Who Gwendolyn, can we hear more about you?

[miraclesrule]

I think I have a certifiable aversion toward college now!!

If I have to deal with crazies, I might as well be getting paid for it.

I get stressed reading about your thesis, I can''t even imagine having to experience it first hand.

My assistant is going through things like these with her education. She is pushing to get her Master''s done in a short period of time, while working. She routinely has to take a Friday off in order to get her paper done. I just think it''s a shame...all that stress. Yet, if it''s necessary so that you are able to fulfill your professional dreams, I suppose it''s worth it in the end.

If not, it sure makes for good reading.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 6/27/2008 4:29:06 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 6/27/2008 4:07:11 PM

Author: SarahLovesJS

Gwen she is nuts!!

But at least you get to submit it a bit later than the fourth.

I bet you are excited to see J soon it will be awesome. What do y''all plan to do after you submit your master''s, how will you celebrate? I bet he''ll have something special planned! He is a sweetie.

Hahah, yeah, she is a bit bonkers. She is totally a perfectionist and did the same degree as me but with a scary/creepy supervisor who never helped her, so I think she expects me to be as brilliant and awesome as she is, and I''m just not! I can''t do this on my own, in lightning speed, with no additional help! Anyway, I think it will end up ok...at least I hope so! She will give me her feedback in the morning on the 3rd, and then I''ll have a week to make the last changes and then TURN THE *$@)!£*% IN!


After I submit my thesis, J is going to pick me up, we''ll move my stuff out and into his car, and we''ll drive up to his house. Then my plan is to sleeeeeeeeeeep all the next day (the 12th) and then party with his fam on the 13th, for his dad''s birthday. I suspect he will bake me another cake (a mint and chocolate one, perhaps?

) but I really don''t know if he''s thought about any celebrations. On the one hand, I feel like I will want to do SOMEthing to celebrate, but on the other, I feel like just turning it in will be celebration enough, so we will have to see what happens. You know if he surprises me with something, I will let you guys know.

I am so excited for you! You can do this, you''re hitting the home-stretch now!

I am sorry you haven''t been feeling well. I hope you are feeling better. Please try not to stress too much and try to relax.

I believe I said this before, but either way I will say it again. You are the verge of a major accomplishment and you''re almost done! And it sounds like J may have a nice surprise in store for you!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 6/29/2008 4:13:14 PM
Author: miraclesrule
I think I have a certifiable aversion toward college now!!

If I have to deal with crazies, I might as well be getting paid for it.

I get stressed reading about your thesis, I can''t even imagine having to experience it first hand.


My assistant is going through things like these with her education. She is pushing to get her Master''s done in a short period of time, while working. She routinely has to take a Friday off in order to get her paper done. I just think it''s a shame...all that stress. Yet, if it''s necessary so that you are able to fulfill your professional dreams, I suppose it''s worth it in the end.


If not, it sure makes for good reading.

Hahah, oh no, I didn''t mean to scare you away from uni! It''s, uh, not as bad as I''ve said..?

Haha, whatever, I''m a terrible liar, yes it is as bad as I''ve said.

Yeah, there''s no way I would''ve been able to work and earn a degree at the same time and finish within like 5 years, and that would be sooo hard. Full-time programs in the US are 2 years, but here in the UK just one year (technically less than, 10 months), which is efficient time-wise (and money-wise, half the tuition!) but it is not exactly stress-free.

Oh well, almost there! I submit on the 11th!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 6/30/2008 2:31:12 AM
Author: SarahLovesJS
I am so excited for you! You can do this, you''re hitting the home-stretch now!

I am sorry you haven''t been feeling well. I hope you are feeling better. Please try not to stress too much and try to relax.

I believe I said this before, but either way I will say it again. You are the verge of a major accomplishment and you''re almost done! And it sounds like J may have a nice surprise in store for you!

