Hmm...hobbies?

[SarahLovesJS]

Hi everyone..I have a question about marriage and hobbies! This may be a tad bit long, sorry. So our wedding is June 20..and we live together now, but a lot is going to be changing within the next four or five months. We''re moving back to a place near my hometown (closer to FI''s friends and my parents and my friends as well which is great!

) and I''m starting law school in August. Over the past few years I''ve always done a lot of school work and things for school in the afternoons and evenings, so FI is used to me being busy on a lot of week nights so I don''t worry too much about the transition to law school work monopolizing my time; however, I am concerned about finding a hobby we can do together. He is also going to be picking up an hour+ commute. Right now we play World of Warcraft a lot..and while I love WoW..it takes up too much time and I am honestly getting tired of it. Most of our friends play as well. One of the reasons we play now is since we don''t really have any friends in the area...so that will change a bit once we move and have friends to go out and actually do things with (like go out to dinner, go to the movies, go shopping, etc.). But what I am worried about..is WoW. I know there''s a bunch of WoW widows out there, and I''ve talked to FI about it..and if I quit he said he doesn''t want to play without me so I don''t worry about that....but I don''t feel like playing anymore really yet I feel bad about making him stop since it''s pretty much his only hobby aside from reading and seeing his friends when he can (which is pretty much never since they all live where we''re moving and then some are a bit farther than that).

So in summary...is it unfair of me to quit WoW if I know it''ll make him quit, too? I know we don''t have to do everything together...but he refuses to play without me. What kind of hobbies do you do with your spouse? Any ideas for a new hobby for us in our limited free time over the next few years?

Sorry if this is confusing..let me know if I can clarify in any way.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Mark and I are part of a Chihuahua club...which is hysterical and fun. We get to meet people with common interests, and "puppy play dates" are pretty fun.

We also travel a lot. Usually weekend trips to semi-local areas but sometimes longer more detailed trips. We've discovered so really interesting places for shopping, dining and relaxing. Living in Chicago, we have destinations like Galena, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin Dells, St. Louis, and more. If we do an overnight, it's only one night ... but you can fit a lot into 48 hours!

We also have a love for UFC. We've met people over the years who also love the sport, so we host big UFC parties and rent the event on PPV. Its a fun social activity.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

That''s a good idea..maybe we could join some kind of club or do some traveling! Finding a church might be nice as well I guess..churches tend to have a lot of activities to go to. Lolol..lord knows I''m going to need all the support I can get to get through law school!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Church sounds like a really good place to meet like-minded people.

 

[Sabine]

I think it''s totally fair for you to want to spend your time doing something else, and if he does choose to quit, that will be he decision.

I don''t have a whole lot of advice, but I wanted to commiserate and say that I think you are doing an excellent thing by trying to find a hobby you can do together! My dh''s schedule and mine have been very different for years. Mine is regular, his is not. He goes from being crazy busy with no free time to weeks of vacation with nothing to do. During vacations he would start playing WoW, and it got to the point where he would play for hours at a time and I wouldn''t even see him all evening, he wouldn''t stop for dinner with me, etc., so I eventually asked him to stop playing. He did, but then during his subsequent vacas. he got really bored and didn''t know how to fill his time. He eventually got new games, and Call of Duty has gotten just as addicting for him. We just had an argument about it the other night, so it has definitely caused some stress in our lives.

I really think if we had an activity we could do together we would avoid these arguments because he could play his games while I am busy, but would have a reason to stop when I am free. We do things like walk our dog and take her to the park, we watch movies, we go out to eat, we hang out with friends, and sometimes we read together (different books at the same time) since that is MY favorite hobby) but I would love to find something else we could do together.

We''ve thought about joining a bowling league, but he is MUCH better at bowling than me. I think church groups are great ideas. Sorry I don''t have any more suggestions and that I wrote a book response to your simple question!

 

[LadyBlue]

Some ideas: Read some books together, Dancing Classes, Lenguage Classes, Exercise or Run together, Make a least of all the amusements parks on the state and visit one of those each weekend, As well with the museums, Cooking classes, Pocker classes. This are some ideas

 

[Octavia]

Sarah, I second the idea of a cooking class or dance lessons -- something you can do once a week that doesn''t take up too much time. It''s almost impossible to keep up a time-consuming hobby in law school, I used to do ceramics but I found I basically had to give it up (and can''t wait until I can take it up again). Taking lots of weekend trips probably isn''t doable, although a day every couple of weeks might be. And don''t be surprised if you end up sitting on the couch next to your FI while he plays video games and you read cases...that''s basically my life. Having a hobby is a great idea and will definitely help you balance out the stress of school -- I just wouldn''t want you to have unreasonable expectations or to be really disappointed that your chosen hobby doesn''t turn out to be doable. Flexibility is key

 

[Haven]

I think it''s sweet of you to worry about this, but really, I''d allow your common interests to grow into a shared passion in an organic way. Your lifestyles and the way you both choose to spend your time will dictate the types of things you do together. Maybe be alert to things that he particularly enjoys doing, and then see if there are hobbies that could grow out of them, and then try to nurture that.

As for us, we are both movie buffs, so we watch a lot of movies together, and we discuss a lot of movies together, we spend a good deal of time doing both. We also have a dog, and we spend so much of our time doing things with her, especially in the summer. We''re huge UFC fans, so we always host a big party for the big events. In the warmer months, we bike, run, and rollerblade together outdoors. We both love live music, so we see a lot of small shows and big concerts together. These are all things that we just both enjoyed doing, so they became things we do together.

I should say, though, I also really enjoy having hobbies that are all my own. I still spend a lot of time lounging in bookstore cafes, and I love doing that alone. I create art, and go to jewelry shows, and read read read, and those are all things my DH would not love to do. I think it''s okay to have separate interests, and as far as hobbies are concerned, they really do grow over time.

 

[bee*]

D and I don''t have many hobbies together. We both enjoy hiking and walking with Amber and we love live music but that''s about as far as it goes. I don''t worry too much about it. We are both very into our own hobbies and have tons to talk about when we meet up afterwards.