand don't feel asking people to do this to be rude as long as they know beforehand so wear socks without holes etc LOL. I could go so far as to offer some sort of disposable footwear to make guests more comfortable but need to look into this option as it could get costly over time...especially when we have lots of people over. I would appreciate opinions and different viewpoints. I certainly don't want to be an ungracious hostess and want people to feel comfortable in our homes but would really love to have the shoes off once inside.

 

[february2003bride]

We don't ask people to take their shoes off but we have friends that do. Basically it goes like this when he arrive:

"Hey Feb03 Bride and hubby! Hand me your coats, shoes go there, drinks are that way!"

No big deal, not rude at all, there's a designated shoe area and everyone is fine! And we know certain friends have the no show rule so we automatically take them off when we arrive.

 

[movie zombie]

no, it is not rude: your house, your rules. i do keep slippers here for guests....and one friend brings his own.

tradespeople [plumber, contractor, carpenter] are also forewarned and remove their shoes or bring cover ups with them.

MoZo

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I guess it is rude so I only ask kids if they don't...however, mostly all of my friends and my kids' friends automatically remove their shoes and so it seems customary among our social circle to respect each others houses. Family, on the otherhand, doesn't do so. There was another thread about this and I had mentioned that one holiday season nobody removed their shoes nor even wiped them off and our carpet was completely covered in wet leaves/dirt. It really bothered me! (ETA - and to provide a bit more insight, we're talking women wearing expensive shoes - so they are aware of things. One wears $500+ shoes. I guess gotta get one's moneys worth.)

 

[soocool]

I think there was a thread about this not too long ago....


Anyway, yes my guests know automatically to take their shoes off. They either barefoot it , or bring sliipers or slipper socks. We do the same in their home. No one has ever given me a problem with it.

 

[mary poppins]

I don't think it's rude. I think it's nice that you tell guests in advance so they will know to be aware of the condition of their shoes, socks and feet, and to bring their own cover ups if they want. The way the message is delivered makes a big difference as to how it is received. If you sound strict or stern, you may come off as the crazy no shoes lady. But if you're light-hearted about it, guests probably won't be put off by the house rule.

 

[Missy]

Thanks Feb03Bride. None of our friends ask anyone to remove their shoes and that is why I am hesitant as we would be the first.
Maybe we could start a trend

Hey MoZo, thanks for your input. My dh warned me that people would think I was crazy- we are moving soon and he said he hoped I didn't plan on asking our movers to remove their shoes. I didn't say anything but yes, it would be nice if they would!

Thanks MC. That is exactly what I am talking about. Not everyone respects your home the way you do. I cannot believe people would come into your home and not wipe their feet! How rude! You would think they would know better.

Hi Soocool, sorry about repeating a thread. Thanks for sharing what your friends do. Do you remember how that trend of removing shoes started?


Thanks MaryPoppins. That was my thinking too. It is all in the delivery. My dh thinks I am going to come off looking crazy no matter how I ask but I guess this is one topic on which we are going to have to agree to disagree. I agree with you. If I ask in a light hearted and nice way hopefully people will not be offended. I don't know why it is such a big deal to ask. I am frustrated that my dh is so against it because he usually has great judgment and I am second guessing myself now but I appreciate all the input from you guys.

 

[KimberlyH]

We don't wear shoes in our home and have a 1 year old who spends much of her day snacking on whatever I missed cleaning up, but I think it's rude to require guests to remove their shoes. We have a shoe basket by the door and it's obvious we take ours off, so guests are clued in to our norm, that's enough of a request in my mind. The comfort of my guests is more important than clean floors. We had a party on Saturday, a few guests removed their shoes, most didn't and I just cleaned the floors yesterday, no big deal.

 

[Missy]

We don't wear shoes in our home and have a 1 year old who spends much of her day snacking on whatever I missed cleaning up, but I think it's rude to require guests to remove their shoes. We have a shoe basket by the door and it's obvious we take ours off, so guests are clued in to our norm, that's enough of a request in my mind. The comfort of my guests is more important than clean floors. We had a party on Saturday, a few guests removed their shoes, most didn't and I just cleaned the floors yesterday, no big deal.