Thank you, sweetie!!! I think the feeling ill is again just a physical manifestation of all the stress I''ve been under. I am hoping that when this baby is handed in, I will let out the world''s biggest sigh of relief and finally get back to normal!

J was telling me on the phone last night that he''s going to be doing more cake experimentation. I think he might be planning a mint chocolate cake to make for me after I''m out of here!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 6/30/2008 7:10:29 AM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 6/30/2008 2:31:12 AM

Author: SarahLovesJS

I am so excited for you! You can do this, you''re hitting the home-stretch now!

I am sorry you haven''t been feeling well. I hope you are feeling better. Please try not to stress too much and try to relax.

I believe I said this before, but either way I will say it again. You are the verge of a major accomplishment and you''re almost done! And it sounds like J may have a nice surprise in store for you!

Thank you, sweetie!!! I think the feeling ill is again just a physical manifestation of all the stress I''ve been under. I am hoping that when this baby is handed in, I will let out the world''s biggest sigh of relief and finally get back to normal!

J was telling me on the phone last night that he''s going to be doing more cake experimentation. I think he might be planning a mint chocolate cake to make for me after I''m out of here!

I think you will feel so much better too! And then tired, very tired.

 

[FrekeChild]

Gwen!!!!
Now I want to know what you wanted to be when you were little, and what you STILL want to be when you grow up??

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Great question Freke! Also, I just wanted to send out some well-wishes to you Gwen!

 

[gwendolyn]

Sarah: Hahah, I think you are right! Although I already feel very, very tired, soooo....

Freke: Hahah! Fair enough, let me see if I can remember them all...

The earliest thing I remember wanting to be when I grew up was an architect. I used to play with legos ALL the time with my brothers--

--Quick aside about legos and my bros: I was actually pretty horrible to them with the legos. We had two bins the size of bathtubs full of legos, and we''d make lego towns. We had those big flat road pieces and an old ping pong table in the basement, and we''d take the net off and use it to build our lego town. Since I was the oldest, I told the boys I got to make my house first. I would use up all the red blocks (so it looked nice and not mis-matched) and make myself a GIGANTIC house. It would take up about 20% of the ping pong table. They I would decorate it. I''d make thing that look like TVs or stereos out of regular legos and then draw on bits of paper the stereo front or someone on TV or whatever and then tape them on, so they''d look better than just plain blocks. Then I''d find all the matching windows and doors and use them. THEN I''d say, "Well, we can''t have a town without a post office, or a hospital, or a store, or a school" and use up the rest of the blocks on those. So when it came time for them to build their own houses, there would literally be like 3 blocks left. So (this is the worst part), I would magnanimously tell them they could build themselves a tiny falling-down half-built shack to live in, OR they could live in my mansion, if they agreed to be my servants. They always opted to be my servants. Bwahahahah!

--anyway, from playing with legos all the time, I figured when I grew up I should design houses since I had so much fun doing it with the blocks. I think about the time I learned architects didn''t use legos was when my interest waned.

I wanted to be a real estate agent for a while, but I only wanted to sell houses owned by the mega-rich. I loved looking at houses in these magazines that my parents would pick up (I guess my mom liked to dream? I don''t really know why they got them) and I would obsess over them, and show my parents my favourites of all the $5mil houses and above, and then tell them why the "cheap" $2.5mil houses wouldn''t sell. They laughed at me a lot, and then told me to marry rich.

I wanted to be a Formula 1 racecar driver. Still kinda do, really.

I wanted to be an astronomer because I love the stars. Thought about that through high school, when I found out there was a lot of physics involved.

Thought about owning a coffeeshop/bookstore. They are one of my most favourite things in the world--a really good one with fab music and food and comfy couches and great books at reasonable prices and funky stuff on the walls. LOVE them! My favourite one closed down a few years ago (er, ok, more like 5 or 6 years ago) and I have been searching high and low and have not found a suitable replacement. I worked in my friend''s parents'' coffeeshop/bookstore for 4 years and have a decent idea of the amount of work it takes...maybe someday. I''d also love to do some of the baking for it now and then (if I did it), if I could be arsed to get all the kitchen appliances commercial grade.

