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Wedding I plan to take his name, BUT...

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ladyciel

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I want to take my FI''s last name when we get married this coming Saturday, but I''m stuck on whether or not to drop my own. If it meant having 4 names, I''d just add it on. However, in my case I would end up with 5 if I kept all of them. My first and second names are your normal first and middle, and then my 3rd name is one that''s been passed down with my last name for 6 or 7 generations. Basically, a woman from a famous family married into my last name''s family and hyphenated her name to keep her pedigree visible. It was passed on that way for a while and eventually broken up for simplicity reasons. Even though it isn''t even from her side of the family, my mom is adamant that I should keep the 3rd name no matter what I otherwise decide to do. I just like the name and the history behind it, so I''m partial to keeping it. However, it feels a bit funny to me to keep that one and not my last name, and another concern is people assuming it''s my maiden name.

But 5 names just seems ridiculous in the USA in this day and age. Am I wrong? What would you do? 3, 4, or 5? Which ones?
 
You can keep as many names as you choose but in filling out forms and such you''ll only have room for a first, middle and last name. If I had to pick I''d replace the given middle name with one of the others. I like the idea of a pedigree name although it sure does complicate things.
 
Wow, 5 names might be a bit much! Can you switch out your current middle name for your maiden? How did you fill it out on the marriage license application?

I legally added my maiden name as a second middle and even that has been extremely diffiicult to keep on most of my documents. I find that many forms only have one place for a middle name or middle initial, so I end up having to choose.
 
Yeah, most forms only having space for first middle last is something I'm used to dealing with. Depending on the form I either just put "second third" in the middle space, or I just leave out my 3rd name. I thought about dropping my 2nd name, shifting 3 and 4 up to 2 and 3, and adding on FI's name as 4, but my 2nd name is my grandmother's middle name and sounds great with my first name. So, basically, there's just as much argument for keeping 2 as there is for 3 or 4.

ETA: the license application only required me to fill out my current legal name
 
My mom has five names (she was given two middle names) and honestly it hasn''t been a problem for her. On a day to day basis, of course, she just goes by her first and last names. She''s managed to get all five on the documents that matter. It''s fun, though. When she busts out all five, she has a remarkably pretentious name.
 
Drives me crazy. I work in a doc''s office, where most people have 3 names and use all 3 of them.
 
The name change can be a pain, can''t it?

Read below and you''ll see why keeping all 4 or 5 names might not work. I''d try to stick with three, as much as you might want to keep all of your names. I do think it would be confusing for other people, and then you''d have to spend a lot of time explaining it every time you fill out a form, etc. As I mention below, I wouldn''t want to do that all the time. It''s easier to just use three names.

I''m not sure if you''re planning on having kids, but if so, what about passing one or a couple of names down to your kids? That might be a good way to keep the names in your family. Or what about dropping your middle name and replacing it with the name that''s been passed on (that is a cool story), and then taking your husband''s last name as your own? It''s such as personal decision, and I''m not sure which names mean the most to you.


Kinda long story, but it does relate...

I went to the social security office to get a new SS card with my husband''s last name. At first I told the guy there that I just wanted to tack on my husband''s last name to my full name (first, middle, last). Then I thought about it more and realized that it might cause confusion (would people think that I had two last names and try to hyphenate them? I didn''t want that.) So I changed my mind and told him that I wanted to drop my middle name and replace it with my maiden name. Everything was fine and I got my new card in the mail about a week later.

Then I went to the DMV to get a new license with my new last name. I showed them the form I had filled out, asking for my name to appear as it does on my new SS card. I was told that the people at the SS offices will put anything you ask them to on the cards, and it''s not a legal document. To have my husband''s name tacked on to my name legally would mean that I''d have to go to court and go through that process. I thought going through the SS office WAS a legal way to change your name. Guess not.

So now my legal name is first, middle, and husband''s last name. My maiden name doesn''t appear anywhere.
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I''m too fed up with this whole name changing thing so I''m going to leave it as is. I''ll have to go back to the SS office and get another card though. At first I was kind of upset because I didn''t want to drop any part of my name, but I''ve now come to realize that in the end, it DOES make it easier. I''m no longer wondering what my own last name is, and others don''t have to double check. Always having to explain my name would get old after a while.
 

