have you ever withheld info about your e-ring?

[ficklefaye]

i am more than willing to share info on my e-ring, except when it comes to FBIL, he is lazy and uncreative

i have a feeling he is going to ask his ''gf'' to marry him soon, i say ''gf'' because there relationship is so different from most that i don''t even know if that''s the right word to use, but that''s another story

anyway, i told FI not to tell FBIL about my ring because i have a feeling FBIL is just going to the same store and pick out the same setting but with a much bigger diamond, ok, it wouldn''t bother me if we went shopping together and they just happened to love the same setting, but to just be so lazy and outright use the same setting? come on! and he would pick a bigger diamond because he''s older than my FI and always tries to one up him!

what do you guys think? has this ever happened to you?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Make up all the info on your eng. ring. . .that way IF he decides to copy you, he''ll fail!

Tell him really steep diamonds are the way to go.

hehehe

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Tell him it should look like crushed ice and yours is actually not great quality because you can see through it in places. Also, say that fancy-colored diamonds are all the rage and they start around O color. The combo of crushed ice and O color will knock his socks off.

What a moron, my BIL is the same way. We do everything in our power to not mention anything about money or materialistic stuff around him...

 

[Tuckins1]

Date: 7/28/2009 7:40:11 PM
Author: MC
Make up all the info on your eng. ring. . .that way IF he decides to copy you, he''ll fail!

Tell him really steep diamonds are the way to go.

hehehe

Evil!!

 

[purrfectpear]

I can''t imagine being that insecure that it would bother me?

 

[Haven]

I wouldn''t care if someone wanted to copy my engagement ring, I''d be flattered and I''d probably want to get in on the shopping action.

 

[HollyS]

I guess I don''t understand why you would feel the need to withhold info. But then, why would you feel compelled to share unless someone asked? Obviously I''m talking about friends and family; strangers don''t need any particulars about your bling.

 

[ficklefaye]

i would be more than thrilled if someone liked my ring enough to copy it, that isn''t the issue in this case

he would outright copy it out of laziness, that''s totally different

 

[Kaleigh]

Offer to help him pick out the stone and the setting, you are a PS''er... Then you can make sure he doesn''t buy the same setting you have. It will be your good deed for the day???

 

[ficklefaye]

and i am more than willing to take him shopping if he asked me

it''s alright, you really need to know him to understand, but i thought i would throw it out there for opinions

 

[trillionaire]

there are somany combinations for beautiful rings, it would be easier to give him lovely suggestions that don''t look like your ring than to try to be deceptive. That sounds a little immature. You could introduce him to different styles, I''m sure he would have a preference, which would likely differ from your own...

 

[ficklefaye]

if you think i''m immature, you should meet my FBIL

 

[cindygenit]

The way i see it, it doesn''t matter if he got the same setting as you. YOU got it first. The fact that he got a bigger diamond is no matter. I believe he will try to do that eventhough the setting is different.

Pay no mind to what he is/ going to do, it will only upset you!

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Heh, not really much info to withhold on my ring, it''s a simple solitaire with a beautiful diamond. I don''t even know the setting info.

The only reason I wouldn''t share the info, isn''t so much that I wouldn''t want to be copied, it''s more that I feel like he should really put some thought into what his gf would love and what would suit her style best instead of just getting the first setting he hears about (i.e. yours). Does his gf even have a similar style? Would she be offended to find out hers was exactly like yours (I know many girls wouldn''t be thrilled about the idea)?

If he thought your setting was the most beautiful one in all the world and that''s what he thinks his gf would love, then by all means share the details, it''s flattering. But if he just wants to know so that he doesn''t have to think about anything, that''s just kind of lazy and inconsiderate towards both you and (more importantly) his future intended.

 

[brightlight]

Are you talking about specs or design? I refuse to tell people the specs of my e-ring. There are people we know who want to know the specs because they want to try to figure out how much money it''s worth. That''s none of their business. All that should matter to them is that it''s pretty, and I love it.

