SeattleSweetheart
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Sep 11, 2007
- Messages
- 324
Sorry, Long post. But I do really need some help.
Back story: I left my husband. Three months later met my now fiance before my divorce was final. My divorce was final 7 months after I moved out. I had no intention of dating until I was divorced, but life happens when you''re making plans. My fiance and I met on the train from Seattle to Portland. We were assigned seats next to each other and the rest is history.
When I moved out I knew I was going to divorce my ex-husband. We had done the marriage therapy and there was no saving our marriage. My plan after moving out was to maintain a casual friendship and I have followed through on that plan. My ex-husband has some mental health issues and has not maintained a support system of friends. I could not look myself in the mirror if I cut him out of my life when he requires so little from me. My fiance has no problem with me maintaining a friendship with my ex-husband.
Anyway my purpose in writing is to get options on how to tell my ex-husband that I am now engaged to another man. I wouldn''t have a problem telling him if it was 3 years after our divorce, but 1 year after our divorce, to me, seems kinda quick. I know there is no good time to tell my ex and that there''s a good chance that his feelings will be hurt no matter how I tell him. I am no way in-love with my ex, but he is a human being with real feelings and I will get no pleasure in causing him pain.
I guess I was wondering if anyone else has had to tell their ex and how that went for them.
I am moving into my fiance''s apartment in a week and so I really do have to tell my ex soon. My current plan is to tell him over the phone so if he needs to cry, he can hang up and deal with his feelings privately as he has in the past. My ex doesn''t even know I have a "boyfriend". Six weeks ago I mentioned over the phone that I went to a movie with a man and my ex stayed home from work the next day because he couldn''t stop crying. I know that I am not responsible to take care of him or take care of his feelings. I just want to tell him in the kindest way possible.
Thanks for taking the time to read my post. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

Back story: I left my husband. Three months later met my now fiance before my divorce was final. My divorce was final 7 months after I moved out. I had no intention of dating until I was divorced, but life happens when you''re making plans. My fiance and I met on the train from Seattle to Portland. We were assigned seats next to each other and the rest is history.
When I moved out I knew I was going to divorce my ex-husband. We had done the marriage therapy and there was no saving our marriage. My plan after moving out was to maintain a casual friendship and I have followed through on that plan. My ex-husband has some mental health issues and has not maintained a support system of friends. I could not look myself in the mirror if I cut him out of my life when he requires so little from me. My fiance has no problem with me maintaining a friendship with my ex-husband.
Anyway my purpose in writing is to get options on how to tell my ex-husband that I am now engaged to another man. I wouldn''t have a problem telling him if it was 3 years after our divorce, but 1 year after our divorce, to me, seems kinda quick. I know there is no good time to tell my ex and that there''s a good chance that his feelings will be hurt no matter how I tell him. I am no way in-love with my ex, but he is a human being with real feelings and I will get no pleasure in causing him pain.
I guess I was wondering if anyone else has had to tell their ex and how that went for them.

I am moving into my fiance''s apartment in a week and so I really do have to tell my ex soon. My current plan is to tell him over the phone so if he needs to cry, he can hang up and deal with his feelings privately as he has in the past. My ex doesn''t even know I have a "boyfriend". Six weeks ago I mentioned over the phone that I went to a movie with a man and my ex stayed home from work the next day because he couldn''t stop crying. I know that I am not responsible to take care of him or take care of his feelings. I just want to tell him in the kindest way possible.
Thanks for taking the time to read my post. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
