How will you transfer your assets to your children? Maybe you won’t?

[Snowdrop13]

Inspired by some comments on my other thread. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. We are U.K. based so I guess levels of wealth are not what they are in the US. My husband and I are employees- reasonably well paid but not likely to become part of the 1%. Most of our friends and family have gained money from property and decent pensions, rather than business success. I think it will be difficult for my own kids to access some of these things as easily, so I intend to pass on most of my estate before I die, by helping them out. I’m making sure they have no debt from university then will give them help to buy a property when the time comes.

There’s a lot of guilt in my mind relating to my children, after all, I brought them into this sometimes awful world. I’m always questioning myself about their upbringing, although I really did try my best. I feel responsible for them and worried about their futures. Is it just me? Or does anyone else out there feel this compulsion to smooth the way?

 

[missy]

My husband and I have a will that established a trust protecting family to whom we are leaving our material wealth.

During this time I am giving my nieces some of my jewelry but they are still young so the very expensive pieces will be left to them when we die. My nieces will have to be a certain age to be able to access the money we are leaving them. We want them to be old enough and wise enough to manage the finances well.

We have thought this out thoroughly and with the help of our trusted attorney and advisers. Hopefully we have left no stone unturned. No one likes to think about their eventual death but it is a cold hard insudputable fact. Two things in life are certain. Death and taxes. And hopefully our wills can protect our family from the latter. LOL

 

[missy]

There’s a lot of guilt in my mind relating to my children, after all, I brought them into this sometimes awful world. I’m always questioning myself about their upbringing, although I really did try my best. I feel responsible for them and worried about their futures. Is it just me? Or does anyone else out there feel this compulsion to smooth the way?

I completely understand the way you are feeling and in no small part was the reason I did not want children. I am an HSP and feel things too strongly. It is a serious deterrent in my life I cannot lie. And it was a big part of the decision not to give birth to children ourselves. I know myself very well and I am 100% confident we made the right decision. For us.

I know you will do the best you can for your children @Snowdrop13 I have no doubt about that. They are lucky to have you and vice versa. And remember you can only do the best you can and be assured that the building blocks you gave them will be sufficient to see them through any challenges and they will create a good lives for themselves in this difficult world.

 

[Austina]

It’s never to early to start financial planning should your assets be more than the inheritance tax threshold. With the price of property in the UK, it’s not that difficult to exceed the threshold.

 

[Lookinagain]

Answering this from the U.S. when you are in the UK probably doesn't work as I don't know anything about your taxes. I'm not an estate tax expert, but in the U.S. you can only give away, free of tax, $15,000 per person, per year. Anything over that is counted as part of what exemption you get from the Federal Estate and Gift tax when you die, assuming you are honest and report gifts over $15,000. So giving your wealth away before death isn't necessarily a tax advantage. The advantage, as I see it, is giving your children the money when they need it, which might be now. Depending on the amount, I gather you could owe a gift tax now, but not certain about that. But again, I'm in the U.S. and you aren't so I can't help there.

 

[Snowdrop13]

My husband and I have a will that established a trust protecting family to whom we are leaving our material wealth.

During this time I am giving my nieces some of my jewelry but they are still young so the very expensive pieces will be left to them when we die. My nieces will have to be a certain age to be able to access the money we are leaving them. We want them to be old enough and wise enough to manage the finances well.

We have thought this out thoroughly and with the help of our trusted attorney and advisers. Hopefully we have left no stone unturned. No one likes to think about their eventual death but it is a cold hard insudputable fact. Two things in life are certain. Death and taxes. And hopefully our wills can protect our family from the latter. LOL

Your family are so lucky that you have put so much thought into the process.

 

[Snowdrop13]

I completely understand the way you are feeling and in no small part was the reason I did not want children. I am an HSP and feel things too strongly. It is a serious deterrent in my life I cannot lie. And it was a big part of the decision not to give birth to children ourselves. I know myself very well and I am 100% confident we made the right decision. For us.

I know you will do the best you can for your children @Snowdrop13 I have no doubt about that. They are lucky to have you and vice versa. And remember you can only do the best you can and be assured that the building blocks you gave them will be sufficient to see them through any challenges and they will create a good lives for themselves in this difficult world.

Thank you @missy for the lovely comments. I think that most people do not think the whole parenting thing through, they want a baby and don’t consider further down the road! It is a tough job, even when the kids are healthy and otherwise happy. I just hope that my two can find contentment and make a small difference to the world.

