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How will you pay for the wedding?

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NakedFinger

NakedFinger

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 8, 2009
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Just wondering what everyone plans to do? Have you been saving for it? Using credit cards? Or are your parents paying for it? My mom is kicking herself that she cant pay for it, but as one of 6 kids, honestly I wasnt expecting her to! LOL
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A number of years ago, my dad gave me some money he had saved up. Said it had been earmarked as a wedding fund for me but that I could use it for whatever I wanted.

At that time, I had no FF in sight and considered using it as a downpayment for a condo. For a number of reasons, I didn''t go through with the purchase. About a month later, I met my BF. Soon after that, I tucked the money away.

We haven''t yet decided how "big" we''re going to go on our wedding, so... we may use some or all of that money, and we may also need to chip in for a portion on our own, using savings we anticipate will be in our joint account by the time we hope to get married. We have no plans to go into debt to pay for a wedding.
 
I''m lucky to have my parents paying
 
If we get engaged, it will be all us. I even told him once I do not want our parents to pay a penny and he said he wouldn't have it any other way. We will probably do small destination wedding and hoping to keep it under 15K. I haven't gone into debt for anything but my education, so I definitely don't plan to start now. There is always the courthouse for under $100.
 
Date: 8/14/2009 11:57:21 AM
Author: nkarma
If we get engaged, it will be all us. I even told him once I do not want our parents to pay a penny and he said he wouldn''t have it any other way. We will probably do small destination wedding and hoping to keep it under 15K. I haven''t gone into debt for anything but my education, so I definitely don''t plan to start now. There is always the courthouse for under $100.
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Your entire quote is exactly how I feel. My mom is going nuts trying to find a way to pay for it, and I said even if you saved a ton of money I wouldnt take it from them. If they were very wealthy, or all the kids were out of the house, then maybe. But I am one of 6 kids, 4 of which are home still. The youngest ones are 11, 7 and 5. So they have their hands full and any "extra" money my parents had I would not feel comfortable spending on my wedding.

I also was thinking the same thing about the credit cards. I dont use CC''s AT ALL. If I dont have the money in my checkign account, I dont buy something. So while I am feeling desperate and was thinking of getting a CC, I dont want to put everything on a card and start our marriage in debt. I think I will just have to do a DW and keep it low key with what I have in savings.
 
Date: 8/14/2009 12:07:43 PM
Author: NakedFinger

Date: 8/14/2009 11:57:21 AM
Author: nkarma
If we get engaged, it will be all us. I even told him once I do not want our parents to pay a penny and he said he wouldn''t have it any other way. We will probably do small destination wedding and hoping to keep it under 15K. I haven''t gone into debt for anything but my education, so I definitely don''t plan to start now. There is always the courthouse for under $100.
Click to expand...
Your entire quote is exactly how I feel. My mom is going nuts trying to find a way to pay for it, and I said even if you saved a ton of money I wouldnt take it from them. If they were very wealthy, or all the kids were out of the house, then maybe. But I am one of 6 kids, 4 of which are home still. The youngest ones are 11, 7 and 5. So they have their hands full and any ''extra'' money my parents had I would not feel comfortable spending on my wedding.

I also was thinking the same thing about the credit cards. I dont use CC''s AT ALL. If I dont have the money in my checkign account, I dont buy something. So while I am feeling desperate and was thinking of getting a CC, I dont want to put everything on a card and start our marriage in debt. I think I will just have to do a DW and keep it low key with what I have in savings.
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I know it sucks to have small wedding if you were imagining a big day. I luckily never have. Even if I was quite wealthy as well, I don''t think I would do it. There is just so much more that I would like to spend 50K (the cost of several friends special day)....a house, the honeymoon, quit my job for a year, to name a few. So yeah you can always have a super huge 25th anniversary party when you both have more income and savings. All I know is I am getting married on a beach and I only have 2 others I care to be there. I agree that debt is very bad!
 
My parents have already insisted on paying for it. They want a nice event for about 100-120 people - they have a lot of money and I know it would make them happy to pay for the wedding, so I''m going along with it. If I was paying for it, I would have a 15-person wedding with immediate family only and honestly think I would like it more...
 
Were going to be paying for most of it ourselves! Instead of wedding gifts from close family, I am hoping we''ll be able to ask for partial photography, cake, music, etc. hopefully that will help us out. I''m also looking at DIY projects and doing things more cost effectively.
 
it will probably be a combination of my parents, us, and his mom (in that order). I''ve mentioned saving up for the wedding in passing to my parents numerous times and they''ve pretty much been like ''Don''t worry about it, we''ve got it''. Still, I think we will pitch in also. It depends on a few things financially though.

