Wedding How would you feel about this?

[diamondfan]

I would decline her request. If you are pregnant (which would be so wonderful) you will get attitude from her. Tell her you cannot do it as you are likely to be pregnant and think it best not to commit.

I seriously think you are looking at a bridezilla. I have heard a lot of things about weddings and the bride, but this one is pretty terrible.

 

[julesbeth]

Holy tamole. That is just ridiculous. Do what you and your husband want to do, and if it happens AWESOME, and she will just have to deal with it.

She might just be in the early bridezilla stage - maybe once she realizes she can''t control EVERY aspect of her wedding she will mellow out.

 

[Shoopy]

If you are asking whether you should be hurt that your "friend" requested you put your life on hold so that she can have a picture perfect wedding, then my answer would be yes you should be and yes I would be.

I would wait a few days and then call back and repeat everything she said to you so that she can hear how ridiculous it sounds.

My best friend did the same but with my wedding. Her wedding was supposed to happen in November of this year. She told me not to plan mine until hers was over

Then she decides to change the date until March of next year and reminds me again not to plan mine. Um, I don''t think so. Now its December of this year. Whatever

 

[Bia]

Give me a break...some of these brides are just UNREAL. ugh.

Tell her you'd love to be part of the wedding (because you do) BUT that you and hubby are planning to start trying...effective "SOON," and therefore you might actually be very pregnant by the time her wedding rolls around. If she seriously has a problem with it (and if she does, she has serious bridezilla issues), then tell her you can't be in her wedding...or that you'll be a part of it in some other way (although, at this point I'd be inclined to wash my hands of the entire thing): i.e., reading, toast, or something else.

Also, you're WAY TOO NICE...she doesn't deserve you as a bridesmaid IMO.

 

[jewelerman]

Date: 8/24/2008 10:26:16 PM
Author:Neveah
Okay, quick back story. I was recently married (3 months ago) A couple weeks ago one of my best friends who was also a bridesmaid in my wedding got engaged. I am beyond thrilled for her! She asked me to be in her wedding and I of course agreed. I am so excited for them!!!

She has been going back and forth between many dates... from winter 2010 to a couple months from now. She called me up to announce that they have set a date! About 9 months from now. Perfect.
Then she says ''So, I don''t know what your plans are or anything.... but it would be awesome if you could NOT be pregnant for all the festivities'' Went on about not having fun at the bachelorette party, wedding etc because I wouldn''t be able to drink.
And before you ask... she was not joking.

Ummmmm..............

I was so shocked that I just kind of giggled and made some joke. Because honestly my husband and I (if things go well and hopefully) were planning to be expecting by then. We are in our 30''s and don''t have the luxury of time. Besides, we are ready! I certainly wouldn''t want to get pregnant this month and miss her wedding completely (I would be devestated) but I guess I don''t feel that being pregnant would take anything away from her day.
I had an 8 months pregnant bridesmaid in my wedding and she looked awesome! I didn''t care at all!! I loved that she was a part of it and I can''t wait to tell her son that he was ''in'' our wedding when he gets older!

But then again, that was my feeling.

I didn''t want to tell her we were planning on trying because why rock that boat if it didn''t happen for us AND right now is about her being engaged and all the excitement that comes with planning a wedding. I also would go to every part of the wedding waddling or not! I love her and can have fun anywhere, anyway!

But I need to ask and I''m ready for honesty. So please tell me. Am I the one being unreasonable? Selfish? We are great friends, and she''s the one who I really ''tore it up with'' in my single days. We''ve been through a lot together... I don''t know. I feel hurt. Should I?

If I do get pregnant, how do I tell her? Since she said something, do I owe it to her to tell her I''m planning on it so she can make the decision if she still wants me to stand up? I''m confused. What would you do?

Sorry this turned into such a novel!!!