 

[Snowdrop13]

It’s never to early to start financial planning should your assets be more than the inheritance tax threshold. With the price of property in the UK, it’s not that difficult to exceed the threshold.

So true. But it’s difficult, isn’t it, not knowing how long one will live, or if long term care will be needed. I don’t mind paying taxes but I’ve been very frugal and a good saver. We haven’t spent money on things we could have, such as fancy cars (DH drives a battered old Skoda, for example) or exotic holidays, I really don’t want to see that money vanish into the taxman’s coffers!

 

[Snowdrop13]

Answering this from the U.S. when you are in the UK probably doesn't work as I don't know anything about your taxes. I'm not an estate tax expert, but in the U.S. you can only give away, free of tax, $15,000 per person, per year. Anything over that is counted as part of what exemption you get from the Federal Estate and Gift tax when you die, assuming you are honest and report gifts over $15,000. So giving your wealth away before death isn't necessarily a tax advantage. The advantage, as I see it, is giving your children the money when they need it, which might be now. Depending on the amount, I gather you could owe a gift tax now, but not certain about that. But again, I'm in the U.S. and you aren't so I can't help there.

I believe we can give away as much as we like as long as we live for 7 years after the gift. Inheritance tax kicks in at a much lower level here, around £1million, so it makes sense to do that. We are older parents too, which is a bit of a pressure!

 

[missy]

Thank you @missy for the lovely comments. I think that most people do not think the whole parenting thing through, they want a baby and don’t consider further down the road! It is a tough job, even when the kids are healthy and otherwise happy. I just hope that my two can find contentment and make a small difference to the world.

I completely agree.

Just because we can have kids doesn't mean everyone who can should. I gave this lots of thought when I was younger but the truth was I knew from the get go having kids wasn't something I wanted to do. From when I was very young I knew I did not want kids. One because I didn't think I could survive it. The emotional toll. Feeling everything they felt but hundreds of times stronger (HSP here). Intuitively I just knew it wasn't right for me/us.

I know it is the hardest job anyone can do. And it's forever. For those who have kids and its the most rewarding experience in their lives and they do their very best for their children- that's what it is all about.

I agree with you in that I wish everyone thought long and hard about it before getting pregnant. Then maybe there wouldn't be so many unwanted children. So many abused children. And so much heartache in the world. The ramifications of being unloved and unwanted reverberate far down the road for everyone in this world.

 

[Piper70]

We are about to update our will so this is a timely question for us. Our boys graduated from college with no debt ( one had full scholarship and other had half trust, half paid by us but now has law school debt ) so they started off in a good place. We helped a lot with both weddings but that will be it for a while. My husband and I worked really hard and feel that they need to do the same to really appreciate everything they get. They have never been “poor” and have a tendency to be a little wasteful in their spending. We do give generous birthday and Christmas gifts especially for needed items ( appliances, house project materials) and we will be setting up trusts for current and future grandchildren.

 

[MissGotRocks]

When the last of us dies, our children will split what is remaining 50/50. They both graduated college debt free thanks to us. At that point, I felt we had raised them and educated them to the point of being able to well take care of themselves. My husband and I did not come from wealthy families and have never inherited a dime from anyone. What we have, we have worked for and the children are expected to do the same. They both have a great work ethic and I am very proud of them. Together with their spouses, they take very good care of their families, and have bought their own homes.

I have no way of knowing how much money there will be at the end of our lives. Will we still be in the same house? Will we have sold and moved? Will we have medical bills or long term care bills? These are the things in life that are impossible to calculate. What is left, is theirs. While we don't intend to waste money, we will not deny ourselves things in order to be able to leave the money to our children. We have discussed all of this with them. My two requests were 1) please do not fight over anything. If something can't be decided on, sell it and forget it. and 2) if applicable, use the money first and foremost for the grands college educations. If that is done, then feel free to use it any way you want. I know and understand that I can't truly control it from the grave, but I felt it appropriate to tell them what my hopes for it were. There are personal things, i.e. jewelry, etc., that have been earmarked for each of them. They are perfectly fine with all of that.

