LiW Have I stolen his magic?

[kweet]

I know my BF is going to propose on vacation in August. Problem is, I am addicted to scoping diamonds, have been since I was litte. Plus, I''m a slight (OK-complete!) control freak. BF is not interested in diamonds, knows nothing about them, but is somewhat amused and entertained by my obsession (and is willing to devote a sizable budget to getting me one, which is great). He knows that I would like input into choosing the ring and so I know that he won''t buy one before the proposal.

We live together and have discussed getting engaged quite a lot, as we''re both really excited about it! I have been looking at diamonds online and I must confess that I have discussed them... a lot! Problem is...I think we''ve discussed it a bit too much. I am afraid that my BF feels as though the surprise has gone out of the proposal completely and he''s quite upset that he doesn''t have any "room to manoevre" around the proposal - it pretty much has to be done within a particular timeframe on holiday - so I''m just going to spend the entire time waiting for it. I have looked around and think I have found my ideal diamond. Ideally, I''d like to give BF the link and tell him to run with it and surprise me. But he has closed off completely and will not discuss the ring/proposal/wedding at all.

I feel so guilty about this, have I ruined this? What should I do? Make it clear that he does not have to propose on vacation? Woudl that "take the heat off"? Although I''m so excited about this new chapter in our lives that I feel like I couldn''t bear to wait another second than I have to!

What does anyone think?
Kweet

 

[KimberlyH]

If he told you he wants your help finding the diamond/ring I''d send him the link and then back off. He''s already said he is going to propose in August so I''m not sure what more there would be to discuss at this point (other than the ring which you''ve already done).

 

[HollyS]

I think you''re overthinking.

He plans on proposing. He plans on letting you have input into stone/design. Did HE tell you he is disappointed in any way with your enthusiasm? Did HE tell you to back off? Or are you projecting?

 

[katomm]

If he has shut down to the topic then I would say he''s feeling too pressured. Is it possible he''s afraid you''ll be disappointed at what he gets you? It does sound like he needs to have just a little mystery around the proposal. My opinion would be to sit down with him and just tell him that there''s no pressure and no matter when it happens or what he presents you with, it''s the idea of marrying him that''s important.

Good luck!

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 7/7/2009 5:08:07 PM
Author:kweet

I know my BF is going to propose on vacation in August. Problem is, I am addicted to scoping diamonds, have been since I was litte. Plus, I'm a slight (OK-complete!) control freak. BF is not interested in diamonds, knows nothing about them, but is somewhat amused and entertained by my obsession (and is willing to devote a sizable budget to getting me one, which is great). He knows that I would like input into choosing the ring and so I know that he won't buy one before the proposal.

We live together and have discussed getting engaged quite a lot, as we're both really excited about it! I have been looking at diamonds online and I must confess that I have discussed them... a lot! Problem is...I think we've discussed it a bit too much. I am afraid that my BF feels as though the surprise has gone out of the proposal completely and he's quite upset that he doesn't have any 'room to manoevre' around the proposal - it pretty much has to be done within a particular timeframe on holiday - so I'm just going to spend the entire time waiting for it. I have looked around and think I have found my ideal diamond. Ideally, I'd like to give BF the link and tell him to run with it and surprise me. But he has closed off completely and will not discuss the ring/proposal/wedding at all.

I feel so guilty about this, have I ruined this? What should I do? Make it clear that he does not have to propose on vacation? Woudl that 'take the heat off'? Although I'm so excited about this new chapter in our lives that I feel like I couldn't bear to wait another second than I have to!

What does anyone think?
Kweet

Kweet, I would back off, it is possible he might have already bought a diamond and ring - if that lovely is meant to be yours it will happen but honestly I would try and hold in the excitement and let him do it his way! Also as there is a good chance he might already have the ring, try to relax and not worry about the other diamond unless he asks you if you have one in mind, otherwise you could find he presents you with a ring by surprise - best to be focused on the ring he chooses if he conjures one up rather than the other! I find that keep alluding to something doesn't get me anywhere and it just makes things worse so try to keep quiet, keep busy doing other stuff and just try to focus on the vacation! I wouldn't give him the link either unless he brings the subject of diamonds up, I know this is hard but you could make him dig in his heels even more and not propose till he is good and ready - which means you could have to wait a lot longer.

I know its hard and my sympathies and with you but it will be best if you take the pressure off and let him run this show!

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Oh Kweet honey i did this!!!

You need to back off, now!!

No seriously though, i got all twisted up about the diamond and took control over the whole thing, we both got really stressed out ( i was all particular about the diamond, he wasnt too bothered). He ended up coming home one day and telling me in the nicest way possible to back the truck up.

He said that i was taking the fun out of it for both of us and that i was taking the one thing away from him that he got to do. When was it going to end? Was i going to come to the jeweller to pick the ring up with him and he was going to have to propose in the carpark?? He told me that he would take care of it, and he did and in a way it was a real relief. It put the excitement and fun back into it. We didn''t talk about it again. After a small amount of time and when i knew he was going to look at some diamonds without me i gave him a list (pushy i know, but i just can''t NOT have a say) with all the things i wanted in the diamond, colour range clarity range, must be ex,ex,ex on the certificate), but i didn''t say a word about it, he had the list to refer to and i was happy with that, i had to trust him. (i am planning on marrying him after all!)
When he found the diamond he called me at work and asked if i would like to come and have a look at it, and that i was eternally greatful for, because i backed off like he asked, he let me in. (hope that makes sense).

As far as the proposal on the holiday goes maybe you should tell him not to propose on the holiday, that way you wont be ''waiting'' all the time. (i know i couldn''t stand the suspense!) I dunno though, it''s just an idea.

I don''t think you have ruined it, but i do think you need to walk away, esp from the diamond purchasing part because once he feels comfortable to do this the rest will fall into place.

Goodluck!

 

[kweet]

Thanks all for your replies! That is exactly what I needed to hear - I have done my best to go "cold turkey" in the last two weeks and have resolved not to mention rings etc again, unless my opinion is sought! But my resolve was about to break yesterday and so I posted my thread - I just needed to be told!

I knew that among you pricescopers I would find someone who had experienced something similar. Its hard to strike a balance between getting as educated as you can and trying to savour this excting stage and yet try not to be too analytical and unromantic about it. Thanks as ever, your responses really are appreciated.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 7/8/2009 2:22:24 PM
Author: kweet
Thanks all for your replies! That is exactly what I needed to hear - I have done my best to go ''cold turkey'' in the last two weeks and have resolved not to mention rings etc again, unless my opinion is sought! But my resolve was about to break yesterday and so I posted my thread - I just needed to be told!

I knew that among you pricescopers I would find someone who had experienced something similar. Its hard to strike a balance between getting as educated as you can and trying to savour this excting stage and yet try not to be too analytical and unromantic about it. Thanks as ever, your responses really are appreciated.

Awww....I know its rough Kweet but it will be for the best, just try to enjoy the anticipation!

 

[Dreamgirl]

I agree with Holly.

I do however understand how you feel. I myself like to be in control of situations and in the past have pushed the topic on my FF too. At this point you have gone overboard (to him) and it''s probably best to just leave it well alone. Seems like you''ve probably already spoken much of what you like so I''m sure the guy has got to have some sort of idea! I know how hard it is not to talk about it though (sure does slip out of me from time to time) But I''ll bet he will do the right thing. Just trust him and good luck!

 

[kweet]

Thanks Lorelei, Dreamgirl - great advice!