Thought about becoming a psychologist. Still think about it sometimes. I think I get a lot of practice with that kind of stuff in real life, and although I think I''d be good at it, I also think I''d take it all home with me.

For a while, I thought about performing as a musician full-time. I''ve made money as a freelance musician, getting paid to play in pit orchestras for musicals (I''ve done West Side Story twice now and it is bar none THE most fun I have ever had doing a job), playing percussion for church services and on someone''s publishing CD (he''s a composer and they do recordings of the pieces so when people buy the music they know what they''re getting, and I''ve done a few of those recordings). It''s really, REALLY fun, but I think mostly because I did it when I wanted to. If I ever wanted to work for a symphony orchestra, I think I''d feel differently since it''s much more of a cutthroat atmosphere. Not as much fun. But the thought of being good enough to tour with West Side Story always makes me reconsider...

Hmm...I think that''s it. Oh! One more--I keep thinking about maybe (eventually) becoming a librarian because I''ve been working in a library this past year and find it very relaxing work.

 

[gwendolyn]

Oh, sorry! That was supposed to read (for the astronomer bit) that once I learned it involved a lot of physics, I stopped being too keen. Wasn''t that crazy about physics.

------

Ok, so since I had to make this post anyway, I figure I should tell you a little about my day. I traveled a grand total of 6 hours today, woke up at 4:30am and worked my TAIL off!

Today was the new student orientation day for the school where I will be teaching in September (music & general ed classes at a special needs school in London). By the time I got to the school at 8:30am, I''d felt like I had already had a long day, and I hadn''t even met my students yet! I had 8 total, all with pretty severe disabilities (most were severe learning difficulties, or, as it''s still called in the US, severely mentally retarded), one student with Downs, one student with a combination of autism and severe learning difficulties. Two of them (the two that don''t talk) are "runners," meaning they hate school and will bolt right out the door if you stop watching them for a second. One of them had on his info sheet that he''s run straight out into traffic before! Not good. He ended up going home early because he just spent the whole morning at the front door crying and clawing at the glass (the doors were locked so he couldn''t run away). The other students had some slightly trying behaviours at times, but weren''t nearly so demanding (the aide for the class stayed with the student at the front door and I had the rest).

We did some icebreakers at the start of the day, and then went around the school and did different activities. You KNOW a kid has had enough when one of the tasks is to build a car with legos and he flips out like you''re asking him to eat a mountain of vegetables while taking a math test. So it was a challenging day.

Anyway, I feel good about it. I knew it would be tough, and it was, but I still enjoyed it, and I think the kids did too--they got to the end of the day and talked about how happy they all were and how much fun they had. So, if I can still enjoy myself, even after all the drama, and after traveling for 3 hours and waking up at 4:30 in the morning while being sick and stressed over my thesis, I figure I''ll probably do fine during the school year! At least most of the time.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 7/2/2008 3:09:54 PM
Author: gwendolyn
Oh, sorry! That was supposed to read (for the astronomer bit) that once I learned it involved a lot of physics, I stopped being too keen. Wasn''t that crazy about physics.

------


Ok, so since I had to make this post anyway, I figure I should tell you a little about my day. I traveled a grand total of 6 hours today, woke up at 4:30am and worked my TAIL off!