Guilt? No, I have no guilt about any of it. The world is the way it is and I cannot change it all by myself. I do think about the world they will live in and the world that my grandchildren will live in. It is frightening on some level and yet I am sure our parents might have felt the same way about us. Life goes on until it ends. . . not much of it truly in our control. You do the best you can and let go of the rest.

 

[missy]

When the last of us dies, our children will split what is remaining 50/50. They both graduated college debt free thanks to us. At that point, I felt we had raised them and educated them to the point of being able to well take care of themselves. My husband and I did not come from wealthy families and have never inherited a dime from anyone. What we have, we have worked for and the children are expected to do the same. They both have a great work ethic and I am very proud of them. Together with their spouses, they take very good care of their families, and have bought their own homes.

I have no way of knowing how much money there will be at the end of our lives. Will we still be in the same house? Will we have sold and moved? Will we have medical bills or long term care bills? These are the things in life that are impossible to calculate. What is left, is theirs. While we don't intend to waste money, we will not deny ourselves things in order to be able to leave the money to our children. We have discussed all of this with them. My two requests were 1) please do not fight over anything. If something can't be decided on, sell it and forget it. and 2) if applicable, use the money first and foremost for the grands college educations. If that is done, then feel free to use it any way you want. I know and understand that I can't truly control it from the grave, but I felt it appropriate to tell them what my hopes for it were. There are personal things, i.e. jewelry, etc., that have been earmarked for each of them. They are perfectly fine with all of that.

Guilt? No, I have no guilt about any of it. The world is the way it is and I cannot change it all by myself. I do think about the world they will live in and the world that my grandchildren will live in. It is frightening on some level and yet I am sure our parents might have felt the same way about us. Life goes on until it ends. . . not much of it truly in our control. You do the best you can and let go of the rest.

Actually you can control some of where your money goes. You can leave a percentage or monetary sum to your grandkids. Born and unborn. Of course you trust your kids to do other right thing and that works too. But for those who want to make sure their grandkids college education is provided for you can stipulate that in the will. I’m sure you know this. Just stating for others who might not be sure.

 

[MissGotRocks]

Actually you can control some of where your money goes. You can leave a percentage or monetary sum to your grandkids. Born and unborn. Of course you trust your kids to do other right thing and that works too. But for those who want to make sure their grandkids college education is provided for you can stipulate that in the will. I’m sure you know this. Just stating for others who might not be sure.

Yes, I do know that but the money is being left to our children. They are the grandkid's parents and I know they will provide for their children accordingly. The last of us may die after their college educations are completed. I honestly do not feel the need - at least at this point in my life - to control every dime of what may be left. I have friends who honestly worry about all of this daily. They worry that the money they are leaving might be foolishly spent - and it well could be. I tell them to leave part of it to the Humane Society if they really feel that way - lol! What I know for sure is that they won't know anything about it after the fact so why waste time and energy worrying over it? You can only make the best decisions that you can based on what you know about individual situations. Situations change; wills can be rewritten. Beyond that, you have to let some things go. Life is too short.

 

[elizat]

I don't have any children of my own. My husband has a 15 year old son and we honestly don't connect, even after years. I don't see it changing. We don't have wills yet, but probably need to get them done. I'm 40, so I haven't done it yet.

The rub will be that I don't intend to give anything to his son when I die that is mine, because I don't have that connection to him. So, whatever personal property I have, retirement accounts, savings, etc., I don't intend to pass to him, aside from maybe a small amount as a token (under $4000 is my thought) .

As for property, my thought is that whatever house or real property we own at the time, he can designate the percentage he wants to give to his son and if it's 50% that's fine, but my half of the real estate we own at the time will go to my brother and they can sell it together or one can buy the other out, assuming he dies before me, which is more likely due to the age gap.

A lot of people will think it cold that I don't intend to leave everything to his son, because he is my stepson, but we just don't have that relationship or connection and I've long accepted it. If my brother and his partner have children, I would also leave money/things to them.

