I worry all the time. I think I've always been the same, since childhood. I grew up in a very stressy home, with great caregiving from my mother but none from other family members, and in the midst of a difficult parental marriage which affected the home. I don't know if the high-stress environment can make you into a worrier...
Anyway, since taking on the role of family caregiver I have been exposed to quite a number of deaths, and high-stress illnesses. Life has felt like a grind for the last few years. So, I worry and I worry. But not in the daytime so much, because I keep myself busy. But I lie down at night, close my eyes, and it all crashes down on me. I worry about ever getting back to my career instead of caregiving. I worry about being the last one left standing - because I'm the youngest and healthiest by far in my whole extended family. So I worry about having no immediate family members and being all alone in the world. I do have some nieces and nephews, but they will have their own lives and they grew up far from me, so I don't feel I could necessarily count on them the way you can count on immediate family members.
I do know two women a few years older than me who have lost all their immediate family and they have no spouses or children, and hardly any extended family, and they seem to do OK.
I can't go out much because I can't easily leave the family I look after, so tbh some friends have given up on me. A couple have also made snarky remarks about me staying home. They think caring is easy, but I've done two cancer journeys and there's more to come (someone is currently terminally ill). It's so horrible that I don't know what worries me more - getting cancer myself and dying on the young end of the spectrum, or being the lucky one with my health and being left alone in the world.
There is a silver lining. Having seen quite a bit of illness and death up close, there are moments when I have a deep, deep appreciation of today, for my health and for all the people in my life who are still alive. Those moments are really wonderful. It's as if life falls into crystal-clear focus for a minute, and all the worries are reduced to mere ashes and I see that those worries are fruitless and meaningless in the grand scheme of things.
But then everyday life takes over and all the more immediate worries come back. The caregiving has gone on longer than I thought and I'm very worried about getting back to my career someday. And all the people who have died - I miss them. And I look at the ones I love still alive and think I can't bear to lose them, and then I think of them crying over me if I die first, and I can't bear that, either.
I guess you could say I'm experiencing a lot of angst about the circle of life, and death in particular because I've really had to face the facts of death in the last few years.
Caregiving is isolating and I don't really have many friends now. I moved a few hours away to be a caregiver and some friendships haven't survived that move. I made a wonderful new friend recently at the cancer hospital who I could really care for but I'm almost scared to get close to her because she had an aggressive form of cancer that, from what I know, I think is probably terminal (really bad gene operating). I'm scared to get close to her as I know the next life stage is where you start to lose your friends, which hasn't happened yet but I know it's coming.
I just wonder how other people cope with the prospect of being alone one day, and with career worries, and health worries, and all the other things we worry about. I guess parents worry about college bills and making sure their kids turn out right. I suppose younger single people worry about never finding "the one", and being able to settle down with a partner, and I guess older people worry about their health and feel weird about being nearer the end of their lives than the beginning. I'm saying that most people have things to worry about, so how do you cope? I don't feel I cope that well with worry. I sleep badly or I eat bad things to cope. And the worry weighs me down, so I sometimes don't get as much done as I'd like.
How do you just stop worrying? How do you be happy-go-lucky? Rationally I know that it'll all come out on the wash and be OK - careers, jobs, friends, there will always be more of those, right? Rationally I know all this, but emotionally that doesn't seem to make it any easier. And I've still got my health - if I got a serious sickness I don't think I could cope - I'd spontaneously combust with worry if I had a curveball like that.
Former worriers, looking forward to hearing from you. And the being-alone question....Has anyone really faced these worries about possibly being alone in the world, and come out of it with a way of thinking about it that makes it better?
Anyway, since taking on the role of family caregiver I have been exposed to quite a number of deaths, and high-stress illnesses. Life has felt like a grind for the last few years. So, I worry and I worry. But not in the daytime so much, because I keep myself busy. But I lie down at night, close my eyes, and it all crashes down on me. I worry about ever getting back to my career instead of caregiving. I worry about being the last one left standing - because I'm the youngest and healthiest by far in my whole extended family. So I worry about having no immediate family members and being all alone in the world. I do have some nieces and nephews, but they will have their own lives and they grew up far from me, so I don't feel I could necessarily count on them the way you can count on immediate family members.
I do know two women a few years older than me who have lost all their immediate family and they have no spouses or children, and hardly any extended family, and they seem to do OK.
I can't go out much because I can't easily leave the family I look after, so tbh some friends have given up on me. A couple have also made snarky remarks about me staying home. They think caring is easy, but I've done two cancer journeys and there's more to come (someone is currently terminally ill). It's so horrible that I don't know what worries me more - getting cancer myself and dying on the young end of the spectrum, or being the lucky one with my health and being left alone in the world.
There is a silver lining. Having seen quite a bit of illness and death up close, there are moments when I have a deep, deep appreciation of today, for my health and for all the people in my life who are still alive. Those moments are really wonderful. It's as if life falls into crystal-clear focus for a minute, and all the worries are reduced to mere ashes and I see that those worries are fruitless and meaningless in the grand scheme of things.
But then everyday life takes over and all the more immediate worries come back. The caregiving has gone on longer than I thought and I'm very worried about getting back to my career someday. And all the people who have died - I miss them. And I look at the ones I love still alive and think I can't bear to lose them, and then I think of them crying over me if I die first, and I can't bear that, either.
I guess you could say I'm experiencing a lot of angst about the circle of life, and death in particular because I've really had to face the facts of death in the last few years.
Caregiving is isolating and I don't really have many friends now. I moved a few hours away to be a caregiver and some friendships haven't survived that move. I made a wonderful new friend recently at the cancer hospital who I could really care for but I'm almost scared to get close to her because she had an aggressive form of cancer that, from what I know, I think is probably terminal (really bad gene operating). I'm scared to get close to her as I know the next life stage is where you start to lose your friends, which hasn't happened yet but I know it's coming.
I just wonder how other people cope with the prospect of being alone one day, and with career worries, and health worries, and all the other things we worry about. I guess parents worry about college bills and making sure their kids turn out right. I suppose younger single people worry about never finding "the one", and being able to settle down with a partner, and I guess older people worry about their health and feel weird about being nearer the end of their lives than the beginning. I'm saying that most people have things to worry about, so how do you cope? I don't feel I cope that well with worry. I sleep badly or I eat bad things to cope. And the worry weighs me down, so I sometimes don't get as much done as I'd like.
How do you just stop worrying? How do you be happy-go-lucky? Rationally I know that it'll all come out on the wash and be OK - careers, jobs, friends, there will always be more of those, right? Rationally I know all this, but emotionally that doesn't seem to make it any easier. And I've still got my health - if I got a serious sickness I don't think I could cope - I'd spontaneously combust with worry if I had a curveball like that.
Former worriers, looking forward to hearing from you. And the being-alone question....Has anyone really faced these worries about possibly being alone in the world, and come out of it with a way of thinking about it that makes it better?