How content are you?

[jjc]

Rather, I guess the more accurate question would be: excluding extremes (highs and lows), how manageable do you find the more mundane parts of life? Do you focus on the big picture to get you through, or take more of a ''one thing/day at a time'' approach? I''m just trying to sort through some things, and think I need some perspective. TIA!

 

[TooPatient]

Depends on what is going on. For the pretty boring just living life stuff (cooking, cleaning, work) I see the big picture and am reasonably content. There is stuff I''d like to change/improve, but overall okay. Looking at the big picture helps me see that even though one day I may have a lousy day at the office and go home to a big heap of laundry, life is still okay. I have B. We have a nice house that is right for us (not too big, not too small, nice enough but room for improvement). Cats & dog. Good food. Nice wine. Movies to watch. A deck to sit on. Gardens to work in. All that and more.
Other times I have to take it one day or even one hour at a time. Focus on getting through whatever it is. Keep busy so I don''t worry too much about something that may or may not happen.

 

[Haven]

Hi jjc,

It sounds like you''re going through a rough patch, I''m sorry to hear that.

I do two things:

First, this is going to sound banal, but I really do take pleasure out of the little things.
For example, I found the most beautiful leaf on the ground during my morning walk with the pup today. It is gorgeous, and big, and has the deepest red, orange, and green in it. I picked it up and carried it with me on the whole walk so I could look at it, and it pretty much made my morning. OR, if I see something touching I stop to take it in. We went apple picking on Sunday and there were these two teens sitting together in the distance. They were facing each other with their heads leaning it, it was a really sweet scene, and it was nice to see it.
If I''m having a particularly bad day, and I have the presence of mind to try to make it better, I see how many little things I can relish during the day. That always helps.

The second thing I do is daydream. I do this a lot when I''m washing the dishes or folding laundry, those sorts of things. Currently, my favorite daydream is of the addition I hope to put on our home in a couple years. I go through all the details and then I dream about a party I''m going to throw in the house to break it in.

These things sound really silly when I put them down in writing, but they help me. I hope you feel better!

 

[poshpepper]

Date: 10/9/2009 2:07:56 PM
Author: Haven
Hi jjc,

It sounds like you''re going through a rough patch, I''m sorry to hear that.

I do two things:

First, this is going to sound banal, but I really do take pleasure out of the little things.
For example, I found the most beautiful leaf on the ground during my morning walk with the pup today. It is gorgeous, and big, and has the deepest red, orange, and green in it. I picked it up and carried it with me on the whole walk so I could look at it, and it pretty much made my morning. OR, if I see something touching I stop to take it in. We went apple picking on Sunday and there were these two teens sitting together in the distance. They were facing each other with their heads leaning it, it was a really sweet scene, and it was nice to see it.
If I''m having a particularly bad day, and I have the presence of mind to try to make it better, I see how many little things I can relish during the day. That always helps.

The second thing I do is daydream. I do this a lot when I''m washing the dishes or folding laundry, those sorts of things. Currently, my favorite daydream is of the addition I hope to put on our home in a couple years. I go through all the details and then I dream about a party I''m going to throw in the house to break it in.

These things sound really silly when I put them down in writing, but they help me. I hope you feel better!

Haven, I don''t think it sounds silly at all, in fact I daydream alot, I like to think it keeps me sane

Also, I had to google "banal"... now I learned a new word for the day

jjc -- When I am going through a rough patch I like to remind myself of the many things that I am grateful for and blessings in my life. I have my health, a wonderful hubby, a nice house, family, and pets. It helps me to keep perspective about things.

 

[somethingshiny]

I enjoy every day of my life. I''m very content most of the time. Even now, DH is laid off, I''m a SAHM, money''s tight, family''s sick, etc. There are still so many things that are real blessings in my life and I''m aware of them. I learned at a young age to see what you have instead of what you don''t.

 

[TooPatient]

B likes to finish a project. Even just something small. Like getting a new shelf for the bookcase and putting it in.

His current project is building a pair of speakers.

He says that while he does it, it gives him something to focus on other than whatever the stress is. And he is very excited/satisfied when it is done.