 

[MamaBee]

We have to update our will..Ours will be more complicated because we have an adult son with Autism who will need care for the rest of his life. We do have a trust set up for him that upon our death money is funded into an account. He can’t have money of his own because it affects programs he needs to have access to because you can’t fund them privately..The red tape is awful. We are actively looking for a house near our middle son in Virginia. When we move there we will update the will. It’s too labor intensive to do it again when we know we’re moving.
We didn’t come from money..We both worked hard as a unit to be able to pay for all of their schooling..We paid for my oldest son’s college and MBA. The middle son had his college and law school paid for by us..We were happy we were able to set them up with their education so they could live the life they choose. The youngest is the one with Autism..so no college for him..We are focused on setting him up for our passing. Hopefully that won’t happen for a long time! We also never bought our oldest sons new cars like everyone we knew did. We let them use our extra car..or helped them purchase a used car.
We started a college fund when my first grandson was born..Every birthday and Christmas we put money in his college fund account. We also started one for his two year old brother when he was born. They will not know about this account until they are old enough to attend college. We buy them normal gifts for birthdays and Christmas. Hopefully we will be able to tell them when they are looking at colleges.

 

[danusia]

DH and I have wills, TOD on investments, beneficiaries listed other accounts, etc.

 

[dk168]

Childless by choice, and my siblings are also childless.

DK

 

[Ally T]

We had to change our Will completely after the sale of the company last year. We now have trusts in place for the children, which they can access at 25 but don't get control of until they turn 30, regardless of whether we are alive or not (I hope we are!). But even then they will still have Trustees in place to ensure their financial decisions, needs & wants are counter checked & sound. They will also inherit everything that Mr T & I have, including all investmenst & finances, upon the death of the last one of us.

It was a long & complicated process to put it all in place & we couldn't have done it without a savvy Financial Advisor, but all our boxes are ticked & ducks are in a row.

 

[Mrs_Strizzle]

We too have ours in Trusts. Our children will not have any control of any of it until the youngest is 40 (he is 13 now) if we both have passed at that time. We felt like prior to that the $ would probably be squandered like we've seen others do. I also want my children to understand the hard work and sacrifice that we made to build what we have. We both came from humble beginnings. We have what we've got by wisely investing, working our butts off, taking calculated risks, with a splash of being in the right place at the right time. So if they cannot inherit before 40 they will have to build something themselves or not and appreciate how lucky they are when they do get a windfall. I will not be inheriting anything, in fact will probably be supporting my parents at some point. My kids are seriously blessed. I have zero guilt about that.

On a side note, our best friend says he read in a book as a child a story where the nephew had to earn/ build a million dollars himself before he could inherit multi millions from his uncle. He says he's doing that too, lol. Not sure if he's serious, but I wouldn't be surprised. He came from extremely modest background as well.

Editing to add that because of our humble beginnings I feel that the money is really just fluff. It doesn't make you happy if you aren't already. It isn't what matters in life at all, which is why I have no problem withholding it from our children until they are older.

 

[Mrs_Strizzle]

I forgot to say in my post above that I also tease my children that I'm selling the house we live in when they leave and living in my Airstream so I can live in their driveways until their wives get sick of me then I'll go to their brother's driveway until his wife is done too, and so on . That's the beauty of 5 children! They think I'm serious and you should see their faces. So they will be earning that inheritance! Ha

 

[nala]

I often wonder if money does spoil offspring and if there is a certain threshold which is considered excessive. I know that growing up in poverty motivated me to accomplish more than many of my peers who were afforded more financial security. I always worried that by giving my DD more than I had, she would not learn to be financially independent. My compromise was to allow her to graduate college debt free, travel around the world with her, expose her to new experiences, and provide her with indulgences based on good grades, etc.
Now that she is 24, she will no longer allow me to use my money as leverage, lol. I can threaten to disown her and she will laugh and say, good thing I don’t need your money. While I’m proud of her, I do feel somewhat underappreciated for all my efforts and sacrifices to the extent that I do not intend to make any more in order to give her more.
Some of my siblings and friends have helped their children into buying homes, but I really don’t want to take that experience from her. I want her to know what it’s like to buy your own house.
And perhaps this is very short-sighted of me. I’m certain many posters here got a big head start into real estate bc of their parents—and are still wonderful people. I would love to hear how those of you who were raised in affluence managed to stay well-grounded and financially responsible.
ETA: the biggest gift I can give my DD is the ability to care for myself in my old age.