It shouldn''t end up costing *too* much since we plan to do the whole destination wedding thing... I figure could probably spend about 10k- well below average- and end up with something pretty nice. Even that is probably more than what we would HAVE to spend to do DW, but I would rather ballpark it on the high side in case my dress and things like the photographer come in high.
 
FI and I will be paying for the wedding. All of our parents are nearing retirement age and we want them to save their money toward that. He and I are going to keep the guest list right around 100, in order to keep costs down. I think my mom wants to help out with my dress because it is important to her. I am fine with that, since it is something she really wants to get involved with and I do not plan to buy an expensive dress.
 
I''m already married but wanted to chime in. We paid for our own wedding and saved up for 3 yrs. I had a cousin who went into debt because of her wedding. They used credit cards, took out loans, ect Because of this, I said to myself I would never do that. We got engaged...ppl asked when were we getting married, we estimated 3 yrs (since we wanted to buy an apt too in NYC) and ppl criticized us for taking so long. The 3 yrs flew by, our planning was timely and not stressful, we bought the apt, paid for the wedding in cash...and started our marriage out without a huge debt burden. The first yr of marriage can be stressful...last thing anyone should have is the stress of debt because of their wedding day.

GL to you all who are planning their weddings...have fun!
 
I have a decent amount of savings I could pull from for my wedding, I would be willing to use half of it. My Dad has offered a small amount of money. I think I could pull off the wedding of my dreams it it is small (50-80 people). The problem is my BF has a large extended family and I could see his mother expecting us to invite all of them. But my BF feels strongly against going into debt over this, and said if that is an issue, he will talk to her and discuss options.
 
Date: 8/14/2009 8:14:09 PM
Author: LtlFirecracker
I have a decent amount of savings I could pull from for my wedding, I would be willing to use half of it. My Dad has offered a small amount of money. I think I could pull off the wedding of my dreams it it is small (50-80 people). The problem is my BF has a large extended family and I could see his mother expecting us to invite all of them. But my BF feels strongly against going into debt over this, and said if that is an issue, he will talk to her and discuss options.
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yikes, sounds like you have some sticky, diplomatic conversations in your future. i hope it all works out in budget with minimal hurt feelings!
 
Date: 8/14/2009 8:40:20 PM
Author: suchende
Date: 8/14/2009 8:14:09 PM

Author: LtlFirecracker

I have a decent amount of savings I could pull from for my wedding, I would be willing to use half of it. My Dad has offered a small amount of money. I think I could pull off the wedding of my dreams it it is small (50-80 people). The problem is my BF has a large extended family and I could see his mother expecting us to invite all of them. But my BF feels strongly against going into debt over this, and said if that is an issue, he will talk to her and discuss options.
Click to expand...

yikes, sounds like you have some sticky, diplomatic conversations in your future. i hope it all works out in budget with minimal hurt feelings!
Click to expand...


I am sure it will be OK. My BFs family comes from a wealthy background. My family does not. I think once they realize that my Father cannot afford to host a lavish wedding they will understand. They are reasonable people.
 
my parents are gonna help chip in but it will mostly be on us.
 
Date: 8/14/2009 8:12:44 PM
Author: atroop711
I''m already married but wanted to chime in. We paid for our own wedding and saved up for 3 yrs. I had a cousin who went into debt because of her wedding. They used credit cards, took out loans, ect Because of this, I said to myself I would never do that. We got engaged...ppl asked when were we getting married, we estimated 3 yrs (since we wanted to buy an apt too in NYC) and ppl criticized us for taking so long. The 3 yrs flew by, our planning was timely and not stressful, we bought the apt, paid for the wedding in cash...and started our marriage out without a huge debt burden. The first yr of marriage can be stressful...last thing anyone should have is the stress of debt because of their wedding day.

GL to you all who are planning their weddings...have fun!
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Good for you! This is exactly the way we plan to go about things.

I would love a nice wedding but even the close friends and family affairs can cost a truck load of money. Money we just don''t have right now. I don''t want or expect my parents to contribute except for turing up, enjoying themselves and being happy for us. We''ll be having a long engagement (2-3 years) in which to plan, save some money for a nice small (possible destination) wedding and a deposit on a house. That way it''s much less stress and pressure. There is no way we''re starting married life in debt (other then a morgage) so I can have, what is esentially, a really big party. It''s not nessesary and i''m the practical sort.

If we had all the money in the world I think i''d still want a reasonably small wedding, just a really really fancy one
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Diamond encrusted shoes, one of a kind designer gown..........
 
We got married a few months ago and myself and D, my parents and his parents each paid a third. We didn''t spend a huge amount and everyone was very happy with the way it was split. We each got a third of the guest list as well.
 
