WorkingHardforSmallRewards
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2007
- Messages
- 1,236
Alright, to the point. Shortly after I proposed a few days ago she mentioned not wearing the ring at work. well, she works from 9am-10pm 5 days a week, so to me, that is unacceptable. I let her know that and explained that it was my belief and in my culture a common pracitce, that she should wear the ring all day. Anyway, at the time she agreed.
So I went to eat lunch with her today and we had 15 minutes left over so I was looking for a cheap second ring for her to wear on top of her Ering until I can get it resized, just to make sure it doesnt fall off. Then we got into an argument because she didnt want just any old cheap one, she wanted one she really liked. And she let me know "I want to keep looking until I find one I like, I cant wear my ring at work anyway" and so I found out, she does not wear the ring while she is working. So, at the time I didnt say anything, I just stayed quite, but that silence is not going to last for very long.
For two reasons this is unacceptable to me. One is that it is my engagment ring to her, I expect her to wear it during the day, and that is all there is to it.
Two, I have pretty much had to sacrifice any of my own personal desires for the past year, except for some sandals, and will have to continue doing so for the next several months once I return home, to pay for the ring, and as many of you probably know, I have put alot of time and thought into picking a very beautiful ring that will make her oblige what I know of her taste and preferences--and I believe I did just that. So I will be damned if, after all of that work and sacrifice, it is just sitting in some locker for 13 hours a day.
anyway, she works at a suit company and she says that nobody else wears there erings because they are too tall, and she says that hers might get caught on the suits and could tug on the threads a bit, etc. (and, unfortunately, this ring does not quite pass the panty hose test, though it isnt too bad)
So my position is that I dont care, if it tears a suit I will pay for it, and if she really insist it is too tall then I will just sell this setting for 50 bucks on ebay and buy her a new one she can pick out herself.
However, while I am very willing to understand cultural differences, and it does seem to be the general cultural practice here in Japan not to wear Erings while working, I am afraid that this time in this regard she is simply going to have to conform to me and my beliefs and practices. Anybody have any idea how I am going to convince her to do this without causing a serious problem between us and being mean? I was silent because I am well aware that this is a sensitive topic and if I approach in incorrectly it could really ruin the whole Engagement process. But at the same time, it ruins it for me if she is not wearing the ring. I know it is just a ring, and the important part is our relationship, but the thing is that our relationship is pretty much the same, minus a few small emotional changes that official engagment has brought, but we both knew this was coming and had discussed where we were heading before, now the only difference is openly making plans with the family and having a ring to show it to the world. And I plan for both of those changes to take place.
and If you think I am in the wrong then feel free to share it, but I am afraid I wont be taking your advice
So I went to eat lunch with her today and we had 15 minutes left over so I was looking for a cheap second ring for her to wear on top of her Ering until I can get it resized, just to make sure it doesnt fall off. Then we got into an argument because she didnt want just any old cheap one, she wanted one she really liked. And she let me know "I want to keep looking until I find one I like, I cant wear my ring at work anyway" and so I found out, she does not wear the ring while she is working. So, at the time I didnt say anything, I just stayed quite, but that silence is not going to last for very long.
For two reasons this is unacceptable to me. One is that it is my engagment ring to her, I expect her to wear it during the day, and that is all there is to it.
Two, I have pretty much had to sacrifice any of my own personal desires for the past year, except for some sandals, and will have to continue doing so for the next several months once I return home, to pay for the ring, and as many of you probably know, I have put alot of time and thought into picking a very beautiful ring that will make her oblige what I know of her taste and preferences--and I believe I did just that. So I will be damned if, after all of that work and sacrifice, it is just sitting in some locker for 13 hours a day.
anyway, she works at a suit company and she says that nobody else wears there erings because they are too tall, and she says that hers might get caught on the suits and could tug on the threads a bit, etc. (and, unfortunately, this ring does not quite pass the panty hose test, though it isnt too bad)
So my position is that I dont care, if it tears a suit I will pay for it, and if she really insist it is too tall then I will just sell this setting for 50 bucks on ebay and buy her a new one she can pick out herself.
However, while I am very willing to understand cultural differences, and it does seem to be the general cultural practice here in Japan not to wear Erings while working, I am afraid that this time in this regard she is simply going to have to conform to me and my beliefs and practices. Anybody have any idea how I am going to convince her to do this without causing a serious problem between us and being mean? I was silent because I am well aware that this is a sensitive topic and if I approach in incorrectly it could really ruin the whole Engagement process. But at the same time, it ruins it for me if she is not wearing the ring. I know it is just a ring, and the important part is our relationship, but the thing is that our relationship is pretty much the same, minus a few small emotional changes that official engagment has brought, but we both knew this was coming and had discussed where we were heading before, now the only difference is openly making plans with the family and having a ring to show it to the world. And I plan for both of those changes to take place.
and If you think I am in the wrong then feel free to share it, but I am afraid I wont be taking your advice