 

[elizat]

I often wonder if money does spoil offspring and if there is a certain threshold which is considered excessive. I know that growing up in poverty motivated me to accomplish more than many of my peers who were afforded more financial security. I always worried that by giving my DD more than I had, she would not learn to be financially independent. My compromise was to allow her to graduate college debt free, travel around the world with her, expose her to new experiences, and provide her with indulgences based on good grades, etc.
Now that she is 24, she will no longer allow me to use my money as leverage, lol. I can threaten to disown her and she will laugh and say, good thing I don’t need your money. While I’m proud of her, I do feel somewhat underappreciated for all my efforts and sacrifices to the extent that I do not intend to make any more in order to give her more.
Some of my siblings and friends have helped their children into buying homes, but I really don’t want to take that experience from her. I want her to know what it’s like to buy your own house.
And perhaps this is very short-sighted of me. I’m certain many posters here got a big head start into real estate bc of their parents—and are still wonderful people. I would love to hear how those of you who were raised in affluence managed to stay well-grounded and financially responsible.
ETA: the biggest gift I can give my DD is the ability to care for myself in my old age.

Not raised with money, but I agree with your view. Raised by a single mom until I was about 12. Clothing from garage sales, relied upon annual deer hunting in the family for meat, are spam before it was cool, etc. You get the picture.

My mom remarried and money got easier, but my parents are solidly middle class. I was lucky to get out of college without debt, between scholarship money and them paying the difference. Law school was on me. They had a small life insurance policy they cashed out that was bought for me for my first house or my wedding. I put it to the house, as there was no spouse on the horizon then. It was about $5k. I bought my first house in 2006. Stupid time to buy, for sure. Took years to be not underwater.

I think them getting me through college and the bit of help with the policy money was more than enough. It taught me to work, save, budget and live within my means. I had a job starting at 14. My one big regret is they didn't open an IRA for me so I could save wages from part time work. I plan to do that with the stepson. The earlier you save for retirement the better.

So, no, I don't think you are doing a disservice to her by saying she's own her own.

 

[Austina]

For us, because we only had one child, we started estate planning when he was 18. The inheritance tax allowance was paltry at the time, so my DH was keen to ensure that our hard earned assets, on which we’d already paid considerable tax, didn’t get gobbled up.

We paid all his expenses during his 4 years at University, bought him a new car when he was 17. Only because insurance for 17 year old boys is horrendously expensive, and Ford were giving a year’s free insurance with the purchase of a new car - something they quickly stopped when they realised it was costing them so much money DH started a pension fund for him when he was 18, we also gave him money for his first apartment. All of these things were done with the caveat that he was not to drive recklessly or the car would be taken away from him, and that he was not to get in debt, or the apartment would be sold.

When he moved to the US, we gave him the money to buy his house, and made full use of the tax free gifts we could give him every year.

Now that we live here too, we no longer have to worry, as the inheritance tax threshold is much more sensible, so if we end up spending whatever money we have on long term care, then that’s what we’ll do.

He hasn’t taken advantage of our generosity, and has appreciated everything we’ve done for him.

 

[Lookinagain]

I often wonder if money does spoil offspring and if there is a certain threshold which is considered excessive. I know that growing up in poverty motivated me to accomplish more than many of my peers who were afforded more financial security. I always worried that by giving my DD more than I had, she would not learn to be financially independent. My compromise was to allow her to graduate college debt free, travel around the world with her, expose her to new experiences, and provide her with indulgences based on good grades, etc.
Now that she is 24, she will no longer allow me to use my money as leverage, lol. I can threaten to disown her and she will laugh and say, good thing I don’t need your money. While I’m proud of her, I do feel somewhat underappreciated for all my efforts and sacrifices to the extent that I do not intend to make any more in order to give her more.
Some of my siblings and friends have helped their children into buying homes, but I really don’t want to take that experience from her. I want her to know what it’s like to buy your own house.
And perhaps this is very short-sighted of me. I’m certain many posters here got a big head start into real estate bc of their parents—and are still wonderful people. I would love to hear how those of you who were raised in affluence managed to stay well-grounded and financially responsible.
ETA: the biggest gift I can give my DD is the ability to care for myself in my old age.

I think a lot depends on personality. Some people are just workers and would work no matter what money they had. So inheriting a fair amount of money wouldn't mean that they didn't continue to work and strive to accomplish things on their own and save their own money. Just like some people continue to work well after retirement age, even if they have plenty of funds and don't need to work. They just want to. Others may not want to work and if inheriting money meant they could stop, they would. Or they would squander it. I think it really depends on the person.