Technically i am paying for the wedding, as a ''perk'' with my job i can salary package a certain amount of money a year, among other things you can have money put onto a credit card that you can spend on anything, so this year i am having $300 a fornight put onto the card and as it builds up i am using it to pay for wedding things. I have just found out that we can get a ''meal/entertainment'' card as well that is used specifically for dining out and take away, you can even pay the caterer with it, so i have just organised that for $200 a fortnight as well, essentially, i am paying for my wedding with tax free money. We are hoping to not have to dip into any of our own money to pay for anything and that the cards will cover the lot.

My parents gave my sister money for her wedding and i had just assumed that they would give me the same amount as well, what they have done for one, they do for the other, but apparently not, so we are paying for it ourselves and we are having a backyard wedding!
I am not that bothered that neither of them wanted to contribute to my wedding because it just means that i can have exactly what i want without having to listen to my mother going on about what she thinks is best.
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Date: 8/15/2009 5:56:52 AM
Author: hawaiianorangetree
Technically i am paying for the wedding, as a ''perk'' with my job i can salary package a certain amount of money a year, among other things you can have money put onto a credit card that you can spend on anything, so this year i am having $300 a fornight put onto the card and as it builds up i am using it to pay for wedding things. I have just found out that we can get a ''meal/entertainment'' card as well that is used specifically for dining out and take away, you can even pay the caterer with it, so i have just organised that for $200 a fortnight as well, essentially, i am paying for my wedding with tax free money. We are hoping to not have to dip into any of our own money to pay for anything and that the cards will cover the lot.

My parents gave my sister money for her wedding and i had just assumed that they would give me the same amount as well, what they have done for one, they do for the other, but apparently not, so we are paying for it ourselves and we are having a backyard wedding!
I am not that bothered that neither of them wanted to contribute to my wedding because it just means that i can have exactly what i want without having to listen to my mother going on about what she thinks is best.
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First, that''s SUCH a cool perk! What a great system! And secondly, wow, I would''ve been really upset if my parents did that. Well, they do already actually - they''re paying for my brother''s full education (despite the fact that he really doesn''t want to go to college) and didn''t pay anything for me (undergrad or master''s). I think the only reason I wasn''t upset is because I love my silly little brother so much and I''m happy he has it easier than me.

As for us, we paid for our wedding ourselves with our savings. We spent quite a bit, but we still have a significant chunk of savings to buy a house etc. Plus, we have a lifetime to save up more, so we were comfortable spending all that on our wedding.
 
My husband paid for the wedding, as I was just finishing school. In addition, in the Quebec tradition, the parents of the bride pay, and in the Viet tradition, the parents of the groom paid. Luckily, my husband could afford it and we ended up having (what he describes as the perfect day). I think the unfortunate thing about weddings that even when you try to keep the costs as small as possible, it ends up being more then you think. We ended up having 140 people, and when we tallied up everything it was actually almost TWICE our original budget
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.I''m a very bugget conscious (i.e cheap person) but throughout the whole process my husband didn''t want to skimp on anything. In retrospect, I think I should have worried about money less and enjoyed the process more. Very quickly after the wedding, I pretty much forgot about how much anything cost.
 
I guess we still follow the traditional route of planning to pay for our daughters'' weddings and hope the groom''s parents will pay for the rehearsal dinner. We will have a budget for a relatively nice (not elaborate) Sat. evening wedding (church and country club) for around 125 people.
 
Date: 8/15/2009 12:32:13 PM
Author: kama_s


Date: 8/15/2009 5:56:52 AM
Author: hawaiianorangetree
Technically i am paying for the wedding, as a ''perk'' with my job i can salary package a certain amount of money a year, among other things you can have money put onto a credit card that you can spend on anything, so this year i am having $300 a fornight put onto the card and as it builds up i am using it to pay for wedding things. I have just found out that we can get a ''meal/entertainment'' card as well that is used specifically for dining out and take away, you can even pay the caterer with it, so i have just organised that for $200 a fortnight as well, essentially, i am paying for my wedding with tax free money. We are hoping to not have to dip into any of our own money to pay for anything and that the cards will cover the lot.

My parents gave my sister money for her wedding and i had just assumed that they would give me the same amount as well, what they have done for one, they do for the other, but apparently not, so we are paying for it ourselves and we are having a backyard wedding!
I am not that bothered that neither of them wanted to contribute to my wedding because it just means that i can have exactly what i want without having to listen to my mother going on about what she thinks is best.
3.gif
Click to expand...
First, that''s SUCH a cool perk! What a great system! And secondly, wow, I would''ve been really upset if my parents did that. Well, they do already actually - they''re paying for my brother''s full education (despite the fact that he really doesn''t want to go to college) and didn''t pay anything for me (undergrad or master''s). I think the only reason I wasn''t upset is because I love my silly little brother so much and I''m happy he has it easier than me.

