Wedding Help! CRAZY mother!!!

[BriBee]

OK, I need to know if it''s just me or if this woman is crazy. Warning: this might turn into a long-ish vent.
So here''s the story: My best friend is getting married and I am one of the BMs. Technically I''m not the MOH, her sister is. But due to geographical issues, I''m sharing (doing) all of the typical MOH duties. Anyways, we''re currently in the process of planning one of her two showers (MOG is doing the other one for her side of the family. Two showers were decided on due to the large number of people that would be invited; one shower would have been really difficult and expensive for BMs to handle). So the shower I am hosting is being held at MOB''s house. I did NOT want to have it there, but she somewhat insisted and I didn''t want to offend her. On the other hand, she told me that it''s completely inappropriate for the MOB to host the shower, so we can have it at her house, but the BMs should do/pay for everything, and she''ll simply provide the house and the flowers from her beautiful garden. This is completely fine with me and I prefer to have the BMs doing everything anyways. First off, MOB basically makes the invite list for the shower. Bride approves of it so we go ahead. It''s about 30 people. MOB doesn''t want anything too big, because then it won''t be "cute." So, cut to a week or so later and BF (bride) tells me that her mother is freaking out because she''s "totally in the dark! No one is telling me what''s going on!" Well, she knows the date and timetable, but we''re handling everything else, so I don''t really see why she''s freaking out. I call MOH (who is also the daughter of crazy MOB) and tell her to please call her mother and make sure everything is fine. MOH talks to mom, everything is smoothed over. Cut to a few days later and I get a combined e-mail from MOH and MOB saying they will be handling the following things at the shower: favors, prizes, flowers, dessert, and dishes. I assume this is more the MOH doing this so it''s fine. I offer to do plastic cutlery and dishes, but MOB says "NO WAY, too tacky!" I just thought it would cut down on the mess. OK, so regular plates and glasses it is, I guess she doesn''t mind us using all her stuff. Then I get another e-mail from MOB saying that they are thinking of doing individual desserts for everyone and they are going to be "really cute" and that I must make sure that the food is "cute" too. I''m not really sure what to make of this....I just want the food to taste good, but it''s not like I''m going to slap a bag of chips and salsa on the table and say "DIG IN!" I know how to have a nice party with lovely presentation. I just chalk this up to MOB wanting things to be special for her daughter, even though she''s not supposed to be hosting or planning ANYTHING (according to her). The next freakin'' thing is that MOH and I are going over the menu and deciding what to make. We''re doing lots of normal traditional stuff...cheese platter, "cute" sandwiches, a yummy artichoke dip...yada yada. Then MOH tells me she has a great Ceviche recipe that she wants to do, I tell her to go for it. MOB FREAKS OUT!!!!!!! She goes to my BF and tells her that we''re so tacky because we''re mixing food genres and "shouldn''t all the food be the SAME?" Are you kidding me???!!!???? Not only that but she thinks that having 2 dips (Ceviche and Artichoke dip...even though Ceviche isn''t really a dip) is soooooo tacky because everyone is just going to be standing around the table eating out of the bowls of dip all day. Seriously? She''s driving me nuts at this point! (And I''m not an idiot, there will be serving utensils for people to grab some freaking dip and then take their plate to a seat, not to mention a TON of other food).
OK, almost done....MOB sees the shower invitation. I worked REALLY hard on these invites....they could almost be wedding invites they are so nice. I''m talking Paisley and ribbon and pretty writing and all that crap. On the invitation I put some standard Bridal shower wording and at one point it says:
"hosted by __(name)__''s bridesmaids and her mother __(name)___." I thought this was appropriate since she is letting us use her house and she''s contributing decor, favors, dessert etc....even though she''s NOT involved, wants NOTHING to do with the planning, wants the BMs to take over etc, etc (all her words)
MOB was livid! She didn''t say anything to me, but she went off on BF and said "Why is my name on this invitation? Did I not make it CLEAR that the MOB is NOT to be hosting a shower. It''s so inappropriate!!!!" The FINAL BLOW comes when MOB says "Well, this isn''t going to be a cute shower anyways because there are just way too many people coming!" WHAT

SHE MADE THE INVITE LIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am really hurt, and I can''t believe this woman!!!! I agonized over that wording and decided that she''d be pissed/offended if I didn''t include her name.

I''m at my wit''s end. Bride has been my bf for over 10 years, and I always thought her mother was great and sweet and we got along tremendously. Now I don''t even want to look at her let alone host this shower in a few weeks

If you read all of this then you''re a saint, and thanks for letting me vent. I already feel a little better after getting it all down in writing.

