Wedding Here comes the drama... Need to vent, badly

[Diva0413]

So I just got engaged a little over the month ago and I''ve just started planning for my September 2009 wedding... Why, oh why did I think it would be easy???

So to start, as I''ve mentioned in other posts, my FI''s sis and I DO NOT get along. As much as my FI sticks up for me, she has this impression that I''m some sort of gold-digger looking to sink my "bubblehead" claws into her brother... Sheesh... So when he told her that he''s marrying me, she now insists that she has to be one of my bridesmaids. According to her wacko mind, it''s tradition. Since when?

I''ve had a lot of support from family and friends, but I also have issues with some family members adamantly against how much my mother and I are budgeting for this wedding. Even my step-father has so nicely called me on several occassions to tell me he doesn''t condone spending so much. I''m not sure what that means, but am I wrong for not wanting him there? I just don''t feel like hearing him complain over and over again about how much was spent on my wedding day.

And last, but not least, I have my bridesmaids. I started out with 5 and it''s dwindling fast. One had to be dropped because she''s in this phase where she feels it''s her time to get married and she can''t be a part of any one else''s wedding until she meets her husband to be (which by the way, is a celebrity that she claims she is going to meet at a specific time and place, and none of us knows when because she won''t tell us). So that leaves 4. I''ve got one who just came back from Vegas with a HUGE showgirl tattoo on her arm. I mean, it''s literally HUGE (it extends from her shoulder to her elbow)...

Then to top things off, the one with the new "tat" constantly talks about how she can''t stand one of my other bridesmaids and I''m pretty sure they will strangle each other before the ceremony.

I haven''t even rolled up my sleeves and started any major planning yet and everyone is already driving me nuts. I figured I''d come to my favorite forum and get some good old fashion advice from some ladies that know where I''m coming from (and some that don''t). So please, please, please help me!!!!

 

[Shoopy]

1. I don''t know if asking his sister is tradition but it is nice. I would ask FI if having his sister as a BM would be something that he really wants. If he could care less, then you don''t have to. Personally speaking, I would just to try to repair the relationship but that''s totally up to you. If it is something he really wants, then I would highly consider including her.

2. As for your stepdad, well, is he paying for part of the wedding or is your mom paying for it from her own account/money she has earned? Again, in order to have a good relationship with him I would invite him. Plus, the wedding isn''t until a year away so making the decision now that he shouldn''t be invited doesn''t seem fair.

3. The bridesmaid drama will continue but again you''re a year away. The BMs don''t have to love each other and if you really feel that they won''t be able to contain themselves, then you really should haven''t them part of the wedding. Unfortunately, if you''ve already asked them (which to me may have been too soon) backing out because of a tattoo would seem a little rude.

I think you have a long way before things start getting really stressful. Take a few steps back, maybe a few days away from all the wedding planning, and relax for a little while.

 

[Diva0413]

Thanks fieryred...

I just needed someone to snap me back into reality because all of this nonsense elapsed over the weekend. It was just too much to take in. To answer your questions, my FI isn''t that crazy about her being in the wedding either. His concern more than mine is that she''s going to try and takeover. She''s near 40 and hasn''t been married yet and she''s even gone as far to say that we''ve stolen her thunder (not sure what that means either). She''s also already "telling" me that I''d better pick out the right dress or she''s going to have a fit. She considers herself the princess of the family and I''m an intrusion. Sigh...

As for my step-dad, as my Mom puts it, he''s not contributing one brown penny to the wedding. I do want him there, but he has already implied that he will not be there because he cannot agree with what''s going on. He feels I''m being taken advantage of (also not sure what that means) and think anything more than 5K for one day is way too much. He must have forgotten that I live in NYC.

The bridesmaids drama is tolerable. I think I was just in shock with my girlfriend walked in this morning with that huge tat. LOL... I actually did ask her already (she insisted on as much advance notice as possible so she could save up), so I was very surprised. I don''t think there''s a cover-up large enough to cover it. I don''t want to drop her as a BM; I love her dearly it was just a shock is all.

