LiW Humpf.

[bubbly1126]

Okay, in the eyes of Inhisarms:

Girl (upon the realization that she wants to marry her guy): OMG! He''s the one! I want to commit to him and show him just how much he means to me. It''s time for us to get engaged! And the sooner the better!

Guy (upon the realization that he wants to marry his lady): OMG! I''ve really found the one! We should get engaged/commit to one another... but not for another 6 months, a year or even a couple years.



Seriously, this is how I see it. And why is that?!?! Why is it that when men realize such a thing, they aren''t chomping at the bit to get down on one knee, like us ladies want? Why do we think so differently?!?!

Of course, I don''t mean to generalize b/c let''s be honest, any of these roles and attitudes could be swapped for the other... so please, no one take offense.

I just don''t get it.

 

[ilovesparkles]

I''m sorry you are frustrated

It does totally suck when you don''t always see eye to eye on every aspect of everything. H and I were in the reverse situation when we decided to get engaged. I wanted to wait a little longer, he wanted it to happen yesterday! In this particular situation, he got his way. Lol. My advice would be to talk to him about why you want to get engaged sooner rather than later. And discuss a reasonable time line.

 

[bubbly1126]

Date: 4/26/2009 5:00:37 PM
Author: ilovesparkles
I''m sorry you are frustrated

It does totally suck when you don''t always see eye to eye on every aspect of everything. H and I were in the reverse situation when we decided to get engaged. I wanted to wait a little longer, he wanted it to happen yesterday! In this particular situation, he got his way. Lol. My advice would be to talk to him about why you want to get engaged sooner rather than later. And discuss a reasonable time line.

Thanks for your response!

I do have a timeline... we''ll be engaged by the latest June 9th. Only a little bit over a month away... but I''m still going CRAZY!

Ugh.

 

[absolut_blonde]

I think for SO, it was something like:

Him: Wow, this is it. I could really see myself marrying her. But I'll have to be able to afford a ring first. AND I want to talk to her parents before I ask. What if they say no?! And how am I going to come up with a great way to propose? Oh, and I want to be able to afford the wedding too, so we don't have to rely on our parents too much for help. And I want to be financially secure in general so that I can support our family someday. Man, kids are expensive. Crap, I need a lot more money...

It probably depends on the guy, but I know my SO places a lot of pressure on himself in this sense.

Conversely, I'm a bit more of a romantic so I don't always weigh the practical factors AS much as he does. I still do, obviously, but I'd say our weightings on things are a little bit different.

 

[bubbly1126]

Date: 4/26/2009 9:13:43 PM
Author: absolut_blonde
I think for SO, it was something like:


Him: Wow, this is it. I could really see myself marrying her. But I''ll have to be able to afford a ring first. AND I want to talk to her parents before I ask. What if they say no?! And how am I going to come up with a great way to propose? Oh, and I want to be able to afford the wedding too, so we don''t have to rely on our parents too much for help. And I want to be financially secure in general so that I can support our family someday. Man, kids are expensive. Crap, I need a lot more money...


It probably depends on the guy, but I know my SO places a lot of pressure on himself in this sense.


Conversely, I''m a bit more of a romantic so I don''t always weigh the practical factors AS much as he does. I still do, obviously, but I''d say our weightings on things are a little bit different.

Wow, a lot going on in his head then! haha.

The situation and thinking is a little different for FF and I... We want a very small wedding, don''t necessarily need a ring, live together already, don''t expect any kind of help from either of our parents and also, doesn''t have to ask permission from my father. We''ve been together 6 1/2 years and he''s just waiting to well, just wait. No real reason but to be a brat! (IMO anyway! haha)

But I am the same as you in the area of being romantic. I feel it, I wanna do it. Right then. There is little that will stop me. That is just how I am. I''m a "I love him and I want to tell it to world!" kinda girl. What''s the use in waiting? But, alas, that is just me. He, quite obviously, doesn''t think the same way. Again, he''s a brat. haha.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 4/26/2009 5:21:21 PM
Author: inhisarms17
I do have a timeline... we''ll be engaged by the latest June 9th. Only a little bit over a month away... but I''m still going CRAZY!

Ugh.

You sound like me when I decided I wanted a ''nice'' engagement ring (finally). I could hardly sleep with excitement. Although... June 9? At the latest? what are you fretting about? As my f-i-l used to say, ''go the the bathroom mirror and take a good hard look at yourself!" lol

sounds like you''ve got nothing to worry about!

