if your adult child borrowed money from you...

[rierie26]

Depends. If they were really struggling then I wouldn''t expect them to pay me back, but if it was for something not so important - heck yes!

 

[Karl_K]

Date: 2/1/2010 11:43:14 PM
Author: trillionaire
I personally don''t believe in lending money that you expect back. If you can''t do without it, don''t lend it.

ditto with family and close friends as long as I have it to give.
There are times when I am saving for sometime like an insurance bill coming due in a month or 2 and will loan money out of that that will have to be repaid so I can pay the bill otherwise its a gift.

 

[upgrade]

If it''s given as a loan, then yes, I''d expect to be paid back. A gift is a different story but to not make a child repay a loan is really not doing them any favours. I think special provisions can be made in case of job loss or illness (although those would be more likely to fall under the ''gift'' category for me).

I have loaned my 6 year old (small amounts of) money before always he always pays me back, even at his young age. I want to teach him financial responsibility.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/1/2010 8:24:59 PM
Author: MC
DF - haven''t you posted this or something like this before?

Yes, my child would a) have to put up collateral before I opened my wallet and b) pay interest to me.

This would be assuming my child used a credit card I was paying off to buy a bunch of purses at the outlet mall. Hahahaha!!!

If my children showed responsibility, yes, I would lend both of my kids money.

not since you smashed your TV!!

 

[yssie]

I''m the adult child, and while I offer to pay it back my parents just laugh. I hope we will have the means to be as unassumingly generous with our kids/family years from now.

 

[mrscushion]

My parents are extremely generous with me, so I will likely be the same with my children -- IF they are sensible, responsible and hardworking.

 

[ANGEL WANTS A HALO]

Whevever I borrow from my parents, they always tell me that I don''t have to pay them back because they help out my sister too. But, I still pay them back. There have been times when I haven''t though. So, if you see your kid through hard times, maybe right now they need you to say, it''s ok, let me help you out. But, if they are constantly asking you for money, then yes, ask them to pay you back because if not, they will keep asking you ahaha.

 

[swingirl]

Ok! Spill it. How much did they borrow and do you expect to get it back. Oh, and what did she spend it on???

 

[VRBeauty]

A lot of posters have said that they like to give their kids money to help them out, without any expectation that it will be repaid, and there''s nothing wrong with that... especially if the kid is just starting out, or has hit a rough time for some reason. I guess parents always see their kids as kids and some part of them will always hate to see them struggle, or will always want to spoil them or make things easier for them. My parents still try to pay for things for me even though they''re on a fixed income, and I have no real money problems.

There are a couple of situations that I do see as possible problems though. One is when parents give their adult children money that helps the kids live beyond their means, avoid tough choices, or (especially) avoid the consequences of making poor or different choices. If you''re always fixing your kid''s messes, the kid is never going to learn to make good choices and to take responsibility for the decisions they make. The second is if your kid asks to borrow money knowing that they will never repay the loan and that you will never make them do so. That''s just manipulative, dishonest, and disrespectful, IMO.

BTW if there''s a really large amount of money involved you might want to put a note in your files just in case.... In case it''s never repaid, and you want it taken into account when it comes time to split your estate equitably, that is...

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Depends on the situation. If it was a careless living / extravagant debt issue, then I would expect it to be paid back at an affordable amount per month.

If it was for an emergency, or education/ deposit for a home / wedding etc, then it would be a gift that I would be grateful I could afford to make.

I have double standards here - I would always pay my parents back (although I wouldn''t borrow from them in the first place) but I would want to share whatever I had with my own daughter.

 

[Arkteia]

Date: 2/1/2010 8:56:08 PM
Author: elle_chris
I don't have kids but based on how I was raised, I wouldn't except them to pay it back. Not that I borrow either. But knowing my parents if I needed to, there is no way in hell my dad would ever take the money back. My parents are immigramts from Russia and giving kids money is the culitural norm.

Agree. I am an immigrant from Russia and the line between "mom, I need some money", and, "mom, can I borrow money from you?" is very blurry. If I am OK with the amount my son is borrowing, I'm OK if he doesn't pay me back. Whether it makes a difference in his approach to money, remains to be seen. I think in is 80% nature, 20% nurture.

 

[SapphireLover]

Am I the only person that notices that Dancing Fire always starts threads like this but never actually gives their opinion?

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

No you''re not the first person to notice....

If my adult child borrowed money from me I would most definitely expect to be paid back. This is if they come to me of course. If I hear of a problem, or trouble and I offer to help, that''s different.

My parents operate under this principle. My father actually makes us sign agreements like promissory notes and charges us interest if we don''t pay him back on time.

 

[LilyKat]

Loan = it gets paid back. Under the terms you both agreed on, in writing, at the time of MAKING the loan. Simple.

