LiW "Hints"

[Butterflies]

Hi everybody. My bf and I have been together for over 2 years. I am 37 and he is 46. We have a great, loving, respectful, mature, drama-free relationship. After a year of dating I told him that I wanted to know if we were on the same page and asked him if he saw us getting married in the future. He said yes, but to give him time (he''s been in serious relationships before but he''s never been married). I didn''t mention it again. Six monts later he decided to buy a house for us (a big deal for him since he had been renting all his life). During that time he told me that he had been learning about rings and wanted to know my input. He asked if I wanted to go pick one together or to leave it up to him. I told him I rathered if he picked the ring but I offered to tell him what I like, so I did. He also mentioned that he wasn''t ready to buy it yet, that it was going to take a while since he was purchasing the house, he wanted to be able to save some money. I said no problem. He bought the house, we moved in. That was about six months ago. We are going to visit my family for Christmas and I would love it if he would propose then, but I have a feeling that it would be more like next year, close to our 3rd year anniversary.

At this point I don''t know what is going on with the whole ring deal. I am very laid back and don''t believe in pushing the issue. He always makes comments like: "When we make it official....so and so...". I know it will happen, I just want to have an idea of when it will happen without sounding like I am rushing him. My question is for the ladies that rather be more subtle regarding "hints". I want to know what worked for you. What kind of comments did you make that sounded more casual than "hinting" and that helped your situation.

Thanks in advance for your input.

 

[janinegirly]

i am an extremely subtle person, but not so with my bf, or not so anymore. Subtlety just does not work with him..and I think most men. He often would not catch on to any of my hints or be the slightest bit aware of my briliant methods of revealing my thoughts without actually saying them or pressuring him. I now am much more upfront while trying to remain "nice and sweet". It''s helped keep him on target, but I certainly still have a long ways to go!
It sounds like your bf is very close to proposing (so lucky!), so you can either let him stick to his plan or have an open conversation with him when you both are feeling close and just say what you''ve said here (the family thing is a great way to make it seem like that''s your main incentive and you''re not pressuring him). I''m sure he''d love your feedback since he already asked for it on your ring. So I guess in essense, I''m saying there''s no way to really be subtle with these things. But you can be sweet and non-confrontational, yet upfront. Men seem to respond to that.

 

[~*Alexis*~]

I would jsut casually say something like " I saw this great ring today. BTW hows your planning going?" just maybe to see what his reaction would be. Then you might get your answer. You can ask but not make it sound like your desperate for info.

 

[ephemery1]

Butterflies, have you guys talked about the kind of wedding you would like? I don''t know if that counts as subtle, but it IS a way of talking about your future without focusing on the more immediate ring/proposal/engagement stuff. We actually talked so much about our wedding that we ended up booking the reception place months before we were actually engaged... which definitely helped me calm down during the seemingly-endless waiting process. It also takes some of the pressure off that one big proposal moment he is supposed to be planning for... which can be daunting to a lot of guys! Keeps things in perspective, I guess...

 

[Butterflies]

Thank you so much for your suggestions. I have to start thinking about a way to tell him.

To answer your question, we went to a wedding a while back and I casually mentioned that it was a beautiful wedding but that if I would marry again (I''m divorced) that I would love to elope instead and he got really excited and even mentioned places to do it. He said he dreaded the idea of having a big wedding at his age. I guess that is what got the ball running because after that he started talking about buying the house and asking about the ring. I have to mention that he is the type of man that takes time to make important decisions. He takes his time to really think about it, the pros, the cons (this is how he operates his business and has proved to work since he is running a successful company in its field) and when he makes the decision he runs with it. He might still be in that stage of deciding when, where and with what to propose, I guess. Also, in May he said he was looking in the internet at rings and styles, and said he was thinking about getting the ring by summer of this year (I was like

) and then he asked if I was in a hurry, I had to say no so I wouldn''t sound desperate, but we all know the truth

. Anyway, that is why I am thinking he is taking his time and might not do it until next year.

Only time will tell. Meanwhile, I guess I''ll just have to be a good girl and trust his timeline

like you mentioned.

 

[Julian]

I love the suggestion of asking if he needs some help in finding a ring... very casually ask,"Honey, how''s the ring search going? Would you like any help?"

 

[Butterflies]

Date: 9/29/2006 1:16:56 PM
Author: Julian
I love the suggestion of asking if he needs some help in finding a ring... very casually ask,''Honey, how''s the ring search going? Would you like any help?''

Thanks for all the suggestions. I think I will wait patiently until I cannot wait anymore

, maybe by our 3rd year anniversary which will be in June of next year. If nothing has happened by then, I will have a talk with him to see where things stand and if his timeline is reasonalbe in my eyes or not. Thanks again ladies!