shape
carat
color
clarity

Wedding Having hard time coming up with a toast

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.

Shoopy

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 18, 2008
Messages
6,689
I know I won''t make too many people happy with this thread.

As some of you know, I am the MOH to my friend''s wedding. Over the past several months, I''ve grown to dislike her new personality. She''s very self-centered, has no consideration for the feelings of others, she''s rude, and has been very demanding throughout this entire planning process. I don''t know if I want to say that she was never like this before because she was, just not to this extreme. And I wish I could say that its just the wedding planning, but it isn''t. It''s just the way she''s become since meeting her FI.

I should have dropped out of the wedding but I didn''t because I didn''t dare to. I made a promise and took on the role and I''m going to see it through. In the beginning I was excited about it because she made it seem like a very laid back, fun wedding. It hasn''t been like that at all. After we''ll probably still be friends but the dynamics of the relationship will have to change drastically (i.e. I refuse to continue to be her punching bag).

All of that said, I''m having a really tough time writing this toast. I''ll write down generic expressions and it feels too much like I''m trying to be generic, you know? And when I start writing sweeter things specifically about her, I feel resentful and "fake" because she isn''t like that anymore and I don''t feel that way about her anymore.

So what to do? A generic "you guys are soulmates best of luck" toast or a forced/fake personal toast? (And obviously the well wishes for a lifetime of happiness for them is not a fake/forced feeling because I do wish the best for everyone).
 
Short and sweet. Talk about love in general or something like that, find a nice poem to read, etc. I''d think generic in this case is better than being fake IMO.
 
I agree that generic is better than insincere.

Find a good quote about love, and then use it to elaborate a bit on the couple''s relationship. Instead of talking about how much *you* have enjoyed being a part of their planning, etc., focus on your well wishes for the happy couple and their happy future.

I always wing it with toasts, but I do have some specific points I plan to make in mind before I go up there.

Good luck!
 
I have a toast that I wrote a year or so ago when she asked me to be her MOH. I was so excited and overcome with emotion that I wrote it and saved it. Now that I look back to it, its just not the same. I read it outload to my FI a few days ago and he said I kept making a weird face.

I think I''m just bummed because she''s changed a lot. Before she got engaged, her relationship wasn''t very good. He had all kinds of issues with commitment. And normally when you''re in a bad relationship, you lose yourself and when you get out of it you go back to being yourself. With her it was opposite. She never lost who she was but as soon as the relationship got better, that''s when she lost herself. Or maybe this is who she really is...who knows.
 
I would actually do something different if possible, maybe tell a funny story about her from before you were feeling the resentment. You don't necessarily have to connect it to now. Do you remember her first boyfriend? Her first big celebrity crush? You can tell about something like that, and then say something like "look how far you've come since then" which is pretty ambiguous. Good luck!
 
Of the weddings I''ve been to, there have been three kinds of toasts:

1) The completely touching, blow everybody out of the water ones full of cute stories, honest emotion and heartfelt praise/love.
2) The "average" toast - somewhat generic with maybe some personal touches
3) The bad ones. Completely fake/jealous/I''d-rather-be-somewhere-else...you get the idea.

Since the main goal is to avoid option #3, I''d shoot for "average" - find a nice poem, share some advice your grandmother gave you on love, that kind of thing. I''m sorry you''re stuck in such a crappy situation.
 
Maybe you could try pledging sincere hope for their future? I mean, your relationship has changed, but you don't hate HER, and you DO want her to be happy, right?

So what if you just said something like: "It is my wish for you that your marriage is filled with a lifetime of happiness, that you are always able to feel safe, loved and connected to one another, etc., etc."

You know what I mean? Then you start with how long you have been friends, continue into your sincere wish for their happiness, and end with "to the bride and groom!". Maybe that would at least come out without the "funny face" your FI noticed, since you do actually want those things for her, even if you aren't feeling connected to her right now.

ETA: Sorry, just read your last line, there!!! I think that's all you need, say whatever is sincere and let the rest just go.
 
I really feel for you...esspecially since you''re clearly working hard to do the right thing...I commend that...

I think you need to first realize you''re feelings for her are what they are. She''s hurt you, and that probably won''t be changing any time soon--sad as that may be. And as much as you feel like a fraud writing out these sweet sentiments when you''re hearts not in it, you need to draw from basic human emotion.

If you genuinely wish her well, thats a safe place to start. Consider this a goodbye and your chance to say all the things you wish for her. Toast her happiness, their love, and don''t feel overly obligated to elaborate on what a great person she is.

You''re walking a fine line between being true to yourself and living up to a promise...I hope you soon find a way to unite the two. You''re obviously a good friend, good luck with this!
 
I had a similar problem last year, except it wasn''t the bride, it was her MOM and the whole wedding was just insane and wore me out. By the time the wedding came, I had no more words. I had my own Mom write a short speech because I couldn''t remove myself from the MOB driving me insane for a year. I spoke for about 30 seconds. The bride loved it.
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
GET 3 FREE HCA RESULTS JOIN THE FORUM. ASK FOR HELP
Top