But yeah, I''m going to step back for a few day, weeks, months, or something and just focus elsewhere.

 

[marchswallowbird]

Diva, so sorry the drama has started when you are still a whole year away! What''s your date? Mine''s Sept. 19, 2009.

The first thing that crossed my mind when I read your post was, "Wow, she should just elope." If you''re having so much drama on both sides of the family, it might be worth considering.

You could also scale down your wedding party, to just one MOH and a best man. That would pretty much get rid of the bridesmaid dramas. Just a thought.

I wonder if your step-dad would understand your expenses more if you showed him a spreadsheet of what everything actually costs? When you break it down into all its components, a wedding seems reasonable. It''s when you look at it as a whole that is seems like such a whopping sum.

I can''t think of any advice re: your sister in law to be, other than under NO circumstances whatsoever should you cave in to pressure and have her be in your wedding.

 

[Diva0413]

Marchswallowbird, we''re bridal sisters! I have the same wedding date!

I am seriously considering eloping just for the sake of getting everyone out of my hair. Thanks for the advice.

 

[diamondfan]

Well, it is not tradition if you two hate each other imho. You could suck it up and invite her as a bridge mending attempt, but to be honest do not expect much from her. Now that she mentioned it you almost have to do it or all hell will break loose and she will be able to hold it against you.

If your step dad is paying at all, he is going to weigh in. You cannot NOT invite him if he is still married to your mom. Bad karma to do this.

The girl who thinks she is meeting and marrying a celebrity and won''t talk about it? I think she needs to visit a competent therapist. She is bit off kilter and to not be in your wedding over this random scenario is a bit strange.

Your tattooed friend, well she can always wear a cardigan for the service or you can pick a gown with a sleeve. But, if she hates the others you might have issues. To me, it is not about who I like if I am asked to be a bridesmaid, get it going for the sake of the bride, it is not your personal thing. I think she could still be one if you want but getting the tat and telling you her hatred of the other girls tells me she is not going to be an easy one.

I am sorry you are dealing with this!

 

[marchswallowbird]

Date: 9/29/2008 6:34:37 PM
Author: Diva0413
Marchswallowbird, we''re bridal sisters! I have the same wedding date!

Yay! My first bridal twin!

 

[KimberlyH]

Skip having a bridal party, that way the things that do matter (people dropping out, a future SIL who insists in participating) and those that don''t (a tattoo) are no longer a concern.

Next time your stepdad calls tell him "I appreciate your concern, but since you are not contributing to the wedding I would prefer not to discuss the financial aspect of it with you again as it only frustrates both of us. If you bring it up again know that I will either hang up or walk away, not to upset you but to stop us from arguing." Then follow through, every time he brings it up, calmly remind him it''s not open for discussion and either hang up politely or walk away.

 

[HollyS]

Well, there are a lot of issues here. I would solve them all by either getting married without any of these people, or I would pare the whole shebang down so that: 1) FSIL wasn''t even on the short list to be an attendant, 2) Stepdad wasn''t shelling out so much he had to panic, 3) Miss Tattoo, who doesn''t get along with others, was nothing but a guest (or not).

The wedding of your dreams should be a day that is focused upon the commitment between you and your FI; not the scenery, costuming, decor, or the other participants. If these personality conflicts, etc. exist now, they will only get worse as time goes on. Nip it in the bud by not having the mega wedding that requires participation by people you don''t like or can''t trust.

 

[blondebunny]

I TOTALLY understand about the tattoo thing.. I just saw my mom on friday and had this STUPID tattoo on her arm... I am about, and the only thing that came to my mind was omg when I get married there is going to be that stupid tattoo in the picture... and im not even engaged yet!! But i figured Id jsut have her wear a dress with sleeves or one of those cute short sweaters... I guess you''d call it a shrug.. I cant remember right now... but sleeves but isnt long like to your belly button... only to the bottom of your boobs... Im sure you could find pretty ones to wear.....