The friend needs to grow up and mature before she gets married...shes not ready to deal with relationships on a grown up level...and im a little surprised that you are worried about how to tell this selfish person that you are pregnant and that you owe her so sort of explination...it is a shallow,self centered person who has demanded that you put your life on hold so you can party together for a few days...i would have told this friend right off that you are planning on it and that while you plan on attending the wedding it would be best that she find someone else.A emotionally heathy person or a true friend would have never put this expectation at your door step to worry about.Now stop worring and go get your self pregnant!

 

[princesss]

I really wouldn''t be suprised if she''s worried you''ll upstage her. I really, really wouldn''t.

That request is completely ridiculous and I''m upset on your behalf. Ugh.

Congrats on ttc!

 

[Gwyn]

Wow, some of you are being pretty harsh about this.

I am not in any way saying I agree with her asking her friend to not get preggers, however, I do not think that her intent was to hurt her good friend of many years by making an honest comment to her.

Recommending that she ditch 15 years of friendship just because her friend shared with her one of her crazy bridezilla fears just seems a lil over the top to me.

Think of all the other crazy bride confessions/fears you hear, like i don''t want anyone to be prettier then me or not inviting someone because of a fear of being upstaged. Weddings can bring out the craziness in people sometimes, it doesnt mean they are bad people.

It doesnt sound like she is saying she wouldnt be happy for Neveah if she were pregnant or anything like that. Just that it isnt ideal for her situation. Granted, implying that her ideal situation was more important then Neveah''s was a little out of line, I dont think we should be stringing her up just yet.

 

[icekid]

Add me to the list:

I can''t even fathom how someone even ponder telling you to not be pregnant for her wedding, because it might be less fun for her. INSANE. How about if you ask her to put off her wedding until you''ve given birth and are finished breast feeding, because it would be really difficult to be away from the baby for that long?

I agree with DF. I would tell her that unfortunately I will be unable to participate in the wedding, but I''m looking forward to attending as a guest.

 

[icekid]

Date: 8/25/2008 6:58:27 PM
Author: Gwyn

It doesnt sound like she is saying she wouldnt be happy for Neveah if she were pregnant or anything like that. Just that it isnt ideal for her situation. Granted, implying that her ideal situation was more important then Neveah''s was a little out of line, I dont think we should be stringing her up just yet.

I''m sorry; I don''t agree. If I were getting married, it would not #1 occur to me that my friend might be pregnant and make my day less fun nor more importantly, #2 to open my mouth about her family planning and tell her when it would be better for her to have a child EVEN IF #1 occurred to me.

 

[diamondfan]

the world does not stop for the bride to be. A friend who just got married and wants children is likely to start trying at some point and to tell her that she should refrain from doing so is ridiculous. Also, she is moving the date all around so it is beyond ludicrous to even be discussing her friend''s reproductive choices. That is the height of self involvement and egotism to me. She can ask her friend to be in the wedding and let it be. Otherwise she should not ask her, it is silly to put those caveats on someone and it is not her place to do so.

 

[musey]

Ditto/thritto/qaudritto/etc. all the people going

It is not her business to tell you to put your life on hold for her. I get her motivation, and her desire for you to participate to the "fullest," but it's still out of line for her to share that with you.

My MOH found out she was pregnant a couple of months ago, and her due date put her at 16 weeks preggo for the wedding. I was secretly wishing she were further along so that she'd have a more obvious baby bump for the wedding

I love pregnant bellies. I was so excited for her. Unfortunately, she lost the baby a couple of weeks ago

that IS affecting her ability to participate (she won't be coming to the big bachelor/-ette blowout weekend in Vegas that she was fully planning to attend), and while I'm sad about that, I'm MUCH more sad/concerned for her and her family that they've had to go through such a tough time.

Anyway, I just wanted to add to the pile of people saying that no, you're in no way overreacting. It is very inappropriate for her to dictate the course of your life for the next 9 months. You are NOT being inappropriate/unreasonable/etc., the timing of the growth of your family FAR outweighs the importance of your ability to drink at her wedding-related festivities.