Today was the new student orientation day for the school where I will be teaching in September (music & general ed classes at a special needs school in London). By the time I got to the school at 8:30am, I''d felt like I had already had a long day, and I hadn''t even met my students yet! I had 8 total, all with pretty severe disabilities (most were severe learning difficulties, or, as it''s still called in the US, severely mentally retarded), one student with Downs, one student with a combination of autism and severe learning difficulties. Two of them (the two that don''t talk) are ''runners,'' meaning they hate school and will bolt right out the door if you stop watching them for a second. One of them had on his info sheet that he''s run straight out into traffic before! Not good. He ended up going home early because he just spent the whole morning at the front door crying and clawing at the glass (the doors were locked so he couldn''t run away). The other students had some slightly trying behaviours at times, but weren''t nearly so demanding (the aide for the class stayed with the student at the front door and I had the rest).


We did some icebreakers at the start of the day, and then went around the school and did different activities. You KNOW a kid has had enough when one of the tasks is to build a car with legos and he flips out like you''re asking him to eat a mountain of vegetables while taking a math test. So it was a challenging day.

Anyway, I feel good about it. I knew it would be tough, and it was, but I still enjoyed it, and I think the kids did too--they got to the end of the day and talked about how happy they all were and how much fun they had. So, if I can still enjoy myself, even after all the drama, and after traveling for 3 hours and waking up at 4:30 in the morning while being sick and stressed over my thesis, I figure I''ll probably do fine during the school year! At least most of the time.

Lordy what a busy day!

Girl you deserve a huge vacation. I am really excited about your job though!!

 

[gwendolyn]

Heheh, thanks, Sarah! I love it when you comment on my stuff--you are always so sweet, empathetic and caring! It was a busy day, but no vacation yet! Not until July 12th--almost there!!!

I didn''t have nearly as exciting a day today, thank goodness. I had my last supervision this morning, and got POSITIVE FEEDBACK on my 95+ page thesis!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! (Last time ye olde crazy supervisor told me I might fail, so this is big stuff!) There''s still lots of stuff to fix up, but it''s little stuff, and I have a week to do it all, which should be fine!!! I am incredibly relieved to hear that this draft was "good" because she wouldn''t say that if it wasn''t, which means I don''t think I am in danger of failing anymore! Maybe never was, who knows, but I feel so much happier now that I''m in the home stretch!

I am still sick, or sick again, though. Went to the doc again today to get antibiotics for my ears and throat which have been horribly painful since Friday. I suspect it''s an ear infection, but she didn''t actually look in my ears, even though I complained about them the most (???). Anyway, it doesn''t matter, I have drugs which should knock it out of my system, I hope. Hooray, drugs!! (Er, of the legal variety.)

So how was your day today? Do you have any big plans for the holiday weekend?

 

[FrekeChild]

YAY for good thesis reviews!!!!!!

But BOO for docs who don''t look in your ears!!!!

And YAY for drugs of the legal (and helpful) variety!!!!

Wow, I''m being a spaz today...Off to go shop...online...

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 7/3/2008 2:42:24 PM
Author: FrekeChild
YAY for good thesis reviews!!!!!!


But BOO for docs who don''t look in your ears!!!!


And YAY for drugs of the legal (and helpful) variety!!!!


Wow, I''m being a spaz today...Off to go shop...online...

Ooh, didja find anything good?

 

[bee*]

Can''t believe that you''re so close to handing in your thesis Gwen! I''m so excited for you

Just one more week to go!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 7/4/2008 12:55:41 PM
Author: bee*
Can''t believe that you''re so close to handing in your thesis Gwen! I''m so excited for you

Just one more week to go!

Thank you, bee-star! I am so very excited too, and it makes it even better to know you are out there cheering for me too!

 

[gwendolyn]

This post is in observance of the loss of one of my best friends. I can''t be with the rest of my family today, so this is going to be one of the ways I will honour today. Although of course you''re welcome to, please don''t feel obligated to read or comment (I know it''s long). I need to do this for me.

One year ago today, my grandmother passed away. Although she always lived about five hours away by car, we were close and saw each other four or five times a year. Once I could drive (and was allowed out of state), I went to visit her on the occasional weekend. When I was a senior in high school and all the other kids went to rent hotels in Ocean City for senior week, I went with my two best friends to visit my grandma. Other kids didn''t get why we''d ''waste'' senior week visiting family, but that''s because they didn''t know her.

