LiW I just need somebody to tell me to shut up.

[luckystar112]

I''m just.......ugh.....bummed!

And the worst part is that I know I''m being ridiculous and I can''t stop.

I just found out today that my BF''s brother and his wife are expecting a baby. I am very happy for them, and I know this is a dream come true for FSIL. But at the same time, I can''t help but be a little irked at my boyfriend!!!!

Basically, I''m being a boob. I''m annoyed that I have to go to a family reunion of his in two weeks as his "girlfriend" once again. And I''m jealous that this pregnancy is going to be all the family is talking about. I was really hoping it would be our engagement. I''m being so silly....I know. I just can''t shake it! I hope I feel better tomorrow.

I mean, what is WRONG with me? Why the heck am I so jealous about this? Not jealous because I want a baby, obviously...but jealous because a baby is a bigger deal than a wedding, and I''m sure his parents will do more for them then they will for us and our wedding. Jealous because *she* is part of the family, and contributing to it...and I''m still the girlfriend. (Long story, but I''ve always been intimidated by FSIL. She sort of likes to *remind* me that I''m not part of the family. I don''t think she means to hurt my feelings, but she does sometimes.)

And the reason that I''m kind of mad at my bf, is because we''ve known forever that they were going to try and have a baby, although we did think it would be at the end of the year. I wanted to plan our wedding AROUND that so his family can handle one thing at a time. He has known this, although I know he had no way of knowing when she''d get pregnant. But it''s funny because for months now I''ve been saying, "The day after we get engaged is the day she gets pregnant." It didn''t exactly happen that way, but pretty darn close. I mean, Mark is picking out my diamond as we speak. Is it going to be stealing THEIR thunder if we get engaged in the next few weeks?


I really wanted to get married in my hometown...and now I don''t think that is possible. Well, maybe it is....I don''t know. If I get married next summer, than the baby would be 3 months old...still breastfeeding...it just seems like such an inconvenience. I can''t ask her to do that, I don''t think. Not only that, but BF''s grandfather is getting very old and BF keeps saying he doesn''t think he''ll be able to travel. Meanwhile, he knows how bad I want to get married in my hometown and it doesn''t seem to even PHASE him that ANY chances of his grandfather being able to trave are diminishing...not getting better!

And about next summer, my cousin is apparently getting married next summer as well. so who knows if I will be stealing HER thunder as well. And I don''t want to wait till 2009....and I''m in school practically the whole year. It''s just frustrating.

I''m just being a baby. A BIG WHINY CRAZY BABY. I know it. It was just really important to me that I get *my* day, you know? I just feel like maybe if BF would have proposed last year, or even six months ago....things would be different. Grandfather wouldn''t be as sick...wouldn''t have to work around pregnant SIL, wouldn''t have to plan around cousin''s wedding. I just wish I could have the wedding I want, where I want, when I want. Now I''m just not even excited because there is so much going on in our families that this wedding isn''t going to be about us anymore. We are going to have to cater to everyone.

It''s so pointless to be mad at him for not asking me to marry him six months ago. It''s not like he can change it....but life is going on while we just stand still...for no reason...and it is driving me crazy. And my "dream" wedding is no longer possible...and I''m being a baby about it.

ahhh. Thanks for letting me vent. Feel free to tell me how ridiculously stupid I''m being. I know I deserve it. I hope I feel better about it tomorrow.

 

[FarFarAway]

Yes, you are being a baby. But yes, I completely utterly understand.

Its totally normal to get jealous when everything you wanted in a wedding/engagement/job/whatever seems to just be slipping through your fingers and you are helplessly watching it stream away. I really wanted to be engaged this year, but now my best friend, who has basically the same group of friends I have, JUST got engaged, and is planning her wedding in 7 months, meaning (to me at least) that if I get engaged anywhere in between this time, I will either be a)stealing her thunder, or b)getting a "Oh congrats, but we''re running around trying to get Megs wedding up and going"

But what are you gonna do? I mean, things are ending up the way they are and the BEST I can do right now is to go with the flow. Yes, you may not be getting the DREAM wedding, but honestly, how many women do? And how many women actually know what their dream wedding really contains? Is it family? Loved ones all around? Happiness no matter where/when/how the wedding takes place? If that''s the case, you still have your dream wedding, just perhaps not where you originally thought.

Anyways, my long rambling point is that its normal to feel jealous and angry towards BF. I was PISSED the day my friend got engaged. But now, im like, whatever. THings will come as they come. Important part is that you don''t dwell on it. And as for the SIL who makes you feel bad, she and her new baby can deal. lol

 

[bee*]

I know how stressful it can be when other people announce their big news and you''re still waiting to announce yours. There is no reason for you not to have your special time and your special day though. His parents will be just as happy when you announce your engagement as they were when his brother and your fsil announced theirs. Yes a baby is big news but they will be thrilled when the two of you announce your engagement too. Just hang on in there and you will be announcing your special news soon too.

 

[Pandora II]

I threw a very similar tantrum over on the BIW forum a few weeks ago when I discovered my much younger cousin is getting married 4 weeks before me.

I think it''s normal to feel like this - I felt very odd when my sister announced that she was pregnant. At the time I was very ill, had lost my job, house and split up with my ex-bf and it just seemed like life was passing by and I was stood still waiting while she had everything!

I don''t think announcing your engagement will be stealing their thunder at all. With your cousin, if you expect to get married about the same sort of time I would give her a call and talk about dates - I would have been a lot less cross if my cousin had done that with me.

