I need some major help - please

[Mara]

sorry to hear things aren't going super well SR....

about what you said about doing it for others, i don't really subscribe to that way of thinking. i really feel like if you can't do this for yourself, it will be even harder to do it for others and what kind of pressure are you putting on yourself to 'do it' for others. in two places in your post you are self-deprecating. i would suggest you look into why you might not feel like you love yourself 'enough' to do what you want to so badly...don't you feel like you deserve it?

in any case, i will repeat what i think i said previously (and is somewhat along the same lines of DKS's comment) is that basically every time you can pull yourself out of your emotional eating haze and stop to think rationally about what you are doing or about to do, you win back a little control for yourself. just keep telling yourself you do not feel good or right or better when you overeat, and afterwards you feel even worse. i think the more that you try to employ the rational thought thing, and are successful, it slowly might get a bit easier. you know that this is an emotional thing for you, so i also agree with DKS to put something else in it's place.

what about taking a walk the next time you feel like downing food? walk for 15 minutes every time you have the urge. if you still have the urge when you come back, walk another 15. eventually you will be too exhausted to eat (and you'll have burned some cals too hehee). anyway, keep at it and remember there will be ups and downs but it's NOT *all or nothing*. have a bad night or day, start fresh again the next day. good luck !

 

[Joolskie]

SR... I''m right there with ya girl. In the past six years, I have given birth to two children, quit a job, started another job, sold my house, moved, encountered bad daycare, quit my job, proceeded to stay home with the kids, managed to get a job working from home, started volunteering at school.... the list goes on. And the pounds have gone on.

Usually, if someone is secretly binging (hey, if no one SEES me eat the bag of M&Ms... it is not happening right?!?) this is usually a sign of something else going on. If you can pinpoint what that is for you, perhaps you can regain a sense of order and control. If therapy is needed, get it.

Four weeks ago, I started Weight Watchers and signed up for weekly personal training sessions at my gym. I also committed to four serious workouts a week. The kids and DH are going to work around MY schedule for a change. Well, I am down 8 pounds and one size. And I am 10 pounds away from Pre-Son#2. My next goal will be to get down to Pre-Son#1. The final goal will be to weigh five pounds less than I did Pre-Son#1.

And BELIEVE ME.... there is gonna be something SPARKLY purchased when I reach that final goal. And everyone on PS is gonna hear about it! LOL!

Don''t be embarrassed. Stop beating yourself up about it. It is what it is. Take some time to consider what your goals are and what you are willing to do to get there. With two kids, a husband, a job and a house all competing for my attention... I decided that getting to the gym four days a week was realistic. But heck, maybe taking a nice 30 minute walk twice a week is more realistic for you at the moment. Or perhaps, dealing with some issues and getting your eating habits in check are realistic right now.

Think of it this way... ANYTHING is better than what you are doing now. Commit to making one small change. Doing so will lead to more small changes.

 

[Samantha Red]

For those of you who have so kindly been following my struggle here I thought I would take the liberty of sharing that yesterday, I had two revelations.

The first one occured when I sat and calculated that as of today, I have been engaged for exactly 19 weeks. If I had just eaten sensibly and done some moderate exercise I could have lost between 28 and 38lbs by now! That would have left me only 14 or so lbs of my target. What a waste of my time and energy!

The second on occured when I went to buy my copy of OK magazine ( I know it is so sad that I buy that ). Anyway normally I would always buy several chocolate bars to munch along on whilst reading it. However on this occasion I thought a lot about what people like Mara had said, in that I should have a conversation with myself. So I did, right before going into the shop, I said to myself ''you don''t need chocolate with this, just buy the magazine'' so I did - hurrah. This made yesterday an official binge free day, plus I had a riding lesson and went walking so I must have burnt a zillion calories.