Thanks Kimberly. I understand that guest comfort is more important than clean floors and that is what is making me take pause. My dh said it is up to me if I want to start asking guests to remove their shoes and what is causing me hesitation is that I don't want to make people feel less than comfortable to be in our home. I like your idea of having a basket or something by the door and maybe people will follow by example. Though I doubt it...

 

[iota15]

If it helps, I don't think asking to remove your shoes is rude; rather, I think trying to keep them on when everyone else, including the host, has them off is rude.

We have a no-shoe house and I grew up in a no-shoe house. People's shoes step in spit, public washrooms and gawd-knows what else. I would never allow it in my home, and on my carpets and where kids could be crawling around.

Have a space for shoes. Just casually say, "let me take your jacket and oh, you can leave your shoes there..." No biggie and no one's EVER made a fuss or a face. Of course, I could also care less if people walked around in their barefoot, which close friends with hole-ridden socks or sandals have been known to do.

To be honest, I can't see where your husband is coming from at all. You want to be a gracious host, but I'm sure your guests want to be gracious as well. Subtlely letting them know that "shoes stay by the door" is really no big deal and if you want, keep a few spare slippers or flips flops around. You can offer those casually too if the shoe wearer seems uncomfortable with bare feet.

Otherwise, don't focus anymore on the feet, as I'm sure with or without shoes, it's the company your guests are there for. If you make a big deal of it, it'll be a big deal but from all my dealings, it's really is a non-issue.

 

[KimberlyH]

We don't wear shoes in our home and have a 1 year old who spends much of her day snacking on whatever I missed cleaning up, but I think it's rude to require guests to remove their shoes. We have a shoe basket by the door and it's obvious we take ours off, so guests are clued in to our norm, that's enough of a request in my mind. The comfort of my guests is more important than clean floors. We had a party on Saturday, a few guests removed their shoes, most didn't and I just cleaned the floors yesterday, no big deal.

Thanks Kimberly. I understand that guest comfort is more important than clean floors and that is what is making me take pause. My dh said it is up to me if I want to start asking guests to remove their shoes and what is causing me hesitation is that I don't want to make people feel less than comfortable to be in our home. I like your idea of having a basket or something by the door and maybe people will follow by example. Though I doubt it...

I understand wanting people to do so, hence the visual que of the shoe basket, I just don't feel right about it being required.

 

[Missy]

I understand wanting people to do so, hence the visual que of the shoe basket, I just don't feel right about it being required.

I think you have hit the nail on the head here as to what is troubling me about making the request. I don't want to be rude and though I do not mind removing my shoes I understand others not feeling the same way. I am not sure what I will ultimately decide but I appreciate you sharing your thoughts Kimberly. I have the feeling I will probably not require people to remove their shoes downstairs where we have hardwood but if anyone wants to go upstairs where it is all carpet for now (only bedrooms and bathrooms there) they will be asked to remove their shoes. So a compromise in essence as no one needs to go upstairs if they don't want to remove their shoes. (We have 2 bathrooms downstairs that any guest can use).
And my dh and I will continue to remove our shoes as soon as we come into the house.

 

[chemgirl]

I think it might partly be a cultural thing. I know it was discussed a while ago.

Where I live, everyone is expected to take off their shoes. People have mats by the door for people to leave their shoes. It would be considered rude to think of wearing shoes inside of somebody's house. I have friends who own home businesses and they are the exception. In the summer, they ask people to leave their shoes on. In the winter, they provide community slippers by the door. Since they run an inn out of their home, it grosses me out to wear the slippers so I bring my own.

I think all of the snow and slush here has lead to thinking that shoes inside = bad. I've never once had to ask somebody to take their shoes off in my home, and I have also never had anyone try to wear them inside.

 

[Aoife]

Suggesting is not rude, insisting or requiring is. We tend to have a no-shoes house. The first thing family and close friends do when they walk in the door is take their shoes off, but it would never occur to me to insist someone do that. For all I know they might have foot problems that require an orthotic. They might feel self-conscious about their feet, etc. When someone is a guest in my home, my concern is their comfort, not my "house rules." Carpets can be cleaned, floors can be washed, but a guest's comfort and pleasure in visiting my home is invaluable and irreplaceable.

