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is anyone here right now? need a friend to talk to

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dragonfly411

dragonfly411

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 25, 2007
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7,378
anyone there?
 
What''s wrong?
 
Hey, dragonfly, I''m here too.
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Is everything all right?
 
My SO has been mad at me all day for something I haven''t done. He went out tonight, and I don''t care if he goes out with friends, and i don''t care if there are girls present, but he didn''t tell me, and I found out from a friend that he was out with them and there were other girls. They have been riding four wheelers all night, he has work tomorrow and has been giving everyone rides on his fourwheeler. I feel very hurt. He''s been basically acting like I''ve been doing something behind his back all day.... and the people that i know that he is with were supposed to be my friends.... and now this. I''m just so sad. I''d never do anything to hurt him.
 
That is really confusing and unfair to you. If he was angry at you, he should have at least told you what you did.

Can you get in touch with him?
 
did you talk to him about it?
 
I''ve been trying to talk to him all night, but he only sporadically answers my txts, and not my calls at all. I had to call his friend''s phone to even find out where he is
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or that there were girls present. I feel betrayed and hurt. He has only said that things "don''t seem right" the past few days and he hoped he "didn''t find out anything that I wasn''t telling him". I''ve repeatedly told him that I haven''t kept anything from him and that I never would.
 
That doesn''t sound good. He has trust issues with you right now, but that is no reason for him to act out. He is doing this to punish you. I think its childish and mean.
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Boys can be like this sometimes. When you get a chance, sit down with him and pry out of him whatever it is that he thinks you''re doing behind his back.

((HUGS))
 
I plan to, I''m trying to stay calm, I''m so upset, I''m shaking all over. I haven''t gotten much sleep. I care very deeply for him, I''d never do anything to hurt him. I''ve built a life with him, march would be 4 years, why would i destroy that?
 
You have to stay strong and more importantly calm. Have a cup of tea LOL. You know that you didn''t do anything wrong!

Boy, won''t he be embarrased when he found out the truth...
 
He knows the truth. i Just hope he hasn''t done anything stupid. I''m actually getting over being sick, and right now anything in my stomach might make it worse for me. I''m too upset.
 
DF, i''m so sorry...

I don''t understand what your FI is doing. Did he leave when you were sleeping? Maybe he just didn''t want to wake you up.
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Positive thought my dear.
 
He left very early in the evening. He went to his mom''s then went and picked these "friends" up to go ride four wheelers.
 
I don''t know what to say DF. I am flabbergasted. You say he knows that you didn''t do anything to hurt him. And yet he is out there your friends???
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maybe we need some male perspective...
 
they aren''t my friends, I don''t consider people who keep things from me like this my friends. Or people who would instigate him riding girls around on his fourwheeler this late.
 
Ugh. The silent treatment thing is something my DH does when he''s upset with me, too. I hate it more than anything- it''s much better to just have it out, whatever it is!

The thing about him blaming you for doing something behind his back (when you obviously haven''t been) is worrisome, when combined with finding out he''s been going behind *your* back.... well, not good.

Definitely time for a chat when he cools off. I don''t think your expectations are unreasonable, to want to know if he''s out with a group that includes other girls. Could be he''s just being inconsiderate and not intentionally hurtful, but I''d be unpleased too.

Is there some possible reason he thinks you''re doing something behind his back? Or is he just deflecting guilt off himself?
 
I don''t think there''s a justified reason. He got upset that I didn''t go hunting this Sunday for a full day, and asked to stay in in the morning b/c my mom needed a dog sitter. He was grumpy after that and now today this. I don''t know if someone has told him a lie maybe? I''ve been home sick for a week.
 
Date: 10/6/2009 4:41:12 AM
Author: dragonfly411
I don't think there's a justified reason. He got upset that I didn't go hunting this Sunday for a full day, and asked to stay in in the morning b/c my mom needed a dog sitter. He was grumpy after that and now today this. I don't know if someone has told him a lie maybe? I've been home sick for a week.
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Possible. You will soon find out when you talk to him.

ETA: I have to go home, but will check back later. ((HUGS))
 
What in the world -- dragonfly, I''m sorry your BF is being such a jerk. There is just no excuse for his behavior, and I hope I don''t sound alarmist, but this strikes me as emotional abuse. If I were in your shoes, I would give very serious consideration as to how to approach this situation, and how to interpret his behavior.

Do you live with BF?
 
yes we live together. I''ve been emotionally abused before so I do watch for it. He''s never done anything like this though
 
You never know what other people are gonna say about you or why- it could be totally possible someone was stirring up trouble, and your guy was dumb enough to not just ask you. I found out after being with my guy for like four years, that he had been told this HUGE lie about me from a mutual "friend" who was envious that he''d been spending his free time with me and not him. I would have never found out that he believed it of me until he mentioned it casually years later.

