How can I NOT think about an upgrade?

[sirbenson]

I'm sure this has come up a million times before so I apologize for any redundancy

I received my e-ring last March. I love it. I picked it out. The center stone is larger than I ever thought I would get. Its not HUGE but not a speck either at 1.2 ct (its a BGD H&A RB). Like I said, its gorgeous! BUT....I'm already dreaming of an upgrade. I'd love to go up to 2 carats one day. I've had to stop looking at the Show Me The Bling thread altogether. I also have to talk myself out of visiting the BGD website daily. Makes me want to spend some of our savings on an upgrade My FH knows I'd like to upgrade one day and he's fine with it. But why can't "one day" be tomorrow?!? We are currently saving and planning for our 2011 wedding and to furnish/paint/air condition/fence in our new home. So I REALLY don't need to have upgrade on the brain right now but I can't help it!

For those that started off small and knew they wanted an upgrade one day or are still waiting to upgrade...how do you resist the temptation to pull the trigger on an upgrade sooner than later? Do you just take a PS break and try not to think about it?

 

[Skippy123]

Well congrats on the 1.2 carats, sounds beeeautiful!! Well, I have read about and actually had happen to me when I went out of the country was that I put my ring in the safety deposit box and left it there for 2.5 weeks. When I came back it looked even bigger than before. Also have you looked at a 2 carat in comparison to justify the jump in price? Sometimes that helps one realize that there are other needs at the moment that that amount of money can be put to use over the bigger diamond? Or lastly if it makes sense and you have the budget, why not? Maybe other people have some suggestions? eta: PS breaks do help; I took one because I got busy and then noticed I wasn't wearing my jewelry as much, but not sure if that happens to others?

 

[movie zombie]

come over to the color stone forum and hang out a bit. take a break from white ice.....

MoZo

 

[suchende]

Like was hinted at already, what about a right-hand ring project with colored stones? You could get some serious finger coverage with gemstones, try out different shapes (mmmm step-cuts) and not have to pay as much as a new car for them. No reason for your left hand to get all the love

 

[kenny]

Oh just buy the 2 ct.
Then you'll never want another diamond ever again.

 

[Kaleigh]

Enjoy your gorgeous stone, have fun looking at the colored stones... I didn't upgrade till after 15 years of marriage.. Save for the house, etc.... Then get the upgrade once you can get the size you want...

 

[Dancing Fire]

oh you must ...there're nothing more important than diamonds...

 

[sirbenson]

Appreciate the ideas. I know getting a bigger diamond is not a life priority in the grand scheme of things but I can't help but drool over one. Guess I should first count my lucky stars that I'm lucky enough to be able to consider/plan for an upgrade in the first place. Heading over to check out coloured stones....

 

[diva rose]

I think if you can afford a 2C you should. It just means you need to cut costs from wedding expense.
May I recommend as someone who has been there and done it - it's better to cut wedding expense.
I loved my wedding - but seriously the money that went to it could have been saved and used for better things.
If your dream is a 2C - do it.

At the same time, if you do get a 2C - there is a chance you will want an upgrade to a bigger ring in the future.
My ideal was 1.5C which I got but after 2 years, now I want a 2C - LOL. Thankfully my tiny fingers can't go bigger than 2C.

 

[atroop711]

This was us..I just didn't want to start out our marriage charging things for our wedding or apt. I would still look at other rings and know one day I'd have my dream ring made. So instead of the dream ring, we paid for our wedding, bought an apt and car. I waited patiently and for our 9th wedding anniversary, we got an entire new e-ring..new stone, custom made setting...just great. It was worth the wait and times goes by so fast.

GL!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Well congrats on the 1.2 carats, sounds beeeautiful!! Well, I have read about and actually had happen to me when I went out of the country was that I put my ring in the safety deposit box and left it there for 2.5 weeks. When I came back it looked even bigger than before. Also have you looked at a 2 carat in comparison to justify the jump in price? Sometimes that helps one realize that there are other needs at the moment that that amount of money can be put to use over the bigger diamond? Or lastly if it makes sense and you have the budget, why not? Maybe other people have some suggestions? eta: PS breaks do help; I took one because I got busy and then noticed I wasn't wearing my jewelry as much, but not sure if that happens to others?