I have four names, I changed my maiden name to a second middle name and took DH''s name as my last name. I have had absolutely no issues, including changing other legal documents such as my drivers'' license (Zoe, that''s very strange as typically when a femal marries all she has to do is change her name through SS, and then the DMV and all other appropriate people without court being involved, but states do have individual laws about changing ones'' name that I would recommend people look in to. I am not a fan of Wikipedia at all, but here''s a link to what they say on the subject http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Name_change). When we travel DH puts both my maiden and married last names as my last name on my ticket, just in case a TSA people get wierd about it, and, again, I''ve had absolutely no issues. I think you need to do what works for you, it won''t be what works for everyone else.

 
It is a tricky thing, to do this legally, and I learned about it from NEL''s arduous process.

DH and I went to our town hall where I had my maiden name legally changed to my middle name, and he did the same. the paperwork took about 10 min and then we had an appt to go into court, but it was just appearing before a clerk who had the form stamped by a judge. Total time out of our lives, 45min. Changing at SS is not "legally" changing your name, its just superficial and technically inaccurate if you are trying to keep your maiden name. It cost us a bit, but since DH also changed his middle name to my maiden name at the same time, it was less expensive to do both changes at once. We just didn''t want to hyphenate, would have sounded like a law firm or a terrible genetic disease.

NEL''s info on this was comprehensive if you are seeking more info, and with all things, be careful of wikipedia and check your state website.
 
One of the arguments for just dropping my last name and taking FI''s is what several of you have hinted at - the possible chore of legally doing it any other way. I think in my case I could drop my last name, take FI''s, and still keep my first and 2 middle names w/o any hassle. Technically I just currently have 2 middle names, so just changing my last shouldn''t be any different from any other bride, right? I think where I''d end up possibly fighting the system and having to visit the courthouse would be if I wanted to keep my last name, tack on FI''s, and have 5 names total. Does anyone have any experience on what changes MI allows a bride to make w/o the mess of a court order?
 
In Hawaii, when you fill out the application for marriage license, there's a spot to write your original/maiden name before marriage & a space to write the name you want AFTER you get married.

And the men can change their name at this time if they want, too. No courts/fees involved other than the license fee. And then when the copy of the marriage certificate comes in the mail, you can take that to the SS office & they'll make the changes.


I didn't really want to change my name, but it meant so much to my fiance, I went ahead and took his last name as my last. I did keep my maiden name as a 2nd middle name... so I have 4 names & I'm fine with it. No hyphenating though, because if we did, it'd be 16 characters long plus the hyphen. *phew!*

My younger brother actually has 5 names. His 1st, last & 3 middle names. He's carrying both our grandfather's names & our dad's nickname. He hasn't really run into any problems.

Most of the time we just go by first & last any way.
 
Date: 9/7/2008 8:50:50 AM
Author: ZoeBartlett
The name change can be a pain, can't it?

Read below and you'll see why keeping all 4 or 5 names might not work. I'd try to stick with three, as much as you might want to keep all of your names. I do think it would be confusing for other people, and then you'd have to spend a lot of time explaining it every time you fill out a form, etc. As I mention below, I wouldn't want to do that all the time. It's easier to just use three names.

I'm not sure if you're planning on having kids, but if so, what about passing one or a couple of names down to your kids? That might be a good way to keep the names in your family. Or what about dropping your middle name and replacing it with the name that's been passed on (that is a cool story), and then taking your husband's last name as your own? It's such as personal decision, and I'm not sure which names mean the most to you.


Kinda long story, but it does relate...

I went to the social security office to get a new SS card with my husband's last name. At first I told the guy there that I just wanted to tack on my husband's last name to my full name (first, middle, last). Then I thought about it more and realized that it might cause confusion (would people think that I had two last names and try to hyphenate them? I didn't want that.) So I changed my mind and told him that I wanted to drop my middle name and replace it with my maiden name. Everything was fine and I got my new card in the mail about a week later.

Then I went to the DMV to get a new license with my new last name. I showed them the form I had filled out, asking for my name to appear as it does on my new SS card. I was told that the people at the SS offices will put anything you ask them to on the cards, and it's not a legal document. To have my husband's name tacked on to my name legally would mean that I'd have to go to court and go through that process. I thought going through the SS office WAS a legal way to change your name. Guess not.

