He''s Just Not That Into You...

[Mara]

Have any of the LIW's read this book?

A friend dropped it off at my house last week so I could return it to another girlfriend, they are both single gals. So I started reading it and reading parts of it aloud to Greg. We thought it was hilarious how the 'Greg' in the book responded to the women's letters.....and found it really interesting (and in some cases very sad) how many excuses women can make for men. I also thought that NO woman is exempt (myself included)...we have all made excuses for the male in our lives at one point or another.

It made me think of some of the stories we hear here on PS and in the LIW forums...has anyone read this book? If so, what do you think? Do you gals who are with your SO's and are unsure what is going on with the moving fwd process ever dare think about what if he is not SO into you....enough to marry you? The book touches on different 'levels' of 'into' and that kind of thing too and bottom line the guy in the book says that if they are into you, they will call you, treat you well, marry you etc etc. Very simplistic approach.

My fave was 'Nikki' who wrote in numerous times to tell 'Greg' that he was dumb and had no idea what he was talking about.

 

[Kaleigh]

Mara,
You know I''m not a LIW but saw Oprah''s show when she had the auther on and thought he made a lot of sense. I haven''t read the book but do feel it can offer some good insight into mens thinking. It''s like they have a whole different language from us girls.

 

[Mara]

yep I missed that Oprah, but all my single girlfriends SWEAR by this book now and I hear its title all over the place. I had been curious, but wasn't about to go buy it, so when it fell into my lap, I said WHY NOT?! I think parts of it make sense, especially when talking about just dating someone, aka if they blow you off what the reasons could be, etc. I loved when he said that the guy who you 'want' in your life will NOT be making you wait by the phone, or be waiting at home for him to arrive, or make you wait for anything. If only it was that simple!! Men are from Mars!

 

[Erin]

I thought about, at the very least, borrowing it from the local library. But after thinking, he always did call, make plans, keep plans, kept his word, remained an open book to me. Even says he knows we will get married

I''m waiting for the book the describes less about dating and more about what it takes for a man to stop being

when the M word is eminent. I decided against checking it out for fear he would see it by my bed and then the conversation would turn to ''so is this because maybe you''re not that into me?''

Is there a chapter dedicated to the M hurdle? THEN it would have my undivided attention!

 

[AsscherGirl]

My friend who recently had broken up with a boyfriend bought that book and practically read the entire thing to me. I think most of the stories are really funny and for some women it''s soooo obvious this guy isn''t into them (especially the one''s with wives!)

I think the problem with this book IS the simple approach. Most people do not treat life so simply and this guy refuses to acknowledge that. And I also think these kinds of books & attitudes fuel more fire to the LIW wondering & worry.

 

[curlygirl]

Oh, I love this book! It''s truly a must-read!! I have made many excuses for boyfriends in my past and I can finally acknowledge that they just weren''t that into me!!! The first time I heard the phrase was in Sex and the City (the book was written by writers of the show, I think). It was delivered appropriately by the ultra-cynical Miranda and ever since then, I''ve loved using and hearing the phrase. Hey, sometimes it''s true...

 

[Tigerbear]

I think this concept works extremely well at the beginning of a relationship. Later on, relationships are sometimes just more complicated. I really believe that many men are not ready to get married until it is the right time in their life to get married. It''s almost like they have to reach a certain life stage. For most women, I think they are ready to marry when they meet the right guy.

 

[dani13]

I read this book in just a few hrs on a plane trip. It is hysterical. It is so true what you said, Mara, about us making excuses for guys when they pull the crap that they do. When you do find someone that is "into you" it is totally different and you dont have to be bothered with the stresses of being in a relationship that takes so much work to work, if you know what I mean. I loved the book so much that I bought it for my sister for x-mas to put in her stocking- she is 22 and single. We have all gone through that stuff- and in some way it is beneficial- makes you appreciate more when someone good comes along and treats you right.
There is another book - kind of along these same lines- it is called "You Have to Kiss a Lot of Frogs" by Laurie Graff. It is so funny- story about how it takes time and experiences with different people to really appreciate and enjoy when the right one comes into your life. I highly recommend!!