 

[Missy]

If it helps, I don't think asking to remove your shoes is rude; rather, I think trying to keep them on when everyone else, including the host, has them off is rude.

We have a no-shoe house and I grew up in a no-shoe house. People's shoes step in spit, public washrooms and gawd-knows what else. I would never allow it in my home, and on my carpets and where kids could be crawling around.

Have a space for shoes. Just casually say, "let me take your jacket and oh, you can leave your shoes there..." No biggie and no one's EVER made a fuss or a face. Of course, I could also care less if people walked around in their barefoot, which close friends with hole-ridden socks or sandals have been known to do.

To be honest, I can't see where your husband is coming from at all. You want to be a gracious host, but I'm sure your guests want to be gracious as well. Subtlely letting them know that "shoes stay by the door" is really no big deal and if you want, keep a few spare slippers or flips flops around. You can offer those casually too if the shoe wearer seems uncomfortable with bare feet.

Otherwise, don't focus anymore on the feet, as I'm sure with or without shoes, it's the company your guests are there for. If you make a big deal of it, it'll be a big deal but from all my dealings, it's really is a non-issue.

Thanks Iota. I totally agree that it shouldn't be a big deal. I think that is what I am going to do. Leave a place for shoes as you come in with disposable slippers or something so if guests feel more comfortable they can put those on. But I will be subtle about it and won't make a big deal about it and if people don't remove their shoes I won't say anything. Thanks so much for your perspective Iota. It is funny how people perceive things so differently and sometimes I feel like it is impossible to please everyone (nor do I want to) but I certainly want guests to enjoy visiting us!

 

[Missy]

Suggesting is not rude, insisting or requiring is. We tend to have a no-shoes house. The first thing family and close friends do when they walk in the door is take their shoes off, but it would never occur to me to insist someone do that. For all I know they might have foot problems that require an orthotic. They might feel self-conscious about their feet, etc. When someone is a guest in my home, my concern is their comfort, not my "house rules." Carpets can be cleaned, floors can be washed, but a guest's comfort and pleasure in visiting my home is invaluable and irreplaceable.

Good point Aoife, thanks! I didn't even think about foot problems etc.
I agree, it is more important to make guests feel at ease in our home than make my job of cleaning easier. It's just so yukky when I think about what is being brought in...But I absolutely agree about not making it required- rather a subtle suggestion that you are free to follow or not follow.

 

[anchor31]

I ususally tell my guests something like: "Welcome! Please, take off your shoes (and coats, if applicable), make yourselves at home." I try to make it sound like I'm trying to get them comfortable instead of a request. With a toddler that puts everything he finds on the floor in his mouth, taking off the shoes is a must in my home.

 

[Missy]

I think it might partly be a cultural thing. I know it was discussed a while ago.

Where I live, everyone is expected to take off their shoes. People have mats by the door for people to leave their shoes. It would be considered rude to think of wearing shoes inside of somebody's house. I have friends who own home businesses and they are the exception. In the summer, they ask people to leave their shoes on. In the winter, they provide community slippers by the door. Since they run an inn out of their home, it grosses me out to wear the slippers so I bring my own.

I think all of the snow and slush here has lead to thinking that shoes inside = bad. I've never once had to ask somebody to take their shoes off in my home, and I have also never had anyone try to wear them inside.

Thanks Chemgirl. I do think it is cultural to a degree for sure. If you grew up removing your shoes it is second nature to do so in others homes but if you never did that or had anyone near you do that it might seem odd. As I mentioned in my social circles no one removes their shoes and it does gross me out to some degree. In fact with all the snow and ice still no one removed their shoes. It is just not done here for some reason. I do ask good friends to remove their shoes when we just trekked through snow etc and none of them had any issues with that but I have only ever asked very close friends and only when the weather outside warranted it ie snow and rain.