Yeah, similar experience here...I took a break from PS and wasn't as obsessed with cleaning my diamond daily or obsessing. The other thing I noticed is I wasn't really paying attention to other peoples' jewelry as much either (basically my focus on other things). Kind of rebalanced the scales there.

 

[HollyS]

I don't think it is necessarily an obsession with diamonds or jewelry that creates the 'desire' of a bigger stone. It's the cultural aspect of being engaged and getting married. You have a desire, whether you realize it or not, to have the normal milestones in life, and each of those milestones must be, at least, on par with what others are doing and receiving.

Our cultural mindset on engagements and weddings has been blown just a bit out of proportion by the 'wedding industry'. It probably started with the "3 months salary for the e-ring diamond" campaign of DeBeers. I can assure you people did not spend that kind of dough on diamonds 30+ years ago, but it would be a starting point for many buyers today. My own husband admitted that's where his budget started because of that very admonition (advertisment).

Once you get past the 'milestones' of 1) the ring, 2) the wedding, 3) creating your married nest, (and possibly), 4) babies, you may find that you are not as obsessed with the bling. You may become obsessed with one or more of the other milestones, but the bling envy may not be quite as all consuming.

That could be the reason why you see so many women, a little later in the marriage, perhaps after a baby, wearing only a wedding ring. They have all they really wanted; the ring only represented their dreams of all that would follow. The ring's physical presence is now far less important. They may proudly sport a 'push present', but the e-ring might not get worn.

How do you deal? If your purpose in being here at Pricescope is to ogle and lust after diamonds you don't have, then I guess you need to take a break. If you can go to the threads where gals are preparing for their weddings and exchanging ideas, and stay focused on the happiness of creating your (hopefully) once in a lifetime event, then stay put there. Just move your focus for now.

 

[Imdanny]

Well, maybe you can put it in perspective that the average size (weight, sorry, Kenny) of an engagement ring is less than .4, and yet you have a 1.2, and not just any 1.2, a 1.2 from BGD. Would that help?

I can't imagine your diamond isn't beautiful. Could you admire it for its own qualities? Could you try instead of thinking of a 2 ct diamond, at least for awhile?

I read so many posts about people who feel they must have a 2 ct diamond and I wonder why so many people feel it's such a magical size. I hope you'll forgive me for saying it but a 2 ct diamond seems like a status symbol these days.

 

[Haven]

Congratulations on your engagement!

To get over your upgrade lust, I think you need to pursue a genuine passion. Is there anything that you love to do, or really want to learn? Is there any goal you've had for a while but haven't made the time to accomplish?

The time is now! You will never again be younger than you are right now. You will never again have as much time left in your life as you have right now.

Get out there and pursue or awaken a passion. When you find something that puts you in the zone--that space where you are so engrossed in what you're doing that you experience it in a state of heightened awareness--everything else that isn't as important just falls away. Things like diamond upgrades don't seem as important when you have real passions to pursue.

The opportunities are endless. Do you want to learn a new language? Read a book? Complete a race? Create art? There are so many worthwhile pursuits, and when you find something that is a true passion, you'll stop feeling covetous of things. I promise!

Good luck!

 

[anitabee]

Well, maybe you can put it in perspective that the average size (weight, sorry, Kenny) of an engagement ring is less than .4, and yet you have a 1.2, and not just any 1.2, a 1.2 from BGD. Would that help?

I can't imagine your diamond isn't beautiful. Could you admire it for its own qualities? Could you try instead of thinking of a 2 ct diamond, at least for awhile?

I read so many posts about people who feel they must have a 2 ct diamond and I wonder why so many people feel it's such a magical size. I hope you'll forgive me for saying it but a 2 ct diamond seems like a status symbol these days.

+1

so true! do you know how many average american/cdn women would LOVE to have what you have?!

 

[Circe]

Curiously enough, it's being on PS that made me come to terms with my acquisitive personality: after spending ages on here ogling all the pretty things and then having a v. good year with the bling, I realized that even if I were to win the lottery tomorrow ... I wouldn't want to rush out and glut myself on all the stuff I could potentially want. I like the process of anticipating and coveting and looking forward to significant items.

I don't think I could ever upgrade my e-ring (too sentimental), but I love the idea of getting a fancy-schmancy anniversary ring and upgrading it periodically for special occasions. So, for the 5 year anniversary, we're sorta-kinda planning to get a two or three carat. If we pushed and stretched, could we maybe get something so huge and awesome I'd never ever ever look at another diamond again? With enough bread and water and Eugene Fields, maybe ... but then what would I have to daydream about for the 10th anniversary, or the 25th, y'know?

