LiW Guilt

[chicago_girl]

My boyfriend is looking for rings. He was the one who brought up marriage in the first place. He asked me what kind of rings I liked. I also suggested that he look up the 4 C''s. When I saw him on eBay, I cautioned him. As a matter of fact, I did a quick search here on PS to prove to him why ebay wouldn''t be just a good idea for such an expensive purchase. He finally listened.

So, I''ve told him several times that I don''t want a big bling ring and I don''t care what he gets. I am just happy to be his future wife! It''s really bugging me that anytime he starts looking at rings he does the following:
-tells me how long he''s been online searching
-tells me how much the rings are and how big of a deal this is
-do I realize how much the rings are (I do)

It''s making me feel really guilty...and I don''t like feeling like this.

I''ve told him many times how much I appreciate him and the thought he is putting into ring shopping. My biggest concern was that he would take the short cut and get cheated in the end. That was my only reason for rejecting eBay. I even told him to get the ring from a pawn shop or something if he couldn''t afford one. I don''t care.

I find this all so strange because he thinks nothing of spending $100s on roses he has delivered to my job or of anything else we spend money on.

Any thoughts, suggestions?

 

[Haven]

Hey ChicagoGirl! (I''m a fellow Chicago girl, myself!)

This is a tough one--it sounds like your BF has some concerns or reservations surrounding the whole ring purchase. Perhaps you could sit him down for a serious-but-not-too-intense conversation about the ring, and reaffirm what you''ve already said about your expectations.

Another option would be to offer to pay for part of the ring, I think several PS ladies have done that, too. This might alleviate some of the pressure your man seems to be feeling.

Good luck, and let us know what happens!

 

[gwendolyn]

Ouch, that's a tough situation. My guy blanched a fair amount when I broke the news to him how much engagement rings generally cost too. Basically, I think you have only a few things to do in this situation:

-you can offer to help him pay for the ring, if he is intent on getting you something nice but isn't sure he can swing it financially (and if you don't mind helping)
-you can talk to him about getting a ring within a small budget with the intent to upgrade in a few years when you're more financially stable
-you can offer to help with the shopping if it's too much for him, or if he's worried you won't be pleased with what he finds

Those are the things that come to my mind, anyway. I'm planning on doing the first and the third myself.

Edit: Oh, Haven, you said basically everything I did, only quicker and more succinctly!

 

[monarch64]

Chicago girl, what about being proactive and leading him here to PS! If he''s already searching online than it seems he must not be opposed to buying a stone or setting online unless you stop him from doing so...I think if he does any sort of research here he''ll figure out really quick that ebay is not the way to go. If he''s trying to save money, (obviously he''s concerned with cost from what I can tell from your post/his comments) he will be interested in sourcing a center stone and/or setting online and this is the perfect place to find both. Best of luck to you both...I hope it all works out! Btw, we''re out in the near west burbs...go Bears!

 

[diamondfan]

I think an e ring can often be, up to that time, the most expensive thing that a guy has bought and it can be so scary for him. There is a lot of pressure on it being "perfect". But since you have said your expecations, and you are not asking for anything nutty, I would take some time to talk a bit further and see what is driving it, especially if he can afford the type of ring that you want...He may also want you to realize how much heart and soul he is putting in, and that he did not just pop into a store and buy the first thing he saw...

 

[bee*]

I agree with the others, I would sit him down and really have a good talk about it and see will he allow you to help him pick one. My boyfriend got sticker shock at the prices when we first started looking at rings last year but once he saw the prices of a couple of them, he soon got used to it. Do you know his budget-maybe you can help look online also and email him any nice ones that you see.

 

[urban venus]

I agree with bee. The cost of an ER is something some guys need to acclimatize themselves to. My BF had rather conservative budget he wanted to work within but once we started looking and learned more about diamonds he really got into it and became less concerned with the cost and more concerned about getting the right ring (at a fair price).