 

[doodle]

awww, i''m sorry you''re having such a difficult time with your friend''s mom. unfortunately, weddings can make people nutty--i have a theory that there''s at least one "zilla" involved in every wedding, so i guess you''ve found your friend''s! just know that your friend isn''t blind--she knows what you''re putting up with, and i''m sure all your efforts and level-headedness are duly noted and really appreciated. once the momzilla sees how happy your friend is with everything at her shower, hopefully, she''ll chill out and realize how hard you worked and what a nice thing you did for her daughter.

 

[vintagelover229]

Ahhh honey it''s alright. I say just keep doing what your doing. Try to do what they want, but the bride is going to be thrilled in the end. No one will remember the food. Your a great not MOH!

 

[Shoopy]

Is she one of those ladies that cuts her rose bushes for 20 hours out on the lawn just to get a glimpse of what the neighbors are up to? Cause she totall sounds like it. She wants everyone to think she''s doing the etiquette thing but secretly isn''t. LOL Classic.

Hang in there girl! If it gets to be too much, is it possible to talk to the MOH (I say MOH cause the bride probably has a lot of other things to stress over and doesn''t need one more thing added to the list)

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I think I would have worded the invitation "hosted by {list of bridesmaids here}" and used the mother''s name in the location like "at the home of control freak MOB, 123 OCD Street".

I can''t imagine her throwing a hissy fit though! I know you are just looking for a place to vent, and there''s not really any advice. Hang in there!

And I think that mixture of food sounds really yummy. It''s not like you''re trying to have lasagna and italian bread with chips and queso and enchiladas. The MOB is being nutty, and I promise that selection of food sounds totally yummy. I also would add that if the bridesmaids are paying for this, then everything needs to be a joint decision, not a dragon lady dictatorship.

 

[WishfulThinking]

Wow... she sounds like a real nutter right now. I know people tend to go a little batty around weddings, but this must be so hard for you to deal with. Hang in there, and every time you want to strangle crazy MOB, remember how much you love her daughter and that you''re doing it for her, not for her [possibly temporarily] unstable mother. I know that is probably very little consolation, though.

Good luck.

 

[BriBee]

Date: 8/15/2008 8:25:00 PM
Author: Guilty Pleasure
I think I would have worded the invitation ''hosted by {list of bridesmaids here}'' and used the mother''s name in the location like ''at the home of control freak MOB, 123 OCD Street''.

I can''t imagine her throwing a hissy fit though! I know you are just looking for a place to vent, and there''s not really any advice. Hang in there!

And I think that mixture of food sounds really yummy. It''s not like you''re trying to have lasagna and italian bread with chips and queso and enchiladas. The MOB is being nutty, and I promise that selection of food sounds totally yummy. I also would add that if the bridesmaids are paying for this, then everything needs to be a joint decision, not a dragon lady dictatorship.

I agree, too bad I thought of this wording after MOB had her freak out. It was such an agonizing decision with the wording because she did make a big deal out of the fact that that etiquette says she shouldn''t host, but then I didn''t want to disregard the fact that she is putting in a lot (whether we want her to or not

) I decided to err on the side of caution and include her but I guess it was the WRONG choice!
Thanks for the reinforcement on the food, I think it''s going to be really yummy too

Thanks to everyone for the supportive comments and for letting me vent.

 

[diamondfan]

Not really sure what to say as she is clearly acting funky. However, I am not sure I think her name should have been on the invite that way...to me that would look like she is hosting. Better to have said, at the home of (her name) and then it is merely location...but not even necessary, you just put the address and I am sure many of her friends know that is the mom's house...I recall being told when I got married that the mom of the bride or even mother in law to be should not throw the shower as it looks like they are asking for gifts from people and are then hosting a wedding in which gifts are brought...so, etiquette wise not sure how people weigh in on that any more but still she sounds like she is being a freakazoid about all that other stuff and really overrreacted and not being nice at all ...really, she is being a spazz and I think in retrospect being in her house is most likely not the most ideal thing. I feel for you...sounds like a thankless job.

 

[Linda W]

I personally think MOB is over reacting.

Of all the showers I have gone to in the past few years, as well as my daughter, they have been thrown at the home of the MOB and even the grandparents of the bride. One reason is, they have the big house and beautiful gardens. No one has thought it was distasteful at all. Everyone had a wonderful time.


Linda

 

[Sabine]

I think my mom kinda got like this too. She ended up paying for the food for the shower, being involved in the flowers and centerpieces, the favors, etc., and then didn''t want herself named on the invitation. I think it has to do with the fact that moms can get kinda caught up on appearances. She sees the shower as a reflection of her to all her family (and maybe some of the groom''s family) instead of the bride, so they have trouble letting bms plan without their input. But they also know that a mob isn''t supposed to host the shower, so even though they basically are, it would be improper for other people to know that

It stinks that you have to deal with her, but just be glad that the shower is almost over and then she will be the bride''s problem for the rest of the wedding planning, not yours