Wedding How long did you wait to set a date?

[meresal]

*** MY first BIW post... Eeek!! ***

Lots of people keep asking me if we have set a date... but we really have no specific time frame.

We aren''t planinng on beginning the planning process for at least a month or possibly even more. We tried the planning thing a while ago, I got stressed after a week, and said no more until we are engaged. Now that we''re engaged, we are perfectly happy with where we are right now, and really don''t feel the need to rush things just because "that is what comes next".

If you didn''t have a specific date or time frame in mind, how long did you wait to start the planning process, or setting a date? Are there perks to going ahead and picking a date, and then starting the planning when you feel ready? Is it ok to wait a while to set a date?

 

[Shoopy]

Hi!!! Was it you that said you wanted a Disney wedding? I can''t remember.

That''s all I wanted to ask really LOL. I will say that we had set a December 5, 2009 date before he even proposed but am now finding out that venues are more expensive in December so we are switching to sometime in October (which is why I''m asking if you''re going to Disney to suggest *not* having a date in December LOL).

Anyway, people really should just let you enjoy being engaged for a while

 

[Laila619]

Hi and congrats!

We didn''t want a long engagement so we set a date right away. We looked at venues 2 days after we got engaged!
I would recommend not waiting too long. It''s easy to keep putting it off and after a while you risk things starting to stagnate. Planning is stressful but it''s also fun to jump into planning right after you get engaged because you''re both so giddy!

 

[havernell]

Sometimes your date gets kind of determined for you based on the availability of the venues you want for your ceremony and reception. So, I wouldn''t get your heart sent on a specific date before you start looking at venues and seeing what dates they can accommodate you. Naturally, the farther out you want your wedding to be, the more options you''ll have on dates (i.e. if you are looking for a date in 2010, a lot of dates will still be free now, but if you are looking for a 2009 wedding, you''ll be a lot more restricted in your choice of dates).

We got engaged in March, started looking at venues during the summer, and didn''t sign a venue contract (thereby setting the date) until I think October or so. It worked well for us, but everyone is different.

Don''t feel pressured to start looking at venues/setting a date now if you don''t want to. Just enjoy being newly engaged for a while! Before we started planning, we took a while to REALLY think about what kind of wedding we''d want and talk about the expectations each of us had for the day. Also, you need to make a few decisions even before you start looking at venues, like a rough guest list so that you have an idea of numbers. Afterall, you shouldn''t look at venues that can only seat 75 people if your potential guest list is 200 people!

I honestly think people ask "have you set a date yet" because they aren''t sure what else they are supposed to say. So, I wouldn''t let it get to you. Just say, "not yet" and leave it at that.

Congrats on being engaged!

 

[Rhea]

We knew what date we wanted to get married and immediately jumped in once we decided to get married. Rings, and what family considers to be the offical engagement - because apparently you''re not engaged if he does ask you with a ring according to my family

, came some time after the setting of the date, dress shopping, and looking for venues.

 

[bee*]

We waited about three weeks before we went venue hunting. Over here, you kind of have to see what dates the venues have free rather than pick a date yourself, so that''s how we ended up with our date.

 

[Sabine]

We knew the VERY general time frame before we got engaged (summer of ''0 because with our schedules, it had to be a summer. We then waited almost a year to start actively planning, which was a year before we actually got married.

I say enjoy time being engaged before jumping into it if it works for you, but it really depends on how limiting your schedule is, and be aware that if you don''t give yourself enough time to plan, the places you want may already be booked.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

We waited about 1.5 months. It really depends WHEN you want to get married. If you are planning a wedding for next summer, I would suggest you start looking soon as spaces fill up fast. Don''t start too soon though, you need at least a few weeks to enjoy being newly engaged!

 

[mimzy]

we had a time frame in mind before we got engaged, and we set the date about two or three weeks after we got engaged, and it was largely due to venue availability and my school.

unless you guys don''t mind being engaged for a long time (2 years +) i wouldn''t wait too long to think about when you want to have it. you don''t want to decide in december that you want a spring wedding and it''s four months away, you know? but if you really don''t have any preference about a time frame then wait until you are ready, just make sure that your heart isn''t set on an 09'' wedding! of course this is totally dependent on where your wedding will be...like bee said, some venues/cities book up years in advance, whereas if you are in small town iowa or having it at a not-so-popular venue you might not have to give so much notice. and you can always set a date/book a venue and then sit on the engagement for a few months! we got our major stuff booked within a month of getting engaged and then didn''t do anything for a good three months or so!

and congratulations!!

 

[lindsaylove]

Meresal, congratulations!!!!! FI and I got engaged in March, and we are just now starting to plan. To be honest though, I''m a little stressed because I am finding that things are booking up quickly. I think especially if you are picking a popular season (any weekend in June, etc.) that you should start planning as soon as you feel *ready*, but the sooner, the better. I think it is very nice to just enjoy *being engaged* for a bit before you dive into planning stress (we totally did this - had dinners with our friends to celebrate, visited family, had an egagement party, etc.), but keep vendors/venues booking and timing in mind as much as you can. Sorry if that doesn''t help too much...