I''m not sure I understand why the baby would be a problem for a wedding in your hometown? My mother took 3 of us halfway round the world on her own. I was 7, my sister 5 and my brother 3 months old. All my relatives have taken small babies on planes with no problems at all.

Anyhow, much better to come here and vent about it than bottle it up inside - anyhow it makes me feel better knowing I''m not the only one who throws bratty vents once in a while!

 

[luckystar112]

I feel a lot better about it today. Of course. I''m embaressed about my post...lol. I''m surprised after 120 views only two of you came forward to tell me to "shut up". Thanks though!

Basically I need to learn to choose my battles and not sweat the small stuff. I am still bummed about not being able to get married where I want...but then again, I can already tell I''m going to be one of those girls that makes five phone calls before making any wedding related decisions to makes sure it''s "okay" with everyone. I hope I snap out of that!

I don''t know why I feel the need to "compete" with FBIL/FSIL...but I do...and I need to change that STAT. It is just extremely obvious to me that BF''s parents "favor" them over us. And I have some extreme examples to support my case. So, that''s what I''m afraid of, I guess. I''m afraid they won''t be as into the wedding as they are the new baby. Ridiculous, I know. But I have to keep reminding myself that I have my OWN side of the family where I will be the first to get married, and I will have the first grandchild...etc.

I was born an only child...so it''s hard for me to share the spotlight with other people. I never thought I was like that, but turns out I am!

Anyway, thanks for your thoughts girls, I really appreciate them. I feel a lot better today.

 

[Independent Gal]

Hey Lucky, as for the wedding in the hometown / traveling with a 3 month old baby thing, that is WAY easier than traveling with an older baby! They still sleep a lot, and you don''t have to chase them. So no worries. I have lots of friends that travel with their small babies, bring them to parties, even hockey games, etc.!

So don''t worry too much about the hometown wedding part!

And yes, your feelings are natural. And childish. But guess what? We''re all childish sometimes! It''s ok as long as you don''t "act" on it (e.g., pout and make her feel bad at the reunion). And it''s good to vent! We''re listening.

 

[luckystar112]

Thanks Pandora!

I sure can be bratty sometimes. Last night took the cake! Ah, I''m so embaressed! He came in the room with a big smile and said, "I''m gonna be an uncle!!!" and I just stared at him and said, "Saw that coming. How convenient."

Now I feel bad. I really am a brat.

Very true about bringing a baby on a plane. I guess it''s not that big of a deal. I guess my situation hasn''t changed as much as I thought.

Cousin thing is going to be hard. She already had her feelings hurt when another cousin announced an engagement on the same weekend as her and had a bigger diamond. Now it will be me with the bigger diamond, asking her if I can get married in the same summer, and possibly before her? lol...I think she might actually kill me if I do that. But it''s worth a try I guess.

The reason I wanted to get married in Maine is because we''d be right on the coast with tons of cute cottages and shopping...it would be a dream for BF''s side of the family. I just think it would really SUCK for my family to have to go to Virginia. I just don''t think there is anything excited there for them. Frankly, I think it''s kind of boring there.

But that might just be because I haven''t seen the "tourist" places. If they even exist.
Not to mention his family is a lot more well-off than mine, and they can all afford to drop everything to fly to Maine, whereas I know if I have the wedding in VA a lot of my family will have to pass because they can''t afford it.

Why can''t we be from the same state!!!!!!! lol

 

[Pandora II]

I was born an only child...so it's hard for me to share the spotlight with other people. I never thought I was like that, but turns out I am!

It's a standing joke in my family that I wished I'd been an only child - I'm the eldest of four - and I'm exactly like you on that.

My brother rang me this week to ask me for help with getting a ring for his gf as he wants to propose at xmas, and I felt this real kind of physical wrench. So completely stupid as it's not like no-one else can ever get engaged or married or anything

. Friends getting married/engaged/pegnant don't have this effect at all on me - just my relations...

I found it very difficult that my younger sister got married 7 years ago and already has two children (and one of each, so I can't even be the first to have a girl or whatever). I consolled myself by thinking I would have the first grandchild for my FIL's.

Then FBIL discovers he's becoming a father 4 weeks before the birth! Met a girl online and had a fling 8 months earlier for a couple of weeks and then they split up. She thought she was putting on weight (she was on Depo) and then found out she was pregnant. He wouldn't answer her calls so she sent a text messsage saying I'm 8 months pregnant and it's yours

. Big shock for everyone.

Mother and baby have moved in with him and though things are not perfect he has a deep sense of responsibility and wants his little girl brought up properly. Grandparents are over the moon - I'm not the first there either.

I think a lot has to do with how people are on having 'favourites'. My sister was always 'Daddy's little girl' and had long blonde hair, pretty dresses, and came top in everything and my brother was the apple of my mother's eye. Now I probably get on better with them than the others but I still have quite deepseated jealousy issues that thankfully I am aware of and try to control. It's so irrational as I'm sure my parents will be just as happy when I have children but I feel this real need to be the only one and don't really know why.

FI's parents are great in that they treat us all equally and have gone out of their way to make the mother of their grandchild feel like part of the family and accepted - it must be very hard for her as two of us are engaged and so there are lots of celebrations and weddings to come and I'm sure when we have children it will be difficult for her seeing people so happy about a pregnancy whereas it was a bit of a shock to say the least and somewhat unwelcome when she announced her's.