Gift = gift. No strings attached.

Make the difference clear and you won''t have a problem.

 

[whitby_2773]

Date: 2/2/2010 8:27:02 AM
Author: LilyKat
Loan = it gets paid back. Under the terms you both agreed on, in writing, at the time of MAKING the loan. Simple.


Gift = gift. No strings attached.


Make the difference clear and you won''t have a problem.

ditto this

tim''s family lent us money when we were young - and we paid interest! but they also gave him work in the family business over the university holidays (we were both full time students when we married) and paid him way more money than it was worth. we always had to work for it or repay it - but it was always there if we needed it.

my family never gave us money - but they did give us ''things'' which coincided with birthdays and Christmas. if there was something we truly needed, we could count on it being ''under the tree'' come Christmas day. and my father housed tim and i in an apartment he owned for the first 3 years of our marriage, for which we paid the princely sum of $300/month. this was 25 years ago, of course, but it was still one heck of a deal. i think i''d be likely to do the same sort of thing if i had kids.

but no-one ever just wrote us a check -and i wouldn''t do that either; what does that sort of ''free gifting'' teach a child? nothing good, i think.

 

[sparklyheart]

Date: 2/1/2010 8:53:34 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 2/1/2010 8:40:21 PM
Author: DivaDiamond007
I think the word borrow implies that the money will be repaid in a timely fashion. If the money is a gift then it is not expected to be repaid.

We give our kids gifts of money, the most we can tax free.

But borrow?? That''s a different senario...

There would be no need to borrow if I got that amount every year as a gift!

As an adult child who has borrowed (and is currently borrowing for school!), I always expect that I will pay them back. Whether I actually have to or not depends on them though. I can''t imagine asking for money, knowing that I have a big girl job and don''t have debt or any outrageous bills, and not plan on paying them back. I hope that when I have a family that I''m in such a fortunate position like my parents where I could afford to not have them pay me back. I definitely think adults should be responsible enough to pay back their debts..but I know that it''s nice to get that help so I hope I can offer it one day...

 

[Lauren8211]

My parents do not allow us to borrow, they only gift. I have 4 other siblings, and ALL of them are constantly going to my parents to bail them out. A lot of it wasn''t even emergencies, but poor judgment. My parents have paid for brand new cars, mortgage payments, car repairs, credit card debt, etc. They never say no.

DH and I refuse to ask for help unless we are seriously about to be homeless, and even then it would be hard and I would insist on paying them back. I think just *giving* money for situations like that is teaching a bad lesson. All of my brothers are all adults (most older than me) and they still run to them for this stuff. They''ve clearly learned nothing.

 

[y2kitty]

My mom lent me like 3k 6 years ago when I wanted to buy a new car, I wanted to pay cash and I was 3k short. I paid her back in installments out of each paycheck, only took 3 months. Her situation is different today, I''m not sure she''d ask for it back, but I''d certainly try to give it.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I wouldn''t expect it at all. My parents have very generously helped dh and I when we were going through about 7 or 8 months of unemployment. And it was HARD. I felt guilty everytime I had a deposit in my account. But we needed their help for food and what not. And someday I want to be able to do that for my children. They won''t allow us to pay them back so we have devised a plan to give them a very nice vacation on a cruise or something for an anniversary in about 3 or 4 years from now. If it''s already paid for we know they''ll accept

 

[NewEnglandLady]

As a 28-year-old woman, I would like to think that if I asked to borrow money from my parents, they would say "Honey, I raised you to be an adult. Now go be one." And that would be the end of that!

 

[kama_s]

I feel like I probably should clarify my previous post. I didn''t take into account borrowing to spend on frivilous items or continuously bailing out. I would think (hope?) my family/kids would only ask for money when they are in desperate need.

I raised my brother, who is now 18, and he doesn''t get money from me to spend on frivolous items. He is one of the most responsible kids I know. He wanted a new gaming unit, well, he had to earn the money for it. The only thing I pay for are his basic necessities (food, clothes, shelter) and a tiny bit more as ''pocket money''. But he is still in high school. Once he''s done his education, I''d expect him to fend for himself as a grown adult would. Should he face any dire circumstances, I would give him money to help him through and not expect it back. Unless, as I mentioned before, it was a huge sum of money or if it was money we really could use.

I really do hate wasting money or living beyond our means. I worked ridiculously hard for every penny, as did my husband. I sure as hell would teach my kids financial responsibility...but, I would most definitely want life to be easier for them than it was for us. For instance, I would hope to be in a position to be able to pay for their university tution - no matter the number of years or the institution.

 

[princesss]

My parents loaned me money for college, and we sat down and wrote out a contract including repayment terms. My friends all think it''s funny, but I like it. It''s clear and we know what the expectations are.