I guess in a way it gives him a small piece of life that he can control. Something to work on that no one is pressuring him on. Just something that he can do however he wants. Even if the big stressor (project at work, house repairs, etc.) is still going on with no end in sight, he has the one thing that he worked on and he was able to finish it and it is just how he wanted it.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I readily admit that I abhore the mundane parts of my life. The chores, the trips to the grocery store, the same thing day in an day out. A few weeks ago I had a panic attack in the grocery store after returning from vacation because I literally felt like my life was a series of "to do" lists. I don''t deal with it well, but it''s always worse right after getting back from a vacation.

I have to have something to look forward to in order to not feel suffocated. I always have a trip planned. Even weekend trips--I can''t remember the last weekend that I didn''t go somewhere. It doesn''t have to be far, but I need to get away. For instance, last weekend DH and I got up one morning and he took me to NH for breakfast--I need that kind of thing to feel sane.

I wish I had the answer. I have so much to be thankful for and am appreciative of my life, but I''d be lying if I said that I was content with my daily activities. Looking forward to other things is what gets me through the more mundane parts.

 

[bee*]

Day to day I''m pretty content with things. I would love it if DH could find a full-time job however he''s been quite busy doing freelance work and I wish that I was done with college as I''m sick of trying to juggle work with study, but overall I''m happy. I have a great DH, great family and friends, love my furbabies and have my health.

 

[purrfectpear]

Other than the fact that I''m working when I''d rather be home not working but still getting a paycheck, I''m pretty content

 

[Mara]

interesting question for sure. i think that contentness in life has to do with what is going on and what people 'prefer' in their lives. our lives are very even keel which i love. neither of us are emotional or dramatic people so our lives are quiet. that makes us happy. i have friends who thrive on energy, drama, activity...and they are content that way. that mentally tires me out, but i like hanging out with them and partaking of their energy sometimes.

overall i am very content and happy with my life. my biggest issue right now is where we live, it's an extremely expensive place and i feel like no matter how hard we work (and it's quite hard) and how much we try to do, it is extremely hard to 'get ahead'. which may not have bothered us as much previously but now that we are having a child, it's foremost in our minds. i want a better 'quality of life' (not material) for my family.

other than that (a big THAT to me), life is good. and i agree with haven who said appreciate what you can, especially the small things. i DO know we are very blessed in life and i try to remember that as much as possible. we have loving family, friends, success in our careers, good health, a baby baking. i love things like gardening, reading, baking, cooking. to answer your original Q... i tend to think of the big picture and long-term a lot more than what is going on in the here and now. because i have found that everything tends to pass. if you look at life every 6 months, you might be surprised at what changes, and what stays the same.

 

[luv2sparkle]

I tend to take one day at a time. I realize how very little control I have over anything. After a bad day, I do my best to let it go and start again. So, I guess I am
content in that. I try to not get crazy over stuff that wont be important over the long term.

 

[princesss]

I''m a really happy person. I''m very big-picture oriented, so when I''m unhappy with the day-to-day goings on in my life, I think about the way I''m moving towards my ultimate goals, and I''m happy about that.

 

[April20]

I do both. We have big picture goals that we're working towards and it does help to focus on those goals when the day to day gets crazy. I tend to think you have to keep the big picture in mind so that you don't lose focus and realize that there is something bigger to works towards. That being said, I do find that to manage the mundane, I have to take it day by day and manage those little pieces as they come. I do this with my larger goals in mind, making sure that the decisions I'm making, if they effect the larger goal, keep me on the right track. Does that make sense?

I'm sorry you're going thru a rough patch. I hope you can sort things through.

ETA: I just realized I didn't answer if I am content/happy or not. I am. Very much so. I have a job that I have a love/hate relationship with and can be *very* trialsome, but I manage it day to day with my larger goals in mind.

 

[marcy]

I used to be very unhappy, depressed and have wild mood swings (mostly after college). After hitting a very low point in my life I finally realized I am as happy as I make up my mind to be. I''ve been that way for over 20 years now and I generally am pretty happy and content. If I find focusing on the big picture is too much then I work on things in small pieces.

 

[KimberlyH]

I am quite content in my life. I don''t mind laundry, cleaning and such (but am lucky to have a lot of help from an extremely wonderful husband), I love my job, I like my friends and am content with my day-to-day life.

