Is it appropriate for 10-15 years old to send out XMas "wishlist"?

[that_someone_special]

Date: 12/15/2009 10:14:24 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 12/15/2009 10:08:27 PM

Author: swingirl

How about responding with, ''Since I never received a thank you for last year''s gift I assumed you were too old for or disinterested in Christmas presents. But if anyone asks I''ll pass along this information''

Yeah! I like this response. Perfect.


And yes, I think it''s a little odd. My parents to this day still ask me for a wishlist for holidays and birthdays. But it is VERY different between parent and child vs. sending out a random unsolicited list to relatives!

I find this response extremely rude and I don''t think it will help the situation one bit!!!

 

[monarch64]

Date: 12/16/2009 1:33:53 AM
Author: swedish bean
I am really floored by some of the ADULT responses here.

10 years old is still a child- 15 is pushing it.

I would talk to the PARENTS first. Discuss what happened last year that left a bad taste in your mouth to them, and they can talk to their children. I really think that sending ''coal'' or writing a nasty email to a child is a BAD idea. It is not their fault they didn''t learn manners. What you''re going to do is possibly hurt a kid in the process.

I do think kids associate christmas with gifts- only. But who is to blame? A child??? I don''t think so.





WITH EVERYTHING SAID, I think it''s pretty crazy you got a request list- I just wouldn''t blame the child.

Really? Coal is a bad idea? Because the typical Santa Claus tradition for those who are "naughty" is for the child to receive coal in his/her stocking. Well, maybe we should just give all of those bad kids an orange and some candy in their stockings, lest anyone feel like a loser. Heaven knows THAT isn''t tolerated in American anymore.

Better yet, let''s give these kids who write solicitation emails/wishlists and such a TROPHY for their spelling and grammar and creativity.

 

[that_someone_special]

I am just saying I don't think the child is at fault.

I think it is the parents.

In the rare case that the child composed a mile long message and emailed this attachment by themselves, perhaps the parents should at least be made aware of what their kid is doing.


I would never give a kid coal. Kids are good.

I made christmas lists when I was a kid because my parents told me to. I never would have thought to just write out all of my wants and desires from the toy section of the JC Penneys catalog had someone not asked me too.... and I think it's probably similar with kids today.


That's all.

ETA, and yes, REALLY, I think coal is a bad idea

... though they DO make that "Coal Candy" gum ... that might be cute and not as offensive to a kid.

 

[that_someone_special]

 

[monarch64]

SB, I hear you. I think it absolutely IS parenting when it comes to things like this. And your JCP catalog reference brought it home for me, for sure. Yes, we were encouraged to make wish lists. To whom? Santa. Not relatives, not people we know via email and whatnot...Santa.

I think it is rude and basically obnoxious for parents to think it's ok for kids to send out messages/emails/what have you soliciting gifts they wish for during the holiday season. It's not a wedding registry, it's not a housewarming, it's Christmas. 'Tis the time 'o giving, not receiving, and parents should keep that in mind. Since Zhu received a message or more from her nieces and nephews, I feel the responses here from adults were for the most part, tongue-in-cheek and really...who would ever REALLY send a hurtful email to a person who is under the age of 13? Probably won't happen, but I commend you for watching out for the youngsters, seriously. I know people here have kids and things happen...I don't think, on that note, a little coal ever hurt anyone. I know I've been on the receiving end of coal in the stocking for being presumptuous, and it stung, but it sure as heck taught me a lesson. Eh. I also had gifts returned by my mother when she figured out that I had SNOOPED. That stung way more than the coal, I can tell you.

 

[zhuzhu]

HAHAHAHA! Of course I know the email and coal suggestions were for good laughs. I can only imagine if I did send a bag of coal out to each child, my MIL and SIL will fly over here and kill me slowly over the next 50 years.....

PS: Those wishlist emails were sent to everyone in the extended 5 families or so, including the kids' parents.