 

[kama_s]

Oh wow. I presonally think she''s being too selfish. If you aren''t drinking at her bach party, how exactly is that afecting her anyways? She sounds like a person who needs to be in control always, which is somewhat necessary when planning a big event such as a wedding, but she kinda needs to put things in perspective here!

I would speak to her in a few days and explain that as much as her wedding is really important to you, there is a possibility you might concieve during this period. If she feels she isn''t comfortable with that, then say that you will be more than happy to assist her from the sideline.

I cant believe she''s putting you in a position where you need to choose between her wedding and pregnancy

 

[ljsmith001]

Two things:

A. People actually do this, and they aren''t joking. An old friend of mine kicked out her old HS best friend when she found out she was pregnant. She had already asked her to be in the wedding and taken her with her to pick out bridesmaid dresses. About a month later, the friend unexpectantly was pregnant and suddenly got booted from the wedding. She ended up not even attending the wedding and they didn''t speak for years.

B. While I would never be able to do this myself I can semi-understand how someone could think it. She wants you to be able to party with her at all the get togethers, the bachelorette party and the reception. She wants you to look "hot" I''m sure in her wedding photographs. I''m guessing most of the bridesmaids in the wedding are in shape and thin? Maybe? I dunno. Like I said, I can understand someone thinking this in their head, but not speaking it aloud. Jeez. I''m not sure what you should do. I wouldnt worry about it, if you get pregnant she can deal, if not then she will be happY!

 

[Gypsy]

Are you freaking kidding me? I don''t care HOW good a friend she claims to be. My best friend could tell me that and she''d get an earful. WTF does your private re-productive life have to do with being a bridesmaid!!

I would call her arse up and decline being a BM! And I would tell her WHY too. "Regardless of whether or not I''m pregnant, I don''t think I can stand up for you after that comment. I would have thought our friendship meant more to you than that."

How RUDE and SELF ABSORBED can you get. UGH!

 

[bensbride]

Date: 8/25/2008 11:37:42 PM
Author: Gypsy
Are you freaking kidding me? I don''t care HOW good a friend she claims to be. My best friend could tell me that and she''d get an earful. WTF does your private re-productive life have to do with being a bridesmaid!!

I would call her arse up and decline being a BM! And I would tell her WHY too. ''Regardless of whether or not I''m pregnant, I don''t think I can stand up for you after that comment. I would have thought our friendship meant more to you than that.''

How RUDE and SELF ABSORBED can you get. UGH!

Ditto.

 

[saltymuffin]

Best friends don't have to have the same values and ideas. You and your friend are evidience of this.

If I was in this situation, with someone who really was a good friend, I don't think I would say anything, UNTIL I got pregnant. This girl obviously doen't see being pregnant and having a baby as anything but a headache. She won't understand right now. Wait and see what happens. If you get pregnant in the next few months, you'll have to call her up and give her the news and offer to step down as a bridesmaid. Faced with the reality of the whole thing, she will likely be thrilled for you, and either beg you to remain in her wedding party, or have lots of time to find someone else.

If you get pregnant within a few months of the wedding, you won't be showing much, if at all by the wedding day. And again, faced with the reality of the situation, and your obvious excitement, she will likely realise that it doesn't matter and that her request was silly. If she gets hurt or angry, she is a truly selfish person who you might want to re-evaluate as a friend.

For someone mature enough to get married to suggest that you have to drink together to have fun is pretty sad.

 

[kittybean]

I wouldn''t throw away your friendship over this, but she is definitely out of line. I agree with the shocked bunch of previous posters. I would never, never say anything like that to any of my bridesmaids; I would be nothing but thrilled that my dear friend was able to have the family she so desired!

I think you can definitely decline the "honor" of being in her wedding if she continues to try and make decisions about your private family life for you.