 

[teebee]

I saw the Oprah show on this book after I was engaged so I haven''t read the book, but from what I''ve heard, alot of it rings true... Gawd, when I think of all the excuses I made for guys... ridiculous!! But really... a lot of my getting to the point where I was no longer willing to make excuses was just a growing up & maturing process. I wonder if the book would have had much impact on me at 21 or even 25? I mean, I made excuses for the guys I dated... but I was still playing myself & in reality, behaved similarly with guys that I just wasn''t that into.

I do agree w/ Erin that this is probably more appropriate for girls who are dating & getting played more so than for girls involved in serious commitments ~ otherwise you start to get into ''ultimatum'' territory, which can be dangerous & detrimental to a relationship that is heading in the right direction, even if it is at a snail''s pace.

Not that it really matters, but I thought that the line was delivered by Berger (Carrie''s boyfriend) towards Miranda after she had what she was thinking was a great date, but she''d asked the guy in to have coffee or something, and he declined, claiming to have an early meeting? And Berger was like... "he''s just not that into you... if he was, early meeting or not, he''s gonna come in for ''coffee.''" I may be remebering it wrong though!

 

[Blue824]

I havent read it, but I did see the Oprah on it. I just remember listening to certain things and being like, well, duh, he''s not into you! I''ve been curious about reading it, but is it really bad that I''ve wanted to buy it for some of my girl friends? Hehe like an anonymous box arriving at their apt from amazon

 

[platinumrock]

I haven''t read the book, but I saw this episode on Oprah as well. If you can tell that a guy likes you or is interested in you, then you should be able to tell if he isn''t. I know, cuz I used to make the same excuses if I wasn''t into a guy:

1) "I''m been really busy" (I''ve been avoiding you)

2) "I''m not looking for a relationship right now" (I don''t want to be with you)

3) "I lost your number!" (like 5 times)

4) "I just want to be friends" (I am not attracted to you)

5) "I still have feelings for my ex" (He''s waaaaaay hotter than you!!)

6) Not return his calls or emails (Stop bugging me and move on!)

7) Split personality (sweet in private, distant in public)

My friends and family don''t know about him (I''m embarrased to be seen with you)

9) "I''m commitment phobic" (I''ll stay with you until someone better comes along)

10) Very evasive when it comes to subjects like commitment, marriage and the future. (You''re not the one)

 

[nytemist]

A friend of mine bought it soon after the Oprah show, completely changed her approach to dating and realizing the behavior she had been putting up with. Within months she met a fabulous guy (I mean even her friends like him) and they are now talking engagment. The book was then passed to her sister, to a few other friends, then to me when I though my relationship was going nowhere and I have passed it on to further educate. Great read, single or not.

I would recommend it for anyone you know who keeps having the same dating problem or keeps meeting the same type of ''wrong'' guy. You may think they would be offended or insulted, but when they actually read it and see themselves in it... they will hug you.

 

[Mara]

Actually re: sending the book to friends, last Xmas it was all the rage around here for gift giving! This one 42 year old woman, friend of a few friends, who is desperate to get married and have children, but always picks the WRONG BOYS (and I say boys because they are never mature enough to be real men) got it from THREE people. How sad is that?! I don't think she's changed much, even sadder to say!!!

funny thing was that everyone who got it was not offended!! It was actually great I thought...I mean that's kind of something that could go either way, but everyone had heard of the book and really loved reading it I guess. One of my friends who really liked this guy who was kind of an aimless self-made rich boy/man, and he would kind of come back every few months and say he wanted to maybe try a relationship but then would be like...oh wait I am getting back with a previous GF....came back into the picture around this time and we told my friend he is just not that into you and started popping all her excuse bubbles, and she had alot of them. It's hard for her to find people she really likes and unfortunately she really liked him for whatever reason!! Well, after that, I think she FINALLY got rid of him! Yay!

 

[elepri]

I''d heard so much about this book, I finally had to got to the B&N and read it. It was hilarious if really simplistic. I''m just not sure it really stops women from rationalizing. As one of my single friends said when we were talking about the book, "Even he''s not that into me now, who say he won''t be more into me later." And isn''t it the message that Sex and the City pretty much sent with its final season, with that whole Carrie and Big story? Kind of negates the book they wrote, doesn''t it?