There''s people dying in Africa, you know

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 4/26/2009 2:17:05 PM
Author:inhisarms17
Okay, in the eyes of Inhisarms:


Girl (upon the realization that she wants to marry her guy): OMG! He''s the one! I want to commit to him and show him just how much he means to me. It''s time for us to get engaged! And the sooner the better!


Guy (upon the realization that he wants to marry his lady): OMG! I''ve really found the one! We should get engaged/commit to one another... but not for another 6 months, a year or even a couple years.




Seriously, this is how I see it. And why is that?!?! Why is it that when men realize such a thing, they aren''t chomping at the bit to get down on one knee, like us ladies want? Why do we think so differently?!?!


Of course, I don''t mean to generalize b/c let''s be honest, any of these roles and attitudes could be swapped for the other... so please, no one take offense.


I just don''t get it.

Well, in my case, these were switched around--he was ready years before I was. I didn''t think "I''ve really found the one," I thought MAYBE, HOPEFULLY I had. We''re an international couple living apart for about 90% of our relationship, and I was going to feel 100% to get engaged until we''d lived together in the same city at LEAST to share real-life time together, not just visiting/vacation time. I needed to know that, in addition to the distance, our relationship could weather the everyday challenges like paying the bills, doing chores, etc. It did, and now we''re engaged.

Everyone''s different, but maybe there''s a legit reason for waiting. I certainly think my reason was legit.

 

[Feralpenchant]

We don''t have to pay for it.

 

[neatfreak]

I think it just takes guys longer generally to truly be ready. IMO when a guy is truly ready nothing is going to stop him!

 

[princesss]

Okay, in my case:

Girl: He''s the one. I think. I know. I know he''s the one. This is awesome. Marriage? Marriage is creepy and scary and something grown-ups do. I''m a kid!

Guy: She''s the one. I think. I know. I know she''s the one. This is awesome. Marriage? Marriage is creepy and scary and something grown-ups do. I''m a kid!

I know I want to marry my BF. But that doesn''t mean I''m ready. I don''t know why I''m not, but I''m *really* not. I could list reasons, but when it comes down to it, none of it matters because you could take away every reaosn on my list and the ready feeling wouldn''t be there.

But if you''ve got a time line, and just over a month until the deadline, I''m betting he''s waiting more for the perfect *time*. Guys have a lot of pressure to have some super-special proposal, and sometimes I don''t think they believe us when we say we''d just rather be engaged, thankyouverymuch, than worry about some story to tell other people.

 

[bubbly1126]

Thanks, ladies! Sometimes I just need to hear opinions from people who are on the outside, looking in. It''s so hard to see anything when you''re right smack dab in the middle of it. You all have very valid points!!

Thanks again! I truly appreciate it!

 

[LaraOnline]

You know, the best thing about this is that in later years you are bound to see this time period as one of the ''happiest times of your life''! I''m so excited for you!

 

[blueroses]

Date: 4/27/2009 3:21:08 PM
Author: neatfreak
I think it just takes guys longer generally to truly be ready. IMO when a guy is truly ready nothing is going to stop him!

I think in many cases neatfreak is right. (This is certainly in my experience with my bf NOW, thank God, vs. my epic case of boy-soon with my ex.)

......However, I think there are also those guys--for whatever reason--who feel that they must have more "grown-up" ducks in a row before committing to what they already think they know in their hearts:

It's the classic "boy-soon" vs. "girl-soon." Yay

Breathe. Just keep communicating, and remember the cards that you *do* hold.

ETA: Wait, June 9? Sister, you're FINE! Hang in for another six weeks. If the deadline passes, THEN we can worry, but it sounds like you are in good stead! The difference in attitude is totally maddening, but it sounds like you're on track.

 

[tlh]

June! WOW, that is just WEEKS away! Or, like a couple mani-pedis! Find something to occupy your time... other than the ring. You know it is coming... YIPPEE!!!

I think the storyline in my man''s head was similar to absolut_blonde''s SO. Plus I in NO WAY whatsoever wanted to help pay for the ring... so even though I was wailing like an idiot - I wasn''t doing anything to help the situation either.

********Here''s some dust, to help you get to the other side - of THE WAIT! ***********

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Date: 4/27/2009 3:18:31 PM
Author: Feralpenchant
We don''t have to pay for it.

Seriously. If the rather-uncommon-but-gaining-popularity practice of engagement gift exchanges takes hold, women may not be as quick to get so impatient while *waiting* to get engaged.