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Wedding Help!! What to send....

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Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
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Brides! I have two questions for you.

Background:
This morning my doctors suggested I chill out for a while because I've been having a tonne of contractions (pregnant with twins), so I've had to cancel a trip to the wedding (where you all told me it was OK if I didn't buy a fancy pregnoid dress to wear). I was planning to visit my elderly cousin there as well, who has grown very attached to me in the three years I lived in the city I just moved away from. She is 87 and has absolutely NO ONE... no kids, no close family, and her cousins all live far, far away. So she became kind of dependent on me while I lived there. She was VERY upset that I was moving away.

So, now that I can't even go visit, she was so upset on the phone when I told her that she nearly hung up on me. I feel TERRIBLE! But of course I can't risk these babies being born at 19 weeks.

I'm feeling badly for the bride too, to cancel on her at the last minute.

So, here are my questions:

1) Since y'all are flower-savvy, I was thinking of sending the cousin a bouquet to cheer her up... dendrobium orchids or 18 multicoloured roses? Thoughts? Are roses too "romantic" to send to a cousin? Are multicoloureds tacky? Orchids classier? But maybe roses look fuller?

2) For the bride, I was - in addition to sending the gift - going to send a cheque to cover my meal that she probably has to pay for now. A mutual friend helped her plan the wedding, so I should be able to find out the per plate cost. WOuld this embarrass you or do you think it's a nice gesture?

Thanks in advance for your help.

How can I feel sooooo guilty, trying to do the right thing for my unborn kids??!
7.gif
 
I think the orchids are a great idea, and as for the wedding thing, I think it is a fantastic gesture and maybe include a note explaining how horrible you feel for canceling so late, and you hope that this will make up for the meal if it''s extra from the gift. That way they understand what it''s for. If they don''t see it as necessary they probably won''t use it. Go get in bed already!!!
 
Another vote for the orchids, by far my favorite flower. I would be delighted to get them, especially as a just because kind of gift. As for the wedding, Indy that is awfully thoughtful and generous of you. We had 3 people not show up to our wedding and it cost us a lot of money. They were all for medical reasons though so as upset as we were, we did understand. I think a nice note would be sufficient, however if you do want to send a little extra I do think it might be a little embarrasing to get a gift and a separate check to cover your meal. Instead of sending a gift and a check could you just send one check as their gift and perhaps make it a little larger than you normally would?

So sorry you''re having contractions Indy. Get lots of rest for the cubs.
 
First of, you shouldn't feel guilty at all. No one, and I mean NO ONE, comes above the safety of your children, born or not.

Secondly, I think it's wonderfully nice of you to send flowers to your cousin. My personal suggestion would be a nice floral arrangement with a mixed variety of flowers, such as these:

http://www.serendipityflowers.net/files/6083905.jpg
http://www.flowerandflora.com/occassion_files/..%5Cpictures%5CPink%20Flower%20Bouquet-10..bmp
http://www.morgansofchigwell.co.uk/mixed-reds-pinks.gif

Also, i love multicoloured. Does not look tacky at all (at least not to me!!)

As for the wedding you'll be missing, I would send the cheque with the extra money to cover your plate in a card and write a short note explaining your position and wishing them well. I personally would not mention that you're sending extra to cover your plate.

And lastly, just another 21 weeks to go!! Although since you're carrying twins, it'll most likely be shorted than the whole 40 weeks gestation.
 
I agree that orchids would be lovely for your cousin, and you could also ask the florist''s opinion (if you call to order rather than doing it online).

As far as the wedding gifts, I would send a note along with the check saying something very simple, like "so sorry for the last-minute inconvenience," and let them read between the lines. If the amount of the check is similar to the meal cost, they''ll probably get it -- and even if they don''t, I''m sure it will still be appreciated. I wouldn''t make the check out for an odd amount, though, just to avoid the potential for embarrassment (so if the meal is $121.47, round to $120 or $125). I hope that makes sense!

Best of luck with your pregnancy, I hope you feel better soon
emsmile.gif
 
I think orchids or a nice mixed bouquet would be nice.

