have you ever been discriminated against at work because of your e-ring?

[ficklefaye]

it''s a question i''ve been pondering for awhile, i work in an office full of men and i''ve been very hesitant to wear my ring to work, part of me feels awkward about it and the other wonders (ok this will sound strange) that my boss might not give me a raise or bonus because my FI seems to be doing well, my ring isn''t the biggest, but it does still seem quite large on my small fingers, i know it would be wrong for my boss to judge me this way, but is it unheard of?

have any of you been in this situation or heard of anyone who has?

 

[ficklefaye]

every now and then i wish i worked in an office where i could show off my rings with the ladies...

 

[wannaBMrsH]

hmmm...I don''t think it''s necessarily because of my ring. I work mostly with men as well, but they are all engineers and their wives usually have very beautiful rings. The problem at my work place is that my FI used to work there and they all know his title and ballpark salary...so I get the whole, "Well, you aren''t hurting financially."

Especially with planning a DW that several co-coworkers are attending among other high visibility items...

But, yes, I hate that everyone assumes that because FI is doing well, that it''s okay for me to not get a raise or a full bonus...

 

[D&T]

You, know really I don't think guys (outside of PS) really notice it as much as we do (well maybe if its really noticeable large like over the span of your entire ring finger), my diamond albeit 1.21 carat is actually larger than the other gals in the office, we have only 4 women in the office and 7 men (small) I thought that too when I first got my upgrade, and I used to wear a plain band during my pregnancy, and not in the least has he stared at my ring nor asked about it. I have a small ring size just under 4. So I think we make a bigger deal out of then necessary, so just wear it and be proud of it. When I hired my previous assistant her fiance is well to do, and I still gave her a raise, what her FI has or does not have had nothing to do with her job performance.

 

[ficklefaye]

wannaBMrsH, seems like you and i are in similar situations, i''m also an engineer, part of the time i feel i am being paranoid about this, but my boss seems to notice every little thing, from my outfits to makeup, so i''m sure if i wear my e-ring that he''d definitely notice and comment, my other coworkers are male and single so i know they''d never get this type of discrimination, so for now, i''ve never worn my e-ring to work, i have worn other rings, but mostly smaller gemstone rings

D&T, thank you for your thoughts, i''m picking up my reset tomorrow, so i''m going to see if i can build up enough courage to wear it to work on tuesday

i don''t doubt my job performance, but i sometimes wonder if my boss would see my ring and think he wouldn''t need to pay me as much as my coworkers because my FI is doing well

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Assuming your (male) boss notices, which most guys don''t, I don''t he''d know the pricing of diamonds well enough to know how much it might have cost. And engagement rings are special, and it''s expected people save up for them, so I don''t people would assume that because you have a expensive ring, you are extremely well off. A lot of men save for years to buy that one ring so it''s not necessarily a reflection of liquid cash flow.

I wouldn''t worry much over it, just enjoy it! If you deserve the raise and ask for it, I highly doubt the ring would stop you from getting it. I think most bosses are aware that raises aren''t meant to be given in proportion to how much you might need the money (it''s not a loan or a scholarship), it''s reward for hard work. So if you deserve it, you deserve it, even if your husband''s a millionaire!

 

[MonkeyPie]

I sometimes wonder about that, but not at my job - only when I am trying to get a car loan or something

 

[whitby_2773]

Date: 5/22/2009 11:28:44 PM
Author: ficklefaye
wannaBMrsH, seems like you and i are in similar situations, i''m also an engineer, part of the time i feel i am being paranoid about this, but my boss seems to notice every little thing, from my outfits to makeup, so i''m sure if i wear my e-ring that he''d definitely notice and comment, my other coworkers are male and single so i know they''d never get this type of discrimination, so for now, i''ve never worn my e-ring to work, i have worn other rings, but mostly smaller gemstone rings


D&T, thank you for your thoughts, i''m picking up my reset tomorrow, so i''m going to see if i can build up enough courage to wear it to work on tuesday

i don''t doubt my job performance, but i sometimes wonder if my boss would see my ring and think he wouldn''t need to pay me as much as my coworkers because my FI is doing well

faye -

your boss sounds a tad creepy....

 

[joflier]

Date: 5/23/2009 3:19:28 PM
Author: whitby_2773

Date: 5/22/2009 11:28:44 PM
Author: ficklefaye
wannaBMrsH, seems like you and i are in similar situations, i''m also an engineer, part of the time i feel i am being paranoid about this, but my boss seems to notice every little thing, from my outfits to makeup, so i''m sure if i wear my e-ring that he''d definitely notice and comment, my other coworkers are male and single so i know they''d never get this type of discrimination, so for now, i''ve never worn my e-ring to work, i have worn other rings, but mostly smaller gemstone rings


D&T, thank you for your thoughts, i''m picking up my reset tomorrow, so i''m going to see if i can build up enough courage to wear it to work on tuesday

i don''t doubt my job performance, but i sometimes wonder if my boss would see my ring and think he wouldn''t need to pay me as much as my coworkers because my FI is doing well

faye -

your boss sounds a tad creepy....