 

[ficklefaye]

Date: 7/29/2009 8:45:14 AM
Author: MakingTheGrade
Heh, not really much info to withhold on my ring, it''s a simple solitaire with a beautiful diamond. I don''t even know the setting info.


The only reason I wouldn''t share the info, isn''t so much that I wouldn''t want to be copied, it''s more that I feel like he should really put some thought into what his gf would love and what would suit her style best instead of just getting the first setting he hears about (i.e. yours). Does his gf even have a similar style? Would she be offended to find out hers was exactly like yours (I know many girls wouldn''t be thrilled about the idea)?


If he thought your setting was the most beautiful one in all the world and that''s what he thinks his gf would love, then by all means share the details, it''s flattering. But if he just wants to know so that he doesn''t have to think about anything, that''s just kind of lazy and inconsiderate towards both you and (more importantly) his future intended.

thanks, makingthegrade, that''s pretty much what i mean

if he thought my ring was beautiful and knew his gf would love it, then i will help him get it, but because i know he will do it out of pure laziness, that''s why i''m hesitant to share

i''m not really worried about it, but over the years i''ve gotten to know him enough that i at least wanted to warn FI (even he acknowledged his bro would do this) and post my story here for opinions, thanks everyone for your posts!

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Date: 7/29/2009 8:45:14 AM
Author: MakingTheGrade
Heh, not really much info to withhold on my ring, it''s a simple solitaire with a beautiful diamond. I don''t even know the setting info.


The only reason I wouldn''t share the info, isn''t so much that I wouldn''t want to be copied, it''s more that I feel like he should really put some thought into what his gf would love and what would suit her style best instead of just getting the first setting he hears about (i.e. yours). Does his gf even have a similar style? Would she be offended to find out hers was exactly like yours (I know many girls wouldn''t be thrilled about the idea)?


If he thought your setting was the most beautiful one in all the world and that''s what he thinks his gf would love, then by all means share the details, it''s flattering. But if he just wants to know so that he doesn''t have to think about anything, that''s just kind of lazy and inconsiderate towards both you and (more importantly) his future intended.

For me, MTG said it the best. I tend to shy away from people who are obviously "using" you, not because they need help or anything, but because they''re too lazy to do something themselves. It sounds like FF''s BIL is doing that - and when it come to a big, meaningful purchase like this, I don''t think it''s quite right for him to cop out and just copy FF''s ring. If he just really thought the setting was beautiful, or classic, or his gf loved it, that''s totally different IMO

 

[ficklefaye]

Date: 7/29/2009 3:10:14 PM
Author: Brown.Eyed.Girl

For me, MTG said it the best. I tend to shy away from people who are obviously ''using'' you, not because they need help or anything, but because they''re too lazy to do something themselves. It sounds like FF''s BIL is doing that - and when it come to a big, meaningful purchase like this, I don''t think it''s quite right for him to cop out and just copy FF''s ring. If he just really thought the setting was beautiful, or classic, or his gf loved it, that''s totally different IMO

thanks, BEG. this is what i was so poorly trying to get across.

 

[stepcutgirl]

I dunno. I hear everyone saying it is flattering...I like original stuff. While I wouldn''t care at all if someone on PS copied a design I had, if my friends or family did then I would feel like I no longer had a piece that screamed Laurel and instead screamed generic we all have it now. I hope that makes sense. Call me crazy. I know I am!

 

[Liane]

I''d lie about it.

...but I''d claim it was something else that was equally nice, so that if he did get lazy and just buy the poor girl the ring/stone that he thought it was, at least she''d get a decent one.

(Either that or I''d claim it was some ginormously expensive Tiffany/Cartier/other overpriced brand name and watch him blow triple the real cost as a laziness penalty. Call it a bum tax.)