For the wedding, I think sending an extra check is a nice gesture, but I wouldn''t make it out to the *exact* amount, like $42.95 for example, I''d just send $40 or $45. I can''t elucidate why, it just would seem much more weird to me if it was an exact amount.

Also, please don''t let them make you feel guilty and keep those cubs healthy!
 
Indy, don''t worry! I am sure the bride will understand. I think if the check makes her uncomfortable she won''t cash it, but I know the gesture will be appreciated.

And I vote orchids. So classic and classy.
 
I''m going to disagree with everyone else and say yes to the orchids, but no to the check. I''d feel pretty weird if my preggo friend missed my wedding for valid medical reasons and sent me a check to cover her costs!

If you feel like you have to compensate, I would spend a little more on the gift. Just my 2 cents!
 
Date: 9/29/2008 2:15:42 PM
Author: thing2of2
I''m going to disagree with everyone else and say yes to the orchids, but no to the check. I''d feel pretty weird if my preggo friend missed my wedding for valid medical reasons and sent me a check to cover her costs!


If you feel like you have to compensate, I would spend a little more on the gift. Just my 2 cents!

You wouldn''t appreciate the gesture though? I agree that I wouldn''t cash the check, but the gesture would be appreciated.
 
I agree, send the orchids, and a really nice personal note, but not a separate check to cover your meal. Send an extra generous wedding gift. You can send the gift right now, according to etiquette, no need to wait until closer to the wedding.
 
Date: 9/29/2008 1:40:14 PM
Author: Octavia
I agree that orchids would be lovely for your cousin, and you could also ask the florist's opinion (if you call to order rather than doing it online).

As far as the wedding gifts, I would send a note along with the check saying something very simple, like 'so sorry for the last-minute inconvenience,' and let them read between the lines. If the amount of the check is similar to the meal cost, they'll probably get it -- and even if they don't, I'm sure it will still be appreciated. I wouldn't make the check out for an odd amount, though, just to avoid the potential for embarrassment (so if the meal is $121.47, round to $120 or $125). I hope that makes sense!

Best of luck with your pregnancy, I hope you feel better soon
emsmile.gif
I completely agree. If you want to be very accurate, you could call the venue to ask what the costs are, though do they generally give out that kind of information? Maybe if you explain the circumstances... (though I also agree that if I were the bride, the check would not get cashed.)

Take it easy!!
 
Hey, thanks guys! I ended up sending a mixed bouquet with poms, roses, and lots of pretty purple things that were maybe... ranunculus-like? to my cousin. I hope they cheer her up. ARGH! I think I need a clone! And not just the clones I'm incubating, either.
3.gif


I would bet my bride pal wouldn't cash the cheque too, since for one thing, between her and her FI, they pull in mid to high-six-figures in income and we... don't. The wedding is modest, and they can totally afford it. But I think I will make the gesture with a round number and send a physical gift as well.
 
For the cousin: I think orchids would be lovely. They are such pretty flowers, and they seem a less "romantic" than roses. I'm sure she would appreciate them, and it would be so nice to let her know you are thinking of her.

For the bride: If you want to send a check, go for it, but please don't tell the bride that it's for the cost of your meal. Tell them it's mad money for their honeymoon (or something like that), and leave it at that. I agree that it should be for a "round" number, not an exact sum. As a bride, I would feel terrible if I knew my pregnant friend was sending me money to cover her plate when she had a very legitimate reason not to attend. To me, the additional cost would be totally worth it to know that you and your babies are safe and healthy, and I wouldn't want it to seem like I thought otherwise. Perhaps I'm not expressing myself very well, but I hope you get the gist. I think you are being very thoughtful, and I'm sure the extra cash will be appreciated. As another poster said, let the bride read between the lines if she wishes to do so.

Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly. Get lots of rest!

ETA: Just saw that you responded--sounds like it's under control. I think you're handling the situation very well.
 
Yes, I think you''re all right about keeping it ''ambiguous''. My friend can read between the lines and decide what to do if she wants to!
 
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