How to motivate child to do school work?

[Elmorton]

One thing to be careful about is that depression and ADD often have similar symptoms. One thing that seems very telling though is that your son isn''t responding to rewards and responds with "oh well, who cares" type things - that''s a depressive pattern.

Second, it''s probably good idea to decrease the anxiety around homework time. Both as a child and as an adult, I''ve never responded well to verbal encouragement/motivation. Some people don''t. As a kid, I needed to set my own schedule and time frame and feel as if I were setting my own perimeters. Maybe ask him to create his own schedule so he works on his own time so he can feel more in control of the situation. And, it could be expensive, but maybe a daily after school tutor? When I was his age, I always had my homework done every Thursday because that''s when I went to the math tutor. Otherwise, it was anybody''s guess. Having someone else to work with and being out of the house might make doing homework a little more bearable and also puts on less pressure since he won''t be seeking the same kind of love and support from a tutor as he does from you.

This also reminds me - in grad school, I did some projects on learning and space. While I focused on classroom space, I also found out that some people need to be in the same place in the classroom every time to learn without distraction. Others need to move around often to learn from different perspectives. I''m in that second group - in fact, I need to move so much that I always vary my study space when I have a project to work on. I go to coffee shops, different rooms in a library, etc, sometimes work with music, sometimes not... if there is a routine that your son expects of sitting down in the same place and having the same frustrations, that space is not the best learning/working environment.

 

[Pandora II]

Oh dear, sounds very like I was at school.

My parents in desperation took me off to a child psychologist, having been told that I was educationally sub-normal. I spent 2 days doing tests with the man, and the report came back putting me in the top 0.2% of the UK for IQ, with a reading and vocab. age about 8 years above my actual age.

I significantly underachieved most of my life and was deeply unhappy at school. I only did well when I had one-on-one tuition, then I did extremely well. I always did well in exams, but coursework and homework (if I did it) etc no chance. I also didn't see the point in getting more than the minimum I needed to get to the next level, or the point in learning things that had no practical use - except things to do with my interests like learning lists and lists of dinosaurs and all their different habits. (I'm pretty much the same way still - only now it's gemstones that I'm fixated one!

)

I do have bipolar disorder and mild aspergers which probably had a lot to do with it. The aspergers was more of a problem than the bipolar I think.

If I was interested in something I would devote hours of time to it - if I wasn't, then forget it!

My father, who also has mild aspergers (but not BP) was exactly the same. Both of us went to schools where they literally beat things into you, it doesn't work I'm afraid!

A lot of people with aspergers have very high IQs and very advanced language skills - we just have difficulties in other areas... A lot go on to have fantastic careers, and are ideally suited for some jobs. My own father did medicine at Cambridge, won the Surgery Medal in his final year and is now a very successful doctor. I got straight A grades in my final exams and went on to university - drove my teachers to distraction (I was predicted all A's or all Fails, one or the other!)

I would suggest having him checked for aspergers - there is a lot that can be done these days to make life easier for people with it. Not in the form of drugs - but in ways of teaching and behavioural therapy. Also helps with teachers being more understanding. I wasn't diagnosed till years after I left school sadly. But at least I know in case my own children have it.


The friends issue is normally quite a good indicator. I had very few friends at school (despite being a superficially outgoing person). I hated any kind of team-work because I might have to consider someone else's ideas. So I either did my projects alone, or if I was forced into a group I would either take total control or refuse to do anything.

I didn't want friends over in the holidays or at weekends as I had my own hobbies and interests. To be honest I didn't really want friends as it was too much hard work!

I'm still pretty similar, given the choice between going to a party or staying at home with my books and laptop, the latter wins everytime - unless I'm hypomanic! God, I really shouldn't be allowed to breed!

 

[Fancy605]

Hey, Island. As a teacher, I can totally say that I have seen the type of behavior your son is displaying quite a bit in adolescent males, namely my 8th graders. They can be very bright, but totally uninterested in any school work that does not fit into their areas of giftedness. Rather than trying something new and failing, they''d rather just not try anything at all. Some of my very brightest students are SUPER apathetic about any work that doesn''t cater specifically to their talents and or interests. Oddly, I find that many of those totally apathetic gifted kids end up being my favorite students. A lot of kids are simply okay with just getting by with what they know and not learning anything that is not of interest to them (unless they can be tricked into thinking it is interesting by their wily instructors). But this apathy thing is not something that necessarily means your son has any mental issues (although if you have concerns about his mental health, by all means address them. I''m just saying it may not be that). It may very well just mean that he is a highly gifted, unmotivated student who is afraid of failure.
Anyway, it sounds to me that your son is EXTREMELY verbal/linguistic and is likely an auditory learner. You might want to try some of the following strategies with him:

*Since he is very verbal, perhaps you could offer to let him dictate written assignments to you to write down. You could alternate: You write while he dictates. Then he writes by himself. Then you can switch back. Or, you could write what he dictates down, and he can revise it and recopy it himself. Sometimes this works with kids, and eventually they begin feeling comfortable working solo.
*Have you ever tried letting him type assignments? I have a lot of students who will not put pen to paper, but JUMP at the chance to type something up.
*Multiplication tables are SUPER important. Even if he will be allowed to use a calculator, he should still memorize them. Because he sounds like such a verbal child, perhaps it would benefit him to HEAR the multiplication tables presented. I cannot recall what the series is called, but there is a series of short songs about the various multiplication tables that I remember listening to over and over again as a kid. I still sing the songs in my head when I am multiplying things. Maybe this would help you son.
*Also, there are some totally cute tricks with multiplication tables. Obviously 1X,2x,5x,10x, and 11x are pretty easy, but there is a neat trick with the 9X tables as well. (He may already know it) Check it out:
http://math.about.com/bltricks.htm
*I know you say that he doesn''t value anything specifically, but there''s got to be SOMETHING. Figure out what he really values and limit it. I knew of a student once who didn''t care about anything: i pod, TV, internet, nothing. Her parents finally figured out that the only thing she valued was clothes. When she didn''t do her work, they took all her clothes away and left her with some sweatshirts and sweat pants. That''s all she got to wear. She did her work pretty quickly after that b/c she did NOT want to wear that.
I know that motivation needs to be internal, but outside consequences can sometimes work towards that.

 

[lumpkin]

Island, I just wanted to share with you because my 10 year old is doing better about his homework this quarter.

I have been emailing and talking on the phone with his teacher, and he knows it. I''ve talked to him about what she said, that he is not in trouble but that we are trying to find ways to help him be able to stay with his homework. He has ADHD, and there is a little closet inside the classroom right by the teacher''s desk. When he gets overwhelmed with noise and distractions, she allows him to do his work in that closet. They leave the door open, but it''s kind of like letting him have blinders on. He doesn''t see every distracting movement from his neighbors and that has helped him stay on task at school. Also, they have a lot of writing, and he hates to come home and write a lot more when he''s been writing all day. With his teacher''s approval, I sometimes have him dictate to me written sentences. He has to tell me what punctiuation belongs where, so the answers are truly his, I''m just taking dictation, basically. I also tried making it a little fun. It''s cold here, so when we get home I make hot chocolate and try to have a little snack for him. We talk a little about his day and anything funny or good he can think of telling me. Math has been a challenge, but only on the memorization of multiplication and division. He is struggling hard with that, but complex concepts, like metric system measurements, fractions, and long division he''s doing really well at. I just praise praise praise whenever he sticks to a task. He''s been coming home with A''s on everything but those blasted multiplication/division timed tests. I just encourage him that we just need to memorize the tables and everything else will come in time. I have shared any positive comments his teacher has made, one of which is that she thinks he is very bright and that kindness comes through him -- how he is kind and helpful to his classmates. He beamed when I told him the last part. I think praise really helps to motivate my son -- it makes him try even harder. Criticism has to be measured carefully or he gets very discouraged and wants to give up. I also made up some blank certificates about 8 1/2 x 3 inches and it has praise phrases on them, like "Fantastic Follow-through!" with stickers on them. Then I write a note on it about what he did to earn the certificate. I''m going to start putting a date on them, which I haven''t been doing. But he does get a real kick out of them and proudly shows them to his dad and brother.

Also, I''ve been reading "Jack and Jill" by Louisa May Alcott to him. I had never read it before but it''s with a whole group of children''s literature books I got from my husband''s family that belonged to his sister (she has no kids). It''s so inspirational and definitely demonstrates good character. I find myself trying to be a better person, too! My kids both love to be read to, and even though he''s 10, if he still wants me to read to him, I will. I just think it''s a great way to share a love of literature.

Anyway, maybe that will spark some ideas for you. And, we''ll see how my son does as the quarter goes on.....

I hope he keeps it up.

 

[zoebartlett]

Fancy, I just taught my second graders (my students) the nines trick and they LOVE it! They keep trying to do it for other numbers too.

I use a token reward system with a few of my students, similar to the one that Sera described. They''re young enough that thay generally do pretty well with the system(s) I have in place. I''ve often divided up the day into short chunks. For each assignment that a few of my students put their best efforts into (and if they''ve tried really hard to complete something), I color in part of a picture that is on their desk (or I have the individual do it). When the picture is completely colored, they''ve earned a reward. I let them choose a reward from a set of about 5 things. Usually they choose a few extra minutes of time on the computer, a few minutes of extra recess, or something else just as special to them. Would something like that help?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I''m so sorry I missed this when it was first posted! Let me just say first of all that this is not normal behavior and you do need to have him privately evaluated. If I understood you correctly, you have only had him checked by the school psychologist? They really can''t diagnose much of anything. You need a private psychologist who specializes in children and learning disorders. His symptoms could out him in a number of categories. ADHD came to my mind first with homework taking so long and lack of focus at school. But the root could be depression, anxiety, non-verbal learning disabilities, etc.

I''d recommend that you make an appointment for a private psychoeducational evaluation and in the meanwhile, please get a copy of the book, "The Myth of Laziness" by Dr. Mel Levine.

 

[Fancy605]

ZoeBartlett, my students actually taught me that trick. We were totally distracted from English for about 10 min while I had a fit over how cool it was and tried out different numbers with them. (I guess I can pass it off as cross curricular activities). I wish I''d known it sooner! My entire academic life would have been way easier.