Thank you so much for your support and advice; something is definitely sinking in

 

[Dee*Jay]

Samantha, good for you on the two revelations! I''m especially proud of you that you didn''t come out of the store with the candy bars along with the magazine. I know that I get into certain habits and sometimes it takes a good kick in the pants for me to break them. (Can you say "Dee, you don''t need to get a piece of cake for breakfast from Starbucks just because you''re in there already getting a cup of coffe" LOL!) Make sure you don''t sabatage your efforts though by going TOO far to the other extreme. For instance, if you like to eat something while reading your OK why not hunker down with some carrot sticks or a cut up apple to enjoy it with? That way you won''t fell "deprived." (Just my 2 cents... )

 

[Mara]

YAY Samantha for just getting the magazine and no candy bars!!! that is an awesome win. and maybe you won''t be able to talk yourself out of it EVERY time, but it''s the small things that count, seriously. small changes really do add up over time. i agree with DJ that if you start to feel deprived or like you HAVE to have something, replace the candy bars with something else...like apples with sugar free caramel dip or something else fun, maybe a 40 cal fudgesicle. it doesn''t have to be the 3 candy bars or whatever but it doesn''t have to be zippo either. maybe that''s step #2...kudos regardless!

and yeah re: the time you have ''wasted'' ... i think the same thing. like if i had started being more healthy 10 years ago? i''d be set for life way back when my habits were easier to break!! oh well, you do what you can when you can and that is the best we can do.

 

[AGBF]

I thought I would add another resource to the OA listing Zoe posted. Debbie Danowski has a point of view that is similar to that of OA. Her most recent book is small and easy and inspirational. I am giving it to two friends as gifts .

Debbie Danowski

PS-I was reluctant to start reading it, but the story of Debbie''s six weeks in a rehab facility, Locked Up For Eating Too Much, was so riveting I couldn''t put it down.

Deb

 

[AGBF]

Date: 7/6/2007 7:22:32 PM
Author: AGBF
I thought I would add another resource to the OA listing Zoe posted. Debbie Danowski has a point of view that is similar to that of OA. Her most recent book is small and easy and inspirational. I am giving it to two friends as gifts .

I skipped over this too quickly. The book is,The Emotional Eater''s Book of Inspiration and it has many wise, helpful, short suggestions that can help someone trying not to overeat. One chapter is entitled, "Cleaning your plate will not feed one single starving child", while another one is called, "Hunger pains won''t kill you".

The latter chapter title initially sounded a bit cold to me. But Debbie''s words are words that some people who overeat compulsively really need to hear. Some of us, in the grip of a desire to binge, feel we cannot let it go. We feel that once we start we cannot stop. Or that we cannot start a diet again until the next day. Or until Monday. It helps me to hear that I can start my day again anytime. Or to be reminded that hunger won''t kill me.

Debbie writes, "Today, you can realize that you do not have to act out your fear of feeling hunger by hoarding and bingeing. In truth, if you are eating sensible meals then you should begin to feel hungry around mealtime. This is normal and you won''t die. You just simply need to stick with your program and understand that hunger is a normal part of life-not a death sentence."

Deborah

 

[Skippy123]

I don't know if this is a good suggestion but it helps me. Go to weight watchers, if you can get a friend to go with you even better. They are very supportive there and you feel the sense of family since everyone there is in it together. Also, come to the WWT. . . everyone is very supportive.

I binge only if they yummy food is in the house. If it is out of site for me than it is out of mind. I keep our house stocked w/healthy food so that helps. If I buy candy bars then I eat them so I do not buy them.

 

[door knob solitaire]

Good Job Sami!!

You are a BUTT KICKER! Woo Hoo. You are on your way! You''ve got direction now!!

