Wedding How to involve the FILs in planning?

[iwannaprettyone]

I really want to ask my fmil and fsil''s to help (as much as they want) in the planning.

Any good ways of approaching this?

 

[Shoopy]

You are such a sweetheart. There are so many stories of women hating that their inlaws want to be involved so its refreshing that some want them involved.

My FMIL has always wanted a daughter and so I know she feels like she’s missing out on what moms of the bride get to do during the planning. I made the decision a long time ago that the dress shopping would be reserved just for my mom. But every other aspect of the planning, I would involve FMIL (especially since my mom is about 4 hours away).

Anyway, how far along are you in the planning process? What do you have left to do? (that would give me a better idea of what they could help with)

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Left to do:

EVERYTHING! hahaha

I have my dress and shoes (still no accessories)
BMs dresses are ordered
Vendors are booked
Guestlist (which Fmil helped with) is complete
Invites are being printed
Centerpieces are done

We are doing our own food and flowers.

OMG...I have so much to do!

 

[espressa]

Could your FI mention it to them for you? Maybe say something like, "iwanna was wondering if you both were interested in helping with the wedding planning. We know how some parents really get into it and others don''t, so we just wanted to let you know that you''re more than welcome to help us plan things if you want, but if you don''t really want to, that''s cool too."

For stuff involving the FIL''s, I''ve found that being totally honest and sincere typically works best. If you feel weird having your FI mention it to them, you could do it yourself, but they might feel less pressured if FI tells them (assuming they aren''t interested - if they do want to help I''m sure they won''t feel pressured at all and will be thrilled you''d like their input!).

 

[havernell]

Are your FILs hosting a rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding? Planning that is one way they can feel involved in the overall wedding planning. Also, if your FIs side of the family is planning a shower for you, I'm sure they'll be involved in that too.

Other than that, you can give them specific tasks, especially tasks that are related to their talents. For instance, we asked my FMIL to do the research into the hotel blocks for our guests because she's good at sweet talking her way into deals at hotels. She also has a side business making gift baskets, so she is going to put together our out of town welcome baskets. Finally, my MIL has really pretty handwriting, so we've asked her to address the invitations. Perhaps your MIL is crafty or has other talents that could be put to good use.

Thinking on the fly here... You mentioned you are doing your own flowers. Perhaps your FILs could help research the best place to order your flowers from. You could also ask your FILs if they have any special requests for songs to play at the reception. Are you giving out any favors? If so, maybe your FILs could help source the materials and/or put them together. Or help make escort cards. Basically, if there are any little tasks you need to do, you could outsource them to your FILs.

ETA: Just realized you asked *how* to ask them to help, not *what* to ask them to help with. Oops. On how to ask them, I would just start a conversation with them about what you've done so far in terms of planning, then talk about what you still need to do, and then ask if they would mind helping with a few of the things still left to do. Or have FI have that conversation it if that's more comfortable like espressa said.

Good luck!

 

[pocahontas]

Date: 7/17/2008 10:17:43 AM
Author: espressa
Could your FI mention it to them for you? Maybe say something like, 'iwanna was wondering if you both were interested in helping with the wedding planning. We know how some parents really get into it and others don't, so we just wanted to let you know that you're more than welcome to help us plan things if you want, but if you don't really want to, that's cool too.'

Iwanna - I really like Espressa's suggestion. I think this approach demonstrates yours and FI's interest in having them involved without the pressure of having to say yes if they're not interested. You could then do what Havernell suggested and follow up with conversation with FMIL and FSIL's letting them know what still needs to be done and ask them what they'd like to help with. Of course, if you're pretty certain they'd would be all over being involved you and your FI could approach them together, or you on your own. By the way, I agree with Fiery that it's very thoughtful to involve your FIL's in your wedding planning and I'm sure they'll be thrilled and honoured to be included in the process.

 

[CJ2008]

I agree with espressa and pocahantas...