Can you go stay the night with a friend or family? Or would that make it worse, if he comes home and finds you gone for the night?

Hope he comes to his senses soon. Lame, indeed.
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Date: 10/6/2009 4:38:46 AM
Author:


The thing about him blaming you for doing something behind his back (when you obviously haven''t been) is worrisome, when combined with finding out he''s been going behind *your* back.... well, not good.



Is there some possible reason he thinks you''re doing something behind his back? Or is he just deflecting guilt off himself?
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Ditto this, I am really sorry he is being like that. Since you have been sick, can you take a benadryl and try to get some rest? I know how hard it is to turn your head off, but you want to get better physically before you deal with the emotional stuff. Hugs!
 
I''m sorry to hear you''ve been in a bad situation before
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.

I''m not even sure what to advise you at this point, except to think of yourself, and how you want to be treated. Sometimes in relationships people test each other, and while I can''t say whether your BF is testing you on purpose or not, how you react to his behavior is crucial here. His treatment of you is akin to some sort of psychological torture, insinuating that he may or may not be cheating, and not being available when you call. If he''s answering your texts he can call, and if he can''t call then he needs to get his a$$ home. It reeks of him doing this on purpose to hurt you that''s making this so bad.

If it were me, I would have to think long and hard about whether I want to be with a man who is capable to doing something to purposely hurt me, especially for reasons shrouded in mystery. This is not something to take lightly, and if you mend things, I hope you make it difficult for him. This isn''t one of those things where he says sorry, and all is well.
 
Btw, what are you writing to him in these texts?
 
I don''t know what to say. I''m sorry you are going through this, that''s really immature behaviour on your SO''s part. If he wants to have a conversation, if he feels something''s wrong, have a fight even, ok, but what he did is something my 12 year old cousin would do when she''s mad. Just try to stay calm and reasonable. At least one of you ought to.
 
Devil that I am, I would confront him and say: "You seem to be angry with me and I don't know why. Do you want to discuss it like an adult, or would you rather keep walking around with your lower lip stuck out until it hits your kneecap?"

If you tolerate behavior like that from him now, he'll use it to control and manipulate you throughout your marriage.
 
Date: 10/6/2009 7:44:08 AM
Author: Madam Bijoux
Devil that I am, I would confront him and say: ''You seem to be angry with me and I don''t know why. Do you want to discuss it like an adult, or would you rather keep walking around with your lower lip stuck out until it hits your kneecap?''


If you tolerate behavior like that from him now, he''ll use it to control and manipulate you throughout your marriage.
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I totally agree.
 
Dragonfly, I''m so sorry he''s being such an immature, childish jerk!
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Date: 10/6/2009 7:44:08 AM
Author: Madam Bijoux
Devil that I am, I would confront him and say: ''You seem to be angry with me and I don''t know why. Do you want to discuss it like an adult, or would you rather keep walking around with your lower lip stuck out until it hits your kneecap?''

If you tolerate behavior like that from him now, he''ll use it to control and manipulate you throughout your marriage.
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Listen to Madam B . . . she is very wise!
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Hey everyone. Thank you all SO SO much for your advice. It turns out someone DID Feed him some lies. SO got home last night and we talked for a long time, and he is feeling much better about the whole thing and so am I. Someone was spreading rumors about me, and we''re going to set the record straight. He is really irate with his "friends" he was with for also instigating drama with me last night, and upsetting me. Apparently the same person I talked to went back to him and said I was so mad and I had all his money and I was going to kick him out of our house
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someone needs a life. He is resting today as he has the day off. I''m off to work, and I''ll keep updating you guys as I can. Thank you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much for talking to me, as I was very upset last night.

OH and as to not answering his phone, it was in the truck! Charging!!! Go me. I basically was just texting, hey where are you, hey are you ok, hey I miss you, hey just so you know I ran a mild fever for about 20 mins but broke it. Those type. I don''t tend to worry normally, but having a "friend" tell me that after he''d been angry with me had me upset.
 
dragonfly, I''m very glad that the rumors have been cleared up.

But I don''t think this conversation is over. He should have a.) come to you immediately when he heard these rumors and b.) not have taken anybody else''s word over yours. He was out until the wee hours of the morning riding four-wheelers and pouting like a child because he couldn''t do either of those things. His behavior was childish and disrespectful. I hope you can have an honest conversation with him about how disappointed you are that he handled the situation like that.

I wish you the best and don''t want to come off as harsh, I just don''t want for you to feel that because it''s cleared up now that what happened last night was okay.
 
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