Wedding I need help with a wedding gift for my fella (and the ''wedding gift'' issue in general)...

[bem3231]

Hi everyone -

So, I broached the topic of wedding gifts with my FI a couple of weeks ago. Every single one of my friends exchanged gifts with their partner on their wedding day, but my guy is really not ''gift oriented'', and said that he had never heard of this, but would exchange gifts if I wanted to. I was thinking of a DBTY bracelet or 16" chain for myself (believe me, unless I specifically suggest something to him, it won''t happen).

I have two issues - now this whole ''gift exchange'' thing is starting to feel rather contrived to me. It bothers me that my FI is not more ''into'' gift giving, but I''m not sure that that''s going to change at this point. I really enjoy choosing and giving gifts to people, and it''s not the actual item that is significant to me, but the effort and desire to find something that someone is bound to like and be touched by. My FI had never just bought me a gift without it having been chosen by one of my friends or else his mother. The cost is not an issue. I have a tendency to read this as ''he can''t be bothered to think of anything that might please me'', although deep down I don''t think that this is the case - I think that his brain is just not wired for gift giving.

OK, I''m rambling - back to the issue at hand. I''m trying to figure out if I would be disappointed if we didn''t exchange gifts on our wedding day. As I said, it''s starting to feel a little contrived to me. That said, if we do exchange gifts, I find myself surprisingly at a loss as to what to get him...

I''ve gotten him many thoughtful gifts over the course of our relationship - some of them quite significant. He''s not into jewelry and leads quite a minimalist life. He turned 40 this year and I commissioned a beautiful carving for him out of some stone from a quarry that one of his companies owns. He loved it.

His hobbies are mineral exploration and helicopters, which don''t lend themselves well to a wedding gift (unless I wish to get him a helicopter turbine or some mining equipment). He would like a nice watch, but we had planned to purchase his and hers watches with some of the cash that we get as wedding gifts, and the watch that he''d like is out of my price range to purchase solo. I was thinking around $1000.

I realize that I''ve raised several issues here, but am wondering if anyone has any feedback that might help me?

Thanks, and have a great day!

 

[tberube]

My FI and I are not really exchanging gifts for our wedding. Primarily because, as you said, it does seem a tad contrived. But we''re not huge present people anyway...each year we decide what our one big-ticket Christmas present will be to each other, and we split the cost of the item. This year we''re buying a puppy. Not exactly surprising and romantic, but it works for us.

With that said, my FI has never been in a limousine before, so I''m surprising him and his Best man with a limo ride from our house to the venue on our wedding day. I didn''t think of it as a "wedding gift" until someone asked me if that was what I was getting him for his wedding gift. I thought it was weird, because that''s not how I thought of it...I don''t expect a gift from him, we''re getting married and that''s gift enough! It was just a little surprise to him, considering that the whole wedding day is so focused on the bride, I figured that he could arrive in style and feel special.

So as sweet as it is that you want to get him something, I don''t think you should feel all that pressure to do it simply because that''s what all your friends did. All that matters is the two of you, and what you want to do. Besides, there''s going to be so much going on that day (the happiest day of your life!!), do you need to exchange a gift with him? You''ll be exchanging rings, exchanging vows, exchanging kisses, getting gifts from friends and family, celebrating your love...what more could you possibly want on that day?! To me, it''s not necessary.

 

[Laurenj915]

I had the same issues with the gift exchange that both of you talked about.

I talked to my husband a few months before the wedding and told him that I thought that we should just skip it and he suggested we give each other letters instead. So about 15 minutes before we were married at the church he sent me a love letter and I had someone deliver one to him. I had a hard time reading it at the time because I was so nervous but I am so glad I have it now. I read it every few days. To me it is absolutely the best thing I have ever read.

 

[Selkie]

DH and I decided that instead of giving each other gifts, we would buy a nice new digital camera together as our joint wedding gift. We use it all the time, it''s meaningful, and it''s practical.

 

[bem3231]

Thank you for your very helpful and insightful feedback, everyone. I *love* the idea of exchanging letters instead of gifts. Maybe I''ll suggest this. Although I would swoon at the thought of him taking it upon himself to write me a card or letter, if I don''t suggest it I don''t imagine that it will happen...

 

[zoebartlett]

We''re not exchanging gifts either, but we just bought 2 new digital cameras and we treated ourselves to an event in Boston for dinner and fireworks on the 4th. That was more than we should have spent right before the wedding, so that''s going to be considered our gift to ourselves.

 

[kittybean]

Date: 7/6/2008 4:34:13 PM
Author: Selkie
DH and I decided that instead of giving each other gifts, we would buy a nice new digital camera together as our joint wedding gift. We use it all the time, it''s meaningful, and it''s practical.

What a fantastic idea! I like the thought of buying a camera together to record all of your new memories. It would be so nice to have a fancy new camera for travel photos on the honeymoon.

