How do you handle unsolicited advice from family?

[MamaBee]

Omg.

As for the garden, hopefully it will be magical someday. It’s a ton of work to bring back to life as it was overgrown with trees and weeds. It’s my special, personal place which is why I flip my out when my kids say they’ve been up there thinking of things “we” will do with it. LOL

Here’s a before and after of last years’ project.

What a transformation @Jimmianne! I love the new wall! I love stone in all shapes and colors..so this is in bling category for me!

 

[JPie]

@Jimmianne maybe it would help if you explained to your kids that your garden is like your canvas, and just as no one would ever think to take a brush to someone else's painting, you need them to leave you alone to create.

 

[Ally T]

@Jimmianne I have to say, I absolutely LOVE your passion & enthusiasm for your walls! I can see in your face that you are in your Happy Place!

Tell the kids to bog off.

 

[marcy]

@Jimmianne I hate to hear they feel it necessary to offer their opinions and advice. I have always been my family's mediator. I listen to what people say (it often seems like ranting) and then I still do what I want. I also found it's best not to let anyone know what you are doing; TMI seems to bring trouble. Take care of you first.

Marcy

 

[MarionC]

@Jimmianne I hate to hear they feel it necessary to offer their opinions and advice. I have always been my family's mediator. I listen to what people say (it often seems like ranting) and then I still do what I want. I also found it's best not to let anyone know what you are doing; TMI seems to bring trouble. Take care of you first.

Marcy

So well said. TMI is definitely a big part of the problem. I will remember that.

 

[House Cat]

In the end, you are the matriarch. They can give their advice but it can bounce off of you as if you were made of Teflon. It sounds as though you already have your vision. Let them be white noise. It would be nice if they didn’t want to give advice but maybe just view it as a loving gesture. I love your garden, btw. What an undertaking !!

 

[Austina]

Wow @Jimmianne you’ve done such an amazing job already, it’s going to be spectacular when you‘ve finished.

You could always take a leaf out of Princess Anne’s book and tell them to just “Naff Orf!!!’

 

[MamaBee]

So well said. TMI is definitely a big part of the problem. I will remember that.

I do the same...I’m very set in what I like so if I ask an opinion on something like decorating...I like to hear and value what people’s opinions are...but I wind up doing what I like anyway..This use to frustrate my oldest son because he thought I needed him to solve the problem. Now when I ask an opinion I tell them I’m just bouncing ideas off them...and is this okay..

 

[missy]

I do the same...I’m very set in what I like so if I ask an opinion on something like decorating...I like to hear and value what people’s opinions are...but I wind up doing what I like anyway..This use to frustrate my oldest son because he thought I needed him to solve the problem. Now when I ask an opinion I tell them I’m just bouncing ideas off them...and is this okay..

Haha yes this would on occasion upset Greg too. I would ask him which outfit he preferred and then (not on purpose) occasionally chose the other and he would be like why did you ask me? I asked him because I wanted his opinion but I am always going to go with my heart. And sometimes I don't know my heart immediately and that is why I sometimes ask his opinion. Makes perfect sense to me.

 

[MamaBee]

Haha yes this would on occasion upset Greg too. I would ask him which outfit he preferred and then (not on purpose) occasionally chose the other and he would be like why did you ask me? I asked him because I wanted his opinion but I am always going to go with my heart. And sometimes I don't know my heart immediately and that is why I sometimes ask his opinion. Makes perfect sense to me.

Exactly!

 

[MarionC]

Wow @Jimmianne you’ve done such an amazing job already, it’s going to be spectacular when you‘ve finished.

You could always take a leaf out of Princess Anne’s book and tell them to just “Naff Orf!!!’

Austina, love the idea of channeling my inner curmudgeon.

 

[missy]

Austina, love the idea of channeling my inner curmudgeon.

I'll teach you how to @Jimmianne because I am an expert at that and something tells me that is not in your nature.

 

[MarionC]

I'll teach you how to @Jimmianne because I am an expert at that and something tells me that is not in your nature.

And in this case, it’s about navigating with a brand new SIL, different culture and different language. Gently treading, especially after I tried out my command of the French language last year and inadvertently soliciated an elderly gentleman at the family dinner table.

 

[marcy]

So well said. TMI is definitely a big part of the problem. I will remember that.

@Jimmianne it took me a long time to remember that. My sisters were awful about my parents finances definitely crossing the line in to none of their business. I told my parents and we’ve told Marty’s parents it’s their money spend every dime of it while you can. Which is probably why I was the trustee of my parents estate instead of my 2 sisters who approached it as being entitled to their “stuff”.

 

[MamaBee]

And in this case, it’s about navigating with a brand new SIL, different culture and different language. Gently treading, especially after I tried out my command of the French language last year and inadvertently soliciated an elderly gentleman at the family dinner table.

I’m sure you made his year @Jimmianne!

 

[doberman]

I haven’t read all the responses but your question prompted me to address this behavior with my sister this morning as it had been bothering me since New Years. On New Years I hosted a brunch. She and her husband insisted for a good 10 minutes that it was time to put my dog to sleep! I never asked! It’s true that my 13 year old is elderly, but my hubby has enough experience to know when euthanasia is right. Well. Just bc she’s elderly and was having a bad day, she and her husband vehemently insisted that we are in denial and that she should be put to sleep. At the time, since I was hosting a brunch, I tried to remain civil. But. She made a snyde remark about my dog last week! And I let it go for the sake of civility. So after reading this post I texted her and told her that I was done with her insults and that an apology would be nice. Crickets.
All this to say that maybe I will have advice for you In a few days.

What a heartless person! I'm sorry you had to deal with her.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

@Jimmianne Wow, your property in France is fantastic!!! Is there a house on the property? If so, I need to see it!

 

[canuk-gal]

And in this case, it’s about navigating with a brand new SIL, different culture and different language. Gently treading, especially after I tried out my command of the French language last year and inadvertently soliciated an elderly gentleman at the family dinner table.

This is the best thing I've read lately.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!