How will you transfer your assets to your children? Maybe you won’t?

[mrs-b]

Both my husband and I came from very comfortable backgrounds, but both of us declined our parents' money when we left home. We both paid for our own education - tuition and accommodation - tho my father provided an apartment he owned for us at a very low rent when DH and I married. We were very lucky, but in no way without struggle. I worked part-time as a cleaner through university and DH and I were given boxes of beautiful, expensive food items by my father (my mother was deceased by this point) for the first couple of Christmases after we married. We eked those out and they filled in significant gaps in our food budget many times. My husband was given work by his father during his university holidays, and was over-paid for it, but he still did the hours and did have salable computing expertise. My FIL also was able to claim DH as an employee and there were tax breaks for FIL because of it. So we definitely had benefits - no question - but it was no cake walk. I remember having to go to a wedding, and needing to learn how to make a skirt so I had something to wear. We never went out for the first few years we were married (and I do mean never - except to other friends' houses) - and went from one month to the next where the only things we bought were gas and food.

We'll be splitting our inheritance between people and half a dozen charities. We'll be leaving money/things to my daughter and godson, DH's nephew/godson, and a few friends. But initially, most of what I have will be left to DH - and his grandparents lived into their 90's, so if he does that too, my daughter and our respective godsons won't inherit DH's and my joint estate till their 60's. This is no bad thing, and I've told them that my commitment to them financially isn't to make them wealthy in their youth or middle age, it's to secure their retirement and old age, so they never have to worry about medical care, housing, and assistance as they grow old themselves. For their late 20's, their 30's, 40's and 50's, they need to provide for themselves. But money from us will most likely kick in in their 60's. My daughter and godson's father, and DH's nephew/godson's parents, are all very comfortable, so they'll inherit from them also. So between us, we're basically removing the stress of "will I have enough money when I retire and get old??" All our beneficiaries will be very comfortable, so that worry, for them, is gone.

When I die - almost certainly well before my DH - I'm planning to leave my daughter a chunk of money (not huge, but not nothing either), and something small to each of my best girlfriends. The money for my daughter will be enough to pay off any student loans she has remaining from post graduate studies, to buy herself a new car, and to take a long vacation somewhere. There will probably be a little left over to start or contribute to her own business, I've also opened an account to cover her wedding, which she'll receive when she turns 30 if she's not already married. Her father completely covered/is covering her undergraduate degree, I'm covering an 18 month graduate diploma she's planning to do, and her father will cover her accommodation costs from the master's degree she's planning, tho she'll have to pay the tuition costs herself.

So from the way I see it, we've set her and her brother (my godson) up to be successful, without being overly comfortable or lazy, and we've secured the old age of the three people (daughter, godson and DH's nephew/godson) to whom we feel financial and emotional commitment. I'm leaving my 2 best girlfriends $20k each as a small thank you for a lifetime of friendship, tho you can't put a price on the wonderful blessing they've been to me my entire adult life.

 

[Snowdrop13]

Both my husband and I came from very comfortable backgrounds, but both of us declined our parents' money when we left home. We both paid for our own education - tuition and accommodation - tho my father provided an apartment he owned for us at a very low rent when DH and I married. We were very lucky, but in no way without struggle. I worked part-time as a cleaner through university and DH and I were given boxes of beautiful, expensive food items by my father (my mother was deceased by this point) for the first couple of Christmases after we married. We eked those out and they filled in significant gaps in our food budget many times. My husband was given work by his father during his university holidays, and was over-paid for it, but he still did the hours and did have salable computing expertise. My FIL also was able to claim DH as an employee and there were tax breaks for FIL because of it. So we definitely had benefits - no question - but it was no cake walk. I remember having to go to a wedding, and needing to learn how to make a skirt so I had something to wear. We never went out for the first few years we were married (and I do mean never - except to other friends' houses) - and went from one month to the next where the only things we bought were gas and food.

We'll be splitting our inheritance between people and half a dozen charities. We'll be leaving money/things to my daughter and godson, DH's nephew/godson, and a few friends. But initially, most of what I have will be left to DH - and his grandparents lived into their 90's, so if he does that too, my daughter and our respective godsons won't inherit DH's and my joint estate till their 60's. This is no bad thing, and I've told them that my commitment to them financially isn't to make them wealthy in their youth or middle age, it's to secure their retirement and old age, so they never have to worry about medical care, housing, and assistance as they grow old themselves. For their late 20's, their 30's, 40's and 50's, they need to provide for themselves. But money from us will most likely kick in in their 60's. My daughter and godson's father, and DH's nephew/godson's parents, are all very comfortable, so they'll inherit from them also. So between us, we're basically removing the stress of "will I have enough money when I retire and get old??" All our beneficiaries will be very comfortable, so that worry, for them, is gone.