To the OP: your FH''s helicopter hobby made me think that it might be fun to get him a helicopter tour or ride as a wedding gift. I have no idea how much it would cost, but maybe you could have him arrive at or the two of you leave the ceremony or the reception in a helicopter. Alternatively, you could take a helicopter tour on your honeymoon (I know this is massively popular in Hawaii, for example).

 

[noelwr]

we''re not doing wedding gifts. I actually never heard of this gift swapping until reading it on this website. we''ll be spending enough money on the wedding and there''s enough other things to stress about. our honeymoon in Mauritius is the perfect gift to ourselves.

I am going to organize my FI''s bachelor''s party. he has good friends but not very organized and I just want to make sure he gets to do all the stuff he wants at his party. I think that is quite a nice present from me. I mean, how many women go and order a stripper for their FI?

and to me he''s already giving his love for the rest of our lives. what better present could I ask for?

the love letter swapping sounds fantastic, but only viable if you have an FI who won''t forget and is somewhat good at writing romantic words.

 

[Laurenj915]

Date: 7/7/2008 6:28:16 AM
Author: noelwr
we''re not doing wedding gifts. I actually never heard of this gift swapping until reading it on this website. we''ll be spending enough money on the wedding and there''s enough other things to stress about. our honeymoon in Mauritius is the perfect gift to ourselves.

I am going to organize my FI''s bachelor''s party. he has good friends but not very organized and I just want to make sure he gets to do all the stuff he wants at his party. I think that is quite a nice present from me. I mean, how many women go and order a stripper for their FI?

and to me he''s already giving his love for the rest of our lives. what better present could I ask for?

the love letter swapping sounds fantastic, but only viable if you have an FI who won''t forget and is somewhat good at writing romantic words.

Are you really ordering his stripper? Did you see the Friends episode were Monica ordered Chandler a stripper?

I don''t think that you need a man who is good at writing romantic words to get a good love letter.

When we had been together for 3 months my husband wrote me a love letter. One of the lines was, "your lips are so soft, like little pillows" hehe I love that letter. It was really sincere, totally him and filled with love even though it''s not poetic.

 

[bem3231]

Date: 7/6/2008 10:06:07 PM
Author: kittybean

Date: 7/6/2008 4:34:13 PM

Author: Selkie

DH and I decided that instead of giving each other gifts, we would buy a nice new digital camera together as our joint wedding gift. We use it all the time, it''s meaningful, and it''s practical.

To the OP: your FH''s helicopter hobby made me think that it might be fun to get him a helicopter tour or ride as a wedding gift. I have no idea how much it would cost, but maybe you could have him arrive at or the two of you leave the ceremony or the reception in a helicopter. Alternatively, you could take a helicopter tour on your honeymoon (I know this is massively popular in Hawaii, for example).

Thanks for the suggestion - this *would* be an ideal gift, but FI is *really* into helicopters (ie: took a year off to get his commercial license and then purchased his own machine, which will deliver him to the ceremony site), so tours and such become a little anti-climactic for him if he''s not at the controls!

A shared gift might be something worth considering. You''ve all had a lot of great suggestions - thanks!!

 

[noelwr]

Date: 7/7/2008 9:34:52 AM
Author: Lauren1116

Are you really ordering his stripper? Did you see the Friends episode were Monica ordered Chandler a stripper?

I don''t think that you need a man who is good at writing romantic words to get a good love letter.

When we had been together for 3 months my husband wrote me a love letter. One of the lines was, ''your lips are so soft, like little pillows'' hehe I love that letter. It was really sincere, totally him and filled with love even though it''s not poetic.

I don''t think I remember that Friends. what happened? or did she turn up to be the stripper? or am I mixing it up with some movie? anyway, if that''s what he wants, that''s what I''ll get. it''s not like he and the stripper are going to fall in love and elope. I might organize for them to go to a strip bar instead. it''s still a long time away so we''ll see.

lips soft like pillows. that is really sweet.

 

[Laurenj915]

Date: 7/7/2008 12:44:30 PM
Author: noelwr
I don''t think I remember that Friends. what happened? or did she turn up to be the stripper? or am I mixing it up with some movie? anyway, if that''s what he wants, that''s what I''ll get. it''s not like he and the stripper are going to fall in love and elope. I might organize for them to go to a strip bar instead. it''s still a long time away so we''ll see.

lips soft like pillows. that is really sweet.

She ordered a hooker on accident. It was silly but you just made me think of it.

 

[noelwr]

Date: 7/7/2008 4:00:18 PM
Author: Lauren1116

She ordered a hooker on accident. It was silly but you just made me think of it.

haha! silly Monica. I wouldn''t have to order one. we live in Holland and there''s a Red Light District in every major city. but FI is too afraid of catching some disease to sleep with a prostitute (even if he was single) so I''m not worried that it would ever be a temptation for him.