Wedding Guest stress!

[ysj99]

FI''s sister recently got married and graciously sent us her entire guest list (names and addresses!) so we have a fairly comprehensive list of his family''s guests. (He has a very large family.)

We already booked our venue so we have a max capacity that both sets of parents are aware of. The trouble we are having is that we are involved in numerous social groups, but obviously, are super close to some in the groups and not to others. We know there are some people who will be mad/sad/hurt/whatever if they know others in their group get an invitation and they don''t. My question is, is there a way around this? I don''t want to invite people who are in a group just to appease them and have them take up a vital spot for a close friend from another group.

Any suggestions? I realize this is probably confusing to read...

 

[doodle]

Forget about groups (unless it''s a case of "I''m inviting Mrs. So-and-So, therefore, I should invite his wife, too"). If you''re close to someone, invite them, but if you''re in some group with someone who you''ve never called or hung out with outside of that particular group, they have no clue when your birthday even is, that kind of thing, I just wouldn''t invite them. I mean, I''m in my university''s alumnus group--I wouldn''t invite every person who ever graduated from my college and joined the alumni just because I was close friends with one of them! Extreme example, I know, but I''m notorious for sarcasm, so please don''t take offense! The point of my rambling--invite who you''re close to, and if anyone else seems offended, tell them, "I''m so sorry, but our venue only allowed for a small number of people. I hope you understand." Also, you can always have a get-together afterwards for anyone you were unable to invite!

 

[Lanie]

I''m glad you started this thread. I''m in the same boat with my coworkers. I teach 7th grade, so naturally I''m inviting everyone else who teaches 7th grade...we are all very close. I''m close to a bunch of 8th grade teachers, and close to a bunch of 6th grade teachers. But not all the rest. So I don''t know what to do about it! I would hate to not include 2 teachers out of 10 teachers, because I know they will all be asking each other "Are you going to Lanie''s wedding?". So any insight into this from anyone else is much appreciated by me as well.

What it comes down to in your situation, ysj99, is that you only have so much room. And you''re right...I would hate to give a spot up to someone you don''t really know well just to make sure no one is left out. I''m sorry I don''t have a suggestion!

 

[marchswallowbird]

I''ve heard from various sources (magazines, etiquette books, other forums) that you should either invite the whole "group," or none of the group, or be prepared for what could be some fairly nasty fallout. Unless the people you''re inviting will be very discreet and not let the word out to others in the "group" that they are invited while others are not.

It''s a very difficult situation, for sure, when you have a limited budget and space.

 

[ysj99]

Thank you Doodle and Lanie!

To clarify, the "group" is a young adults fellowship group at my church, consisting of about 40-50 people. I see them (as a group) maybe 2-3 times a month. We have really close friends and bridal party from this group, but that''s probably 20 or so people in the fellowship.

Like Lanie said, how do you avoid the "Are you going to ___''s wedding?"... "Yes" and "No''s"?

 

[Sabine]

With a group that large, I think it''s fair to say that it''s expected that you would be closer to some members than others. I would just invite those you are closest to. I don''t really think you can stop people from asking who is/isn''t going, so I would try to do something like make an announcement at your next meeting that you would love to invite them all, but have space issues. Then maybe the people who do get invites will realize that not everyone did and just keep it to themselves or ask you who else is invited.

 

[Gwyn]

I would think that the people would understand that you cant invite them all. To make them feel a lil more included you could always put them on the list for an announcement after the fact. That way they know it wasnt just that you forgot about them or didn''t like them.

People understand (or in my opinion should understand) that space isnt always available. And, in cases where it is, budgets are not. In this case, unless you are a couple with someone that is invited, I do not think you have any right to be offended or angry at not having received an invite. And if they are, well it really can''t be helped. But it is their own misgivings that caused that hurt, not you.