I agree w/ whitby. In my experience, men that notice and/or comment on every little thing about you, usually indicates an extra interest. If you were a single woman, that might be one thing, but being in a serious relationship and soon to be married, that''s something he doesn''t need to be doing.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

My diamonds are too small to compel discrimination, however, I do take them off in certain situations because because I think they''re inappropriate. If I had a whopper of a diamond, I wouldn''t wear it to work, but instead an eternity band or something more modest.

 

[bee*]

I really doubt that I''ve been discriminated against at work because of my e-ring. Most of the people that I work with are married and no one really knows how the SO''s of our colleagues are doing money wise. If anything, my boss has been quite nice to me as he knows we''re getting married and that I''m a student and money''s short.

 

[icekid]

luckily not a problem for me... the vast majority of my co-workers (doctors) have bigger rocks than I do, since I got married during school

ficklefaye- your boss sounds like a weirdo though

 

[AdiS]

Date: 5/23/2009 3:39:14 PM
Author: joflier

Date: 5/23/2009 3:19:28 PM
Author: whitby_2773

Date: 5/22/2009 11:28:44 PM
Author: ficklefaye
wannaBMrsH, seems like you and i are in similar situations, i''m also an engineer, part of the time i feel i am being paranoid about this, but my boss seems to notice every little thing, from my outfits to makeup, so i''m sure if i wear my e-ring that he''d definitely notice and comment, my other coworkers are male and single so i know they''d never get this type of discrimination, so for now, i''ve never worn my e-ring to work, i have worn other rings, but mostly smaller gemstone rings


D&T, thank you for your thoughts, i''m picking up my reset tomorrow, so i''m going to see if i can build up enough courage to wear it to work on tuesday

i don''t doubt my job performance, but i sometimes wonder if my boss would see my ring and think he wouldn''t need to pay me as much as my coworkers because my FI is doing well

faye -

your boss sounds a tad creepy....

I agree w/ whitby. In my experience, men that notice and/or comment on every little thing about you, usually indicates an extra interest. If you were a single woman, that might be one thing, but being in a serious relationship and soon to be married, that''s something he doesn''t need to be doing.

Not necessarily. My boss is the same-he notices absolutely everything. He just seems to ''absorb'' everything around him, even really small details. He has never made any comment, hint or even gave a meaningful look at me or any of my colleagues to indicate extra interest though. Some people are just like that. I''m also one of them, for that matter but I''m a woman so it''s only natural for us to be this perceptive.

As for my rings, I wear them proudly even though it''s not common at all in my country and diamond rings are still a rarity. DH''s finances have nothing to do with my own job performance and the relevant payment. I also buy and wear my own jewelry. You and your FI have the right to spend your money as you see fit and your e-ring shouldn''t influence your boss''s opinion regarding your salary.

 

[Mara]

i don't know about discriminated against...but at my last job, which was 100% commission, my boss used to make comments about how i didn't have to work...and when questioned about it by the person she said it to (who was my friend) she said something like oh look at her big diamond, and her husband makes a lot of money.

i was kind of peeved when i heard... so just because i have a nice piece of jewelry and my husband has a good job doesn't mean i DON'T have to work at all and can lay around eating bonbons. HELLO, maybe we have nice things because we BOTH work hard???? sometimes incorrect assumptions are made.

 

[katamari]

Sounds to me much more like blatant sexism and gender discrimination--which is illegal. How sad I am to hear that so many of you experience this.

 

[DiamondFlame]

If you deserve the raise, I say go up to your boss and ask for it. A raise should be pegged to your performance and not your accessories. Otherwise, everyone would be coming to work in their old rags, expecting a raise. But I feel bad for you that you feel this way in your workplace. Seems a petty place full of insecure people...

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 5/26/2009 1:09:48 PM
Author: Mara
i don't know about discriminated against...but at my last job, which was 100% commission, my boss used to make comments about how i didn't have to work...and when questioned about it by the person she said it to (who was my friend) she said something like oh look at her big diamond, and her husband makes a lot of money.

i was kind of peeved when i heard... so just because i have a nice piece of jewelry and my husband has a good job doesn't mean i DON'T have to work at all and can lay around eating bonbons. HELLO, maybe we have nice things because we BOTH work hard???? sometimes incorrect assumptions are made.

Yep, people always assume because my husband is the only one who works that I have the luxury of staying home and that we're loaded. There is no way we could afford a diamond the size you have, Mara, unless both DH and I worked. In fact, with only him working, we have to be careful with how much we spend to be sure we can accomplish our future goals. (ETA - and I'm working a small number of hours during the summer and others think it's "fun money on the side," when in actuality I'll be putting the money toward paying off my car!)

 

[Haven]

I''m shocked that so many of you work with people who are tactless enough to make comments about your personal finances based on your jewelry. How utterly tactless.