The things I would opt to change are things I (and my husband) are working towards and which will change naturally as things do in life so there is no reason for me to be bothered by those things.

 

[decodelighted]

Are you 25-27? I found a lot of folks go through something similar at that age. Its a sort of readjustment, quarter-life crisis thing where you come to terms with the *reality* of stuff vs. what you one might *hope* life is like.

That''s about the age I entered therapy, which helped me enormously. These days (early forties) I do try to balance my focus on the small pleasures & small accomplishments with continuing to pursue long term goals/dreams. But from time to time I feel like I''m just waiting for everyone I love to die. That didn''t come out right. Not "waiting for" but *fearing* the inevitable. Probably recently because my two dear baby kitties passed away within 5 months of each other. And I worry about my parents'' health & my DH (waited so long for him ... want to have a LONG life together), my remaining pets, my siblings, their kids, & my friends & "generalized anxiety" etc. If I can''t shake it I''ll talk to my doctor about it.

Hope you feel better soon - or work out what''s concerning you - or figure out how to become more content. Or all of the above!

 

[Kaleigh]

I am content, I do the best I can. I know that I was a caregiver for a long time. Having the freedom now to focus on my own family is very freeing.

I am happy most days. Not to say I wake up as happy Joy Joy. But am thankful I have a wonderful husband, kids and a circle of friends who will alwys be by my side.....

Having support is the best thing ever.

No one that I know of jumps for joy with the mundane things... Laundrey, cooking, cleaning and working...

It''s all about a mix, and making time for YOU!!!

HUGS!!!

 

[jjc]

Thank you all so much for your replies, I so appreciate everyone''s wisdom. Really and truly, it''s astounding how willingly PSers open up their lives to help someone out

TooPatient - I agree, having projects on which to focus your energy definitely helps, and nothing beats that sense of accomplishment when you''re done.

Haven - Thank you so much for your (always) thoughtful replies. I love your examples, the image of the two teens at apple picking put a smile on my face, so thank you. Finding joy in such things is a wonderful reflection of a beautiful heart, not at all banal (and quick aside: ''banal'' is one of my fave words - all words have a ''personality'' to me, and that one''s just so quirky! And when used as a dig, oh so effective

)

poshpepper, bee*, - Yes, thinking of blessings does help to maintain perspective, and I love that you listed health first, because beyond that, it''s really all gravy isn''t it?

somethingshiny - Indeed. I learned the truth of your words at a very young age as well.

NewEnglandLady - I think you''ve identified a major help, having something to look forward to.

purrfectpear - TGIF!

Mara - First, congratulations on the baby you''ve got baking!

I tend also to subscribe to ''this too shall pass''...although I wish there were less disasters that need to pass, constantly.

luv2sparkle, princesss, April20 - I think that''s an amazing way to look at it - let go, restart, overall growth.

marcyc - I agree, happiness is a choice to be made.

KimberlyH - Just reading your post made me feel a little bit more relaxed, thank you

decodelighted - Not 25-27, but actually feeling a lot of the ''fearing the inevitable'' currently - so exhausting. Actually, that''s really at the heart of what''s going on - how do you do that, just nail the issue without even knowing it?? Amazing

Kaleigh - Thank you for the hugs!! Always much appreciated

 

[Haven]

I meant to add the picture of the cute teens earlier. Here it is!
They aren''t gazing at each other in the shot, which is what they were doing before I decided to be creepy and take a picture of them. It''s still cute, though. They were just sitting there on the fringe of the apple orchard, totally engrossed in each other.

 

[jjc]

I just wrote out a huge thing because I so badly want to show my gratitude to everyone who responded - but I had two requirements: 1) no Debbie Downer; and 2) nothing that sounds crazy dramatical

. I was a massive failure at both, so I''m just going to say again how much I really, really, REALLY appreciate everyone''s thoughts.

Thank you!!

And of course, more thoughts are welcome!

 

[jjc]

Date: 10/9/2009 9:56:00 PM
Author: Haven
I meant to add the picture of the cute teens earlier. Here it is!

They aren''t gazing at each other in the shot, which is what they were doing before I decided to be creepy and take a picture of them. It''s still cute, though. They were just sitting there on the fringe of the apple orchard, totally engrossed in each other.