 

[Callisto]

Yeah I ditto that this is a bit odd unless you had requested it, which you didn''t. We don''t do a whole lot of gifts anymore with my extended family, but my mom usually just asks me for a few ideas so that if my grabbag (within our cousins on one side) asks for an idea, she can give them a few, as well as have a few for herself.

Even when I was younger that''s usually the way extended family got gift ideas, I gave my parents a list (as requested) and they were able to then divy that up among family members as needed.

 

[meresal]

Date: 12/16/2009 2:05:22 AM
Author: zhuzhu
HAHAHAHA! Of course I know the email and coal suggestions were for good laughs. I can only imagine if I did send a bag of coal out to each child, my MIL and SIL will fly over here and kill me slowly over the next 50 years.....

PS: Those wishlist emails were sent to everyone in the extended 5 families or so, including the kids'' parents.

This was at the parents request... no doubt.

Do not blame the kids.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 12/16/2009 1:33:53 AM
Author: swedish bean
10 years old is still a child- 15 is pushing it.

Wait, one of them is 15?!

That's just rude. If one of them is 15 then I'm all for reprimanding them, I'm sorry but at some age, a person is responsible for their own actions and have to stop blaming mom and dad. I know when I was 15, I was a sophmore in highschool, and I did all sorts of things that had nothing to do with my parents' parenting prowess.

ETA: Honestly, if it was a practical and honest list, I don't think I'd care. But if the entire list is 100$ things, then yeah, I think it's bad manners.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I understand that this is a particular situation with a history of gift giving resentment; however in general I don''t see what the big stink is about.

In my family we ALWAYS prepare lists for other family members. It''s expected and people get annoyed if they don''t get one every year. They don''t want to have to ask for it. The weekend after Thanksgiving they expect a list delivered through snail mail, email, telephone or my mom. We don''t pack this list full of expensive gifts and it''s understood that these lists are for ideas and they''re not Gospel. I don''t recall a time when I''ve ever been upset about not getting something on my list.

In our family it''s a courtesy based on the idea of not inconveniencing someone with stressing over a gift they''re not sure you''ll like. I''m more appalled at the thought of having to ask for a gift receipt because I dislike a gift than providing a list of ideas.

Lists were especially important to them when we were teenagers because teens are very hard to shop for. I don''t come from a family where gift cards or cash are given at Christmas. We were always somewhat distant (30+ minutes away) from our extended family, so we didn''t see them all the time. But we saw them at Christmas every year. They didn''t know us all that well or at least know us enough to feel comfortable picking a gift on their own.

As in all things, to each his own. Judgment should not be placed on those who are different. While you might find it rude or inappropriate for a child/teen to send out a Christmas list (solicited or otherwise), this is standard practice in other families and the alternative of not providing one is considered rude.

And for the record, we''re not a family of uncouth heathens. We say please and thank you and handwritten thank you notes are always completed the day after Christmas.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 12/16/2009 10:19:52 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
And for the record, we're not a family of uncouth heathens.

Hehe, I don't know about uncouth, but I'm definitely from a family of heathens! I just find that word funny as I heard it a lot growing up in an fairly vocally religious community

 

[tlh]

I think around the time I lost interest in Barbies was when I stopped dreaming about my Christmas list - watching it grow through the summer months, and getting interested in the commercials and advertisments of toys on TV.

Then I became the world''s worst gift recipient. Don''t know if they somehow are related - just saying. I feel a gift should be what you know about me - and this wonderful gesture of thoughtfulness (no $ value attached). Then I grew up. I realized people wanted to get me something that I would like - but never knew what to get me. I BUY MYSELF whatever I need.

So now I make a list of things to shop for from $10 to $100. And my family is sooo happy. Granted I only send this list my husband, and he sends his list to me... and then we send each other''s wish list w/ comments of what we are getting to each other''s parents and brothers. I never expect what is on the list to be my gift - but I try to just give them a general idea of stuff I like - to make their shopping easier - and less of this romantic notion of me expecting them to mind read. I think it was after 4 years of gift cards, I realized people want to get you something, because they care - but are busy themselves and may not have the time to invest in the research and AH_HA! of the PERFECT GIFT!

