How do I stop diamond envy?

[cindygenit]

Saw two girls a bit older than me sporting huge diamonds approximately 1.5+ carats centre stone in the elevator and can''t help feel a twinge of jealousy... and then followed promptly by a feeling of guilt because i know i should be happy and feel proud of what my FI got me.

This happens all the time.

I want it to stop!!!!!!!!!!

 

[lovegem]

I guess you have to know that there are always someone (lots and lots of people actually) have better things than you do. Can''t have them all.

 

[Sharon101]

I call it the green (tea) eyed monster! (trying to be healthy!).


Im like this too. But as Ive grown older I tend to `appreciate` the eye candy show and see it as entertainment. Afterall, there is always something that others have or you have that is more or less. Its a forever thing that you just cant win! So best not to compare too much because its a hard way to live.

 

[cindygenit]

heheh green tea is great!

 

[atroop711]

I think it''s normal to feel this way but I promise in time...it will change to admiring the eye candy. I used to feel this way but now I''ve grown to appreciate the eye candy. My own sister has a 3ct center stone...I''m older..I should have a bigger stone

(just kidding). I have moms in schools with 3ct + stones...doesn''t bother me. I love a gorgeous diamond but don''t feel jealous. Maybe I don''t feel jealous because WF (where we got the current e-ring) has an upgrade policy!

 

[ckrickett]

I don''t have one yet, but i know the size I will be getting and I work in a mall where the average diamond size is 2+ carats (I see a LOT of 3-5 carat rings) so yeah part of me is like... awwww sad. But the other part of me knows that my SO is willing to get me the most amazing ring we can afford, and I think it would be kinda sad if I didn''t appreciate the love and sacrifice that came with that.

Plus not all diamonds are about size, yes size draws us in but if I saw a huge 3 carat rock and was like wow that''s big then looked at it and it looked like frozen spit, I think I would be happy with anything smaller.

There is nothing wrong with feeling a tad bit envious! Just remember the gorgeous ring you have too!

 

[gemgirl]

I always keep in mind that I came from a poor family, and a family of women who didn''t own anything other than a conservative e-ring, a gold wedding band and a skinny gold necklace. My Grandmother and Aunt bought themselves diamonds on one excursion to the diamond district in NYC, but my mother never did.

When I think of what I own, I''m shocked at what I''ve accumulated over the years. I''m very grateful for what I have. When I was younger, I never imagined myself owning such beautiful things. Sure there are times I wish my 1.51 center stone were a 2.25, but then I snap myself right out of it when I think that my husband and I barely made it through this recession intact. Then I''m very grateful all over again!

 

[junebug17]

I understand how you feel, it's natural to feel jealous of others from time to time, I feel that way sometimes too, but try to remind yourself during these times that you also have a beautiful ring! I looked up your post in SMTR and it is gorgeous! Beautiful design, great finger coverage, bright sparkly stones, I love it! There is so much more to a ring than carat size, your ring is tasteful, classy and looks great on your hand. In time, being envious of other's rings will wear off, and in the meantime remember that your ring is not too shabby!!! By the way, I admire your honesty, not always easy to admit to jealousy, I think it's good that you opened up. I've come to a point in my life where I've realized that there will always be someone else with something bigger and better...sigh!!

 

[Moh 10]

You can''t stop envy.
It is natural.

Wanting this is why we work.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

If you're always trying to keep up with the Joneses (or even dreaming about it), you'll always be disappointed in what you have. Instead of focusing the bling that others may own, focus on why you love your ring - it's the sentiment! Her husband/bf doesn't love her more than your husband/bf loves you. The thought that the size of a diamond has anything to do with the size of the emotions shared is silly, but I think as an age of DeBeers commercial raised women, we are brainwashed to believe that notion, and subconsciously, a switch flips when we see bigger and better. You have to consciously try to turn it off.

I honestly felt true joy the day I figured that out.

Doesn't mean I'm still not insanely envious every time I see a huge Asscher.

 

[Haven]

Great post, Lauren.

My grandmother always said: "You can always look up, but remember--you can always look down, too."

There will always be someone with more than you, but sadly, our world will also always be filled with people who have much, much less. Be grateful for what you do have, and more importantly, for whom you have.