Looking over your past threads, it sounds like there's definitely *something* about your ring/set that's causing dissatisfaction. I think my suggestion would be to consider getting a halo reset (maybe a wedding present?) and to just enjoy the heck out of that big beautiful ideal-cut stone until you're in a position to consider upgrading.

 

[Circe]

Well, maybe you can put it in perspective that the average size (weight, sorry, Kenny) of an engagement ring is less than .4, and yet you have a 1.2, and not just any 1.2, a 1.2 from BGD. Would that help?

I can't imagine your diamond isn't beautiful. Could you admire it for its own qualities? Could you try instead of thinking of a 2 ct diamond, at least for awhile?

I read so many posts about people who feel they must have a 2 ct diamond and I wonder why so many people feel it's such a magical size. I hope you'll forgive me for saying it but a 2 ct diamond seems like a status symbol these days.

+1

so true! do you know how many average american/cdn women would LOVE to have what you have?!

Another +1 to this - +2?

I do think that 2 carats is the new 1 carat, in a way: it's totally a status symbol, and a kind of a high-water mark of "having arrived," for some reason (I do wonder when and why the transition occurred, precisely). But, since I think diamonds are status symbols in and of themselves ... what's wrong with that? Yes, they signify love and commitment and all of that good stuff, but it's sort of inextricably linked to finance, "value," and social worth. I'm a big fan of diamonds for the sake of their intrinsic beauty, but I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with acknowledging the other bits, too ....

 

[Pandora II]

Well, maybe you can put it in perspective that the average size (weight, sorry, Kenny) of an engagement ring is less than .4, and yet you have a 1.2, and not just any 1.2, a 1.2 from BGD. Would that help?

I can't imagine your diamond isn't beautiful. Could you admire it for its own qualities? Could you try instead of thinking of a 2 ct diamond, at least for awhile?

I read so many posts about people who feel they must have a 2 ct diamond and I wonder why so many people feel it's such a magical size. I hope you'll forgive me for saying it but a 2 ct diamond seems like a status symbol these days.

+1

so true! do you know how many average american/cdn women would LOVE to have what you have?!

In the UK people would think your ring was HUGE. I only know one person over here with a 2ct ring and she's a gemmologist. Amongst most of my friends, who are mid-30's and have £6 figure GBP salaries most have coloured stone rings, of those with diamonds the largest is my American SIL's - a 1.5ct rb, another friend has 1ct and the rest have between 0.5ct and 1ct. My brother bought his wife a 1.01ct rb and people even asked her if it was fake a couple of times.

My advice would be to be happy with what you have for now - upgrading before the wedding is a bit nuts in my opinion - and see how you feel 5 years down the line.

 

[Lula]

Congratulations on your engagement, and on your beautiful ring.

Ditto Holly and Haven -- change your focus for a while.

Ditto movie zombie -- if you can't stop thinking about an upgrade, back away from the BGD site and SMTB (as you've said you've done) and spend some time in colored stones. There are some amazing stones/jewelry over there and, even better, there's no discussion of diamonds (except as accent stones in settings, ha-ha).

And, I agree with Danny -- 2 carats is some sort of new size benchmark around PS these days...not sure what that's all about. But it does not reflect reality for 99% of the world, and I live in the real world, not on PS (last time I checked anyway ). My "upgrade" is actually a size down-grade and a color and clarity upgrade. 1 carat (small by PS standards) was too large for my lifestyle. Think about your lifestyle and what your friends and family wear for e-rings -- that matters more than many of us would like to admit.

 

[sirbenson]

Thanks for all the additional advice, I enjoyed reading all the posts.

I by no means do not like my current stone or think its too small by anyone else's standards. If anything, its big by my own standards bc before I started looking for a stone I was concentrating on ones 1 carat or under. I'm not feeling any "pressure" from the media or wedding industry or people I know to get a bigger diamond. Its just my own little dream. Heck, most people I know don't even own a diamond. I have no married friends. Couldn't care less about the jewels of the people I work with. If anything, my curiosity about owning a larger stone has been mostly encouraged by my purusal of some of the stunners on PS. I don't necessarily feel that just because some people I don't know on a forum own larger stones that I do that I have to have one too. More like...once you own something nice (ie my lovely BGD stone) you get curious about something even nicer (i.e. bigger....though I'd also be interested to upgrade my current H) We live very frugally otherwise, plain cars, plain house, hate desinger clothes/shoes so I'm not sure its the "status symbol" appeal that's the draw either.