However, with the list, it works out. I think the cutoff maybe around 12-13 - JR HIgh is where the child switch sorta happens. You know, puberty - or whenever that moody beast happens. Then I think they are just trying to follow suit w/ what their parents do- and yet at the same time only have reference to when they were a kid creating their santa wish lists... give the 15 year old some time. Hopefully they''ll turn around.

Heck have you seen 4 Christmases? I about died when right after his brother gets an Xbox, the other kid opens up a flashlight. I don''t know why I just thought of that.......

 

[Ara Ann]

Sorry, no matter how you look at this, it is rude. I realize in some families lists are appreciated, but as was stated, these kids never showed any appreciation for previous gifts.


My MIL always asks our sons and DH and I for Christmas lists, which is different than what happened here.


This year my 14 year old son asked my MIL for money, in lieu of a gift, so he could buy his friends Christmas gifts! Tacky? On some level, yes...but at least his heart was in the right place and he wanted to buy things for others, instead of thinking about just himself.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 12/16/2009 10:44:13 AM
Author: Ara Ann
Sorry, no matter how you look at this, it is rude. I realize in some families lists are appreciated, but as was stated, these kids never showed any appreciation for previous gifts.



My MIL always asks our sons and DH and I for Christmas lists, which is different than what happened here.



This year my 14 year old son asked my MIL for money, in lieu of a gift, so he could buy his friends Christmas gifts! Tacky? On some level, yes...but at least his heart was in the right place and he wanted to buy things for others, instead of thinking about just himself.

That''s why I said "in general"

 

[meresal]

Kids learn respect and accountability from their parents.

These parents don't require that they send Thank you notes or even say Thank you, so what makes you all think that the kids know any better?

I just think that many of you all are being unreasonably harsh towards the children. It is obvious that these kids were given the email distribution list by their parents. Why aren't the parents the ones to be mad at?

I have a nephew that is the most innapropriate child I have ever met, and it is because of his parents. He is not disclipined, for whatever reason... but when you take the time to shop for him, and when he opens a gift and says, "I could have picked out something better", I get mad at him, yes. But, if his parents don't lean over and yank him into the next room, how is he supposed to know that response is wrong?

And FYI, his parents, my sister and BIL, don't send thank you notes or call either. Most of the time we don't even know if they got our box in the mail, unless we specifically ask when we talk.

 

[Ara Ann]

Date: 12/16/2009 10:56:05 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 12/16/2009 10:44:13 AM

Author: Ara Ann

Sorry, no matter how you look at this, it is rude. I realize in some families lists are appreciated, but as was stated, these kids never showed any appreciation for previous gifts.




My MIL always asks our sons and DH and I for Christmas lists, which is different than what happened here.




This year my 14 year old son asked my MIL for money, in lieu of a gift, so he could buy his friends Christmas gifts! Tacky? On some level, yes...but at least his heart was in the right place and he wanted to buy things for others, instead of thinking about just himself.

That''s why I said ''in general''

My statement was being general too, HH...not aimed at you!

 

[Ara Ann]

Date: 12/16/2009 10:57:12 AM
Author: meresal
Kids learn respect and accountability from their parents.


These parents don''t require that they send Thank you notes or even say Thank you, so what makes you all think that the kids know any better?


I just think that many of you all are being unreasonably harsh towards the children. It is obvious that these kids were given the email distribution list by their parents. Why aren''t the parents the ones to be mad at?


I have a nephew that is the most innapropriate child I have ever met, and it is because of his parents. He is not disclipined, for whatever reason... but when you take the time to shop for him, and when he opens a gift and says, ''I could have picked out something better.'' I get mad at him, yes, but if his parents don''t lean over and yank him into the next room, how is he supposed to know that response is wrong?