Again, congrats!!! I love your proposal story!

 

[swimmer]

Congratulations!
We set a date immediately, because we had to work around academic schedules, the home/away dates for Celtics, Red Sox, and the University of Tennessee Football schedules. That left exactly one weekend that worked, so it wasn''t like I really had any say in it. Good luck to you!

 

[joflier]

We set a date right away, as we wanted a shorter engagement.

 

[Pandora II]

We were engaged on xmas eve 06 and my parents put a deposit on the venue in the first week of January 07. Wedding was 26th July 08.

If you want a summer Saturday, you have to move fast - less than 18 months in advance you will find it starts to get hard to find venues. I booked the venue, the registrar (it's more complicated in the UK) and the photographer in the first month and then did nothing for the next 6.

Make sure that anything you really want is sorted and booked early.

 

[violet02]

We already had in mind the time of year we wanted to get married (sept or oct in Carmel, best time of year there). We had already started unofficially planning before the engagement so when we got engaged last December we paid the planner we'd already been talking to and put the deposit down on the house we were renting by the ocean to get married at that we'd already taken a look at. Also I knew if we waited then we'd have to wait til '09 to get married in Carmel. We are planning a couple of big trips next spring/summer of '09 so I didn't want the wedding to compete with that as well. We set the exact date about a month later once we knew what our photographer's schedule was, his schedule kind of determined which saturday... (i love his work!).

Like everyone has said it really depends on when you want to get married. If you don't care about what time of year then I would say take your time and then give yourself like a year to plan it. No point in rushing yourself. I've had about 10 months to plan (2 months to go!) and between that and my full time job and taking classes it's been quite hectic lately. I just made sure to get a LOT done in the beginning so that I'd have less to stress about now.

 

[DMBsGirl]

I booked my date one week after getting engaged as I didn''t want a long engagement and could only get married during certain times of the year because i work in a school. Vendors and halls book very quickly in my area, so I made sure to get all the major things booked, then I had several months where I did nothing. Now, four months before my wedding, I am taking care of all the smaller things that need to be done. I will have exactly one year and 3 days between engagement and wedding.

 

[Blair138]

I think it depends on where you live. We got engaged, went on vacation for a week, so I didn''t get to look anywhere until 2 weeks later. I was stressed because around here, some people plan 2 years in advance!!! I ended up finding a place no problem but found a few places had absolutely no availability in summer 09 (the season I was set on because I''m a teacher). Most places had no May/June availability when I looked last month-so just something to think about! Congratulations and good luck!!

 

[palomablancabride]

I already had the date in mind not many would have worked since I am a teacher and part-time grad student, it was December ''08 or August ''09 and I wasn''t waiting over a year! We got engaged in on May 17 and had the date set for sure by the end of the month.

 

[bettina]

We''ve been engaged since early January and haven''t set a date yet. We probably won''t for a few months. Right now we''re just enjoying being engaged and together. The planning and stress can wait while we save money for the wedding and our house.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Congrats!

It took a few months..we debated earlier vs. sooner and decided on earlier. The main perk to picking a date is one of the first 2-3 questions every vendor will ask is "What's the date?" They need to know if they're available, etc. I found that if the date is too far off they are only so-so interested in talking to you at times, but generally the good ones want to book as early as possible. It's okay to wait, but don't plan on getting much set in stone while you're waiting.

ETA: And welcome to BIW hehe!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I remember when I first got engaged, I didn''t have a huge desire to start the planning process. I used to say "just let me enjoy being engaged, I have waited my whole life for this!"...but I also wanted to get married in July, in 2007...you probably remember...7-7-07. Well, those triple 7''s weren''t as lucky for me when it came to wedding planning as they are in Las Vegas. I had to consider that July, to begin with, is a busy month...and that year, imparticular was insane. So, I needed to start planning if I wanted to get anything I wanted!!!

I think taking your time, stress management, and organization are the keys to staying sane.

A good first step, even if you''re not totally in planning mode, is to at least look at a calander and bounce some dates around. Remembering key things like, May is a big month for graduations is important. Get the imput of key friends (future wedding party) and family when selecting. I wouldn''t however narrow it down at this point, since you don''t have a venue you like/love.

Then I would visit several venues, which can be a lot of fun!! Spend a couple Saturday nights "wedding crashing" or popping your head into the ballrooms/facilities to see what a wedding there actually looks like in full swing! Meet with wedding consultants, and allow the number one venue to pick your date (due to availability).

These are both things I believe should be done as quickly as possible, just because great places with reasonable prices usually book up first.

Good luck and remember have fun. If it feels like work, you''re not doing it right...take a few days off!

 

[Haven]

We set the date before we were actually engaged. When we saw that the Fourth of July fell on a Friday we knew we wanted that date, so we contacted my rabbi about a week before we were engaged to ask him if he was available that day. When he said he was, that was our date! We did not tell anyone else, however, until a few weeks after we were engaged.

I think it depends on what is most important to you--for many brides the venue dictates the date. For us, our officiant was most important because the ceremony was the most important part to us.