I love it. Thank you so much for sharing

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Well if you ever need to vent, we''re here. We all feel a bit Debbie Downer at times--I hope you feel better soon!

 

[D&T]

Date: 10/9/2009 7:51:43 PM
Author: princesss
I''m a really happy person. I''m very big-picture oriented, so when I''m unhappy with the day-to-day goings on in my life, I think about the way I''m moving towards my ultimate goals, and I''m happy about that.

so true.. this is how I am as well

 

[Bia]

Date: 10/9/2009 8:30:31 PM
Author: decodelighted
Are you 25-27? I found a lot of folks go through something similar at that age. Its a sort of readjustment, quarter-life crisis thing where you come to terms with the *reality* of stuff vs. what you one might *hope* life is like.


That's about the age I entered therapy, which helped me enormously. These days (early forties) I do try to balance my focus on the small pleasures & small accomplishments with continuing to pursue long term goals/dreams. But from time to time I feel like I'm just waiting for everyone I love to die. That didn't come out right. Not 'waiting for' but *fearing* the inevitable. Probably recently because my two dear baby kitties passed away within 5 months of each other. And I worry about my parents' health & my DH (waited so long for him ... want to have a LONG life together), my remaining pets, my siblings, their kids, & my friends & 'generalized anxiety' etc. If I can't shake it I'll talk to my doctor about it.


Hope you feel better soon - or work out what's concerning you - or figure out how to become more content. Or all of the above!

Hmmmm...interesting. I'm wondering if this might be what's going on with me.

I've been having a rough time of it lately. Nothing crazy but things just feel off. When I sit and think about what is or isn't 'going on,' nothing is really all that bad...just not great.

But I do agree that life just isn't where I want it to be, i.e., job, money, my life plan. And worrying about those things can put little dings in your confidence, which trickles to other parts of your life.

All I know is, I hope I grow out of it PRONTO!

eta: jjc, I hear ya girl. I hope it gets better for you

 

[Tuckins1]

Very!

I love my life!

 

[KimberlyH]

JJC, I remember (it wasn''t that long ago) well the phase deco is referring to; it hit me in my mid-twenties. I just felt sort of blah, I was a bit lonely (my parents moved 300+ miles away, my sister got married, my friends were all in serious relationships, and I felt a bit isolated), I liked my job well enough but didn''t find it fulfilling, and spending the weekends home, often alone, was a bit difficult for me. It shifted gradually as I moved, started a new job, and life progressed, as it tends to. My attitude really shifted and I began to appreciate the small things, like having a clean house to come home to and food in the fridge to cook. I think the change was mostly due to watching my MIL (she wasn''t then) deteriorate, growing closer to my husband who was my boyfriend at the time, and returling to school to seek a career that I truly loved, (as opposed to just having a job). I had to make changes to create contentment, and I also needed to change the way I saw things. For all the normal troubles I face, my life is quite amazing and I think I am an extremely lucky person to be surrounded by love from my husband, family, and friends, and to have all that we do.

Perhaps a new hobby, or taking on a project you''ve always considered but never had the guts or energy to begin would help you see things a bit differently. Not sure this will help at all, but accomplishing things, even if it''s as small as organizing my closet (how I''m spending today, in fact) makes me feel better.

 

[HollyS]

The secret to being content has been revealed by Sheryl Crow:

"It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got." (Soak Up The Sun)

As trite as that may seem, there is great wisdom there.

We cannot have it all. No one has it all.

People who have luxurious lifestyles, or tons of money, often lack close love/family relationships. (Why do you think celebs have a hard time staying married?) At the opposite end of the spectrum, the close-knit family might be just scraping by, barely hanging on to jobs and paying bills. Or you have both the money and the family, but someone you love is seriously ill. Or your home life is perfect, but your job stinks. Well, that's life. Somedays it's a challenge just to get out of bed.

It's important to plan for the future and make decisions that will help or enhance your life now and later. But the act of living is a day-to-day, moment-to-moment thing. You must find joy in the everyday ordinariness of life to be content. And if you are so inclined, it helps to give praise to The One who made all the good stuff, and helps with all the bad stuff. I find that works like a charm to remind me of how truly blessed I am.