Most of the years I knew her, she was alone. My grandfather died with I was seven, just as the dream house he and my grandmother were building was being completed. She never thought of leaving it because they designed it together, so she lived there by herself, in the middle of the woods on a lake. It''s beautiful up there, but sad sometimes when you''re alone. She always told me I was welcome to visit her whenever I wanted, and we''d play board games (yes, just the two of us, she always found a way) and talk and generally just hang out. She was so easy to talk to--she was the first person I told about James. I was afraid people would not take me seriously when explaining how much I felt for this person whom I''d met online, but she got it right from the beginning, since she and my grandfather fell in love through letters they wrote each other while he was away at war.

She met James, a couple of months before she died. At the time, no one had any idea what was about to happen, but I was still adamant that he HAD to meet her. We spent a few days with her, and I am so thankful for that time. She teared up when she said goodbye to us and whispered in my ear how sweet he is and how he obviously makes me so happy, and that she in turn was just so happy for me. I was pretty sure that she would love him, but I am so glad to *know* it.

Sometimes I still feel a bit angry that it happened the way it did, though. She had just turned eighty the month before, on June 16th--she wasn''t *old* but she wasn''t really young either. She''s had diabetes (type 2) for about ten years or so, and was generally very good at taking care of herself. She was on some other medications for things like cholesterol also. She developed an infection in her little toe on her right foot, and the doctors said they''d have to amputate so it wouldn''t spread. She didn''t want to, said she wanted to be ''kept intact.'' The doctors pressed the point that it could be life threatening and that she had to take it seriously, and so she made an appointment. By the time she was admitted to the hospital, it had spread. No longer just in her toe, it was now in her foot, ankle and part of the way up her leg. The doctors said they would need to amputate above her knee. However, she had a weak heart, and they said they couldn''t risk putting her under for the surgery. If they didn''t amputate, the infection, once it reached her torso, would quickly spread through her body and kill her. If they put her under to do the surgery, it was likely her heart couldn''t take the strain and she''d have a heart attack or something. Catch-22.

There were some ideas on how to deal with it, but she gave up. Said she didn''t have the energy for multiple small surgeries or the "maybes" the doctors were offering, and that she was ready to see my grandfather again. He''d written her the sweetest letter the night they were married about how their love was eternal and that he would love her as long as he was on this earth and would be with her forever in heaven. She clearly believed every word, because when she shared her decision to wait to die with the rest of the family, she was smiling and happy and relaxed, while the rest of us were crying and confused and scared. Less than two weeks after she found out she had a small infection in her toe, she was gone.

I think seeing her make that decision would''ve been so much easier if she''d tried *some*thing. But she was ready. It gave her great comfort to know we were all around her and were going to miss her so much, but she had mentally moved on already when she told us what was happening. I wish I had the same beliefs she did about an afterlife, with my grandfather waiting with open arms for her, because it would''ve made this whole experience less difficult, I suspect.

I wish I could tell her that I just got a job in London, to do what I''ve always wanted to do. I wish I could share my excitement about moving in with James, and tell her what a nightmare this year at school has been. I wish I could hear her tell me about her bingo stories (she used to go five times a week and there was always some drama going on). I wish I could take her out to eat at her favourite restaurant again. I wish I could still send her silly cards or funky socks to make her laugh. I wish I could call her up to say hello just to hear her voice again.

I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face, acutely feeling the hole she left in my life. My family has an annual reunion in July, usually later in the month in observance of when my grandfather passed away. This year it is today, in observance of my grandmother. I imagine there will be lots of stories, some tears, tons of food and even more hugs. I wish I could be there, but I will have to content myself with calling them and being there in spirit.