As for us, we paid for our wedding ourselves with our savings. We spent quite a bit, but we still have a significant chunk of savings to buy a house etc. Plus, we have a lifetime to save up more, so we were comfortable spending all that on our wedding.
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Thanks Karma! It definately is a cool perk of the job. Your highlighted comment really rung a bell with me, but i think it''s because i''m the one that had it easier in a lot of ways, being the youngest by 9 years, i guess my sister kind of paved the way for me,and even though financially we got the same things, in a lot of other respects it was easier for me, so maybe that is part of the reason that i am not all bitter and twisted about it. (like i thought i would be).
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we (DH and I) opened up an account together and just put away some money in the account, we paid everything through our joint account in cash, No help from either parents. Our wedding was small and budget friendly, but still beautiful I thought
 
Saving up.
 
We are paying 15k+ with our own cash, but this is only because we have really good jobs and at this point, the wedding is what we want to spend our extra money on. Luckily we''ve had about 16 months to save for the wedding, as well. FI''s parents are taking care of rehearsal dinner/honeymoon, and my mom bought my dress and will help with some smaller things, but other than that...its all us! If we didn''t have good jobs, we would literally be panicking - we would probably have a tiny backyard wedding (which would be fine, but we both want the large traditional event.)

We also are not taking out any debt; we will be buying a house 60-90 days after the wedding and want zero consumer debt before meeting with a lender.
 
FI''s mum and my Dad are giving us some money, and we are paying for the rest.

Starting to get a little worried as I am having such trouble finding work and don''t know if we will make our savings targets
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I had always thought that we would pay for it all ourselves, but I am starting to think that my parents might chip in a bit - they paid for my 21st (without me asking) and they have been paying for meals and drinks for us for other occasions - such as my graduation party.

I would never ask them though. I think that we should be paying for it on our own, but if they offer, I won''t turn it down.
 
We''re paying for it ourselves, actually I''ll be paying most of it since he''s got quite a bit of credit card debt already. I think my mom will probably offer to pay for my dress or something but she doesn''t have the means to pay everything. Not sure I''ll take the money or not, we''ll see.
 
BF and I have discussed it a few times and neither of us want a wedding. Nothing about weddings or wedding planning excites either of us at all. The way I put it to him is that I completely understand why people love weddings and want their own, but the only part of that I am interested in is the ring and actually being married, and we don''t need a wedding for that. :)

We have both said we would really love to just have a big party to celebrate, or maybe one for family and another for friends, once we are married. Not sure yet whether our parents will help with that, but if they don''t, we''ll each save some and pay for it. We both have said we''d be fine with just getting married at a courthouse, but the more we''ve discussed it, we think it would be great to take a long weekend and get married somewhere like on a beach. Nothing big, maybe have two or three friends go with us for the actual ceremony if we do that. And we would pay for the trip and whatever that ceremony would cost.

I honestly love hearing about other people''s weddings and wedding plans, but I am so relieved that BF and I agree that we don''t want to deal with all that.
 
Date: 8/14/2009 9:23:03 PM
Author: LtlFirecracker

Date: 8/14/2009 8:40:20 PM
Author: suchende

Date: 8/14/2009 8:14:09 PM

Author: LtlFirecracker

I have a decent amount of savings I could pull from for my wedding, I would be willing to use half of it. My Dad has offered a small amount of money. I think I could pull off the wedding of my dreams it it is small (50-80 people). The problem is my BF has a large extended family and I could see his mother expecting us to invite all of them. But my BF feels strongly against going into debt over this, and said if that is an issue, he will talk to her and discuss options.
Click to expand...

yikes, sounds like you have some sticky, diplomatic conversations in your future. i hope it all works out in budget with minimal hurt feelings!
Click to expand...


I am sure it will be OK. My BFs family comes from a wealthy background. My family does not. I think once they realize that my Father cannot afford to host a lavish wedding they will understand. They are reasonable people.
Click to expand...
LilFirecracker, I''m sure this will work out well. This is what happened for my wedding. My father had saved for it but had envisioned something smaller (and so had I). It turned out that my husband had also saved for it and wanted to contribute to make it bigger as he had always imagined something different. Then it turned out that MIL had a large guest list--but was willing to add the amount of money for the catering dinner for each addition that she had. The wedding kept growing--but the process all went smoothly. It turned out to be a WAY bigger wedding than my family or I would have thought of, but also one that made everyone happy (and no one was in debt).
Best to you, I''m sure it will be great. I hope you have a very good marriage (and it sounds like you will, you have an ability to compromise).
 
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