Any FYI, his parents, my sister and BIL, don''t send thank you notes or call either. Most of the time we don''t even know if they got our box in the mail, unless we specifically ask when we talk.

I agree to an extent...but at 15, you should know better than to send off a mass wish list...I would have been embarrassed at 15 to ask my aunts and uncles for gifts and that''s not because I was ''taught'' better by my parents, I just wouldn''t have expected them to buy me one gift, let alone several...I think it does reflect kids sense of entitlement these days...but yeah, in some way that is also a result of lazy parenting.

I guess this whole situation is an example of rudeness, from the parents down.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Date: 12/16/2009 10:19:52 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk


I understand that this is a particular situation with a history of gift giving resentment; however in general I don''t see what the big stink is about.

In my family we ALWAYS prepare lists for other family members. It''s expected and people get annoyed if they don''t get one every year. They don''t want to have to ask for it. The weekend after Thanksgiving they expect a list delivered through snail mail, email, telephone or my mom. We don''t pack this list full of expensive gifts and it''s understood that these lists are for ideas and they''re not Gospel. I don''t recall a time when I''ve ever been upset about not getting something on my list.

In our family it''s a courtesy based on the idea of not inconveniencing someone with stressing over a gift they''re not sure you''ll like. I''m more appalled at the thought of having to ask for a gift receipt because I dislike a gift than providing a list of ideas.

Lists were especially important to them when we were teenagers because teens are very hard to shop for. I don''t come from a family where gift cards or cash are given at Christmas. We were always somewhat distant (30+ minutes away) from our extended family, so we didn''t see them all the time. But we saw them at Christmas every year. They didn''t know us all that well or at least know us enough to feel comfortable picking a gift on their own.

As in all things, to each his own. Judgment should not be placed on those who are different. While you might find it rude or inappropriate for a child/teen to send out a Christmas list (solicited or otherwise), this is standard practice in other families and the alternative of not providing one is considered rude.

And for the record, we''re not a family of uncouth heathens. We say please and thank you and handwritten thank you notes are always completed the day after Christmas.

My family is the same way. We are expected to make a list and give it to mom. She then distributes the list to anybody that requests a copy of it. Same goes for my husband''s family.

Personally, when I shop I prefer to have a list so I don''t buy presents that won''t be used or liked. I also think it''s much more offensive to ask for a gift receipt - but I''m also non-confrontational.

 

[elle_chris]

I dunno, I don''t really see a difference between asking what they want, or getting a list. Gratned, it''s presumptious to assume they''re getting a gift at all, but if they''re family or close friends and gift giving every year is the norm, i don''t see the big deal. Tacky, maybe? offensive? not really.

 

[radiantquest]

I think it is in bad taste. Some are commenting that they do that in their family. It wouldn''t have been so surprising if that is they way that it is done in the family so this isn''t something that has been going on and is the norm. When we do gift giving for the holidays we call the parents and see what the kids want or need.

My nephew is 2. When he is 5 if he sends us a list with his parents help I would think it was adorable. Hand written lists from smaller kids is cute as can be, but from someone 10 and up I think that it is just not in the spirit and just asking for stuff. Besides at that age is when they should be learning a little about money and manners and should know that you don''t ask your extended family for expensive gifts.

I would be mortified if DSD did that and she is 13.

I think kids these days are different. The other day we were all out shopping and I saw a 42" TV on sale and I turned and said to DH "Thats a good price." She just got a new TV in July and had the nerve to say "Why don''t we get it and put it my room." And she was serious! I told her that she was out of her mind.

When I was that age I would have never asked for $600 TV for my bedroom. I was happy with what I got and asked for reasonable things.

 

[Squirrly]

Date: 12/16/2009 1:43:47 AM
Author: swedish bean
I am just saying I don''t think the child is at fault.

I think it is the parents.

In the rare case that the child composed a mile long message and emailed this attachment by themselves, perhaps the parents should at least be made aware of what their kid is doing.


I would never give a kid coal. Kids are good.