As for the FSIL... Id tell her she is more than welcome to be your bridesmaid, but only after she puts in the effort to repair ya''lls relationship...

Goodluck!!!!

 

[Gwyn]

Regarding your sister in law, there is no rule that says she has to be a bridesmaid. There isnt even a rule saying you have to have any bridesmaids so tell her to kiss your @$$. Especially if she is already a huge pain. Maybe I am confusing you with someone...are you the one who said FI''s sister wont stand up at your wedding? Could be someone else. Bottom line, unless FI really begs to have his sister a BM, you are under no obligation and I feel it will just end up biting you in the @$$ later on. Alot of times I recommend just doing things to avoid an issue or giving in to someone in the hopes of repairing damage. In this case however, I say burn the bridge!

Unless your step dad is paying for ALL of the wedding. I don''t think he has any say in the total amount speant. If he is contributing, then he can contribute what he feels comfortable. if that is nothing, then fine. I agree that, if he is married to your mother, you canNOT not invite him. But, there is nothing wrong with not wanting him there. It is probably a waste of an emotion though. I would just ignore him or go along with the other poster in replying when he makes his snide comments that you two clearly have a difference of opinion on this and should both just agree not to bring it up as it only causes conflict.

As for bridesmaids...I got nothing. Maybe you dont like her tat but she clearly loves it and I dont think its your place to judge that. Are you worried about it''s appearance in photos? You could ask her to step down, it might not be a bad idea if she is going to cause drama with another of your bridesmainds. Or find a way to hide it or something. Perhaps ask her if she doesnt mind covering it up. Or get all the girls shawls or something.

 

[Pandora II]

Since when is there any tradition about family being bridesmaids/groomsmen???

DH and I are both one of four. The only sibling who played a role in our wedding was my brother who did one of the readings.

None of them were bothered in the least. I did ask my youngest sister if she minded being a BM - Hell No was the response...

Your wedding - do what YOU want and don''t create more drama for yourself than you need - FSIL and your ''celebrity loving'' BM sound like trouble to me!

Oh, elopement is a great idea!

 

[Diva0413]

Date: 9/29/2008 8:17:54 PM
Author: blondebunny
I TOTALLY understand about the tattoo thing.. I just saw my mom on friday and had this STUPID tattoo on her arm... I am about, and the only thing that came to my mind was omg when I get married there is going to be that stupid tattoo in the picture... and im not even engaged yet!! But i figured Id jsut have her wear a dress with sleeves or one of those cute short sweaters... I guess you''d call it a shrug.. I cant remember right now... but sleeves but isnt long like to your belly button... only to the bottom of your boobs... Im sure you could find pretty ones to wear.....

As for the FSIL... Id tell her she is more than welcome to be your bridesmaid, but only after she puts in the effort to repair ya''lls relationship...

Goodluck!!!!

I''m trying to work on it. We went to dinner about a week ago together (without FI) to try and squash things between us. Let''s just say it didn''t go to well. That''s when she told me that she''s the princess of the family (because she''s the only girl in the immediate family) and that I take away time from her and her brother. That''s when I told her she''s more than welcome to spend as much time together as they''d like. She also blamed me for not allowing him to, how can I phrase this... "Be a man". The way she figures things, he had just gotten his own place and a really good job right before we met. So by jumping into a relationship with him and getting married, I didn''t allow him to find himself. Wow.

 

[Diva0413]

Date: 9/29/2008 10:30:43 PM
Author: Gwyn
Regarding your sister in law, there is no rule that says she has to be a bridesmaid. There isnt even a rule saying you have to have any bridesmaids so tell her to kiss your @$$. Especially if she is already a huge pain. Maybe I am confusing you with someone...are you the one who said FI''s sister wont stand up at your wedding? Could be someone else. Bottom line, unless FI really begs to have his sister a BM, you are under no obligation and I feel it will just end up biting you in the @$$ later on. Alot of times I recommend just doing things to avoid an issue or giving in to someone in the hopes of repairing damage. In this case however, I say burn the bridge!