We are not planning on having children so I guess even if I'm not willing to upgrade soon, I'll be more willing to do so later after saving up for it. Again, an upgrade is not a priority in life, just a strong curiosity and itch at the moment. Also, I don't think I would go as large as 2 carats as it may look too big; I said up to 2 carats and just used it as an (generous!) example.

Not sure how it came across in any of my other posts that I don't like my stone/ring. I definately do! I did wonder once how the center stone would compare to a Ritani 3/4 eternity band in terms of sparkle and also asked why my stone does not seem sparkle as much as some other stones. I figured out that the latter concern was actually a combo of having a derrrty ring and also the type of lighting. In some lighting I do almost get blinded by the stone face up while at other times the stone seems dull. I'm a bit dense when it comes to the physics of the stone and why things like fire and scintillation actually happen so I'm still learning more about that and why the stone performs different in differnt situations.

I did take a look at the coloured stone forum and saw some amazing stunners! I'm going to look into that idea a bit further and maybe that'll quench my thirst for a big sparkly beauty for some time

 

[Lula]

I didn't mean to imply that you are unhappy with your current diamond, or insinuate that you are concerned with status.

Here's something else I've noticed during my time on PS: It is not rare for people to become dissatisfied with what they chose simply because there is so much to choose from on PS. I see much, much more amazing jewelry on this site than anywhere I go in "real life"! Even my local jewelry stores can't compete with some of the beautiful jewelry on PS -- ha-ha. The choices available to us here can be overwhelming. If you are simply overwhelmed by all the options you could have had instead of what you chose, then by all means, take a break from PS, and that should resolve it.

But I did take a look at your previous threads, and I'm honestly wondering if you're having doubts about "something" about your diamond. Maybe not the size, but something else about it it that makes you wonder about trading it in for another stone?

Your diamond should make you happy and take your breath away. If it's not pleasing to your eye - whether it's size or color or sparkle or type of cut -- then you might want to give that some more thought. Sometimes people order a diamond and they're okay with the size but not the clarity or color. Or they wish they'd gone with a different size. So they exchange the diamond (been there myself ). Sometimes people decide that they'd prefer a cushion over a round -- or vice versa. This happens and it's not horrible to want to make a change to something that will please your eyes.

What I guess I'm saying is, take some time to consider whether if what's going on with you is just wishful thinking and appreciation for nice things, along the lines of "ooooh, wouldn't it be nice to have that" or if it's genuine dissatisfaction with "something" about your stone. If it's the latter, and, if you can afford it and your fiance is okay with it, then go ahead and investigate your options.

 

[Circe]

Hey, SB - dittoing Lula, I hope I didn't overstep in my response.

I actually just went looking through your backposts to find a pic of your ring so I could compliment it sincerely (I have no doubt a BGD-cut stone is a beauty, but I always like to peek for myself), and I just sort of noted that a lot of your posts about the ring, whether it be stone or setting, sounded questioning. That's not to say that there's anything wrong with that- I know I'm a lot likelier to blog about concerns than straight-up joy myself, if only so as to not sound as if I'm smug or gloating. Sorry if I jumped to a conclusion!

That said, I just wanted to reiterate - I think we're all the products of our environment, and if our environment emphasizes certain objects as being desirable, that doesn't somehow make us shallow if we find ourselves susceptible. Somebody who drives the "It" car and carries the "It" bag (hello, Birkin thread!) and also, on top of that, has a minimum weight for a ring they'd consider acceptable? Taking it too far, and, yeah. But happening to find big, beautiful diamonds tempting, in and of themselves? Not something I'd observe in an accusatory or judge-y fashion. I did only want to maybe offer up, a) another way of thinking about it, and, b) a possible solution if you were feeling less than absolutely delighted. I didn't think of the colored stone route - I'll look forward to following your adventures in that venue!

