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I lied to a friend today....

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Cehrabehra

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... and I need to confess. There is no where else I can do it but here. You guys will understand.

So a good friend of mine told me yesterday about this magnificent necklace that her husband brought her from pakistan. Said it was very formal and unlike any jewelry she''d ever owned and even HE said that this one goes into the safe when she isn''t wearing it. She talked about all of the 22k gold and filigree and the diamonds and brown zircon beads cut like disco balls. Today at lunch she brought it to surprise me and show me this amazing thing. She whispered that it was in her car because she didn''t want to say it out loud because it was so valuable and it wasn''t insured yet.

So after lunch we go to her car and I don''t know what I was expecting but it wasn''t that. What I saw was well polished little brown beads that were dull inside strung on pearl string with little gold beadcap things that cupped some of them here and there with thin gold wire wrapped around the ends to hold the stock findings on (and they didn''t look 22k to me - the wire did but the clasp did not). At the center of this too-long string of beads was a pendant. A pendant that at first glance was the best part of it - had a nice 8x6 brown zircon with a halo of about 2 pointers (no rainbows in the sun). The bale on the pendant was also looking like 14k and totally did not go with the rest of it - it was too large and too... just a different style. On closer inspection I saw that the pendant setting was cheaply done with a little circle built into the setting holding it to the bale and the circle was not even fully clamped closed.

I had to tell her it was beautiful. But I insisted yes - she could wear it with jeans and didn''t need to save it for the one special event a year she planned to. ::sigh:: I feel guilty. I don''t know what he spent but I''m pretty sure that unless that center brown zircon is worth a thousand dollars he way over paid. I don''t know how much he paid but to suggest it get put into the safe? Really?
 
I''ve done this too--many times, actually. I''m young and when I see friends and acquaintences get engaged they typically come in super glowing and want to show off their beautiful rings. Fact is, most of their rings are from maul shops and really are not terribly beautiful. I would obvisouly never say that because I''m sure they love their ring and that''s what matters.

Funny side note... after walking home from going out with a group of my SO''s friends he was like, "Did you really think her ring was nice?"... and I was like, "If she thinks it''s beautiful, that''s all that matters."...and he laughed and said, "That''s a big NO!".
 
If it''s a done deal, telling the bare truth will only hurt your friend. Why do that?

I think you did the right thing. Don''t feel bad. In those situations I try to find something nice I can say honestly about the thing. If not, you''ve just got to grit your teeth and tell a few white ones
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Don''t feel bad at all. You`ve done the right thing. I had to do this couple of times as well and as much as I hate lying to my friends, the truth won''t help anyone. Firstly, her necklace is from overseas, there''s no way her DH can return it even if he wanted to, and secondly she seems to love it, so why spoil it for her.
 
ahhhhhh... don''t feel bad hun. i would have done the same thing, if she loves it, why bruise her.
You are very kind and sweet.
 
We''ve all done it.

One of my friends at school recently got engaged and was just glowing and showing off her new ring. She knows a bit about diamonds, and we were chatting, and she was saying how she''s so happy her fiance went with a low color (J) and a bigger size because it looks just as white as a colorless face up. She then put her ring next to mine (and F color) and went "See? You totally can''t even tell a difference right?"

Obviously my answer was "No, not at all! It''s gorgeously icy!", even though I could see a pretty definite difference (granted I''m pretty sensitive to color). Haha, I feel in these situations, it''s definitely ok to tell some white lies.
 
I think we''ve all done it not to hurt a friend''s feelings. My neighbor who used to live across the street was always so proud of her engagement ring. She really thought it was "the best". I never took a look at it until she asked me to clean her rings one day. After I did, she asked me to loupe her diamond and tell her what I thought. She kept spouting that she could "throw it down the sewer and her insurance company would give her $8000 for it". So I louped and I looked....... The poor girl. Her stone had a faint brown tinge but worse than that, she had a tension fracture right through the center of the table. Her .96 pt diamond was actually worth about $1200 back then. It was a stone that should have never been mounted in jewelry. So what I told her was I knew how much she loved her rings and that her prongs were fine, so she didn''t have to worry about losing her diamond. I never mentioned anything else. I always wondered if her husband knew he had spent $5000.- for dreck
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It''s worth the lie to keep your friend happy in this case. I would not call this a "lie" per say, just a white fib
 
Because this type of thing happens to me and I don''t lie (at least I try hard not to lie) I have come up with some non-committal comments. "Oh, I''ve never seen anything like it" or "the *blank* is beautiful" (usually I can find one thing, even if it''s just the color, that I like about it)

But, at this point, I don''t think it would be kind to tell her the "truth" about her treasure. My first thought is that he''s making it out to be a huge expense because he spent a lot of money unwisely. If she wanted to know, she would.
 