 

[ficklefaye]

Date: 7/29/2009 3:42:59 PM
Author: stepcutgirl
I dunno. I hear everyone saying it is flattering...I like original stuff. While I wouldn''t care at all if someone on PS copied a design I had, if my friends or family did then I would feel like I no longer had a piece that screamed Laurel and instead screamed generic we all have it now. I hope that makes sense. Call me crazy. I know I am!

hehe, i hear ya, stepcutgirl, but in reality, my ring isn''t exactly original, i chose the setting from the singlestone display, ari just made a few minor changes to suit my liking, so i can''t really lay claim to the setting if FBIL and his gf do end up loving it that much

it did take us over a year and two previous failed settings tho to get to this point, which is why i won''t tolerate FBIL''s laziness because so much was put into my ring

 

[ficklefaye]

Date: 7/29/2009 3:43:20 PM
Author: Liane
I''d lie about it.

...but I''d claim it was something else that was equally nice, so that if he did get lazy and just buy the poor girl the ring/stone that he thought it was, at least she''d get a decent one.

(Either that or I''d claim it was some ginormously expensive Tiffany/Cartier/other overpriced brand name and watch him blow triple the real cost as a laziness penalty. Call it a bum tax.)

ooh, bum tax, i like the sound of that

by the way, the stone in your avatar is gorgeous, i''m going to colored stones now to see if i can find your thread

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 7/28/2009 8:20:35 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
Tell him it should look like crushed ice and yours is actually not great quality because you can see through it in places. Also, say that fancy-colored diamonds are all the rage and they start around O color. The combo of crushed ice and O color will knock his socks off.


What a moron, my BIL is the same way. We do everything in our power to not mention anything about money or materialistic stuff around him...

 

[Elegant]

I know lots of immature people, and it is so hard to not go to that level. I don''t think you are the type of person to intentionally deceive people, even if he is a pain in the rump.

With honest to goodness intentions, I''d tell him to start getting ideas of what his girlfriend likes by looking at her current rings and getting the color of gold, etc., if she likes round or square cuts, and all of that good stuff.

You never know...maybe I am stretching it a bit...but this might be something that brings you guys together and make it a positive experience? I don''t know...

All I know is, I also like originality, but some men go for what is easiest. Did she mention that SHE likes your ring? Maybe steering him towards rings that KIND OF look similar to yours will help?

I don''t know...no matter how immature or as much of an a** someone is, I can not, with every fiber in my being, consciously deceive someone. From what I read from your posts, you sound mature enough to look past the immaturity and help someone who OBVIOUSLY needs it, whether or not it is because you don''t want her to have a similar ring or not...it''s your actions that speak volumes.

 

[ficklefaye]

Date: 7/29/2009 5:48:19 PM
Author: Elegant
I know lots of immature people, and it is so hard to not go to that level. I don''t think you are the type of person to intentionally deceive people, even if he is a pain in the rump.

With honest to goodness intentions, I''d tell him to start getting ideas of what his girlfriend likes by looking at her current rings and getting the color of gold, etc., if she likes round or square cuts, and all of that good stuff.

You never know...maybe I am stretching it a bit...but this might be something that brings you guys together and make it a positive experience? I don''t know...

All I know is, I also like originality, but some men go for what is easiest. Did she mention that SHE likes your ring? Maybe steering him towards rings that KIND OF look similar to yours will help?

I don''t know...no matter how immature or as much of an a** someone is, I can not, with every fiber in my being, consciously deceive someone. From what I read from your posts, you sound mature enough to look past the immaturity and help someone who OBVIOUSLY needs it, whether or not it is because you don''t want her to have a similar ring or not...it''s your actions that speak volumes.

thanks, elegant. i would definitely help him find a ring if he asks for my help, i never planned on lying to him, i just wanted him to make some effort since this is an important step in his life, and i''m sure his gf would appreciate it more if he made the effort and put some thought into it

it would really help if i knew her more, but i''ve only met her once

 

[Elegant]