 

[Missy]

I ususally tell my guests something like: "Welcome! Please, take off your shoes (and coats, if applicable), make yourselves at home." I try to make it sound like I'm trying to get them comfortable instead of a request. With a toddler that puts everything he finds on the floor in his mouth, taking off the shoes is a must in my home.

Hi Anchor- If we had small children I would not have any qualms about asking guests to remove their shoes either. You really have the best reason possible there! Your child comes first- over guests comfort. I like the way you make the request sound though- so the guests feel more comfortable. Thanks for your advice.

 

[mayerling]

I started a similar thread to this a while ago.

I come from a culture that considers being in somebody else's house shoeless rather rude so I feel uncomfortable doing it. At the same time, I find people asking me to take my shoes off when I visit them a bit rude as well. I feel that as an invited guest I should be allowed to feel comfortable; after all I'm not imposing my presence, I was invited over. After all, if I invite people over for dinner I take into account their dietary requirements and don't force them to eat what my family eats.

Edit: Providing slippers doesn't help either - at least in my mind. The thought of wearing shoes that somebody else's (possibly disgusting) feet have been in is just gross (I don't go bowling for a similar reason).

 

[fleur-de-lis]

It's not per se rude to request shoes be removed, but it would be gracious as a host to offer immaculately clean slippers for those who came unprepared for the request. One of my friends who keeps her home as a shoe-free zone keeps an ample supply of inexpensive white washable/bleachable waffle slippers paired up in a basket.

Just to mention an alternative, in our house we don't ask guests to remove their shoes but simply schedule the carpets to be steam cleaned after parties.

 

[iota15]

Suggesting is not rude, insisting or requiring is. We tend to have a no-shoes house. The first thing family and close friends do when they walk in the door is take their shoes off, but it would never occur to me to insist someone do that. For all I know they might have foot problems that require an orthotic. They might feel self-conscious about their feet, etc. When someone is a guest in my home, my concern is their comfort, not my "house rules." Carpets can be cleaned, floors can be washed, but a guest's comfort and pleasure in visiting my home is invaluable and irreplaceable.

Good point Aoife, thanks! I didn't even think about foot problems etc.
I agree, it is more important to make guests feel at ease in our home than make my job of cleaning easier. It's just so yukky when I think about what is being brought in...But I absolutely agree about not making it required- rather a subtle suggestion that you are free to follow or not follow.

I totally agree with Aoife as well. Suggesting is not rude at all. But barring a physical condition, I don't understand why any polite guests would not remove their shoes once it's suggested (politely) either.

Outside shoes are just gross. I am by no means a germophobe, nor do I sanitize everything that comes my way - but outside shoes on my carpets only makes me think of how all the crap (literally - foreign pee, fecal matter, etc.) on the floor of a public washroom is being rubbed deep into my carpets, and is kicked up every time I walk on it. Plus, I sit on the floor sometimes to watch TV, and I put papers and bags and socks and whatnot on the floor. Unless you're shampooing or deep cleaning your carpets, that crap doesn't really come out. It would bug me to no end to have people walk in around with their shoes on BUT, if guests really felt uncomfortable after my polite suggestion, I wouldn't insist either. They are my guests afterall... but nothing wrong with suggesting, in my mind.

 

[Missy]

I started a similar thread to this a while ago.

I come from a culture that considers being in somebody else's house shoeless rather rude so I feel uncomfortable doing it. At the same time, I find people asking me to take my shoes off when I visit them a bit rude as well. I feel that as an invited guest I should be allowed to feel comfortable; after all I'm not imposing my presence, I was invited over. After all, if I invite people over for dinner I take into account their dietary requirements and don't force them to eat what my family eats.

Those are excellent points Mayerling. Thank you.
I don't want to force anyone to do anything they are not comfortable doing. Thanks for that perspective.

It's not per se rude to request shoes be removed, but it would be gracious as a host to offer immaculately clean slippers for those who came unprepared for the request. One of my friends who keeps her home as a shoe-free zone keeps an ample supply of inexpensive white washable/bleachable waffle slippers paired up in a basket.

