Wedding Help with gift etiquette for a bride and groom you do not know

[kroshka]

Hoping you ladies can help me out in a situation that I am in. My husband has a colleague he was on a project with for a couple of months - this was more than a year ago. The colleague just invited us to his wedding. It''s literally next month and we won''t be able to attend because of the short notice as well as because I''m still helping care for my mother that is going through chemo. I thought it a bit odd to be asked kind of late and without a formal invitation (he called my husband to ask if he could come), but at the same time kind that he thought of us. What kind of gift or amount of money would be appropriate to give since we are not able to attend, and given the circumstances that we don''t know this couple well (I don''t know the guy or gal at all, and my husband has never met or even seen a picture of the bride)? Unfortunately, my husband called him to let him know we would not be able to attend, and he forgot to ask if they had a registry anywhere.

Any suggestions or thoughts?
kroshka

 

[havernell]

Hmm... You could try this- as long as you know the guy''s first and last name, you can just go to some of the websites of the typical registry places (i.e. Crate and Barrel, Macy''s, Bed, Bath, and Beyond) and enter his name to see if anything comes up. As long as you know his name, the date of their wedding and where it is taking place, you should be able to identify which registry is theirs fairly easily.

If that doesn''t turn up any results, does your husband have an email address for this work colleague? He could email to inquire about their registry (that seems less awkward to me thank calling him again). Or is there anyone else who worked on this project with your husband and this guy who may also be invited? If so, perhaps they know of a registry.

Good luck trying to figure it out!

 

[Ellen]

I would try and find out if there are any really nice specialty stores, or department stores in their area, and get them a gift certificate, or if not, send a checlk. If it was me, I would do $40-50.

ETA Good idea on trying their name on different registry sites!

 

[kroshka]

Thanks for the suggestions havernell. I''ll give searching for their registry a try. It also just dawned on me that the couple might not have a registry (might be a traditional asian wedding where money is usually given), but no idea since I don''t know anything about them

!

Any thoughts on how much should be spent?

kroshka

 

[kroshka]

Thanks for naming a number Ellen- might sound silly but I''m really clueless on what would be appropriate.

kroshka

 

[cellososweet]

I would follow the suggestion to stalk some websites and look for a registry. Otherwise, I think $50 is more than generous given you don''t even know his future wife. We had a pretty traditional bunch on DH''s side and there were some younger people who gave $50 or a gift card for $50. I think it''s a good number.

 

[doodle]

go to weddingchannel.com--they have a feature where you can search the registries of over 20 stores as long as you have a first and last name. i''d spend about $40. hope the link helps!

 

[surfgirl]

Damn you Kroshka! Any time you post I drool over that ring of yours!

If your husband only worked with this guy for a couple of months and doesn''t have any contact now, or doesn''t really consider him a good friend AND since you''ve been invited without a formal invitation, I''d send a card and call it a day. It''s nice that you think it''s nice he was invited but to me, honestly, getting a phonecall invitation one month before the wedding smells like "too many guests bailed and we''re filling seats for people we''ve already paid for because we''ve already paid the caterer." I know, it''s cynical but really, who does a phonecall invitation one month before a wedding? Yeah. I wouldn''t feel overly obligated to send anything for those reasons. I think a nice, sincere card seems enough in this situation.

Now if it was *me*, I''d send you a REAL nice invitation, with calligraphy and all, and well in advance because, well, I''d want to make damn sure you cleared your calender for my event so I''d be assured that you and your ring would show up. Wait, I meant YOU. But I really REALLY want to see that sucker in person. The ring, not YOU. Sucker, I meant...the ring...oh, nevermind!

 

[that_someone_special]

This is just me-- obviously-- but I wouldn''t give a thing! To me, it would seem rude not to send a formal invitation, and 4 weeks away! I would just not go. I doubt he would even remember, since he couldn''t remember to send the invite out in the first place. Looks like they are just looking to fill seats now.

just my opinion!

 

[kroshka]

cellososweet - thanks for chiming in and confirming a number.

doodle - thanks for the link - I hope I can find them.

surfgirl - That thought did cross my mind, but it''s so hard to say what the true circumstances are for the late invite. Thanks for making me crack up today - I really needed a good laugh. Hopefully we''ll get to meet sometime at PS GTG or something. I''d love to be able to chat w/ others that have the same jewelry diamond obsession

kroshka

 

[kroshka]

that_someone_special - yeah it could be that they are just trying to fill seats, who knows. But to some degree I feel like, well at least they thought of us and who knows if he had the intent to invite earlier but screwed up? Stuff does happen, although that is not likely the case here.


kroshka

 

[purrfectpear]

I would send a lovely card with a special bottle of wine.

 

[kroshka]

Thanks purrfectpear - that''s another good suggestion!


kroshka