Date: 7/29/2009 6:10:09 PM
Author: ficklefaye

Date: 7/29/2009 5:48:19 PM
Author: Elegant
I know lots of immature people, and it is so hard to not go to that level. I don''t think you are the type of person to intentionally deceive people, even if he is a pain in the rump.
With honest to goodness intentions, I''d tell him to start getting ideas of what his girlfriend likes by looking at her current rings and getting the color of gold, etc., if she likes round or square cuts, and all of that good stuff.
You never know...maybe I am stretching it a bit...but this might be something that brings you guys together and make it a positive experience? I don''t know...
All I know is, I also like originality, but some men go for what is easiest. Did she mention that SHE likes your ring? Maybe steering him towards rings that KIND OF look similar to yours will help?
I don''t know...no matter how immature or as much of an a** someone is, I can not, with every fiber in my being, consciously deceive someone. From what I read from your posts, you sound mature enough to look past the immaturity and help someone who OBVIOUSLY needs it, whether or not it is because you don''t want her to have a similar ring or not...it''s your actions that speak volumes.

thanks, elegant. i would definitely help him find a ring if he asks for my help, i never planned on lying to him, i just wanted him to make some effort since this is an important step in his life, and i''m sure his gf would appreciate it more if he made the effort and put some thought into it
it would really help if i knew her more, but i''ve only met her once

Yeah, but the problem with waiting for him to ask you is that he might pick your ring and that bothers you, right? So you might have to make the first move. You know what I mean?

My bf isn''t the type to put too much effort into finding a ring for me because he HATES jewelery period.

 

[radiantquest]

OK I didn''t read them all. I read a few and everyone was saying to tell him all the wrong things to look for in a diamond. I think this is unfair. Just because he sucks doesn''t mean she should suffer. The advice being given is going to give this poor girl a hideous ring. Is that really fair to her?

 

[vip0802]

ficklefaye, i'm sorry your FBIL is like that. it usually irks me when i hear a guy doesn't want to put any effort or thought into an engagement ring. i'm with you on if he knew his gf loved your e-ring that it would be a different story. since it seems that might not be the reason, and if i was in your situation, i'd still help out in some way. i'd give him pointers about how to choose a ring, and list off different places he could go look instead of telling him the exact place. that way, he'd actually have to go look and put in some kind of effort. although, i feel making someone put effort into a ring isn't much better than someone choosing not to. plus, it seems like his reason for even getting an engagement ring in the first place is to one up your FI.

hmm...this is kind of a toughie. i wish i could be more help. in any case, let's hope that their relationship is solid enough before he decides to pursue an engagement.

 

[vespergirl]

Yes, but more because I didn''t want friends to think I was showing off (I was the first of my friends to get engaged, so I didn''t want to make it seem like I was flaunting my ring). I save that type of behavior for PS

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Date: 7/29/2009 3:30:23 PM
Author: ficklefaye

Date: 7/29/2009 3:10:14 PM

Author: Brown.Eyed.Girl


For me, MTG said it the best. I tend to shy away from people who are obviously ''using'' you, not because they need help or anything, but because they''re too lazy to do something themselves. It sounds like FF''s BIL is doing that - and when it come to a big, meaningful purchase like this, I don''t think it''s quite right for him to cop out and just copy FF''s ring. If he just really thought the setting was beautiful, or classic, or his gf loved it, that''s totally different IMO

thanks, BEG. this is what i was so poorly trying to get across.

Of course.

If I were you, I would definitely try to steer his tastes in a different direction. I mean, if he or his gf aren''t personally invested in the same setting you have, why not? That way, he gets a lovely ring that''s different from yours, and you don''t feel guilty or anything about giving him bad advice

What setting do you have? It doesn''t even have to be a huge difference - if you have a 4-prong, direct him to 6-prongs; or if you have prong-set, direct him to bezels. Or direct him to halos if you have a solitaire, or three stones, or something else. And hopefully he''ll be appreciative of all the time you spend helping him!