Thanks for the suggestion fleur-de-lis. I am good with offering an ample supply of clean washable waffle slippers. And in this way they have options. Guests can choose to remove their shoes and put on clean disposable slippers or can leave their shoes on. Up to them. This way no one feels uncomfortable.

 

[Dancing Fire]

if my foot smells really bad ..will you ask me to put my shoes back on?..

 

[iugurl]

We don't wear shoes in our home and have a 1 year old who spends much of her day snacking on whatever I missed cleaning up, but I think it's rude to require guests to remove their shoes. We have a shoe basket by the door and it's obvious we take ours off, so guests are clued in to our norm, that's enough of a request in my mind. The comfort of my guests is more important than clean floors. We had a party on Saturday, a few guests removed their shoes, most didn't and I just cleaned the floors yesterday, no big deal.

I think if you have tile/wood/laminate or whatever throughout, then it is easy to say that. If you let your guests wear their muddy, snowy, whatever shoes inside, all you will have to do is mop the floors the next day. What if you have carpet? It is not easy to clean up large or several muddy spots/walking paths on carpet unless you rent a cleaning machine. I rent an apartment. The front door opens up to a little tiled entry area, then there are carpeted stairs straight up, then it leads you to the carpeted family room. I also live in Indiana, where it has been snowing and sleeting (and in between, raining) for the last 3 months straight. I don't think there is any way your shoes don't have snow or mud or something on them, unless they are brand new and you wore something else on parking lot/sidewalk, then switched once you reached our porch. Even if you wipe your feet on our outdoor rug and indoor rug, there is probably dirty snow packed into the treads of your shoes, that will later melt on my carpet. I don't even know how in the world I would go about cleaning the stairs if they were to get dirty. The machines are large right, so it would be difficult to clean the stairs...

Even in the summers where it is dry, I would still like NO shoes coming up our stairs. Even if they are slightly, slightly dirty, that dirt adds up! Those stairs get used multiple times everyday, I would not want to risk it. I don't want to have to figure out how to clean those stairs.

 

[Missy]

Suggesting is not rude, insisting or requiring is. We tend to have a no-shoes house. The first thing family and close friends do when they walk in the door is take their shoes off, but it would never occur to me to insist someone do that. For all I know they might have foot problems that require an orthotic. They might feel self-conscious about their feet, etc. When someone is a guest in my home, my concern is their comfort, not my "house rules." Carpets can be cleaned, floors can be washed, but a guest's comfort and pleasure in visiting my home is invaluable and irreplaceable.

Good point Aoife, thanks! I didn't even think about foot problems etc.
I agree, it is more important to make guests feel at ease in our home than make my job of cleaning easier. It's just so yukky when I think about what is being brought in...But I absolutely agree about not making it required- rather a subtle suggestion that you are free to follow or not follow.

I totally agree with Aoife as well. Suggesting is not rude at all. But barring a physical condition, I don't understand why any polite guests would not remove their shoes once it's suggested (politely) either.

Outside shoes are just gross. I am by no means a germophobe, nor do I sanitize everything that comes my way - but outside shoes on my carpets only makes me think of how all the crap (literally - foreign pee, fecal matter, etc.) on the floor of a public washroom is being rubbed deep into my carpets, and is kicked up every time I walk on it. Plus, I sit on the floor sometimes to watch TV, and I put papers and bags and socks and whatnot on the floor. Unless you're shampooing or deep cleaning your carpets, that crap doesn't really come out. It would bug me to no end to have people walk in around with their shoes on BUT, if guests really felt uncomfortable after my polite suggestion, I wouldn't insist either. They are my guests afterall... but nothing wrong with suggesting, in my mind.

Yes, I totally agree. I am not a germophobe either. Nor do I sanitize everything by any means. The thought of all that stuff that is being tracked in on people's shoes is really gross to me also which is why I started wanting people to remove their shoes to begin with.
After reading all the responses I have to agree. Suggesting is good. Requiring not so much as I could see people feeling that is rude and I certainly do not want to be rude. So I am going to take everyone's suggestion and be subtle about my request and let the chips fall where they may.

 

[Missy]

if my foot smells really bad ..will you ask me to put my shoes back on?..