 

[swingirl]

Just remember there is someone out there who sees your beautiful ring and is envious of you!

 

[Lilac]

I know it''s easy to feel jealous or envious of people who have bigger diamonds (or bigger houses, or nicer cars, or more money) and trust me, I feel it sometimes too. But then I stop and remember who gave me my gorgeous ring and I know I''m luckier than all those girls with bigger rings because I have my wonderful husband who loves ME and gave me my ring to symbolize HIS love for ME. Then I''m not jealous anymore

 

[D&T]

Date: 7/30/2009 10:44:35 AM
Author: LaurenThePartier
If you''re always trying to keep up with the Joneses (or even dreaming about it), you''ll always be disappointed in what you have. Instead of focusing the bling that others may own, focus on why you love your ring - it''s the sentiment! Her husband/bf doesn''t love her more than your husband/bf loves you. The thought that the size of a diamond has anything to do with the size of the emotions shared is silly, but I think as an age of DeBeers commercial raised women, we are brainwashed to believe that notion, and subconsciously, a switch flips when we see bigger and better. You have to consciously try to turn it off.

I honestly felt true joy the day I figured that out.

Doesn''t mean I''m still not insanely envious every time I see a huge Asscher.

we call it Topping the Joneses now.

YOu could start to collect other pieces of jewelry- I was just like you when I first got engaged with my .40 princess cut stone but then life happened - career, baby, family, baby #2, school and houses, and really forgot all about it until my five year anniversary approached. I think over time after you get married it may become something of a trivial nature. Love your ring, there are always anniversaries to get it upgraded. jmho.

 

[CNOS128]

And this way you have upgrades to look forward to!!

 

[butterfly 17]

Date: 7/30/2009 2:56:43 AM
Author:cindygenit
Saw two girls a bit older than me sporting huge diamonds approximately 1.5+ carats centre stone in the elevator and can''t help feel a twinge of jealousy... and then followed promptly by a feeling of guilt because i know i should be happy and feel proud of what my FI got me.

This happens all the time.

I want it to stop!!!!!!!!!!

I don''t think it''s possible. And how do you know theirs was real?

There is always someone who is going to have something bigger, better, more expensive than you, whether it be a car, a diamond, a house. Just like there is going to always be someone with something smaller, not as expensive or nice as yours.

If you start comparing or competing with others the only person that loses out is you! I started off with no ring when we got married and was pretty envious of anyone with a diamond, even if it was just a chip. So, I do know how you feel, but never felt envious of strangers, but of my SIL, who always seemed to have everything I didn''t.

It took a few years to realize how she affected me and how toxic our relationship was and that I needed to focus on myself and my family and forget about them.

Anyway, be happy with what you have and in a few years, upgrade when finances allow!!!

And only do it because YOU want it, not because you see it on someone else!

 

[Madam Bijoux]

Other people will always have more and bigger jewels, but you never know what their lives are really like. They might have miserable existences at home or health problems or other boatloads of grief. I just enjoy looking at their goodies and wish them well.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

If you're finding yourself that jealous of other women over diamonds, then you're spendning too much time obsessing about jewelry in general and should find another hobby. I'm not saying this to be rude, but to add on to what everyone else has stated, that you cannot have everything and there will always be others with more than you. That is life. You're over exposing yourself to diamonds which means contintually noticing differences.

Take up knitting!

(oops, someone has cashmere yarn. . .lol . . .) It's impossible to win. Just enjoy your relationship and the family and friends you have. Diamonds will never compare to the people in your life.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 7/30/2009 12:21:04 PM
Author: Madam Bijoux
Other people will always have more and bigger jewels, but you never know what their lives are really like. They might have miserable existences at home or health problems or other boatloads of grief. I just enjoy looking at their goodies and wish them well.

Yep, remember that basketball player who bought his wife a $4 million dollar purple diamond ring after getting caught up in a scandal? lol

http://articles.latimes.com/2003/jul/26/entertainment/et-moore26

You just never know.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Cindy, your ring is very beautiful!