Attached below is the view (in autumn) from the deck at the back of the house. The living room and dining room both look out onto this view as well, with a long wall full of windows. It is beautiful, but so sad to me now. I have only been to the house once since she died (since I have been out of the country almost since it happened), and the house and beauty of the land just feel so empty to me now. My parents are buying the house, which is why I returned at all. My mother said if I wanted to get married there, I was welcome, but I am not sure I could handle it. It''s still just so heartbreakingly sad to me.

When I do marry, though, I am taking her maiden name as my new middle name. It isn''t much, but it is one small way to honour this wonderful woman.

I miss her so much. Every day, but especially today.

 

[miraclesrule]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Gwen )))))))))))))))))))))<--------the biggeat, tightest, hug ever....

 

[gwendolyn]

Thank you, sweetie. I appreciate that. It''s been a rough day. It''s still 6 days until I''m with James again, so it''s like reliving the funeral and how much I missed him (because he didn''t have the money to fly out for the funeral to be with my last year), and my family is all gathered together to support each other and grieve and have fun, and I''m here, alone. Again.

 

[miraclesrule]

Aww sweetie, I know it can feel lonely when bodies are not present. J is always in your heart, your thoughts, your memories. Same thing for your Grandmother. You are so fortunate that you have such fond memories of some great times with her and the love story between both her and your Grandfather and both you and J. I know you would love to be with your family right now, but the universe has you exactly where you are supposed to be right now.

I went through the same thing after my father died last year, but there wasn''t even a funeral. I can''t tell you what I did on the anniversary of his death, because it might be too controversial. But not even remotely close to what my father did with the ashes of his lover. Blech!! That story would definately have to wait for a book, because it is too unbelievable for most people to even fathom.

Cry if you need to, but also imagine what your Grandmother would be thinking about what you are doing if she was watching you. Would she bonk you upside your head?

If I were you, I would play one of the board games as though you were playing it with her, but just be her and you. You can even make sure she doesn''t win this time. Not that I have done that with Scrabble or anything.

Besides, you have me and PS...so you''re never really alone.

 

[gwendolyn]

*hugs miracles* Thank you, sweetness. You''re right, she probably would''ve bonked me on the head, although my tears would''ve made her start crying too.

So, it''s Monday, and I finish grad school and my thesis and life in Cam on FRIDAY!!!!!! I spent this afternoon working on my paper, and I have maybe an hour left of changes before I do the mind-numbingly boring stuff like page numbers and table of contents. WOOOOO! Only problem is that, since I have 3 more days to do it in, I just don''t FEEL like it right now...

...so I''m going to post some pics instead.

Last night I was bored (again), and when I get bored, I sometimes have a photo shoot with myself doing rather mundane things. Here''s me drinking tea.

 

[gwendolyn]

I love black & white and sepia photos.

 

[gwendolyn]

My FEROCIOUS little tiger!!


...ok, not really. He was yawning when I took that. He was my baby. Died about a year and a half ago due to kidney failure but he lived a happy 17 1/2 years and was very well-loved. He was the snuggliest, sweetest Siamese ever. I still think of him all the time and miss him.

 

[gwendolyn]

It''s true, kids. Studying can KILL.

 

[gwendolyn]

Love my slippers. They are a trademark of mine.

 

[gwendolyn]

Making silly faces...with the flash on, I kinda look like I could almost pass for an albino...

 

[gwendolyn]

I want one!!!!!

(almost done with the pic-spam)

 

[gwendolyn]

Since I''ve almost escaped (!!!), here''s a pic of me in front of one of the education buildings at Cam, the day I handed in my first essay (see my Cambridge scarf? that''s back when I was still happy to be here

).

 

[gwendolyn]

Last one, me in black & white.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Gwen!! You are so cute!! Haha. I am so glad you got good reviews! Almost done, you''re on the way to the finish line now! I got my LSAT scores. I''m not so happy. *sigh*

They''re not bad necessarily, well they''re not bad; however, they don''t exactly make me competitive at the top 6 schools. I know I''ll get in somewhere . . . it''s just whether or not it''s somewhere I want to go. So should I take it again? Eh I don''t know yet. I REAAALLY don''t want to considering the October exam is a morning exam and in the middle of my midterms.