I don''t feel discriminates against at work because of my rings, but I''m a public teacher so we have a union and a set salary schedule, so my income isn''t exactly flexible.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 5/26/2009 1:09:48 PM
Author: Mara
i don''t know about discriminated against...but at my last job, which was 100% commission, my boss used to make comments about how i didn''t have to work...and when questioned about it by the person she said it to (who was my friend) she said something like oh look at her big diamond, and her husband makes a lot of money.

cuz i told her you were making lots of $$$''s from your cupcake business.

 

[swimmer]

Date: 5/27/2009 3:57:09 PM
Author: Haven
I''m shocked that so many of you work with people who are tactless enough to make comments about your personal finances based on your jewelry. How utterly tactless.


I don''t feel discriminates against at work because of my rings, but I''m a public teacher so we have a union and a set salary schedule, so my income isn''t exactly flexible.

Haven, as usual, I hear you...yet even in ps, it does happen. I just got a comment from another teacher about how we don''t need my salary since DH "seems to be doing well" with a gesture towards my ring. (which totally not her business, is a totally affordable sapphire.) This was in the context of me explaining to my entire building the possibilities of having to take a pay cut or newer teachers get pink slipped. Additionally I got a comment last month about how soon I would stop teaching to have babies and so would never stay as a curriculum leader. I said, "Honey, this ain''t 1952" with a smile...but a grimace inside. Yes, totally tactless of her and snarky of me, but I do wonder why public school administration is almost entirely male when the majority of teachers are female. It is changing, and I''m now way off topic, but the mentality of some people is that married equals not really all that into work and yes, the ring is the sign of that status.

 

[swimmer]

Date: 5/27/2009 7:29:21 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady

Date: 5/27/2009 7:15:05 PM

Author: swimmer


Haven, as usual, I hear you...yet even in ps, it does happen. I just got a comment from another teacher about how we don''t need my salary since DH ''seems to be doing well'' with a gesture towards my ring. (which totally not her business, is a totally affordable sapphire.) This was in the context of me explaining to my entire building the possibilities of having to take a pay cut or newer teachers get pink slipped. Additionally I got a comment last month about how soon I would stop teaching to have babies and so would never stay as a curriculum leader. I said, ''Honey, this ain''t 1952'' with a smile...but a grimace inside. Yes, totally tactless of her and snarky of me, but I do wonder why public school administration is almost entirely male when the majority of teachers are female. It is changing, and I''m now way off topic, but the mentality of some people is that married equals not really all that into work and yes, the ring is the sign of that status.

Are you freaking kidding? That''s HIDEOUS! I swear my jaw just hit the floor. Unbelievable lack of class or tact. I cant stand people like that.

Hugs SDL! Totally. In front of 200 teachers she said that! Anyway, I just wanted to make sure I was clear that in no way do I agree with the sentiment that women who are married are not into their jobs...I''m working on a terminal degree and quite frankly hope to out-earn my DH in a few years. He is thrilled with this prospect.

 

[butterfly 17]

I have had some snide remarks at work like, oh, your so rich or you''re so lucky that you''re husband buys you whatever you want. Little do they know that I work and make almost as much as he does, and our finances are joint, so I am basically paying for any goodies I get anyway.

It''s one of the reasons I almost never wear my bigger rings when we have a work function, even though there are some ladies with big diamonds, I don''t want any stupid remarks and I would never have the audacity or tactlessness to say something like that. I would just compliment someone if I saw a ring I thought was nice.

I think the worst remark that I ever had was from my sister in law about my latest upgrade ( which cost me less than $1K btw). I never told her about it and never planned to since the diamonds were the same exact size, I figured if she noticed, I would just tell her I got a new setting.
But I did post on a community site I belong to with a couple of the PS gals here and she is my friend as well and I posted something like I can''t wait to get my ACA and one of the PSer''s responded what am I going to do with my simon g setting and she figured it out.

So of course she called me and asked and told me she was mad I didn''t let her in on it. Then she told me she wouldn''t be surprised if my dh shot me dead one day! I was like, honey, it''s not my fault my brother doesn''t let you buy anything or buy anything for you.

I just chalk it up to jealously

 

[Haven]

swimmer--Ugh, how awful. I can definitely believe that people make inappropriate comments, I''ve fielded a few myself. (My favorite: "Well, we know your husband isn''t a teacher!")

I''m still shocked, though, that some ladies feel like they have been or might be discriminated against by their bosses in terms of getting a raise or such. THAT is ridiculous.

Oh, and I sincerely apologize for the awful spelling in my last post.

 

[ficklefaye]

thank you everyone for your comments and sharing your experiences. i guess the biggest reason i am paranoid about this is because i work for a very small company, part of the reason why my boss notices anything new, there aren''t that many of us around

i am just saddened that i don''t feel comfortable wearing my ring for these petty reasons, should i just say ''to hell with it'', wear my ring and hope for the best?

 

[woobug02]

Wow, this thread really made me think....I wonder what people at work really think. I notice everyones jewelry WOOOOO These stories are amazing