When I die - almost certainly well before my DH - I'm planning to leave my daughter a chunk of money (not huge, but not nothing either), and something small to each of my best girlfriends. The money for my daughter will be enough to pay off any student loans she has remaining from post graduate studies, to buy herself a new car, and to take a long vacation somewhere. There will probably be a little left over to start or contribute to her own business, I've also opened an account to cover her wedding, which she'll receive when she turns 30 if she's not already married. Her father completely covered/is covering her undergraduate degree, I'm covering an 18 month graduate diploma she's planning to do, and her father will cover her accommodation costs from the master's degree she's planning, tho she'll have to pay the tuition costs herself.

So from the way I see it, we've set her and her brother (my godson) up to be successful, without being overly comfortable or lazy, and we've secured the old age of the three people (daughter, godson and DH's nephew/godson) to whom we feel financial and emotional commitment. I'm leaving my 2 best girlfriends $20k each as a small thank you for a lifetime of friendship, tho you can't put a price on the wonderful blessing they've been to me my entire adult life.

Love that you have organised this so well! These kids are lucky, lucky people.

 

[missy]

@mrs-b I agree completely with your thinking on this. You are taking care of everyone you love.

I forgot to say we are leaving $50,000 per cat to our friend who promised to take all 4. She doesn't know we are leaving money to her but to someone who is willing to take all our cats...they deserve that and more. It is very important to us to make sure our furry babies have a loving home to go to after we die.

And we are leaving a good amount to our favorite animal charities as well.

 

[mrs-b]

@mrs-b I agree completely with your thinking on this. You are taking care of everyone you love.

I forgot to say we are leaving $50,000 per cat to our friend who promised to take all 4. She doesn't know we are leaving money to her but to someone who is willing to take all our cats...they deserve that and more. It is very important to us to make sure our furry babies have a loving home to go to after we die.

And we are leaving a good amount to our favorite animal charities as well.

@missy - there was never any doubt in my mind that you'd be caring for your cats and various animal rescues. You and I share the same heart in this regard. <3

 

[missy]

@missy - there was never any doubt in my mind that you'd be caring for your cats and various animal rescues. You and I share the same heart in this regard. <3

Aww thanks. And I know. We are kindred spirits.

One concern I have about the kitties though is this friend recently got another cat and now has five. So if we have four at the time of our deaths that’s going to be challenging. But I can’t find anyone else willing to tile all our cats together. Hopefully we won’t need to have her take them but if we do hopefully everyone will get along.

 

[seaurchin]

...There’s a lot of guilt in my mind relating to my children, after all, I brought them into this sometimes awful world. I’m always questioning myself about their upbringing, although I really did try my best. I feel responsible for them and worried about their futures. Is it just me? Or does anyone else out there feel this compulsion to smooth the way?

I'd guess most parents feel at least a little guilt about how they raised their kids. I don't feel much though because I think we did pretty well overall. At least a little worry about their futures also probably just comes with the territory imo.

We've always tried to smooth their way, for ex. with cars and college. It would be different if they misused our help to be lazy or spoiled but they used it well. They don't really need our help any more though (knock on wood).

When we go, our will leaves them whatever is left equally and they can do what they want with it, with no extra safeguards or conditions. Based on what we've seen so far, we trust them to handle it.

 

[yssie]

Aww thanks. And I know. We are kindred spirits.

One concern I have about the kitties though is this friend recently got another cat and now has five. So if we have four at the time of our deaths that’s going to be challenging. But I can’t find anyone else willing to tile all our cats together. Hopefully we won’t need to have her take them but if we do hopefully everyone will get along.

Missy your friend will do right by them. I’m sure of it.

I’ve agreed to take in others’ cats and dogs should something happen to them. If the worst case ever came true - I would cherish all six newcomers because they’ll be reminders of the people I loved so much and lost. And if the combining just wasn’t working for them, I would find another arrangement that did make them happy. I’m confident your friend feels exactly the same way about you and Greg and your babies

One concern I have about the kitties though is this friend recently got another cat and now has five. So if we have four at the time of our deaths that’s going to be challenging. But I can’t find anyone else willing to tile all our cats together. Hopefully we won’t need to have her take them but if we do hopefully everyone will get along.