So now my legal name is first, middle, and husband's last name. My maiden name doesn't appear anywhere.
7.gif
I'm too fed up with this whole name changing thing so I'm going to leave it as is. I'll have to go back to the SS office and get another card though. At first I was kind of upset because I didn't want to drop any part of my name, but I've now come to realize that in the end, it DOES make it easier. I'm no longer wondering what my own last name is, and others don't have to double check. Always having to explain my name would get old after a while.
Hey, Zoe. Didn't mean to threadjack, but wanted to tell you the legal name change process isn't that bad. I filled out all of my forms before going to court and was able to see a judge the same day (a few of my friends had to schedule a court date), so the whole process only took about a half of a day. I was annoyed about having to pay a couple of hundred of dollars to keep my maiden name as a second middle, but it was worth it for me. You can still legally change your middle name or add a second if you want.

ETA: You get the form the same day you see the judge, so as soon as you leave court you can immediately change your SS card, license, passport, etc.--I didn't need the court-issued form for anything else.
 
Date: 9/7/2008 2:37:44 PM
Author: swimmer
It is a tricky thing, to do this legally, and I learned about it from NEL''s arduous process.

DH and I went to our town hall where I had my maiden name legally changed to my middle name, and he did the same. the paperwork took about 10 min and then we had an appt to go into court, but it was just appearing before a clerk who had the form stamped by a judge. Total time out of our lives, 45min. Changing at SS is not ''legally'' changing your name, its just superficial and technically inaccurate if you are trying to keep your maiden name. It cost us a bit, but since DH also changed his middle name to my maiden name at the same time, it was less expensive to do both changes at once. We just didn''t want to hyphenate, would have sounded like a law firm or a terrible genetic disease.

NEL''s info on this was comprehensive if you are seeking more info, and with all things, be careful of wikipedia and check your state website.
Hey, Swimmer, I didn''t see your post. I''m glad it was helpful...the process actually sounds more confusing than it is. Once you fill out the forms and show up at court, it''s pretty smooth.
 
Sorry to threadjack, Ladyciel, but...

NEL -- thanks for the explanation. I''ve thought about going to court, and if it doesn''t take a huge chuck of time to go through, it might be worth it. For now though, I''m okay with how things are. I was sad that it turned out the way it did at first, but not now. I''m not sure if you remember my maiden name (it''s on the contact list that Allison D. sent out through e-mail), but it''s not a name that I''m hugely attached to. I''m only attached to it because my dad doesn''t have any sons to carry on his name.

Thanks for the info! If I decide to look into it further, I''ll check out the court process in my area.
 
I think 4 names is pushing it, and 5 names would be a bit silly, except under cultural or religous circumstances. I don''t really consider my distant cousins whom I share a great great great great grandparent (that''s six generations ago, right?) to be my family. So maybe it''s time to let go of the famous connection unless your mother actually exchanges Christmas cards with these people who still have that last name
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If I were choosing between a distant famous family name that was important to me and my grandmother''s beautiful name, I''d pick the grandmother or my maiden name as my middle name and then give one of my children that famous last name as a middle name.


When I get married, I''ll just drop my maiden name and take my husband''s. My first name has been passed down for four generations, and my middle name is the name I go by. Plus, my last name is a very non-middle name sounding name. Otherwise, the decision might be harder.


In the end, it''s your name, so do what you want! Just realize that no one will ever actually see all five names except the people writing your will for you or putting together your mortgage paperwork.
 
Date: 9/7/2008 6:29:19 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
Date: 9/7/2008 2:37:44 PM

Author: swimmer

It is a tricky thing, to do this legally, and I learned about it from NEL''s arduous process.


DH and I went to our town hall


NEL''s info on this was comprehensive if you are seeking more info, and with all things, be careful of wikipedia and check your state website.

Hey, Swimmer, I didn''t see your post. I''m glad it was helpful...the process actually sounds more confusing than it is. Once you fill out the forms and show up at court, it''s pretty smooth.

Yes, you were very clear on the SS is not enough point and that was important. My mistake is that our town hall is Cambridge and its hard to get anything done there on a good day.
 
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