 

[CrookedRock]

I guess I am kinda in the minority here... We got engaged May 24th, and we still don''t have a date yet. We have a lot of factors playing into this (destination wedding (kinda) at a house we are building...complicated). We are hoping for everything to happen November 2009 but we won''t know until at the earliest... January!

You have to do what feel right to you. If you want to rush, then rush. If you want to take your time, then take your time! Enjoy being engaged, it really is such a short stint...

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 8/7/2008 10:34:19 AM
Author: CrookedRock
I guess I am kinda in the minority here... We got engaged May 24th, and we still don''t have a date yet. We have a lot of factors playing into this (destination wedding (kinda) at a house we are building...complicated). We are hoping for everything to happen November 2009 but we won''t know until at the earliest... January!

You have to do what feel right to you. If you want to rush, then rush. If you want to take your time, then take your time! Enjoy being engaged, it really is such a short stint...

Well we didn''t set a date until 6 months into our engagement.

 

[KimberlyH]

We were engaged in mid-December, started looking into venues, etc. in January, set a date in early January. I didn't find wedding planning stessful, though, we really enjoyed it.

We had no date in mind, just knew we wanted to be married within the year, we selected our venue, then looked at their availability and the availability of the hotel where we wanted to spend our honeymoon. That actually dictated our date, as they only had one week open, so we were married the Saturday before that week, and left for our honeymoon the following morning .

 

[Bia]

I like the idea of having a long-ish engagement. Gives you time to enjoy being engaged, plus there might not be as much stress in terms of planning. We are hoping for a Fall 2010 wedding...if this is the case, then we will be engaged approx 2 years. For me that works because I want to finish school and have a significant nest egg.

BUT, you should do whatever you want. If you want to relax and enjoy this time, do it. If you''re ready to start the process, go for it! Congrats again!

 

[meresal]

You girls are awesome!! Thanks for all the input. It's really nice to hear that not all engagements are structured the exact same way. I would really like to hold off for a bit, but I'm going home tomorrow to see my family this weekend, and I know my parents will ask a few questions. So C agreed to think of what he wants, and we are going to sit down tonight and throw some ideas around that I can share with my parents. I just want the entire thing to move at our own pace, and not feel like I've lost control of the entire experience.

Our biggest issue with starting the planning is figuring out where the heck it is going to be. I'm youngest of 5, (3 girls, 1 boy... all girls married) so I'm kind of over the whole chruch wedding in my home town thing, and would rather pack up our families plus a few friends and head to St Thomas. However, C is the eldest of 3, and is really keen on the church wedding in Texas, so that all of our friends can attend. This should be exciting!! LOL!!

ETA: OMG!! Just used the word "keen". Yuck... maybe Pleasantville would be a better location, since I seem to have backtracked about 40 years

 

[angielea]

"whereas if you are in small town iowa or having it at a not-so-popular venue you might not have to give so much notice."

Just wanted to say that even in Iowa, things book up fast. 3 of my favorite photographers were booked 15 months out.

--

We chose our date about 3 weeks after getting engaged. We changed it once to accomodate a photographer, and to hopefully get better weather.

 

[musey]

I'd always wanted October, and FI loved the idea as well, so it was first a matter of choosing the year. We got engaged in February '07, so it was either going to be a 8-month engagement or a 20-month engagement. 8 months isn't enough lead time to nab vendors in LA, so 20-month it was. That took us about 3 weeks to figure out.

So then we had a month and year (10/0, and needed a day. We knew we needed a Saturday, and we went back and forth between October 11th and 18th (the 4th and 25th were options, but somehow we liked the middle two Saturdays better). We settled on the 18 in mid-April '07, so about 2.5 months after the engagement we had our date, 10/18/08.

When we went in early May '07 (17 months out) to check out venues, we found that a lot of them were already booked solid. We found and fell in love with one, but they only had the 4th and 25th open (how ironic!) so we settled on the 4th for a multitude of reasons. It was 3 months post-proposal that we nailed down our actual date of 10/04/08.


Our lives were crazy busy at the time so I blame our initial slowness on that. I'm glad we were forced to switch our date, I now really love the timing of our wedding a lot more than I would have with the 18th.

 

[Octavia]

We got engaged in late December, and I''m sending the paperwork and deposit for our venue today. We decided on it last week, called at the beginning of this week to reserve it, and now they just need the $$ to finalize it. So we were engaged for a bit over 7 months before making a real decision.

In part, the delay was due to me being in school and not having time to visit venues, and also FI being away a lot and me not wanting to visit without him. Also, due to the work he does, scheduling was very tricky -- he could have gotten the time off with no problem, but we needed confirmation from his employer on some dates to make sure that many of our good friends (who are also FI''s coworkers) could come. They finally let us know about the dates we were considering a couple weeks ago, thus causing us to switch from our originally intended date, but it''s all good.

There''s kind of a master website for a lot of venues around here, so you can search by date availability. I noticed that around June/July, places really started booking up for October ''09, meaning that people who want popular venues on popular dates in Philly should book them no later than 15 months in advance. For less well-known venues or less popular dates, though, I don''t think it would be a problem. It really does vary by where you are, though.