Unless your step dad is paying for ALL of the wedding. I don''t think he has any say in the total amount speant. If he is contributing, then he can contribute what he feels comfortable. if that is nothing, then fine. I agree that, if he is married to your mother, you canNOT not invite him. But, there is nothing wrong with not wanting him there. It is probably a waste of an emotion though. I would just ignore him or go along with the other poster in replying when he makes his snide comments that you two clearly have a difference of opinion on this and should both just agree not to bring it up as it only causes conflict.

As for bridesmaids...I got nothing. Maybe you dont like her tat but she clearly loves it and I dont think its your place to judge that. Are you worried about it''s appearance in photos? You could ask her to step down, it might not be a bad idea if she is going to cause drama with another of your bridesmainds. Or find a way to hide it or something. Perhaps ask her if she doesnt mind covering it up. Or get all the girls shawls or something.

Yeah, I didn''t think it was tradition... I think about all the weddings I''ve been in and none of them had the in-law siblings. Just wanted to make sure. I''m trying really hard, especially for the sake of my FI to have an open mind when it comes to his sis. And even with her saying that she''s going to respect me and treat me better, occassionally, she reverts back and starts her verbal assaults. I''m sure over time we''ll hopefully get along, but what if it''s not in time for the wedding? Can''t she just do a reading or give a toast or something?

 

[sklingem]

Just my 2 cents re: bridesmaids: either you take them as they come or you don''t take them at all (which is fine). I am still amazed when some people complain about how others will "ruin" their pictures by being in them because of the way they dress, because they are pregnant, have glasses, are not thin enough or have tattoos. Get over it, be less selfish and more accepting.

 

[Diva0413]

Date: 9/30/2008 9:56:00 AM
Author: rob09
Just my 2 cents re: bridesmaids: either you take them as they come or you don''t take them at all (which is fine). I am still amazed when some people complain about how others will ''ruin'' their pictures by being in them because of the way they dress, because they are pregnant, have glasses, are not thin enough or have tattoos. Get over it, be less selfish and more accepting.

Granted, you should accept them as they are... But, you can''t help but have some small part of yourself that thinks about how your pictures are going to turn out. Not necessarily ruined, but honestly, a bit of an eyesore for wedding pictures. I have no intentions on dropping her as a bridesmaid, but it was the initial shock of seeing it on her arm. I think it''s one thing to have a BM have a tattoo to start and you have a hissy fit because you don''t like it even though it was there first. But it''s totally different when you have a change like that between telling the girl you want her to be a BM and the actually wedding.

Now, with that said, it''s no biggie to just get her a jacket (even though I''m sure she''ll complain about that too), but man, I did not expect that when I walked into work yesterday.

 

[Mediterranean]

You can probably photoshop your friend''s tattoo out of the pictures you/your family would like to display in your home.

My brother was once a groomsman in a wedding, but at the time, he was working a construction job to help pay for college, and he ended up with a HUGE back eye from a work-related accident. They did a great job photoshopping my brother''s nasty shiner, so it''s probably easier to shop out a tattoo on an arm.

Your FSIL''s and your stepdad''s attitudes are not as easy to "cut out" so I like the previous poster''s idea of not having a bridal party (or at very least, not putting the FSIL in it). If you choose not to include her, frame it in the context of doing her a favor: tell her that you don''t want to inconvenience her, that you don''t feel comfortable asking her to expend so much money and time. Maybe you could talk to your groom about making his sister an "honor attendant" who stands with his groomsmen, on his side of the aisle?

Previous poster NAILED IT when dealing with your stepdad: Just tell him "I know this upsets you, so I''m gonna spare the both of us this conversation." Then change the subject. Ask him about something that he likes to talk about.