I also have one of the smallest rings among my coworkers, but I have to admit that I love having all the eye candy around. Most of my coworkers have 2+ carat rings and because I work with a very creative group, they have some great vintage and modern pieces. I love going to meetings and ogling all of the rings--I can enjoy them without having to spend the cash!

I never forget that my ring was a gift and I adore it just as it is. I feel very grateful, especially knowing my husband would have never spent that money on himself, but had no reservations spending it on a bauble for me. I was sure to keep the ring relatively inexpensive, and the fact that it is not large reminds me of the other financial goals we are achieving, which is nice.

 

[Ellen]

I find, it''s not so much what you do or don''t have, but rather how you wear it.

Of course, I''ve never been the jealous type, so maybe I''m all wet.

 

[gemgirl]

Date: 7/30/2009 11:25:28 AM
Author: D&T

Date: 7/30/2009 10:44:35 AM
Author: LaurenThePartier
If you''re always trying to keep up with the Joneses (or even dreaming about it), you''ll always be disappointed in what you have. Instead of focusing the bling that others may own, focus on why you love your ring - it''s the sentiment! Her husband/bf doesn''t love her more than your husband/bf loves you. The thought that the size of a diamond has anything to do with the size of the emotions shared is silly, but I think as an age of DeBeers commercial raised women, we are brainwashed to believe that notion, and subconsciously, a switch flips when we see bigger and better. You have to consciously try to turn it off.

I honestly felt true joy the day I figured that out.

Doesn''t mean I''m still not insanely envious every time I see a huge Asscher.

we call it Topping the Joneses now.

YOu could start to collect other pieces of jewelry- I was just like you when I first got engaged with my .40 princess cut stone but then life happened - career, baby, family, baby #2, school and houses, and really forgot all about it until my five year anniversary approached. I think over time after you get married it may become something of a trivial nature. Love your ring, there are always annivI ersaries to get it upgraded. jmho.

That''s a really good point DT. I can honestly say that I don''t have even one friend who''s been married for a long time who even thinks about her ring. I don''t have any friends who''ve ever reset their rings either. They just wear their e-rings to symbolize a time in their lives when they made a committment to the man they loved.

I think that once you''re married, and the wedding is long over and real life concerns kick in, you''ll forget all about upgrades and resets until your house is bought, you''ve have a baby or two and it''s a decision between either upgrading your diamond or remodeling your kitchen, if you know what I mean. There are so many other important things to worry about along the way to building a complete and comfortable life with your spouse.

 

[Laila619]

It happens to me also. Try not to let it bother you, it''s normal. Your ring is gorgeous too, and someone probably looks at it and wishes they had one like it!

 

[partgypsy]

I guess it all comes down the line of what is feasible and what''s not feasible. AP (after pricescope) I have acquired a beautiful anniversary ring and diamond studs (among other things). They are certainly not the biggest out there, but they are more jewelry than my mother or either of my grandmothers had in their lifetime, and they are high quality and I love and appreciate them. I honestly have no envy for other rings. Yes I like looking at the (often bigger) jewelry here, but similar to me going on a home tour for a mansion, or the Hope diamond in a museum I can admire something without having to want it for myself.

Now if it worked out with finances, where say 5, 10 years down the line everything was taken care of, and/or you were willing to sacrifice in other areas of your life (clothing, lattes and lunches out) to achieve a dream or goal of a larger stone and your husband was on board with it, there there is also no problem. As others have said, it can be something to look forward to.

I myself use this thinking because there are a couple rooms in our house I really want to remodel, but it can''t happen now. But both my husband and I are on board to make it happen in a couple years, so we will have fun and the time to think about what we will do when the time does come where we have the resources to do so. I can be obsessive about stuff and just remember there are no oppourtunities lost to the prepared, and it does no good to be preoccupied by something when the time is not right.

 

[cindygenit]

Thank you ladies for being the voice of reason

And sorry Ali, didn''t mean to go against forum policy

 

[kcoursolle]

I don''t have diamond size envy, but I am the type of person who is always thinking of other jewelry pieces I would love. The only thing that has worked for me was getting really busy with other things. When school/work get very busy and now with the purchase of our home I haven''t had much time or money to think about jewelry much.