I made christmas lists when I was a kid because my parents told me to. I never would have thought to just write out all of my wants and desires from the toy section of the JC Penneys catalog had someone not asked me too.... and I think it''s probably similar with kids today.


That''s all.

ETA, and yes, REALLY, I think coal is a bad idea

... though they DO make that ''Coal Candy'' gum ... that might be cute and not as offensive to a kid.

in my family it was part of the holiday fun at thanksgiving for my aunts to sit with us and ask us what we wanted, and they''d always have the JCP big book to bring out and sit down with us and have us point out what we liked/thought was the most amazing thing on earth. i always thought it was a lot of fun, and my out of town aunts we always amused by the types of things i liked and we''d spend a good hour or so just talking.

we never got anything horribly expensive, and of course we got the present every child loves to get, not matter how many times we''d try to say we didn''t need any more clothes

of course now that we''re older we don''t look at clothes in the same way

none of us would hand out lists unsolicited though, and even if we didn''t send thank you notes (my favorite was my cousin''s "thank you for the wheelchair barbie. it''s very rolly.") we''d thank profusely after opening, or call and say our thank yous, and of course we''d have to wear that outfit we got the next time we visited.

i''d have to say that it''s how the parents handle gifts and the holidays, not the children''s fault. unless of course they''ve been perfect angels up until they became teenagers, in that case send underwear. they''ll appreciate it

 

[tlh]

Date: 12/16/2009 10:57:12 AM
Author: meresal

And FYI, his parents, my sister and BIL, don''t send thank you notes or call either. Most of the time we don''t even know if they got our box in the mail, unless we specifically ask when we talk.

Yup, I got a few like this, and it just drives me batty.

 

[anchor31]

I''m not uncomfortable with wishlists in general because we''ve had them in my family for years; however, they are limited to immediate family (parents and siblings) and I give it to them if/when they ask. I would never send one to aunts/uncles, and certainly not unsollicited! It does seem a bit presumptuous in the OPs situation...

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I was copied on our niece and nephew wishlists. It wasn''t the fact that I got copies of the list that got me heated - it was the expensive requests on the list. High price tag electronics were all over the place - I understand that''s a more of a sign of the times than anything else but I feel it would have helped if their parents had taken a pass at the list and made a few suggestions to family members within a comfortable price range.

Seeing a 9 year old requesting an ipod Touch

 

[lilyfoot]

I think it''s incredibly rude to send out a wishlist to ANYONE unless you were asked for one OR that is the normal thing to do in your family.

 

[HollyS]

No one, regardless of age, should send anyone but Santa a ''wishlist''. Well, maybe to their grandma, who probably asked for one.

 

[zhuzhu]

I think it is true that the resentment over the gift appreciation attitude definitely contributes to my negative reaction to receiving this long list (in Excel) unexpectedly. The weekend this list was sent out was the 15 yo''s birthday. At the party, the girl opened all the presents and cards, and when she read the card from one of the grandma, she all the sudden yelled "Grandma you spelled School wrong! Do you not know how it is supposed to have two "o"s!". This was before she even thanked her for the cash in the card. This gradnmother of hers is American, so English is not her second language like it is for me. I can only imagine how embarrassed her grandmother must have felt to have that said to her in front of about 12 people, all her junior. SIL just lightly laughed "don''t do that or you may not get present anymore" in the room, but nothing more...

Taken all together, I just think something is totally off about how these kids were taught manners. It made me sad and unwilling to participate in the future to this "tradition of gift request".

 

[janinegirly]

I would also say it is presumptuous unless prompted for the list.

I would give them whatever you feel is appropriate regardless of whether or not it is on the "list".

 

[Porridge]

I think it is exceptionally rude and tacky, and I would definitely send an etiquette book to the parents. Lists are great when requested. But really I am blown away by how inappropriate this situation is.

I am glad you are getting them gifts that are not on that list. I would not even acknowledge its existence. I would also consider including thank you cards with SAE''s

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Never mind.