I think if she had asked your advice on whether or not to keep it, then honesty would be best. But in this case she can''t return it and she seemed to love it - so I think you did the right thing. At one point or another, I''m sure we''ve all done it. I know I have with some friends'' engagement rings - sometimes it''s just really not my taste or not very good quality, but I try to find something I like about it because it''s not worth it to hurt their feelings, especially if THEY love it! I think you did the right thing.
 
I generally stick to "It''s perfect for you," - not a lie if they love it and are gushing about it. I mean, if your friend is truly thrilled with something, I don''t think it matters as much what it cost, you know? Obviously it was worth it to them.
 
These are always such sticky situations. I like princesss'' "it''s perfect for you" response -- will definitely steal that answer next time I''m in that position!

As I spend more time on PS, expand my own collection, and develop a more discerning eye, I''m definitely becoming more aware of details and nuances that escaped me before. And it does make it tougher to express happiness when I know that someone''s been cheated or lied to about what they got. I know it doesn''t do any good to point out a mistake they can''t fix, and I try to avoid hurting anyone''s feelings... but at the same time I want to protect them against getting cheated again, you know? So it''s hard.

But in a situation like the one you describe, there''s no good to be had from telling your friend the truth, so just smile and let her wear her piece in happiness.
 
Let her enjoy it and feel special! Just tell her it is perfect for HER.
 
"Lying" by complimenting a friend's jewelry in that situation is the right thing to do.

Telling her the truth would be something you'd have to confess and be ashamed of.
 
Pakistani jewelry is very different than its Western counterparts.

To the untrained eye, and using the traits we desire here in the states (high clarity, precisely faceted cuts which throw off rainbows, machine settings), many valuable pieces of Pakistani jewelry could be accidentally dismissed as being not worth much.

Perhaps the point could best be illustrated with asking a Q (that seems "wrong" or "irrelevant" by PS standards): Cehra, what would you guess the TOTAL CARAT WEIGHT of the entire necklace to be?
 
hmm...200 3mm beads excluding the pendant... is a very rough guess.
 
Ditto Fleur.

Check out some of my pieces here link , you''ll definitely notice A LOT of differences between pieces you''d regularly see on PS. I understand being alarmed if the design of the piece didn''t flow, or if the parts looked like they were 14k instead of 22k, but otherwise, there are definitely a lot of differences between Eastern and Western pieces to look out for. Native cuts, and rose cuts, are pretty much the standard. I actually think the look is romantic, but I generally tend to favor chunkier cuts.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so in the same situation, I would tell my friend the same.
 
You did the nice thing as beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

A gift from a loved one offered with love should always be considered beautiful (unless they also give you the receipt
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Date: 9/18/2009 5:58:10 PM
Author: Steel
You did the nice thing as beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

A gift from a loved one offered with love should always be considered beautiful (unless they also give you the receipt
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That''s too funny. Most people tell fibs at some time or other e.g. ''no your bum doesn''t look big'' when really it''s the size of a house
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oh no - your pieces are beautiful... I''ll try to get a pic - she has a sapphire ring I''ve been trying to get a pic of too so I''ll make a photo shoot out of it lol
 
Date: 9/18/2009 5:44:53 PM
Author: szh07
Ditto Fleur.