Oh well.

Sorry I didn''t respond sooner. I started cleaning the Apt last weekend and went cleaning crazy! Then I got the LSAT scores by surprise on Friday which led me into some crying. I was not prepared for that yet. Then I drove to my Grandma''s and FI and I spent the weekend there! Anyway, sorry for thread-jacking. Did you get to relax at all last weekend? Are you feeling any better health-wise?

I also share your love of B&W photos! I love photography!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 7/7/2008 2:55:34 PM
Author: SarahLovesJS
Gwen!! You are so cute!! Haha. I am so glad you got good reviews! Almost done, you''re on the way to the finish line now! I got my LSAT scores. I''m not so happy. *sigh*

They''re not bad necessarily, well they''re not bad; however, they don''t exactly make me competitive at the top 6 schools. I know I''ll get in somewhere . . . it''s just whether or not it''s somewhere I want to go. So should I take it again? Eh I don''t know yet. I REAAALLY don''t want to considering the October exam is a morning exam and in the middle of my midterms.

Oh well.

Sorry I didn''t respond sooner. I started cleaning the Apt last weekend and went cleaning crazy! Then I got the LSAT scores by surprise on Friday which led me into some crying. I was not prepared for that yet. Then I drove to my Grandma''s and FI and I spent the weekend there! Anyway, sorry for thread-jacking. Did you get to relax at all last weekend? Are you feeling any better health-wise?

I also share your love of B&W photos! I love photography!

Sarah, my love, you can NEVER thread-jack any of my threads because I always want to hear about you (and usually make a point to ask you point blank, just in case there''s any doubt). No apologies! Y''got that?

First of all, you get a big ol *HUG* for getting your LSAT scores back. That was a HUGE accomplishment taking that test with everything else you''ve got going on and I think you did really well! I had a friend just finish law school and she scored really really high and still didn''t get into NYU (her top choice school). It is SUCH a competitive field. How important was/is it to you to get into a top 6 school? Like, is this something you''ve wanted for ever and ever? Or is it something that would be nice but wasn''t the main goal? Honestly, unless it''s something you''ve been striving for your whole life, I''d say it could be a blessing in disguise. I worked for years to get into my grad school and, if I had to do it all again, I''m not sure I would. It was *so* hard and physically broke me (health-wise, I mean), and in the end, I''ll essentially have the same qualifications as most everyone else. But! If it''s something you''ve wanted, then I think you should go back and take them again, to give yourself one more shot of getting into the schools you want. Only you know what you want most, and I think (even though it''d be stressful) that if it''s something you REALLY want for yourself, *you* are the one who has to make it happen, y''know? So if it''s your dream to go to a top 6 school (which ones are those, anyway), then give yourself another shot. If it''s not, give yourself a break!

Second of all, it sounds like you had a lovely weekend! That''s great that you got to spend time with your grandmother and FI! I actually spent a lot of this weekend thinking of my family and my grandma in particular because she passed away a year ago Saturday, but I was ok in the end. Talked to J on the phone, and then my parents yesterday, which was good. AND!!!!!!!!!! I am almost FINISHED with my THESIS!!!!!!!!!!

I have about 98% of it done, and will finish tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh, Sarah, I am so happy and relieved and excited that this is almost over. I feel like it almost killed me! But on Friday James is picking me up and we are getting out of here, and when I see him on Friday it will put an end to us being long-distance too!!! So Friday is going to be a GREAT, great day for me.

Oh, and I''m so happy you liked my pictures! I''m totally a goober in that I kill time sometimes by photographing myself, but hey, there''s only so much internet I can take and I don''t have a TV, so...