 

[diamondfan]

You can see it is her issue and not yours. Any girl he was with would likely get this reaction out of her. You can try to see her feelings of being abandoned and feel a bit sorry for her, but she still will get more out of things being nice. I always wonder where someone''s head is if they fear losing something, why are they such jerks, thereby almost guaranteeing that they will lose out? You do NOT have to ask her. I would speak to her and say, look, I want to get along with you. I love your brother and you do too. I want you to be in our lives. But we have to mend things, and until we do, I am not sure having you be a bridesmaid is not a great idea.

I always find being honest but not bitchy is the best thing. Is she standing up there out of love and caring? Hard to say but it seems doubtful.

Tell your step dad if he wishes to contribute money, that is awesome, but that you really have your vision and you hope that he will take a step back and not be always commenting negatively. You can also say you think it is a topic best left undiscussed for the sake of harmony. However, you have to invite him. NO way out of that.

 

[VRBeauty]

If your stepdad is concerned about how much the whole wedding is costing, I''d suggest a polite conversation where you hear him out and ask him to hear you out. After that, nada -- other posters have offered wonderful ways of dealing with his line of concerns. If he''s concerned with how much your mother (his wife, I assume...) is spending on your wedding, well, that''s a conversation he should have with her... and you can tell him I said so!

 

[Diva0413]

Date: 10/1/2008 2:16:42 AM
Author: VRBeauty
If your stepdad is concerned about how much the whole wedding is costing, I''d suggest a polite conversation where you hear him out and ask him to hear you out. After that, nada -- other posters have offered wonderful ways of dealing with his line of concerns. If he''s concerned with how much your mother (his wife, I assume...) is spending on your wedding, well, that''s a conversation he should have with her... and you can tell him I said so!

I plan on it. Actually, my step-dad and my mom are divorced (have been so for almost 10 years), so he really has nothing to do with the money. What fun, what joy.

And speaking of more drama... The FSIL... She called my FI to say she was going to see their father to go over his will. Next thing you know, my FI''s father is calling all upset because sis was over there, got into an argument with her step-mother and said some really vicious things like she hated her. She also said that she will always be her father''s daughter, but the step-mom will become an "ex". Sis also told her dad that the only reason me and my FI come to see them is because we feel guilty. Guilty about what? So yes, my FSIL is up to her old tricks and antics again. I knew her "new self" wouldn''t last long.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 9/29/2008 7:55:34 PM
Author: KimberlyH
Skip having a bridal party, that way the things that do matter (people dropping out, a future SIL who insists in participating) and those that don't (a tattoo) are no longer a concern.


Next time your stepdad calls tell him 'I appreciate your concern, but since you are not contributing to the wedding I would prefer not to discuss the financial aspect of it with you again as it only frustrates both of us. If you bring it up again know that I will either hang up or walk away, not to upset you but to stop us from arguing.' Then follow through, every time he brings it up, calmly remind him it's not open for discussion and either hang up politely or walk away.

Gad, that's a bit intense. How long has your step-dad been on the scene? Obviously, even if he isn't contributing money, he may well be missing out on some enjoyable experiences of his own (or rather, he and his wife will miss out) to compensate for some aspects of the cost.
Money has to come from somewhere... retirement fund, say?
I say, listen to him grizzle, and pat him on the hand and say "Try not to worry so much Dad..."
Your mum might not care either, but they ARE a couple.

EDIT - Hm, just got the post about how they're broken up now. But he's still your step dad, right? As in, in the family? If everyone hates him, and he earns no respect from anyone, why do you need to invite him?
Otherwise, if you still care enough to maintain a relationship with him, why not just be kind (and perhaps, for practicality's sake, ignore him big picture wise)?

The whole thing seems kinda crazy already, 'specially if there are weird family dynamics. Why not pick a venue you love (in Bali haha

), the dress you love, perhaps the details of the ceremony you love, and take it from there... slowly... Repeat this mantra daily: 'No circus!'

I hope you survive with your sense of humour intact!
All the best!

PS your sil sounds awful. good luck with that, I hope you don't live too close by! She's probably just stirred up about the wedding though, rellies do seem to settle after it's all done and dusted
give her a couple of years...