Most definitely
Either that or into the ocean your bare feet go. Nothing like some good salt water to remove any foul odors!

Seriously I could never ask someone to put their shoes back on if their feet stink (barring my dh of course). I would have to grin and bear it I suppose. It was my idea to remove shoes in the first place after all!

 

[Missy]

We don't wear shoes in our home and have a 1 year old who spends much of her day snacking on whatever I missed cleaning up, but I think it's rude to require guests to remove their shoes. We have a shoe basket by the door and it's obvious we take ours off, so guests are clued in to our norm, that's enough of a request in my mind. The comfort of my guests is more important than clean floors. We had a party on Saturday, a few guests removed their shoes, most didn't and I just cleaned the floors yesterday, no big deal.

I think if you have tile/wood/laminate or whatever throughout, then it is easy to say that. If you let your guests wear their muddy, snowy, whatever shoes inside, all you will have to do is mop the floors the next day. What if you have carpet? It is not easy to clean up large or several muddy spots/walking paths on carpet unless you rent a cleaning machine. I rent an apartment. The front door opens up to a little tiled entry area, then there are carpeted stairs straight up, then it leads you to the carpeted family room. I also live in Indiana, where it has been snowing and sleeting (and in between, raining) for the last 3 months straight. I don't think there is any way your shoes don't have snow or mud or something on them, unless they are brand new and you wore something else on parking lot/sidewalk, then switched once you reached our porch. Even if you wipe your feet on our outdoor rug and indoor rug, there is probably dirty snow packed into the treads of your shoes, that will later melt on my carpet. I don't even know how in the world I would go about cleaning the stairs if they were to get dirty. The machines are large right, so it would be difficult to clean the stairs...

Even in the summers where it is dry, I would still like NO shoes coming up our stairs. Even if they are slightly, slightly dirty, that dirt adds up! Those stairs get used multiple times everyday, I would not want to risk it. I don't want to have to figure out how to clean those stairs.

I hear you iugurl! I am not going to deep clean the carpets every time we have people over and we like to have people over often so that would not work for us as an option. If we had all carpeting I would have to take that into consideration for sure. Luckily only our second floor has carpeting and there is no reason for guests to go up there. If they would like to for whatever reason they will be politely asked to remove their shoes. I will not feel guilty about that as there is no need to go to the second floor.

 

[fleur-de-lis]

Suggesting is not rude, insisting or requiring is. We tend to have a no-shoes house. The first thing family and close friends do when they walk in the door is take their shoes off, but it would never occur to me to insist someone do that. For all I know they might have foot problems that require an orthotic. They might feel self-conscious about their feet, etc. When someone is a guest in my home, my concern is their comfort, not my "house rules." Carpets can be cleaned, floors can be washed, but a guest's comfort and pleasure in visiting my home is invaluable and irreplaceable.

Good point Aoife, thanks! I didn't even think about foot problems etc.
I agree, it is more important to make guests feel at ease in our home than make my job of cleaning easier. It's just so yukky when I think about what is being brought in...But I absolutely agree about not making it required- rather a subtle suggestion that you are free to follow or not follow.

I totally agree with Aoife as well. Suggesting is not rude at all. But barring a physical condition, I don't understand why any polite guests would not remove their shoes once it's suggested (politely) either.

Some potential reasons:
--Embarrassment over going too long between pedicures?

--Self-conscious over having corns, a fungal condition, or dry heels?

--Wearing delicate pantyhose which will become snagged and run?

 

[Missy]

Some potential reasons:
--Embarrassment over going too long between pedicures?

--Self-conscious over having corns, a fungal condition, or dry heels?

--Wearing delicate pantyhose which will become snagged and run?

Yes, I thought about those potential issues and I was trying to avoid that by letting people know beforehand about my preference for removing their shoes when they visit.

However, now, I do not see a way to do this and still be subtle and easygoing about my preference as this would require I let them know of my preference before they visit and makes it seem less of a request and more of a demand. See my catch 22 here? I guess it is preferable to not say anything until they arrive and just have an area for shoes to be removed if they want to and disposable slippers to put on if they would like or for them not remove their shoes if that is best for them.