You can fill that time with just for you things. Your magazines and ...maybe something else?? Can you give yourself a manicure? If so go out and get some pretty polish, cuticle removers, files, lotions...and just pamper yourself. You don''t have to eat comfort. Get a book on cassette and listen while you do your nails. Get several colors and repaint when the urge hits you. Or get things for fun facials. Glob white goo on and put some cucumbers on your eyes...you will look terrible for guests...but this is just for you time! It is amazing how much you can gain by just being nice to yourself. Bubble baths...Femine girly things. You things. Things you haven''t done for yourself. Play some old songs that remind you of a fun time and just get jiggy with it! This is YOU time. The next day you will have added strength and a renewed outlook!!

I am so glad you cite the suggestions Mara gave you as a pivotal point in making a turnaround. She is sincere in wanting to help you it is apparent in all the time she took in her posts. All of the members here are sincere and will be here for you anytime you need a support. We are cheering you on...so keep coming back with your progress!!

DKS

proud member of Samis pep club!!

 

[Joolskie]

Whoo hooo Samantha Red... YOU GO GIRL!!!!

That is just the kind of small change I was talking about. Mara is so right about taking a second to have a conversation with yourself. You made a small change that is a big step! If you feel that you want something to go with your mag, grab a diet soda. That''s what I do when I pick up my copy of US Weekly.

Focus on making this change a habit!!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!

And I would like to second Skippy''s suggestion about Weight Watchers. The weekly meetings are very supportive which is great during those weeks when you are struggling to stay on plan.

Also, why don''t you join me in visiting the WWT this coming week? I am going to pop in this week and check it out...

 

[HOUMedGal]

First off, this thread is fantastic!! I''m so impressed by the awesome discussion that''s been had...we''ve got a lot of insightful ladies around here, don''t we??

Samantha, I just wanted to add that I''m one more person who lives a constant struggle with food. I was an overweight/obese child (my weight peaked when I was turning 14....I was 191 lbs, a size 16 going on 1 and managed to lose 55ish lbs during that year when I was 14. So at 15 I was at a healthy weight for my height, somewhere between 135 and 140, and I''ve yo-yoed ever since then. I''ve gotten back up to around 175 (never quite got to 180), then down to 150, then back up again, etc etc etc.

When I got married (just over a year ago), I managed to get down to 152, which is a pretty good size for me (I''m 5''8"). Not ideal, but pretty good. Then, over the past year, I managed to gain 20 pounds, putting myself into the 170''s again. Fabulous. I decided that I wanted to lose weight, but over the 4ish months that I was "trying," it just wasn''t working.

Soooo....I decided to join Weight Watchers. It has been great, and one part that I have found particularly useful is the meetings. Essentially, they''re kinda like group therapy! They really help with getting into the mental aspect of learning about why we end up overweight, why we binge, why our relationship with food is so screwed up, etc. For example, at my first meeting, we talked about cravings versus urges, and how to deal with each. A craving is something that you want so badly that you can''t stop thinking about it. There''s no trigger, really, it''s just the fact that you NEED to have some chocolate. An urge, on the other hand, is something that you weren''t really thinking about UNTIL something triggered you..i.e. when your work colleague walks into the office with a box of donuts. You weren''t even thinking about donuts before you saw that box, were you?

Urges are dealt with by removing yourself from the stimulus, doing something else to get your mind off of it, etc. Cravings, on the other hand, are a bit harder. Sometimes you just have to give in to them, but IN MODERATION. Or find a suitable substitute for what you''re craving. For example, for the chocolate bar craving, you could allow yourself to have a mini chocolate bar, realizing that you have been successful in that you satisfied a craving without going overboard and eating 5 full-size bars.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I''m one more person who struggles with this (there''s a lot of us, isn''t there??) and I wanted to congratulate you on your successes. If you start to have trouble, I think that finding community and fellowship with others who struggle with the same issues can be very helpful. Whether that''s getting support online with things like this thread, or going to group therapy, or going to Weight Watchers....I think any of those things would be great.

And keep coming back to tell us how you''re doing!!

 

[monarch64]

SR, hope you are doing well! i look forward to hearing from you on this thread, we''re all here for you and care about you and your health!