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 10/1/2008 9:03:30 AM
Author: LaraOnline

Date: 9/29/2008 7:55:34 PM
Author: KimberlyH
Skip having a bridal party, that way the things that do matter (people dropping out, a future SIL who insists in participating) and those that don't (a tattoo) are no longer a concern.


Next time your stepdad calls tell him 'I appreciate your concern, but since you are not contributing to the wedding I would prefer not to discuss the financial aspect of it with you again as it only frustrates both of us. If you bring it up again know that I will either hang up or walk away, not to upset you but to stop us from arguing.' Then follow through, every time he brings it up, calmly remind him it's not open for discussion and either hang up politely or walk away.

Gad, that's a bit intense. How long has your step-dad been on the scene? Obviously, even if he isn't contributing money, he may well be missing out on some enjoyable experiences of his own (or rather, he and his wife will miss out) to compensate for some aspects of the cost.
Money has to come from somewhere... retirement fund, say?
I say, listen to him grizzle, and pat him on the hand and say 'Try not to worry so much Dad...'
Your mum might not care either, but they ARE a couple.

EDIT - Hm, just got the post about how they're broken up now. But he's still your step dad, right? As in, in the family? If everyone hates him, and he earns no respect from anyone, why do you need to invite him?
Otherwise, if you still care enough to maintain a relationship with him, why not just be kind (and perhaps, for practicality's sake, ignore him big picture wise)?

The whole thing seems kinda crazy already, 'specially if there are weird family dynamics. Why not pick a venue you love (in Bali haha

), the dress you love, perhaps the details of the ceremony you love, and take it from there... slowly... Repeat this mantra daily: 'No circus!'

I hope you survive with your sense of humour intact!
All the best!

PS your sil sounds awful. good luck with that, I hope you don't live too close by! She's probably just stirred up about the wedding though, rellies do seem to settle after it's all done and dusted
give her a couple of years...

Not sure why you're quoting me here unless your intent was to say my response was intense? I can see why one might think so. But I assumed since the OP made it clear the money came from her mother, not her step-dad (who we now know isn't even married to the woman anymore) that the money being spent would not affect him; it is not uncommon for couples to keep their money totally seperate from one another which is what I assumed was the case from what the OP shared. Sometimes we need to do unpleasant/uncomfortable things to avoid larger issues brewing. If it's not his money it's not his business. An example to help clarify my point: if I received a cash gift from an aunt for my birthday and decided to spend it on a party and my father disagreed, even though the money had nothing to do with him, and he wanted to discuss it every time we spoke I would certainly be putting a stop to that conversation. It doesn't mean I'd be rude or hurtful, I just wouldn't discuss it with him simply because it has nothing to do with him and I would prefer to avoid the argument. It doesn't mean I'm cruel or don't want a good relationship with my father, just that I know to maintain closeness there are some things we shouldn't/can't discuss (this is a totally made up scenario, my father would never inquire).

The money she receives from her mother is a gift that has nothing to do with the womans' ex-husband so there is no reason for her to appease him by rehashing and justifying, and he's the person who is being rude for thinking it is any of his business. That doesn't mean they can't talk about the wedding itself, plans, etc. but the money aspect should be left out of the conversation.

 

[angielea]

We might not know the whole part of the story...

Your mom is a single woman. Is She in a place financially to fund a large wedding? Perhaps that is where your step-dad''s concern is coming from. How lavish are we talking, here?

Did your mom get a large settlement in the divorce ( not our business, but it may explain why he is adament about not spending a lot of money on a wedding, if it was to help support your mother).

I''m asking these things just to try to get the full picture, I may be way off base, and if I am, I apologize.

 

[Diva0413]

Date: 10/1/2008 9:39:05 AM
Author: angielea
We might not know the whole part of the story...

Your mom is a single woman. Is She in a place financially to fund a large wedding? Perhaps that is where your step-dad''s concern is coming from. How lavish are we talking, here?