 

[Bron357]

We only have the one and she will want for nothing.
As my grandmother and mother before me, I have and will continue to share on my jewellery while still alive. Unfortunately DD doesnt have an addiction to jewellery like I do but she adores my opals. There are some family inherited pieces that DD knows should stay in the family. Other than that she can sell and do what she wishes with rest.
Fortunately here in Australia there are no death taxes and there are no tax implications on gifting most items (cars and property excluded) while still alive except if either party is in receipt of government benefits (like age pension). There are annual gifting limits or your benefit entitlement is adjusted accordingly.
When DH retires we will sell up and move to the Country. We will buy a large apartment here in Sydney for DD and ourselves should we visit Sydney.
There is quite a bit of money to come our way once my parents and DH mother passes and DD will also inherit later on from DH sister (who has no partner or other family).
DD would have enough to not work if she was so inclined but she is totally committed to working in Medical Research, so thankfully money will not have to be a consideration in regards her pursuing her dreams.
DD is so different to her cousin (my sisters daughter). My niece has very expensive and demanding tastes, didn’t work hard at her schooling and since finishing school has already dropped out of two “career courses”. Now 20 she lounges around at home wanting money from her parents for clothes, makeup and going out with no inclination to get a job. Sad really. My sister did spoil her but I think her personality has a lot to do with it.

 

[TooPatient]

Just an observation watching my grandmother....
She was generous with helping her kids through the years. Tend of thousands given to pay various things for them (that, frankly, should not have been) to help them out. Now she needs around the clock care. Caregivers are running $4,000-5,000 per WEEK. Even with her two daughters helping 1/3 to 1/2 the time. She thought she had insurance to cover. She paid for decades into long term care insurance! Now she is stressed about running short of money and my mom is scrambling to sell the first property my grandparents ever bought plus their little cabin. Gifting while still alive is awesome, but do be aware and super careful that you have enough in your older years!

 

[Lookinagain]

Gifting while still alive is awesome, but do be aware and super careful that you have enough in your older years!

This is a very good point. yes, it's nice to gift to your children as much as you can, especially if you are avoiding taxes while doing so. However, giving too much can put you and/or your children in strange positions. If you don't keep enough to make sure no matter what the expense your assets can cover it, then you have to rely on your children to either care for you, or pay for that care. Yes, maybe they would be paying for it from assets you gifted, but what if they had spent more than they should have, or what if their spouse doesn't like you as much as your child does, etc. I'm gifting some to my daughter while I'm alive, but honestly, I'm keeping the bulk of my estate until I die, in trust, but also revocable, so not avoiding estate taxes. She will get it after. She may have to pay taxes, but at least she won't need to choose between spending her time caring for me, or using money I gifted to pay someone to (and potentially arguing with a spouse as to how to spend the money I gifted). And honestly, I never want my daughter to have to care for me when I can't care for myself. It's too much of a burden that I don't want to give her. My money can pay someone who does it for a living, not out of obligation. What is ever left over, my daughter can have.

 

[Snowdrop13]

Just an observation watching my grandmother....
She was generous with helping her kids through the years. Tend of thousands given to pay various things for them (that, frankly, should not have been) to help them out. Now she needs around the clock care. Caregivers are running $4,000-5,000 per WEEK. Even with her two daughters helping 1/3 to 1/2 the time. She thought she had insurance to cover. She paid for decades into long term care insurance! Now she is stressed about running short of money and my mom is scrambling to sell the first property my grandparents ever bought plus their little cabin. Gifting while still alive is awesome, but do be aware and super careful that you have enough in your older years!

Wow, that is expensive. Care at home is currently free here but I don’t see how our country can continue to provide that in the long term. I think a care home is at least £1000 a week. It‘s a difficult balance, I can see that. Maybe gifting anything above the inheritance tax threshold is the way to do it.

 

[nala]

I think that I learned to stop trying to “smooth the way” when I realized that my DD is an adult. Just like I have no say in her lifestyles choices—even tho I have advice which I sincerely believe would “smooth the way” but she is not willing to take—I don’t intend to use my money to make her life easier. Her college education and experience is priceless and I have to trust that she now has the tools to survive in this hostile world. Of course, I say this now bc she is healthy. I can understand parents who have children whose health is an issue.

And I reiterate, my wealth will be used to take care of me long term. Right now my six siblings and I are all pitching in to care for my 83 year old mom and it can be very draining. Our children have seen us carry this responsibility and are all aware that we should put ourselves first, bc they don’t want to be in our shoes.