How do I handle the following situation?

[soocool]

So while reading the paper today I saw an article about my friend's 19 yo daughter arrested for prostitution. I still am in shock. But what really pissed me off is that not only did the newspaper print this girl's photo, they also posted her parents' street name and city in the article. What I did not know was that this happened back in April and that she appeared in court this past week (that is what the article was about). Apparently no one paid her bail so she has been in jail this entire time. (BTW the girl is now 19)

Now my friend emailed me a couple of months ago with a new email address and said not to share it with anyone. I never emailed her because the 20+ times I tried to get in contact with her she has ignored my phone calls and emails in the past year. Now I feel bad, because obviously something was going on in her life that she could not share and think she could use s friend right now.

My friend has been battling breast cancer as well and she is a smoker so I worry that what has happened could also severely impact her health. But what do I say to her? Do I let her know what I have read in the papers? Or do I just call her and let her know that I am here if she needs a friend? Or do I not do anything and let her contact me?

 

[HollyS]

Of course you contact her. Of course you offer her your support. You don't need to tell her you know, unless she asks if you do. Then just be honest.

Did you really need to ask?

 

[VRBeauty]

By all means contact her somehow. Since email hasn't worked in the past, maybe send her a note or greeting card to let her know that you're thinking about her and, if you're comfortable with this, suggest a get-together if she'd like.

eta - I understand your reticence... you don't want to seem like a voyeur or something... but the fact that you've tried to contact her in the past should make it clear that you're truly concerned about her and not just wanting the dirty details or something.

 

[junebug17]

If it was me, I'd give her a call just to check in and ask her how she's doing...I wouldn't bring up her daughter's situation, and if she brings it up I'd be honest and just listen and offer support and comfort.

If she won't return emails or phone calls, I'd send a card and then leave it at that. If she doesn't get back to you, I guess she's just not ready to talk about what's going on.

 

[Lulie]

Like Junebug, I would contact her just to check in. If she knows you well, she probably knows you read the papers, still, I would never bring it up since I have a daughter too and you just never know.

 

[Gypsy]

I'd give that newspaper a piece of my mind for printing her home address. How terrible.
I would also contact her to let her know that you are there for her.

 

[Haven]

I'd give that newspaper a piece of my mind for printing her home address. How terrible.
I would also contact her to let her know that you are there for her.

This is standard practice in all the papers I read when it comes to reporting about crimes in articles and the police blotter.

I think you've gotten great advice, soocool. I like the approach of calling and sending a note.

I'm sorry your friend is sick, and that she is now dealing with this difficult situation on top of it. I'm sure she'll be comforted knowing you're thinking of her, even if she chooses not to respond at all.

 

[Autumnovember]

Saw this in the paper too

I don't think I would blatantly say that I know but I would offer support.

It seems like the neighbors she has are very supportive and seem like they're really there for her...

 

[Matata]

Why avoid the elephant in the room? Send her a note or another email saying that you know she's experiencing challenges in the family, that you're there for her should she need a nonjudgmental friendly ear, or to get away from her problems, and you wish her the best. Then the ball is in her court whether or not she chooses to take you up on your offer.

 

[soocool]

Tried to send her an email using new email address and it bounced back to me. Both home and cell phon numbers have changed.

I will heed advice and send her a note telling her I have been thinking of her and want to know how she is doing. I know she finished her chemo last year, but doctors did not want to do radiation because she refused to give up smoking.

 

[soocool]

Saw this in the paper too

I don't think I would blatantly say that I know but I would offer support.

It seems like the neighbors she has are very supportive and seem like they're really there for her...

Yes, she has great neighbors. She has lived in that neighborhood for over 10 years.

Yes amazing the things they put in the paper. Did you hear about the food fight at Council Rock North. A neighbor's son was there and said it lasted a few seconds. No one was hurt.The kids were only suspended for 5 days, colleges were not notified, and they walked at graduation. I don't know how it got so blown out of proportion. I have friends in upstate PA (near Scranton) who told me that they heard about this food fight on their local tv news. Funny, though a couple of weeks later a kid punched a kid in the head during class because he did not like him and the kid had to be taken to the hospital. The kid who hit him ran out of the school and I think later arrested.That was not as newsworthy.

 

[Autumnovember]

Saw this in the paper too

I don't think I would blatantly say that I know but I would offer support.

It seems like the neighbors she has are very supportive and seem like they're really there for her...

Yes, she has great neighbors. She has lived in that neighborhood for over 10 years.

Yes amazing the things they put in the paper. Did you hear about the food fight at Council Rock North. A neighbor's son was there and said it lasted a few seconds. No one was hurt.The kids were only suspended for 5 days, colleges were not notified, and they walked at graduation. I don't know how it got so blown out of proportion. I have friends in upstate PA (near Scranton) who told me that they heard about this food fight on their local tv news. Funny, though a couple of weeks later a kid punched a kid in the head during class because he did not like him and the kid had to be taken to the hospital. The kid who hit him ran out of the school and I think later arrested.That was not as newsworthy.

I know, I read the newspaper sometimes and I'm like

Didn't see the article about the food fight! I'm gonna have to find it now....lol, I can't even picture what could be written about a HS cafeteria food fight?! IT WAS ON THE NEWS?!!!!!!!!!!! I guess the ones we had at South weren't good enough

I remember all the things my classmates did in HS and they ALWAYS threatened with us not walking but never ever went through with it.

Our area has its own set of problems.

I remember a news article in the paper about what kind of cars our HS parking lot was full of

 

[Enerchi]

Oh that poor mom! Seems like she's had more than here share of struggles this past year.

I'd do what you would want someone to do for you - know friends are there for you if they need you, but also remember it could be just too embarrassing and painful to ask for help from anyone. Are you emotionally close enough to just pop by and would she be open to a drop in visit? Otherwise I'd stay with the hand written mailed note.

You're a good friend soocool!

 

[iheartscience]

Oh that poor mom! Seems like she's had more than here share of struggles this past year.

I'd do what you would want someone to do for you - know friends are there for you if they need you, but also remember it could be just too embarrassing and painful to ask for help from anyone. Are you emotionally close enough to just pop by and would she be open to a drop in visit? Otherwise I'd stay with the hand written mailed note.

You're a good friend soocool!

Ditto Enerchi-I'd drop by with some cookies or a bottle of wine if you can't get her by phone or email. You can always leave it on her doorstep with a note if she doesn't answer or isn't home.

How awful of the paper to print all of their information. I looked at the article and it's just disgusting. They're clearly going for shock value and nothing else.

 

[decodelighted]

The drop by is a good idea. Would you be open to writing a letter to the editor of the paper complaining about their policy (without mentioning names)? A show of PUBLIC support like that could mean the world to her & her seemingly dwindling circle.