Borrowing from my parents is like trying to move back home - only something I would do under dire circumstances. I won''t say I''d never do it, because who knows what life will throw at me, and I know I could if I really needed to. But the way I see it, I''m an adult and I need to provide for myself.

So yes, as an adult child, I would expect to pay them back (and would not accept a loan without clear repayment terms), and when I eventually have children the expectation will be the same.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/2/2010 8:07:27 AM
Author: SapphireLover
Am I the only person that notices that Dancing Fire always starts threads like this but never actually gives their opinion?

IMO...it is a culture thing and no,my kids haven''t ask to borrow money yet.

 

[kama_s]

Date: 2/2/2010 12:00:57 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 2/2/2010 8:07:27 AM
Author: SapphireLover
Am I the only person that notices that Dancing Fire always starts threads like this but never actually gives their opinion?

IMO...it is a culture thing and no,my kids haven''t ask to borrow money yet.

That doesn''t answer the question you asked, DF

The question was IF your kids borrowed money from you, would you expect it back or not. So. Would you?

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/2/2010 12:12:02 PM
Author: kama_s

Date: 2/2/2010 12:00:57 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 2/2/2010 8:07:27 AM
Author: SapphireLover
Am I the only person that notices that Dancing Fire always starts threads like this but never actually gives their opinion?

IMO...it is a culture thing and no,my kids haven''t ask to borrow money yet.

That doesn''t answer the question you asked, DF

The question was IF your kids borrowed money from you, would you expect it back or not. So. Would you?

to be honest i really don''t have an answer to the Q at this time,but if our daughters asked mommy for a loan,then i don''t think she expect them to pay her back.

 

[ladypirate]

When I was about a year out of college I was injured quite badly and it required 6 months of physical therapy that was not covered by my insurance and that I could not afford on my own. My parents loaned me about half the cost of that.

I tried to pay them back after the fact, but they wouldn''t take it.

I would do the same for my kids. If there was an emergency I would help them out.

 

[kama_s]

Date: 2/2/2010 1:13:32 PM
Author: ladypirate
When I was about a year out of college I was injured quite badly and it required 6 months of physical therapy that was not covered by my insurance and that I could not afford on my own. My parents loaned me about half the cost of that.

I tried to pay them back after the fact, but they wouldn''t take it.

I would do the same for my kids. If there was an emergency I would help them out.

Um. Just had to comment on your damn awesome avatar!

 

[HollyS]

If the adult child is very young, just getting on their feet, then 'loaned' money will probably be a 'gift'. Say bye-bye to the cash.

If the adult child is older, and needs a 'loan' to pay off debts - - the loanee needs to pay back, on a schedule stipulated by the loaner.

Adults don't rely on their parents for money, houses, cars, continuing education, or debt management. Mommy doesn't do their laundry, cook their meals, or make their bed. And Daddy doesn't fill their gas tank and pay their credit cards.

Real adults don't ask for, or allow, babying from their parents.

Of course, medical emergencies or natural disasters don't count here.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 2/2/2010 12:00:57 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 2/2/2010 8:07:27 AM

Author: SapphireLover

Am I the only person that notices that Dancing Fire always starts threads like this but never actually gives their opinion?

IMO...it is a culture thing and no,my kids haven''t ask to borrow money yet.

Really? I thought you had a daughter who had a credit card in your name for "emergencies." Is that "borrowing" from you (since you pay the bill) or a gift?

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 2/2/2010 10:39:43 AM
Author: kama_s
I feel like I probably should clarify my previous post. I didn''t take into account borrowing to spend on frivilous items or continuously bailing out. I would think (hope?) my family/kids would only ask for money when they are in desperate need.


I raised my brother, who is now 18, and he doesn''t get money from me to spend on frivolous items. He is one of the most responsible kids I know. He wanted a new gaming unit, well, he had to earn the money for it. The only thing I pay for are his basic necessities (food, clothes, shelter) and a tiny bit more as ''pocket money''. But he is still in high school. Once he''s done his education, I''d expect him to fend for himself as a grown adult would. Should he face any dire circumstances, I would give him money to help him through and not expect it back. Unless, as I mentioned before, it was a huge sum of money or if it was money we really could use.


I really do hate wasting money or living beyond our means. I worked ridiculously hard for every penny, as did my husband. I sure as hell would teach my kids financial responsibility...but, I would most definitely want life to be easier for them than it was for us. For instance, I would hope to be in a position to be able to pay for their university tution - no matter the number of years or the institution.

Kama, I really admire you for taking on the responsibility of raising your brother. My brother is 17, and while he''s not living with me, I pretty much raised him until age 5. He''s a great kid, but I couldn''t imagine living with a teenager!