Check out some of my pieces here link , you''ll definitely notice A LOT of differences between pieces you''d regularly see on PS. I understand being alarmed if the design of the piece didn''t flow, or if the parts looked like they were 14k instead of 22k, but otherwise, there are definitely a lot of differences between Eastern and Western pieces to look out for. Native cuts, and rose cuts, are pretty much the standard. I actually think the look is romantic, but I generally tend to favor chunkier cuts.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so in the same situation, I would tell my friend the same.
Wow!!! I have to say that you have a gorgeous collections. I hope those are put into a safe deposit box somewhere. I am from Indonesia and 22k gold jewelry are very common there because anything less than 22k gold is not deemed to be attractive enough.

I just want to say to OP that its not wrong for you to tell some white lies to your friend especially because you mean well. I tell white lies all the time.
 
Date: 9/19/2009 1:31:37 PM
Author: Cehrabehra
oh no - your pieces are beautiful... I''ll try to get a pic - she has a sapphire ring I''ve been trying to get a pic of too so I''ll make a photo shoot out of it lol
Cehra, this will be wonderful. Please do post the pics.
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Can''t wait.
 
Cehra,

I think you did well, and I don''t think you lied!

You were merely agreeing with her that it is very beautiful to her. It may not be something of your taste but as a friend, you empathizes with her and shared her excitement. That is not a lie at all but in fact a very graceful thing to do.

Good for you!

Zhuzhu
 
I guess the part that really makes me feel guilty is... it''s not the way it looks. No, I don''t find it attractive... the pendant is the best part and it even looks like a $150 chain store pendant - you know... nice but not exquisite by any stretch. The part that makes me feel bad is that I think she looks kinda foolish going on and on and on about it''s value and locking it up in the safe and stuff. I mean it doesn''t look like it cost more than $300 at the MOST and she was so paranoid about it. I held it out the window parked in front of starbucks to catch the light and she stiffened up... I asked her if she thought I was going to drop it and she said no she was afraid someone would snatch it out of my hand. I live in Safeville, Suburbia lol Earlier we were in a restaurant and she said she brought something for me to see then whispered "it''s in the car... but I dont'' want anyone in here to hear me talking about it so we''ll talk about it in the car" I don''t think I''d be that cautious about my ring like that lol

Also, I wonder if her husband got ripped off. honestly if it was just a personal preference thing I wouldn''t feel as guilty... but I feel guilty for judging her overvaluing and I feel concerned that they''re going to pay way too much to insure it based on an inflated value. I don''t like feeling like I have to hold things back. I don''t mind the difference in taste and I even pad it a lot for being from another country. I have a beautiful hand beaded bracelet from kenya and I value it and have it in my curio cabinet with a lot of other exotic and valuable goodies... but I know it wasn''t expensive lol
 
You know what - as soon as I hit send I realized that this is about me and honesty in general. If someone says something is beautiful and i say I''m really happy for them - that''s the truth. But I have a super hard time with lies. I have a wildly complicated mind as it is and try to keep it absolutely clean. I normally do NOT even do ''white lies'' because they make me uncomfortable - like this! I try to be as clintonesque as possible and find a way to tell a technical truth in an evasive way. But she went on and on and even nodding felt like a lie. I still feel so uncomfortable about it. Even when a friend asks if their butt looks big in a pair of jeans I won''t say yes your butt looks big but I will say they''re not the most flattering or something. There must be something wrong with me lol
 
Aww thank you Joelly!
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szh07: You have beautiful pieces.
Cehrabehra: I understand you feeling guilty for your little white lie but yes beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I really understand that you feel bad because the husband probably overpaid. That is a sticky situation.
 
I also want her to understand she can wear this piece whenever she wants and not to feel she has to save it for a once in a year ball.
 
You are in a no win situation. Yes he probably overpaid and will over insure it. But, it is a gift from her husband and she feels it is special and anything you say will at best tarnish that feeling or at worst lead her to feel you are jealous. If it were me, I would just keep mouth shut, I have been burned in this situation before. My male friend wanted to propose to his girlfriend. He had a budget of $2000. I showed him James Allen and Blue Nile, suggested he get about a .5 carat H & A in a nice setting. Instead he went to see his friend, a jeweler, who made him an engagement ring with a black diamond (.8 carat) in a simple gold setting and charged him $1900. I told him he overpaid and should return it. He got mad, long and short the jeweler was invited to the wedding not me.
 
Aww thank you Oddoneout!
 
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