 

[purselover]

I'm waiting for an ering update as well, DH proposed with my mom's .38 rb with the intention that in a few years we will pick out a new diamond ring for me to wear. I figured a new ring would be nice for our 5th wedding anniversary, (which is also right before my 30th birthday) so I still have about 4 years to go. I occasionally look at diamonds at BGD and fancydiamonds but so far I haven't had a major itch for my upgrade. I just maintain focus on other things I think are more important like paying back student loans, buying new furniture a nice vacation, etc. I know my time will come for my new ring and in the meantime the longer I wait I figure the bigger the budget!

 

[jaysonsmom]

One way to stop thinking about upgrades is to drive around and look at all the people who are sitting at street corners with signs looking for handouts and/or work. Then, think about how much the money you're willing to put into upgrading an already stunning 1.21 ct diamond on your finger can help some of those people. That really puts things in perspective.

I upgraded last year after 10 years of marriage, and got my dream size, but still feel a lot of guilt over the some of the more important causes that I could have given to........

Did that help make you curb the upgrade madness? I think I'm done for a while, at least until I have given as much as I've received.

 

[diva rose]

I did take a look at the coloured stone forum and saw some amazing stunners! I'm going to look into that idea a bit further and maybe that'll quench my thirst for a big sparkly beauty for some time

It's dangerous - kekeke
Some coloured stones are as expensive if not more expensive than some diamonds.

 

[Circe]

One way to stop thinking about upgrades is to drive around and look at all the people who are sitting at street corners with signs looking for handouts and/or work. Then, think about how much the money you're willing to put into upgrading an already stunning 1.21 ct diamond on your finger can help some of those people. That really puts things in perspective.

I upgraded last year after 10 years of marriage, and got my dream size, but still feel a lot of guilt over the some of the more important causes that I could have given to........

Did that help make you curb the upgrade madness? I think I'm done for a while, at least until I have given as much as I've received.

I dunno, JM ... while I certainly admire that attitude, I think it's easier to embrace it after one gets to the point of owning the "dream" thing one craves. (Or, if one is an ascetic and a saint to start off with.) I don't how many people live that way from the get-go ....

 

[Pandora II]

I did take a look at the coloured stone forum and saw some amazing stunners! I'm going to look into that idea a bit further and maybe that'll quench my thirst for a big sparkly beauty for some time

It's dangerous - kekeke
Some coloured stones are as expensive if not more expensive than some diamonds.

Ditto this - be careful what you start looking at. Coloured stones are majorly addictive and once you start liking premium colours you can find that stones are $$$$ even in small sizes. Just an example - one PSer wanted a ruby e-ring for his girlfriend. It took him 15 months to find the stone, it was 1.10ct and cost over $10k. It was one of the most beautiful stones I have ever seen.

There are coloured stones for every budget but once you have one... it's a slippery slope! There is also a lot to learn - it's not like buying a diamond, the variables that make a good stone or a great stone take time to understand plus there are a lot of treatments and fakes out there!

 

[lucyandroger]

Well, you're the one who sets your own priorities, right? If a wedding and home improvements are more important than an upgrade, then think about those things when you're itching to spend money on diamonds. If you'd prefer a slightly larger diamond, then screw the fence or the expensive flowers or whatever. It's your money, your decision.

If the problem is that you want it ALL right NOW...well, that's part of growing up - realizing that you have to prioritize and sometimes wait and sacrifice for what you want. We all struggle with it at times.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I did not resist and just put all the "spare" money to the upgrade. Now I have the size I want and am happy.

If you really do not want to upgrade then get off PS and don't go on the internet looking at rings. The urge will likely pass.

Or reset in a halo. It will really make a huge difference.

 

[hot.soup]

I hear you OP!

I too, got engaged about a year ago with a gorgeous 1.1 RB that was bigger than my expectations. My ring is beautiful, but DSS has completely sunk in and now my diamond looks so teeny weeny on my finger.

I definitely covet larger stones and would like to upgrade to a 2 carat someday, but for me I know that dropping that kind of $$ on a diamond with a wedding (coming up in 2011, sounds familiar! ) is definitely not feasible. I usually get over the diamond lust feelings by reminding myself exactly that.

On the other hand, as others have mentioned, if it IS in your budget to do so by sacrificing some wedding costs, I would!
You should be happy with your engagement ring!

As someone in the midst of planning a huge wedding I didn't want-it's important to me to keep his family happy-I often dream about trashing all those expensive wedding plans and using the money to elope to the Bahamas and buy a 2ct+ upgrade!