Did your mom get a large settlement in the divorce ( not our business, but it may explain why he is adament about not spending a lot of money on a wedding, if it was to help support your mother).

I''m asking these things just to try to get the full picture, I may be way off base, and if I am, I apologize.

Nope, it''s no problem to ask. I''m the only child, so my Mom, as she puts it, has been saving for this and for my college education, which was paid for without loans as well. Before speaking to my step-dad, my Mom said that he''s always had a problem with spending money for social events so it was no surprise to her that he reacted that way. Even when she threw a 75th birthday party for my grandfathter (her dad) and 100th birthday party for my great-grandmother (her dad''s mother), he complained through the WHOLE thing. And again, he contribulted nothing.

And the wedding is semi-large. No more than 125 guests and we''re even cutting that down.

 

[fleur-de-lis]

Why is your mother talking to her ex-husband about the expenses, esp. knowing both his history AND that he is calling you as well?

Does he pay her alimony? For how long were they married, and how long ago did they divorce?

f-d-l

 

[Diva0413]

Date: 10/1/2008 12:44:31 PM
Author: fleur-de-lis
Why is your mother talking to her ex-husband about the expenses, esp. knowing both his history AND that he is calling you as well?

Does he pay her alimony? For how long were they married, and how long ago did they divorce?

f-d-l

Nope, no alimony. They were married for 12 years and they''ve been divorced for over 10 years. My step-dad and I are somewhat close so the expense of the wedding did come up between him and I. He never discussed anything with my Mom and sounded like he had intention on contributing, but opted out since we want to spend over 5K.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 10/1/2008 9:17:30 AM
Author: KimberlyH
Not sure why you''re quoting me here unless your intent was to say my response was intense?

Yeah. I guess I thought it was typical youth

- that''s kind of a joke by the way - using a 20 tonne weight to crack a nut. If you like the guy, want to keep a good relationship and you know he just worries about spending money on parties, why give him the brush off in such an imperious way?

You probably have no real way of knowing just why he has these feelings of anxiety about money. Older people have usually lived many, many lives. You can''t remake him. There''s no need to make him feel like an unnecessary ex-friend, either.

Kindness and a degree of sympathy is more helpful for settling his nerves, which is essentially what is needed here!

IMO only, of course!

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 10/1/2008 8:14:56 PM
Author: LaraOnline

Date: 10/1/2008 9:17:30 AM
Author: KimberlyH
Not sure why you''re quoting me here unless your intent was to say my response was intense?

Yeah. I guess I thought it was typical youth

- that''s kind of a joke by the way - using a 20 tonne weight to crack a nut. If you like the guy, want to keep a good relationship and you know he just worries about spending money on parties, why give him the brush off in such an imperious way?

You probably have no real way of knowing just why he has these feelings of anxiety about money. Older people have usually lived many, many lives. You can''t remake him. There''s no need to make him feel like an unnecessary ex-friend, either.

Kindness and a degree of sympathy is more helpful for settling his nerves, which is essentially what is needed here!

IMO only, of course!

I think our wires are crossed, Lara, and I don''t understand your joke but that''s okay. I don''t think his reasons for being overly interested are relevant and in general I don''t think financial details are the business of anyone who isn''t signing the checks, wedding or not; you think she should humor the man. We simply have different points-of-view, neither of us is wrong nor right.

 

[MsSassy]

I wouldn''tmake your SIl a bridesmaid just for the sake of making her one. I''m not making my SIL one...my bridesmaid are MY closests friends...im not making my FI make my brothers his groomsmen...i think its ridiculous to make someone a bridesmaid just because...especially if you guys dont even get along. that would just make your life that much harder, unneeded stress definitely

 

[MsSassy]

Date: 9/29/2008 6:34:37 PM
Author: Diva0413
Marchswallowbird, we''re bridal sisters! I have the same wedding date!

I am seriously considering eloping just for the sake of getting everyone out of my hair. Thanks for the advice.

Hey i have the same date too!